Only You - Part 2

Only You

By Athena

Rating: R
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Enterprise is the property of Paramount
Summary: As Pon Farr approaches for T’Pol she has to make some choices regarding her relationship with Trip. Of course nothing goes as expected and Trip and T’Pol must decide how to proceed with their relationship.
Spoilers: all the way through the end of “Daedalus” and AU after that.

Authors Note: First off, a great big thanks to Boushh and Jenna for all their help with this story. Also be warned, although the beginning of the story contains some angst, the majority of the story is pure sap and fluff. If you do not like sappiness you may not want to read the entire story. :)

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Part 2

Chapter 3

By the time T’Pol approached Sickbay she had regained most of her control. Truthfully, the only reason she had come was because she had promised Commander Tucker that she would go directly to Sickbay. She had known that the symptoms would subside once she was no longer in the Commander’s presence. Her real concern now was how to keep thoughts of him out of her mind entirely until a ship arrived to release her from this anguish.

She had been very surprised by the compassion Commander Tucker had shown her in Engineering. She had expected more anger at her behavior and instead he had offered her unconditional support. Perhaps it had been a mistake to request the Vulcan ship after all. You know I’d die for you. She shuddered as she recalled those softly spoken words.

She was torn. Part of her wanted the safety of having a Vulcan mate when she surrendered to Pon farr. There would be no worry about emotional repercussions and no awkwardness. Afterwards she would be free to continue following the path of Surak and be allowed to conduct any future relationships according to her own time and choosing. And yet a growing part of her simply wanted to give in and let Trip take her. Even without the blood fever there was no denying she wanted him. But a relationship with him would involve examining and revealing her feelings for him. As her older self had once said, those feelings were powerful and frightening. She wasn’t prepared to deal with them and she desperately wanted to find herself, to regain her sense of self identity, before being consumed by someone else.

These two desires were still at war within her as she entered Sickbay. She did not make eye contact with Phlox as she walked by him and seated herself on a biobed.

Phlox did not address her either but simply picked up a medical tricorder and began his assessment of her.

When he had completed his scans he waited for several moments in silence before flatly stating, “How long do you intend to keep pretending this is going to work?”

T’Pol winced internally and found she still could not meet the doctor’s gaze. “It is possible that a Vulcan mate will arrive in time.”

Phlox was still impassive. “Is it logical to rely on a circumstance that is by no means guaranteed when you could simply plan for a safe alternative?”

T’Pol took a deep breath before finally meeting the doctor’s eyes. “You believe I should discuss the possibility with Commander Tucker.”

Phlox softened his stance and replied compassionately, “T’Pol, I know you are concerned about how this will affect things between you and Commander Tucker but isn’t it better to discuss the situation now, rather than wait until you are not longer capable of doing so rationally?”

T’Pol knew she had to concede that Phlox was correct. It was beginning to look as if Pon farr would overtake her before any rendezvous would be possible and it would be better if she explained things to Trip before she was forced to yield to her primal needs. She did not relish the idea of another awkward discussion like the one that followed their last sexual encounter.

“If you will treat me with a more aggressive suppression regiment and nasal inhibitor, I will explain the situation to Commander Tucker at the end of the duty shift.”

Phlox seemed to be pacified with her conditions as he nodded and moved across the room to retrieve a metallic vile. “I will inform the Commander that you wish to meet with him after his shift. Would you prefer to have this discussion here in Sickbay?”

T’Pol considered this for a moment. She wanted to discuss the situation in private but she wasn’t sure her quarters were a reasonable venue, given what had once transpired between them there. Trip’s quarters would be filled with his scent, but perhaps the nasal inhibitor could negate that problem. She preferred private quarters to Sickbay. This discussion was likely to involve intimate details of her personal life that she would not be comfortable voicing in a public location.

“I would prefer to meet Commander Tucker in his quarters.”

Phlox looked disappointed but accepted her request. He handed her the metallic vile. “This should help inhibit your sense of smell. It’s much stronger than your normal nasal inhibitor. Once administered, you may not be able to smell anything for the better part of a day.”

