Time Will Tell

Time will tell

by Evalyn A

Disclaimer: Not making a dime off of this, they belong to Paramount, they don’t belong to me, although finally they’re starting to act as if they did.
Rating: G, T”Pol’s POV.
May be archived, just let me know.
A/N: This is the first in a continuing series of personal log entries made by T’Pol during her time on Enterprise, starting with season one.

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Part 1

I arrived aboard Enterprise yesterday morning, one day before departure. It has been a trying two days, with hardly sufficient time to adjust to my changed circumstances.

Captain Archer has made no effort to disguise his hostility towards me, and my role as Vulcan liaison aboard this ship. To be fair to him, my role is in fact both that of a minder and of a self-admitted spy, to second guess and report back to the Vulcan High Command every questionable decision made by the Captain of Earth’s fledgling warp 5 starship. He can hardly be pleased with my presence. Nevertheless, he has at least won the battle, as he is here with me aboard, returning the Klingon to his homeworld, rather than having the Talseya perform the task as originally proposed.

The remainder of the crew has reacted to me with a spectrum of responses, ranging between grudging acceptance (Ensign Sato, who is at least pleased that she will have an opportunity to both practice her Vulcan and learn Denobulan during this initial mission) and obvious aggravation (Commander Tucker, who insisted on greeting me with a handshake when he undoubtedly knew that this was decidedly impolite behaviour). While I do not find it necessary to “fit in” in order to accomplish my task for the few weeks I will be assigned here, the job will certainly be made more difficult by the crew’s reaction to me.

I did not expect to be assigned to Earth. And I did not at first feel that my time spent on Earth would have suggested any aptitude for dealing with humans, quite the reverse in fact. When I heard the decision of the Vulcan High Command to assign me to Enterprise, I initially felt a suspicion that perhaps I had, in fact, failed so badly in my time spent as attaché at the Vulcan Embassy, that I had been sent to Enterprise as a form of punishment.

I realized after short reflection, however, that this suspicion was illogical, and that this posting to Enterprise is in fact an important, if somewhat menial, task. I now believe that the aptitude that resulted in my assignment here was demonstrated during the considerable time I spent minding Ambassador Soval’s two rather energetic younger sons when they visited Earth for three months with their mother.

I had an inexplicable ability to keep the children from wreaking serious havoc while they were with me (unlike their parents, who despite successfully raising four considerably older children seemed to find the last two quite incomprehensible). Admittedly they were somewhat more lively than the average Vulcan child, and less willing to listen to their tutors for the long hours usually deemed desirable for children of their age. However, when they were in my care, I was able to successfully divert them with a combination of activities including hiking, museum trips and visits to historic sites such as the location of first contact (both locations, in fact, although I did not explain to them the true reason for the visit to Carbon Creek). I also spent considerable time teaching them of the origins of modern human society, through trips to various locations in Europe and Asia.

I believe it was the knowledge of human society that I myself gleaned during this period, combined with my unexpected child minding ability and my proven abilities in espionage, that made Soval consider me the perfect choice for this posting. There have been few times that I regret so thoroughly my assiduousness in having carried out my superior’s wishes …

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It has been some weeks since my initial log entry. I have found meditation both necessary and effective in dealing with the stresses that arise daily from my interactions with the crew and Captain of this ship, and until today I have not found any additional benefit in recording my thoughts in an unofficial capacity. However after recent events, I have found myself unable to achieve a satisfactory sense of resolution based simply on my usual meditation.

Captain Archer in all likelihood saved my life yesterday, at considerable risk to his own. And I was left the ranking officer on a human starship. My decision to take command was not without logic; although my command experience is limited at best, my abilities and knowledge undoubtedly exceed many-fold those of Commander Tucker.

What is harder to justify is why, with Klaang gone and our Suliban contact on Rigel X dead, I did not immediately turn Enterprise back towards Earth. Vulcans are certainly capable of loyalty, and gratitude; when earned, they are logical responses. It is clear that Captain Archer has earned Commander Tucker’s loyalty – I felt it when the Commander touched me in the decon chamber, even more than I could sense it in his arguments. Later, I once again found his arguments based on loyalty to the Captain’s wishes oddly compelling, where a logical analysis of the situation should have resulted in a return to Earth. I have, as a result, spent the last hours in Engineering with the Commander adjusting the Enterprise’s sensors to allow them to track the Suliban ship’s ion trail.

This clearly violates the implied limits of my assignment to Enterprise. I am here to offer advice, criticism, and to observe, not to provide technology enhancements. I will have much to explain on my return …

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Our mission is complete. The Klingon Klaang has been recovered and returned to Qonos. According to the Klingons, Klaang possessed evidence that the Suliban are participating in a “Temporal Cold War” designed to destabilize the Klingon Empire. The humans appear willing to consider the possibility that this is the truth. The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined, however, that time travel is impossible. Thus the actual relevance of this mission seems, to me, dubious, given that Klaang’s information was clearly false. However, I must admit that it is noteworthy that against all odds, Enterprise has in fact successfully completed her mission and perhaps garnered a measure of respect for Earth from the Klingon Empire – no mean feat.

Is that why I have agreed to Captain Archer’s request to have me remain on board Enterprise as science officer? In all my time in the Vulcan diplomatic service, as well as my previous years in other capacities, I have never felt so involved and challenged by the events that surround me. I do not feel on Enterprise as though my actions are dictated by my Vulcan superiors. I am at a distance from those organizations whose motivations often, in retrospect, seem suspect when observed in the context of our Vulcan teachings. Does this distance afford me a latitude I have never before felt? Should I allow myself the luxury of exercising that freedom?

My behaviour after the events of Rigel X should have resulted in a reprimand, at a minimum. Perhaps it still will. However, the High Command may believe that since my lack of discipline had successfully earned me a berth on Enterprise, by request of its Captain, it was worth overlooking the obvious missteps on my part. Or perhaps they even believed that my decisions were a form of relatively harmless subterfuge designed to earn me the Captain’s trust (since I have neglected to update them fully on my questionable role in upgrading the Enterprise’s sensors). Regardless, no reprimand has yet made its way to me, and since my return in person to receive the expected dressing down seems unlikely for some time, forgiveness would appear to be the path of least resistance for my superiors.

I am less willing to forgive myself. My loyalty to Vulcan precepts has already been tested and found wanting. I fear I may not be able to perform my duties with the necessary objectivity for any significant duration. In the meantime, I must strive to respect the teachings of my elders, and continue to provide guidance and counsel to the humans aboard this ship. Perhaps I will return from this mission having achieved greater discipline from the challenges I face here. And perhaps I will return humbled. Time will tell …

Continue to Part 2

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One person has made comments

Ooooh creative. I like it! It's always interesting to read something that's not like everyone else's. Keep up the good work!