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Beta Waves-Pt 10Beta Waves By Aquila Rating: R == Part 10 Finale The chime of the doorbell startled Trip, who was single-mindedly working through the sensor data. Interrupted concentration unleashed the desire to break down T’Pol’s door and demand that she make public their relationship. That was quickly followed by the fear that if he did succeed at releasing her she would deny that anything had transpired between them. The seesaw of emotion from doubt to certainty to doubt exhausted him. “Enter.” A steward carrying a tray of dirty dishes stepped across the threshold, “Sorry to disturb you, sir. Sub-commander T’Pol insisted that I deliver this to you personally.” He presented a familiar envelope to the Chief Engineer. “Thank you, Jackman. That will be all.” As he left the cabin secretly pleased that Tucker had called him by name, Jackman began embellishing the tale he would relate to his crewmates about his role as intermediary between the Enterprise’s two most senior officers. Trip saw that she had crossed out her name and written his on an invisible line above. He clung to hope that the formal, Commander Tucker, was merely to allay Jackman’s suspicions that the content was personal. == In the First Officer’s quarters, a chastened woman opened a personal diary, which she had withdrawn from the same box that held her great-grandmother’s Earthly souvenir. T’Pol dipped an antique pen into an inkwell and began to write. Mother, there is a poem by a Human poet of long ago that begins: “Let me obtain forgiveness of thee, Samson”. I would have written Mother rather than Samson. Milton continued his poem with, "Afford me place to shew what recompense, towards thee I intend for what I have mistune.” Can you forgive me, Mother? I have been unfairly critical of the conduct that resulted in my birth. I knew not the power of passion to over ride logic. How desire for the touch of one man can supplant the wisdom of Surak and the conditioning of our culture. You would approve of my choice. He is open and incapable of prevarication when his emotions are engaged. He is a seeker, who is never satisfied with the commonplace. He is generous with his heart and his body. He can be forthright, yet tender, impulsive, yet logical. He is beautiful, yet wears his beauty casually. I understand, now, Mother, and as you have I will live with the consequences for a lifetime. I too will wear an enigmatic smile when those who can not understand ask why Humans fascinate me. == Trip paced the floor as he debated with his baser side the wisdom of reading the reply, which he held scrunched in a fist. “Why didn’t I marry Nathalie when she asked me to?” Trip sighed. “Nothing would have ever happened between me and T’Pol.” “If you had married Nathalie, the turmoil would have become a court-martial offence,” were the encouraging words of his alter ego. “You would still have buried your brains in that Vulcan’s seductive sheath while adding adultery to your list of crash and burns.” “There is more to us than lust,” shouted Tucker in his head, while pounding his fist into the palm of his free hand. “More of what?” The relentless inner voice asked the question Trip had avoided. == “The enemy of my enemy is my friend is pragmatic, but flawed,” commented Lieutenant Reed, “History has shown us that when peace is finally attained, the friendship dissolves into enmity.” Archer pursed his lips. “I am prepared to take that risk, if it means that we save humanity from annihilation.” Reed shrugged, when the Captain played the “save the world” card, his hand was trumped. Hoshi tried, “The thieves and charlatans that infest that free trade planet will support us, because they believe that your attempt to foment civil unrest will provide them with the opportunity to swoop in and enslave the Xindi.” “Consequences be damned,” Archer stated baldly, “We will complete our mission successfully by any means necessary.” His senior staff, minus Tucker and T’Pol, dispersed with stern looks. He was the Captain and they would obey. == “More of what?” Still clutching the envelope in his hand, Trip sat at his desk. He ran his free hand through his hair. For the first time, the fatigue that had been stalking him stepped out of the shadows to weigh him down. “I asked the woman to be my life companion, what more do I need to know?” Trip asked the unblinking monitor. “What happens if the two of you survive this suicide mission?” was a pertinent question said the devil that lived within. “White picket fence, two careers, lunch with the in-laws every other Sunday?” the voice pushed. “Private schools for pointy-eared brats with independent streaks?” Trip’s palms grew clammy. “What were you thinking?” asked his common sense. Trip placed the envelope on the desk. He smoothed the wrinkles by passing his damp palms over it a few times. He turned it over. T’Pol had sealed it. Using his fingernail he pried up the flap. He sucked at a paper cut, which stung as powerfully as his longing for T’Pol. He withdrew the sheet, opening to his original letter. He noted the blurred ink and the aroma of peaches. He waited, gathering courage to turn the letter over to reveal her thoughts. == The pen that I hold was first owned by my foremother. It has become the property of the first daughter of each succeeding generation as has the story of its acquisition and the promise to keep it secret. You have respected my privacy even in moments of extraordinary intimacy. Yes, you have teased me, particularly about my age, yet, in the end, who I am