T’Pol accepted the vile and nodded gratefully. “Please inform Commander Tucker that I will meet him in his quarters at 2000 hours.” She slid off the biobed and walked towards the exit.

Phlox called after her, “return here at 1800 hours for treatment.”

She turned back to Phlox. “Agreed. Thank you doctor,” she said before leaving.

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Archer held up his hand in the Vulcan salute as he greeted the face of Captain Soran on the viewscreen in the ready room. He suppressed a grin as he noted that Soran appeared to be impressed that Archer knew of the traditional Vulcan greeting.

Soran came directly to the point. “We have received a request to rendezvous with Enterprise so that your Vulcan crewmember can be transferred to the Kovar for treatment of her current ailment.”

Archer gave a slight nod of agreement. “I apologize for the inconvenience but our doctor felt that it was necessary for T’Pol to be treated by Vulcans. We are currently undertaking a search and rescue mission to locate a ship that the High – that your government has lost contact with. I’m afraid you’ll have to come to us in order to retrieve T’Pol.”

The Vulcan Captain did not seem concerned with the inconvenience the situation would cause him. “We are aware of your present mission and are grateful for your efforts as there are no Vulcan ships possessing sufficient defensive capabilities in this sector of space. Based on your current trajectory and speed, we estimate it will take us 81.76 hours to join you.”

“Just over 3 days? That’s a pretty quick response. I just learned that T’Pol was sick myself.” Archer was a bit surprised that arrangements could be made so quickly. The last communication he’d had with Starfleet had indicated no Vulcan presence at all in the region. The Kovar must have been underway well before Phlox spoke to him about T’Pol. Just how long has she been sick? he wondered.

“Your Commander T’Pol is suffering from a well-known affliction. However, the nature of her affliction is seldom discussed, even among Vulcans. The … symptoms can be extremely unsettling. Therefore, we wish to afford T’Pol the opportunity to return to the company of Vulcans as quickly as possible. I would recommend that Commander T’Pol be relieved of duty and of any interaction with your crew and allowed to meditate privately until we arrive.”

Archer frowned at the implication T’Pol would find more comfort and compassion among an unknown crew of Vulcans than with her colleagues and friends on Enterprise. “I’ll take that under advisement.” He hoped his annoyance couldn’t be detected in his voice.

“One thing further Captain,” Soran continued. “If you determine that the missing ship has met with a hostile force, it will become necessary for us to abort our rendezvous. The Kovar is purely a science vessel and we are not equipped to defend ourselves against a hostile attack. The lives of my crew will outweigh the needs of your science officer. T’Pol will understand this.”

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. Archer had heard this all before. He liked it even less in this circumstance.

“In that case Captain, wouldn’t it seem prudent for you to transfer all of your data on T’Pol’s illness to Doctor Phlox? That way we can treat T’Pol if it comes down to that.”

Soran slowly shook his head. “Captain, your doctor knows what is needed to treat T’Pol. If we are unable to reach her in time she must pursue an alternate treatment. Such a thing is possible, even thought she may find it… distasteful. If this occurs, all who are involved must pledge to uphold her privacy.”

Archer was now very annoyed. “I don’t understand the logic of maintaining such secrecy about a serious illness.”

Soran nodded to Archer. “I understand your frustration Captain, but this is the Vulcan way.” Soran gave Archer a hand salute, which indicated to Archer that the conversation was over.

“Very well, we’ll look forward to your arrival in about 3 days.” He returned to salute and Soran ended the transmission.

Damn Vulcan secrecy! Archer swore to himself. Just when he thought he was finally coming around to actually understanding them and than this happens. Shaking his head he left the ready room to return to the bridge.

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Trip checked the time again, 19:45. Fifteen minutes before T’Pol was supposed to arrive. He had returned to his quarters hours ago. He was convinced that he and Travis had found the right system so he could now turn his attention to T’Pol guilt free. Not that he’d managed to keep her off his mind while he was still homing in on the lost Vulcan ship, but now he could let those thoughts surface without worrying about being distracted from his work.

