In the Dark - Part Two

IN THE DARK

By Coconut1

Rating: PG13 (for language)
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Paramount. No infringement intended.
Spoilers: “The Observer Effect”, all season 4 spoilers, and any aired episodes.
Summary: Trip and T’Pol, both under the mistaken impression that they are about to lose one another, take action but will their talent for misunderstanding each other keep them apart.
A/N: A sequel to “In the Dark”. Thanks to Peter for the amazing beta and invaluable guidance.

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Part 2

Several words have more than one meaning

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“Aw… hell.”

An uncomfortable silence passed between them.

Finally, Archer spoke. “Trip, when she said she was no longer concerned, she meant now that you were conscious and out of danger. You didn’t take it that way and that’s understandable, but I know for a fact that’s how she meant it.”

“Are you sure, Captain?” Trip questioned. “I mean, she’s not the easiest person to read.”

“Trust me, I’m sure. She was pretty adamant about staying with you until you came to.” Archer smirked knowingly before continuing. “Phlox told her she didn’t need to be so… protective. He told her that you were recovering and tried to get her to take a night off but she wouldn’t go for it.”

Trip paused to consider Archer’s words. He didn’t want to fully embrace the implications of what the Captain was saying. He had gone down that road before and had allowed himself to hope -- with painful consequences.

“Captain, I’m sure she visited and all, but… in her mind, she was probably just fulfilling her duties as first officer or something. Maybe she felt responsible for me getting sick? Not that I’m saying she was!”

He looked away from Archer to conceal his pain.

“I don’t expect you to understand, Jon. I’m just having a hard time believing that she… After all she’s said and done to me lately, I just can’t see T’Pol… caring.”

Archer was amazed. Trip was being completely sincere. He really couldn’t see how deeply T’Pol cared for him.

“Trip, it’s not like she dropped by for a minute to check on you. She basically lived here in her off duty hours!”

Archer looked behind himself and scanned the room to ensure that they were still alone. Although there was no one else around, he took a step closer to Trip and lowered his voice.

“Listen, she had all her meals brought here; she slept in that chair five nights in a row; she meditated right here on the floor.” He pointed to where he was standing.

“She would read to you in Vulcan, Trip!”

Archer waited for some kind of response. When none came, he realized that his friend was still failing to grasp what he was saying. With a hint of frustration seeping into his voice, Archer fought to communicate what he knew to be true.

“She held your hand and touched your face in public, Trip. That’s not something a Vulcan does out of professional duty. She certainly did not sit with Hoshi for hours on end. It may not be obvious to you how she feels, but the rest of us have a pretty good idea.”

“So, how is Hoshi?” Trip asked in avoidance.

Archer sighed and just stared at Trip for a moment. Then he shook his head and gave up.

“She’s fine. She didn’t experience nearly as many complications with the virus as you did. Phlox released her yesterday.”

Trip had his eyes fixed on an invisible mark across the room. “Lucky girl.” was all he offered.

Archer took in Trip’s distracted expression. He knew that look well. Trip would be unreachable for the next little while. Archer also noted the fatigue and strain etched on his face. Trip needed to sleep but whether his mind would let him was another matter. Archer gave him a gentle smile and said “Hey, I got to get back to the bridge. Get some rest, okay? I’ll come by later to check on you.”

Trip snapped out of his reverie briefly to glance at the Captain, but shifted his eye line back to his thoughts a moment later. “Yah. See ya later, Captain.”

With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, Archer turned and left Sickbay.

Trip’s mind raced frantically to figure it all out. None of this made any sense. What had changed between them?

He thought back to the last time they had talked. It was while they were prepping for the away mission. His mind cruelly locked onto every nuance of the memory. She had been especially cold to him. What had changed for her? Was it because he had almost died? Could the thought of losing him affect her that much? Did she really care for him…

Suddenly exhaustion and nausea hit him. His head began to throb. He had overexerted himself with these ruminations, he realized. He needed to close his eyes for a bit….