now and what we can be in the future matter more to you than the past. The same can be said for your people, always dreaming of what can be. I on the other hand have been shaped by the past, generations of it, as have my people. We strive daily to prevent a return to it. For one cherished moment you and I lived in the present and contemplated the future. It was glorious. We were glorious. The power of the ages ran through us. We were in tune with the universe. We were elemental, invincible. == A tear dropped unnoticed onto the letter, smearing invincible. == I cannot ignore the past and the vow I have my made, just as you cannot ignore the present and stop dreaming of the future. Nor should we, for that is who we are. We cannot disregard our communities. We would be pariahs, cast out and shunned for our union. There will come a day when two such as we will be permitted to live together openly. Neither of us will live to see it. == The inner voice mocked him, “See, she used you, just like all the rest.” == You are stubborn, capable of flouting authority when you believe you are right. If the will to protest is forming in your mind, smother it, for my sake. Your loyalty – dare I say it? Your love must be directed at the Captain and the mission. He needs you, the crew needs you. Choosing us over them will, in the end, destroy the very thing you tried to protect. == “Breathe a sigh of relief, buddy,” said that voice he was beginning to hate, “You’re the man…all the fun without the lifetime price tag!” Trip crumpled the letter and tossed it into the waste basket, no longer interested in the last paragraph. He left his quarters to seek refuge in Engineering. An hour after his departure, a member of the clean up crew entered his quarters to sanitize the room. Before he left, the crewman emptied the waste basket into the trash cart. == In her quarters, T’Pol sat cross-legged before a meditation candle, reciting over and over the last few words of the response she had written. “Since it is impossible to make a public vow of devotion to you, I vow to you alone that I will never take a companion as long as you live. I will be faithful to the past and give no thought to the future, living in the present with my memories of us.”
Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS! A whole mess of folks have made commentsIn reply to PM...I adore Scott as Archer. He is coming into his own as this new version of the Captain. I may not like the choices New Archer makes, but then I don't have to make the hard choices. But...I do not support an Archer/T'Pol pairing. The chemistry just isn't there AND the new Archer is too focussed on the Mission to take anything by a casual interest in a female. A casual T'Pol is an oxymoron. Aquila, stepping down off her soapbox, with apologies for the rant. Beautifully written. Love the poetic nature of T'Pol's letter. Damn is that depression, i'm crying here. But beautiful. I hate to see Trip hurt like that, whether it's the right thing to do or not, but damn are you a good writer!!! Oh Wow, make me cry why don't you? That last paragraph of T'Pol's wasted me. So poignant, beautiful and ultimately sad in that noble way that speaks of duty before self. I wish to God that Trip had read that last paragraph. Sigh. this was so good but oh how my heart ached for a joyful outcome for them both. Thanks, Ali D :~) I think my heart is broken...sob. I was so hoping for a happy - or at least happier - ending, but this one is just right within the framework of the larger story. Thank you for sharing this! I think I'm gonna cry! Why do you do this to me?! Oh why does Trip have to be the one who get's hurt? Wow! Really well written! I logged on every night just to see if there was another chapter up. However, if you're going to make me cry like this, I will patiently wait for Gamma Waves or Alpha Waves to come along and make it all better ;) You´ve just broken my heart. Oh no, please, please, please: that´s not the end? How I wish Trip would´ve read the last paragraph... I´m sitting now at work, deeply depressed. Is there any chance for some other waves? Yes? Please tell me that there will be sequal. "There will come a day when two such as we will be permitted to live together openly". Oh Tpol why can that not be from today?. Only we can make choices that change the direction of our lives. If Trip means as much to you as you say then is it not worth trying to make that change from today.If we want something badly enough then we must fight for it and be prepared to make sacrifices. Poor Trip!! That was a cruel ending. Now we're all in a depressed funk. ::SCREAM!!!!!!!!!::: How in hell could he not read the last paragraph?! He has no idea!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!! Alright. Got that out. Do you like depressing your readers? Smashing their hopes to bits? It was beautiful, but why can just one illogical couple be together? Oh well, at least it ended without one of them dying. Great story, nice interraction between Trip and T'Pol. Even if you don't go for the Trip/T'Pol pairing, you write it well. Nice job! Thanks to you all for the slings and arrows. Phaser Lady - I am so hopelessly Trip and T'Pol I need an intervention! I am wasted but you know I love star trek I think about trip and tpol everynight gosh darn it (i am a brit and you sweet americans are sensitive souls! - I wanted to say something much more forceful than that!!!!) ANYWAY BRILLIANT I love love the trip/tpol chemistry and will be sad sad sad when the series ends. VIVA IL STARTREK! VIVA LA REVOLUTION! |