He had been pacing back and forth, unable to calm his nervous body. Phlox had said T’Pol needed to discuss her medical condition with him in private. Since he was an engineer and not a doctor, he wasn’t sure what the coming conversation would bring. Would she be asking for emotional support? God, this was driving him crazy. He tried to keep his mind off worse case scenarios, like she was coming to tell him that she was dying and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.

The Captain had said that her illness was affecting her emotional control. Maybe she was just coming to apologize for her recent behavior with him. But, if that were the case, why would Phlox be involved? Was it 20:00 yet?

Finally, the door chime sounded. Trip found he was momentarily too nervous to reply. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest.

“Come in.”

T’Pol stepped into the room and stood before the now closed door.

“Hey,” Trip said feeling awkward.

“Commander,” T’Pol replied softly and studied the floor for several seconds before looking up again.

Trip studied her for a moment. She really didn’t look sick, nervous maybe, but not sick. Still he thought he should try to make her comfortable. “Do ya want to sit down?” he asked stepping back from both the bed and his desk.

T’Pol shook her head but took a small step further into the room. “Do you recall when I told you that Vulcans mate once every seven years?”

“Huh?” Trip was confused by the start of the conversation. What does that have to do with her bein’ sick?

“Several years ago you inquired about Vulcan mating practices and I informed you that Vulcans mate once every seven years.” Her voice was so calm and even that Trip doubted she was joking with him.

“Okay, yeah, I remember.” He tilted his head. “Why?”

T’Pol looked down at the floor again. “That time is now approaching for me,” she said so quietly Trip had to strain to hear her.

Trip’s mind was in utter confusion. What does mating have to do with her being sick? “What does…,” he started to ask before another thought interrupted. “Wait, we were … ya know… less than a year ago so…”

T’Pol cut him off. “I should clarify. Vulcans are driven to mate once every seven years regardless of any sexual activity that may occur in the interim. It is a biological imperative. It is called Pon farr, the mating time.”

Trip’s mind digested her statement and began to put the pieces together. Maybe T’Pol wasn’t really sick but just experiencing the Vulcan equivalent of being in heat. That would explain both her apparent fear of being near him and the look of desire she gave him when he had touched her. So, her rational minded self didn’t want a relationship with him but her body wasn’t listening; wasn’t able to listen because this was her ‘mating time’. Trip closed his eyes as he came to a conclusion. She’s here to tell me I need to stay away from her until this Pon farr passes and she’s in control again.

“Commander?” T’Pol prompted Trip out of his private musing.

“So, you want me to stay away from you until your mating time is over.” Trip’s statement was an assertion rather than a question. He found he couldn’t quite meet her eyes.

“The situation is more… complicated.”

Trip managed to look at her now. “How so?”

“As I said Pon farr is a biological imperative. A neurochemical imbalance causes a condition called Plak-tau, the blood fever. Pon farr must be resolved in order to curtail the blood fever.” She paused and Trip nodded for her to continue. “There are only three paths to resolve Pon farr. The first is mating.” She looked away before continuing, “it is also possible for Pon farr to be resolved through combat over the possession of a mate, but this path usually results in homicide.”

Trip snorted. “So that’s out of the question.” T’Pol gave him a harsh look and he sobered again. “So what’s the third option?”

T’Pol turned slightly and tilted her head to face him. “There are some Vulcans that have been successful in using deep meditation to allow Pon farr to pass without resorting to mating or combat. However, the mortality rates are quite high among those who have…”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute here... Mortality rates?” Trip was incredulous. “Are you saying you can die from this Pon farr?” He couldn't help raising his voice.

T’Pol stared at him a moment before replying, “Technically it is the blood fever that causes death.”

Trip shook his head and resumed his pacing. “How can a race of such logical beings have a mating cycle that can kill?”