**************************************

Phlox had insisted that Trip remained in Sickbay until he had regained his strength and some of the weight he’d lost. As much as he was going crazy speculating about T’Pol’s motives, he couldn’t fault the doctor his precautionary measures.

Instead, he chose to focus on his rehabilitation. The faster he recovered, the faster he could get out of here. With that thought in mind, he decided it was time he got out of bed. He sat up and with some effort he swung his legs out to dangle by the bedside. Next, he started to slide himself forward; but as soon as his feet touched the ground, he realized what a bad idea this had been.

It was too late. Gravity had taken over. His descent toward the ground was a blur which was stopped abruptly by the impact of the floor. At first, he was dazed by the sudden motion, but then it came: the burning ache in every muscle in addition to an acute soreness where his hip had hit the ground. He felt like a disjointed mess of arms and legs on the floor.

Ebbing back the sensation of pain that had overtaken his body, he forced his mind to focus. He tried to push himself up, but his weakened arms shook violently and ultimately gave way under the weight of his torso. Lying sprawled on his stomach with his legs splayed at odd angles and his cheek pressed against the ground, Trip slapped his palms on the floor and thought ‘Well, that was fun. Might as well enjoy the view.’ Thankfully, he saw Phlox’s feet come out of his office a moment later and start running toward him.

“Commander!” Coming to his side, Phlox wrapped one arm around Trip’s ribcage. “Commander Tucker, do you really wish to extend your stay here? If so, you seem to be making wonderful progress.”

Phlox slung Trip’s arm over his neck; grabbed his hand; and hoisted him off the floor and back onto his biobed.

Trip struggled to help the doctor as much as he could. “Sorry Doc. Guess I just got a little impatient.”

“I understand Commander. But next time, please wait for assistance.” Phlox reached for his tricorder and began to scan Trip for any injuries incurred from the fall.

“Sure thing, Doc.”

After a moments pause, Phlox asserted “It appears that you have not caused any serious damage to yourself. You will, however, have a nasty bruise on your hip.”

Trip only nodded as a response.

Phlox gave the Commander an assessing look. It did not appear he would be attempting any rehabilitative exercises on his own any time soon.

“Well Commander, I should be returning to my other duties. If there is nothing else…”

“Doc?” Trip interrupted.

He hesitated a moment before going on but he had to confirm what Archer had told him.

“I know Commander T’Pol stayed with me while I was in the coma, Doc,” Trip looked down to hide the flush that was overtaking his face. “….but what exactly would she do while she was here? I mean, she didn’t just sit there, did she?”

Phlox could not help but smile at this endearing young man. “No, Mr. Tucker, the Commander did not just sit there…”

Before Phlox could say anything else, the Sickbay doors slid open and both men turned to look at the visitor. When Trip recognized the slight figure at the door, his heart felt like it had stopped beating for a moment.

Phlox smiled at him cheerfully. “Why don’t you ask her yourself, Commander?”

It was then that Phlox noticed the two had their eyes fixed on each other. Did they even remember he was in the room?

Taking this as his cue to leave, Phlox offered a soft, tight lipped “Commanders.” and moved off toward his office all the while trying to conceal the smile that was threatening his face. These two were far too entertaining for their own good.

T’Pol cautiously made her approach.

“Hi.” Trip offered.

“Hello.” T’Pol assessed his sitting position on the biobed. “You are able to walk?”

He responded with a boyish grin: “Not exactly.”

T’Pol simply nodded then looked down and away. Trip could tell she was nervous about something. What did she have to be nervous about? He was the one who had made a jackass of himself and needed to apologize. Speaking of which, now was as good a time as any.

Trip took a deep breath and just let the words roll out. “I’m sorry for the comment I made to you when I first woke up. I was foggy and confused and I’m sure the hypospray Phlox gave me didn’t help.”

“An apology is unnecessary, Commander. You had just come to from a coma and were not entirely coherent.”

“Right.”

“You were still affected by the remnants of the virus and your medications were quite strong.”

“Exactly.”

