Personal Logs From the Delphic Expanse

Personal Logs from the Delphic Expanse

By Aquila

Rating: R
Mush Factor: This is WAY TOO MUSHY for Sci-Fi – so please don’t read it if you dislike mush.
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership – Paramount is Trip’s master.
Summary: The Enterprise has encountered the enemy for the first time in the Delphic Expanse. They were victorious, but their vulnerability became clear. As a result, the Captain asked his crew to prepare, in the event of death, personal messages for their loved ones.

==

Personal Log: Tucker, Charles, III, Commander, NX-01, Enterprise in the Delphic Expanse- Only to be opened in the event of my death.

Darling Wife, Beautiful T’Pol

As I record this I am fumin’ at the Captain’s new standin’ battle orders. I know in ma head they are for the good of the ship. But in my heart I can’t help feelin’ that maybe he is takin’ advantage of the situation to keep us apart.

I am confined to the engineerin’ deck. You to the command deck. Ostensibly – you’re feelin’ all tingly inside – I knew ya would like that word – You think I’m sexy when I drop the good ol’ boy routine, don’t ya?

As I was sayin’ – ostensibly his orders are to ensure that at least one of the three senior command officers survives to lead our people. He’s right, Darlin’, our people are young and eager, but too inexperienced. They deserve a fightin’ chance. I know in my head, really I do, he’s made a captain’s choice and it proves he is the right man to lead this mission. Bein’ right doesn’t make the separation any easier.

The concept of joinin’, of a male and female becomin’ one indissoluble entity – is somethin’ our peoples have in common. The difference is in the how. Humans join with words. The physical joinin’ is so simple for us, it doesn’t have the meanin’ it has for you. So we use fragile, intangible words. We are bound by vows, traditionally made in front of family and friends, with somebody in authority ta make the words official. T’Pol, I was hopin’ Jonathan would use his authority and that I would make my vow to you in front of our family and friends – our shipmates. The standin’ orders and the mission have made it impossible for me to say the words to ya.

If you’re listening to this, Beautiful, then I’m gone and he has succeeded at keeping you alive. For that, even in death, I am grateful. But it isn’t enough – I need you to have heard the words, from my mouth to your ears T’Pol, I am your husband. You are my wife for whom I forsake all others.

I regret that our joinin’ was never physical. For you my words are a prelude – a promise – an intent. I wanted our first time to be right. Some place quiet, free of interruptions, like it says in Phlox’s database. Somewhere I could take a long, long time, to pleasure you.

You were right about my performance anxiety, Darlin’. When I read about the stamina of Vulcan males, I felt inadequate. But I would have done my best for ya on our weddin’ night and every night after, if ya needed me to.

I was afraid of the bond. Did ya know that too? The thought of you pokin’ about my mind, able to rifle through my memories and discover my weaknesses. The thought of that was scary, T’Pol. I’d rather face a dozen Xin’di scout ships than let you see how weak I can be.

But there was part of me that was excited about the idea of you readin’ my thoughts. You would know without a shadow of a doubt how much I love ya. You would know how much I want to bury myself inside ya again and again until I lose control. Did ya read in Phlox’s database about the point where a human male no longer is aware of anything, but the need to seek release? I fantasized about that moment with you, Wife, reading my thoughts. You would know, at last, that in mind and body I was yours.

Would you notify my family? They will be expectin’ to hear from ya. I sent my parents and brothers and sisters a message before the Xin’di attacked, tellin’ them about ya and that we were married. Tell ‘em I loved them and that I tried to avenge Lizzie’s death. And tell ‘em, Darlin’, tell ‘em that I died a happy man knowin’ ya loved me.

Live long and prosper, T’Pol. Live long and prosper, Wife.

Trip pushed the save and encryptic button. Leaned back in his engineering office chair and prayed she would never have to open the message.

“No rest for the wicked in engineerin’, is there son?”

==

Personal Log: T’Pol, Commander in the field, NX-01, Enterprise in the Delphic Expanse- Only to be opened in the event of my death.

Husband of my heart, Dearest Charles,

The Captain’s orders did not please you, yet you did not deny him your support. You made light of the situation, as you do when you think the junior officers have been overwhelmed with the enormity of a situation. The Captain was grateful. I know, because he told me so, privately, after the meeting. I was proud of you. You will make an excellent captain.

Do you know that Captain Archer was afraid that you and I would think his order was meant to separate us? I assured him that we understood that it was for the good of the ship and the mission. It was the logical choice.