“There is nothing logical about the Vulcan mating time. It is a remnant of our more violent past, when Vulcans competed in mortal combat for a mate.”

Trip stopped pacing as a realization finally hit him. “So, meditation is out and combat is out…” He turned to face her. “So you need a mate to resolve Pon farr.” He stared at her intently.

T’Pol held his gaze for only a moment then turned away. “I have arranged to temporarily leave Enterprise to resolve the Pon farr with an available mate on board the Vulcan ship Kovar. However, it is possible that the ship will not arrive before I succumb to the blood fever.” She turned back to face Trip. “The ship is still three days away at best.”

Now it was Trip who turned away. He was experiencing so many overlapping emotions he couldn’t sort them out. He recognized jealously and anger and there was also a sense of betrayal. All this was tempered with shame and admonishment as he told himself T’Pol was not his and therefore she was not really betraying him. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he realized that, his or not, he felt betrayed all the same.

He bowed his head in resignation as he asked, “Why didn’t you just ask me?” That hole where his heart was supposed to be began to ache all over again. He was really getting tired of that feeling.

“Trip,” T’Pol said softly.

Why did she always call him that when she was breaking his heart? He turned back towards her but he didn’t trust himself to meet her eyes and so looked over at his desk instead.

“Succumbing to Pon farr is not an act of intimacy. There is no emotion or rational thought attached to the event. Vulcans understand this. A Vulcan mate would be capable of dismissing the event entirely once Pon farr was concluded.”

Trip felt a slight stinging in his eyes as they filled with unshed tears. “That still doesn’t explain why you wouldn’t ask me.” His voice was hoarse and his tone melancholy.

T’Pol took a step towards him. “Would you want something so meaningless between us?”

“I…just…damn, T’Pol I can’t even think here.” He sat down on the bed and rubbed his eyes. After a few minutes of silence passed he looked up at her again.

“Okay, so you arranged for a Vulcan mate but he might not get here in time and now you need an alternative.” He paused and frowned at her. “So that’s why yer here.” Some days it really didn’t pay to be alive.

T’Pol looked away. “That is correct.”

Trip jerked his head back and gave a bitter chuckle. “So when will you know if your mate will make it in time?” He studied her for a moment. She was standing closer to him than she had been in days and she seemed fine, uncomfortable, but fine. “You seem all right now.”

“I’m heavily medicated,” T’Pol deadpanned. “The Captain has restricted me to quarters as long as my duties are not required. If I can avoid contact with you for the next 3 days I believe that the Kovar will arrive in time.”

Trip looked into her eyes and dared to ask, “Do ya need to avoid men in general or just me?”

T’Pol caught his gaze and held it as she replied, “only you.”

Trip felt his heart skip a beat. “Well that’s something I guess.” Then he decided to push further. “T’Pol, would it be so bad ta just be with me?” Why did he feel the need to risk having the tattered remains of his heart ripped further?

T’Pol turned away again and Trip’s heart sank before she even replied, “I chose this path believing it would be best for both of us.”

Right, she wanted to pursue the path of Surak, not him. How could he have forgotten? Trying to push the pain aside for the moment he asked one final question. “So, is there anything I should know about Pon farr, just in case?” He had wanted to know about the mate she had waiting on the Kovar but his heart wouldn’t allow him to hurt it any more.

“Simply that it would not be as it was last time. The mating drive is powerful and uncontrollable. Injury could occur and I would not be aware until the madness recedes.”

“Well, I guess that’s that then.” His voice was flat except for the bitterness that laced it. “I guess you should go meditate.” He buried his head in his hands and waited for her to leave. He wanted her gone. She represented pain and rejection and he didn’t want to be near the source of all that hurt.

He heard her move towards the door but she did not leave. “There is one final thing you should be aware of,” she said quietly.

How much more is this going to hurt? he asked himself as he looked up at her again.

“Should you and I engage in sexual activity to resolve the Pon farr it is possible that a mating-bond could be forged between us.”