“Although, it was obvious you did not wish to see me here.”

“What? No…that wasn’t the case. I was really… I mean, I didn’t mind that you were here.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the next and looked absolutely miserable. Why was she acting like this?

“It is all right, Commander Tucker. I understand, there is no need to explain.” She looked almost sick.

“Yes, there is a need. T’Pol, why are you being like this?”

T’Pol stopped her fidgeting and arched a delicate eyebrow in response.

“Being like what, Commander?” she said vehemently. “I drew my conclusions based on your statement. You said: ‘Don’t bother yourself. Wouldn’t want to waste your precious time.’ Is there another meaning I am supposed to derive from that comment?”

Why was she quoting his words back at him? He knew what he said.

“Listen, I wasn’t feeling myself… I wanted you here, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” His tone was becoming harsh and aggravated.

T’Pol’s chest started to heave slightly and she began to pace.

“I want to hear the truth.” she forced out. “Perhaps in the future, you might choose your words more carefully to better reflect your intention.” Her tone was biting and her eyes were sharp.

She wanted him to choose his words more carefully. Was this a joke? After what she had said. This was ridiculous. He didn’t have to take this.

“You know what? Considering you were no longer concerned for my welfare, I didn’t think the comment would bug you that much.”

Her face scrunched up in confusion. “Bug me?” she said putting the emphasis on the first word. Her face finally relaxed into a dead seriousness when she discerned the words meaning.

“Your comment did not affect me in any way.” Her clenched tone contradicting her words.

“Then why do you have such a bug up your ass now?” Trip regretted the words as soon as they escaped his lips.

T’Pol’s eyes widened and then darted downward. When she finally looked up, he could tell she wanted to say something, but her lips were so tightly pressed together and her jaw so tensely locked that any verbal release would be next to impossible. Instead, she looked from side to side; crossed her arms; and began to circle herself.

Why was he pushing her so much? Obviously she felt something for him or she wouldn’t have come back and she wouldn’t be this upset. He had to get this back on track. He had to do or say something.

Then it came to him. This was it. In the past, he was always too scared to actually tell her he loved her. He had simply implied to her what his feelings were. He thought ‘What if I say the words and she rejects me completely?’ He convinced himself that because he had never actually put himself on the line, he couldn’t get hurt.

It was all bullshit. His heart had never taken such a beating in his entire life. Saying ‘I love you’ couldn’t make him feel any worse. It didn’t matter how she reacted. He just had to tell her.

********************************

T’Pol needed to ascertain whether the Commander still held any affection for her. She could tell that he was angry with her. Her last comments were cruel and completely unnecessary. She stole a glance at the Commander. He was chewing the inside of his bottom lip and appeared agitated and uneasy. This did not bode well.

“T’Pol, we can’t keep fighting like this.” He took a slight pause. “I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last couple of days and I’ve come to a decision. I know you don’t want to hear this but I…”

Throughout this speech, her heart began to race. He was going to tell her that it was over and that he wanted to move on. There was no chance for them. Her realization had come too late. Why had she allowed the Captain to convince her to come back? She did not need to hear this.

“Don’t!” she blurted out. “I have no wish to hear this.” She took a step back, away from him. “I understand your meaning perfectly. You do not have to say the words.”

He looked absolutely crushed; like she had physically pushed all the air out of his body. He clasped his hands together and looked down at them as if they possessed some kind of answer.

“Fine… okay… well… um…” he stammered in a deep state of mortification.

Then he looked away. “Maybe you should be going.”

T’Pol was shocked by his reaction. She turned and slowly walked toward the door, but something wasn’t right. This was not the response she had expected. If he didn’t want her, then why did he seem so hurt?

Suddenly she wondered what she was doing. She couldn’t leave! If she left now, not another intimate word would ever pass between them again. She couldn’t live without this man in her life. It would be difficult, but if she couldn’t be his lover, then she would have to learn to be solely his friend. She still wanted him to consult her; to have trust in her; to confide in her. She didn’t want to lose him completely.