Charles, my support does not mean that I am not disappointed. To be so close to consummation, yet denied by circumstance was disturbing. You had prepared my body so carefully for the joining. As I record this - days later – desire for your invasion still nibbles at the edge of my consciousness.

When I am alone on my cot in the ready room, my need to join with you is overwhelming. I am so pleased that I no longer wear the Vulcan uniform. The state of my ovaries would be visible to all – a private thing shared only with a husband, on display for public comment. My body betrays me as it declares my commitment.

You are afraid of the bond, aren’t you, Charles? You needn’t be. My people, I, believe it is wrong to rummage about in another’s mind. We only go where we are invited, Charles. Your fears and anxieties would be yours alone, unless you chose to share them with me.

I would want that. We are not an emotionless people, Husband. But then you know that. How did you know? Was your anger and distrust of us, because you knew? Did you think we were hypocrites? You hate hypocrisy, Charles. My people do not understand Humanity’s dislike of hypocrisy. That insight was your gift to me. You hammered away in that open, passionate way of yours until I understood.

Charles, I regret that we did not join in the Vulcan manner. I regret that I have never given you the pleasure that you have so generously given me. That first time, Charles, when you pleasured me with your touch, I hesitate to recall the memory for the effect it has on me.

Oh, Charles – the first time we ovulated – so much pain and so much pleasure and so much love. Why was I surprised that you had taken the time to learn of our ways? I know, Husband, I was surprised because you had uncovered one of our most intimate secrets. We do not want our allies or enemies to know how important touch is to our survival, yet how vulnerable we are, because of our sensitivity. You understood, Charles.

I looked at your service record, before recording this. Captain Archer gave me permission to read the “For the Captain’s Eyes Only” sections. I had read the public record, of course, when I first came on board. I had wondered then why so much of an astro-engineer’s file would be sealed. My curiosity grew after I heard the story of how the Captain, A. G. Robinson and you took that clandestine flight in the prototype, defying Admiral Forrest’s order.

Had I asked you would never have told me - even in the intimacy of joining? Was that the reason you were afraid of the bond? You were afraid that I would learn secrets that you had sworn to protect? That was our wedding gift. By allowing me to see even the most secret parts of you file, you have nothing to fear. Captain Archer has entrusted me with your secrets so that you could too.

Dearest Charles, you have served your people well. I understand more fully the friendship you share with the Captain. Why he gives you such latitude and why he was so disappointed by the Vissian incident. I had wondered how it was that you had risen from Lieutenant to Commander in only seven years. Now I know. Did you want to tell me? I would like to think so.

Just as I a need to tell you that the feel of my body pressed against yours was intoxicating. That your fingertips stroking mine was addictive. That my womb weeps for you. I ache with emptiness that only your body can fill.

But if you are listening to this, then it is too late. Only our hearts were joined. Husband, for me that was enough.

Live long and prosper, Charles, husband of my heart.

T’Pol pushed the save and encrypt key. The Captain had asked for a scientific analysis of the Xin’di armaments. Duty called.

END

Back to Fan Fiction Main Menu

Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!

Seven people have made comments

Oh bloody heck! What a terrific post. The letters so rich so wonderful. I will have to re-read once the tears dry. I want to re-read and enjoy them all over.

Bravo.

Tracy

Not too mushy at all! :-) I loved this very much! Thank you!

This was brilliant, so moving and very well imagined. I could see them both trying to find the words they wanted to impart to the other should they not survive. I have not seen the episode with the Xindi but it sounds as if there is a lot of angst coming up. I would love to see a sequel to this story after the battle. Do they survive and if so how do they move on from there? Wonderful. A heart full of thanks, Ali D :~)

Choking back the tears, here!!

That was lovely, not at all mushy, just very well expressed, the love between a man and a woman, whatever their race or species.

I too would love a sequel, where they're allowed to openly live as man and wife, with the full support of the crew, as well as the Tucker clan.

It's not mushy at all. It's wonderful, showing the kind of devotion they have for each other and having them voice them through letters that would have to be opened at their deaths, so beautiful!

I loved it! Please write a sequel as I agree with Kittytrypsin

So good! Thanks. Please write more letters.

That was in no way too Mushy for Sci-Fi. It was a husband and a wife, not married for long, it seemed, trying to tell eachother of their love one last time, in a way strong enough so that they would remember for a lifetime.

That was a wonderful example of what the two would be feeling. It was true to character in both cases. Wonderful job, I'd love to see a sequel.