“Mating-bond?”

“A telepathic link that bonds mates together so that they are aware of each others emotions on a basic level. The mating bond acts to keep mates together by diminishing or eliminating the desire for anyone other than the bonded mate.”

Trip felt something heavy crush his heart and then he simply felt numb. It was as if he had reached his capacity for heartache and all his feelings had shut down.

“So this Vulcan guy is willing to risk this mate-bond with you? How well do you know each other?” He found he could ask this question now that all his feelings were gone although he was sure the pain would return once the shock of all this had worn off.

T’Pol moved to stand directly in front of Trip. “You misunderstand. I do not know the identity of the man who has agreed to aid in the resolution of my Pon farr. It is highly unlikely that a mating bond could form between us. Mating bonds are only possible when a connection between individuals already exists.”

She moved her hand to lift Trip’s chin so he was looking into her eyes. “I chose to resolve Pon farr with another because I did not want to force a bond between us. I would prefer to choose such a path of our own accord.”

Trip felt his heart beginning to beat rapidly again. He reached up to take her hand but she removed it and backed away quickly.

“I am sorry, but even with the medication to suppress the mating drive I cannot stay any longer.” She had looked away but she glanced back up at him.

Trip smiled at her to convey that he understood. Finally, he understood. He nodded and T’Pol left quickly.

Trip collapsed back onto his bed. He felt exhausted. It was 20:13. She had been there only 13 minutes and in that short time his heart had shattered twice and then began to heal again.

What was he supposed to hope for here? It was clear that T’Pol wasn’t ready to enter a permanent relationship with him, but it was also clear that she hadn’t ruled out that possibility in the future as he had believed before this whole Pon farr thing came up.

How would he feel if she was successful in holding off the mating drive until the Vulcan ship arrived? Damn jealous despite what T’Pol had said about it being meaningless. But he didn’t want her to feel trapped by him either. He was beginning to wonder if things would ever be easy when it came to having a relationship with T’Pol.

Part 3 (Chapters 4 & 5)

Return to Part 1 (Chapters 1 & 2)

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Even now T'Pol can't come clean and just tell him the truth, not only about the bond but also her feelings for him. No wonder love has become a crown of thorns. Ali D :~)

Oooo, baby, this is GOOD! Me like, me like, more please, and soon! :)

“I chose to resolve Pon farr with another because I did not want to force a bond between us. I would prefer to choose such a path of our own accord." - Ooooo - I liked that! FINALLY, she throws him a bone and in that one statement clears up a whole heap of cr@p. I'm suddenly hoping that evidence of hostile forces will be discovered... ;)

When I saw this chapter up, I went "YAY!! YAY!!! YAYAYAYAY!!!". This was fabulous. Awesome work! Please be speedy with the next chappie :-)

You know this already but I absolutely adore the T/T scene here. The dialogue is just awesome. Fantastic job. :)

Maybe it's just me but I'm getting tired of T'pol acting like she didn't have brain one where Trip is concerned. There's just so much angst a happily married man can take.

Great story, I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
Write faster!!! ;-)

This is awesome! More please, and quickly!

Awesome story.... Can't wait for the conclusion....T.

Ok I loved this story,,,,But im on pins and needles hopin that she goes to him for the Ponn Farr. Yeah that confession of hers was real sweet but I still think its gota be heart breakin for Trip to know that she is gona be releavin her Ponn Farr with another,, Just cause its not an emotional things to Vulcans and she choses to not mate with Trip,, dosnt mean it still wont hurt him. I really love it but this is the kinda angst that drives me up the wall! Will she go to another or follow her heart, and save her and Trip a lot of emotional pain?? Please update again soon! I cant take not knowin.

ack...how could you end it there...that's just mean...more soon!!

I love this... I love the bone she finally tossed him... and seeing how this story is supposed to change from uberangsty to ubersyrupy, I have my suspicions as to where T'Pol will end up resolving her Pon Farr.

Great story, I hope to see more soon!