T’Pol steeled herself, turned quickly, and walked back to him.

“I am sorry Commander. I should not have interrupted you in such a manner. You have something you wish to say and, as your friend, I promise to listen attentively and offer any kind of support and advice that you may require.”

“As my friend?” he burst out. “No honey, I don’t want you as my friend.”

T’Pol felt dizzy. He did not want her as a friend. He didn’t want her as anything. It was over!

She quickly turned her back to him. She could not allow him to see how much distress this caused her. The tears came streaming down her face. There was no controlling them, but she could at least suppress the sounds that escaped her.

Silence took hold of the Sickbay.

***************************************

Her friend? Was that all she wanted from him? She sat with him to be his friend? He was so frustrated and upset! He took a moment to calm himself down.

“T’Pol, I can’t be your friend. I… I don’t know how.” He paused to collect his courage. There was no turning back now.

“I’ve never felt like this, T’Pol. I’ve said the words so many times before, and I honestly thought I meant them. But when I look at you…what I feel…makes all the other times seem… empty.”

She remained perfectly still. Suddenly Trip wasn’t sure anymore whether this was such a good idea. He was shaking, his heart was pounding, and his palms were drenched. He wiped them on the bed sheet and stretched one hand out toward her, but she was just out of reach. He dropped his arm back to his side out of weakness and disappointment.

“T’Pol…” Why was this so hard? He was shaking so much inwardly that he thought he would break apart.

“T’Pol, I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you… I am so in love with you that I don’t know how to be your friend right now.”

He tried to suppress the rising swell, but the tears fought their way out and began to roll down his cheeks. He wiped them away first with the heel of his palm, then with the back of his hand.

“I feel so much and it all just gets in the way… I can’t think straight sometimes, T’Pol, but I don’t want to lose you!”

He couldn’t keep the tremor wracking his body from filling his voice any longer, and the rest came out as a sob.

“Please, just tell me what I need to do and say to be your friend and I’ll do it. The rest I’ll get over in time. I promise.”

She quickly turned, threw her arms around his neck, and fiercely pressed herself against him. The sudden action had nearly sent them toppling over the other side of the biobed, but T’Pol’s strength held them steady. He was stunned senseless by the move. He felt her cheek against his; he heard the gentle rasps of her breath close to his ear. Gradually, he let his arms fold gently around her. He had a passing thought that if this was T’Pol’s way of showing him how to be a friend, he would be a very happy and willing student.

After some time held in this embrace, T’Pol pulled away from him slightly to place her forehead against his. She took a slow breathe while he held his and said: “Commander, I do not wish for you to ever get over the rest.”

THE END

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Loved every line! Wish we can see this on the show!

Awwwww!

Who would've thought there could be so many ways to misunderstand each other! Great story -- loved the ending.

Awww! This was so good! The best thing I've read in a while!

Ahhhhhh clarity!!!!
This is what these two need to do on the show! Come out and just tell each other how they feel!

Great 2 part! Is there going to be a 3 part?

It was Emma. Very nice! Can't go wrong with Jane Austen. Thank you for this, it was wonderful!

This was beautiful! *resounding "AWWWW!!!"*

Excellent! Made my little heart go 'pitter pat'. Ali D :~)

Hehe, "He just had to tell her." I loved how you drove that point home, Coconut. :-) I also loved that T'Pol offers her feelings in return in the end. Oh, how I wish they would act like this on the screen every now and then. Thank you for the beautiful story.

What a lovely story - my heart was in my mouth at one point there! How could they misunderstand each other so much? Well done and thanks!

Nice conclusion!
Sequel maybe?
;-)

sequel?

What a time for me to run out of tissues! *sob*

Trip's heartfelt confession tore me up.

And while I'd love to see more of your writing, I personally feel this story could be left alone, right where it is. "... and they lived happily ever after, the end." Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

I really enjoyed this story. It's fun the see how people are writing about the spoilers we've heard.

*sighs* Oh that was GREAT!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! Don't get over the rest Trip! Love her forever!