Undone

Undone

by Evalyn A

Rating: G, Romance,
Disclaimer: Not making a dime off of this, they belong to Paramount, they don’t belong to me, although finally they’re starting to act as if they did.
May be archived, just let me know.
Spoilers: “Harbinger”
Summary: T’Pol’s thoughts at the end of “Harbinger”. Vignette

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The tactical alert has ceased to sound, the alien having been captured by Lt. Reed and Major Hayes in Engineering. Mr. Reed has notified us of this fact and that Mr. Tucker has once more been injured and is unconscious.

My heart begins to pound uncontrollably. Just as I feel my control about to fail, I hear Mr. Tucker’s voice in the background, issuing forth a series of colourful epithets. A palpable feeling of relief washes over me, and I close my eyes for a brief moment.

I open them, and glance about – no one has noticed, and my mask of impassivity once more falls into place. This cannot go on.

The crisis having been averted, I return to my quarters to meditate. I have never needed to meditate as much and as long as I have over the last few months, and it has never been so ineffective.

This evening, instead of peace and resolution, I find confusion and guilt. What have I done? How can I possibly regain my dignity and self-respect? I am weak, irrational, just like the humans.

I try to summon the feelings of certainty and faith in the truth of Surak’s teachings that kept me strong even after I had begun to doubt the motives of the High Command. They are gone, melting away in the remembered blue of his eyes, softness of his touch, warmth of his lips … I blow out the meditation candles and crawl into my bed, shivering and alone.

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I had succeeded in sleeping a few hours, a rough, unsettled sleep full of accusing voices and dreams of improbable events.

As I look at myself in the mirror, I find some inner strength. I must push him away, thoroughly and firmly. No admission of feelings, no more intimate neuropressure sessions. A smooth, professional relationship.

By the time I reach the mess hall, I have formulated my strategy.

“Morning.”

I am prepared, polite but impassive. “Commander.”

“Some night,” he says tentatively, and I reply, “Eventful,” neutral, not encouraging further discussion. I ignore him as he approaches.

My tactics are ineffective as he seats himself across from me. “I don’t know who did more damage to the engine, the alien or Malcolm,”

I study my tea. “How long before we can get underway?”

He rubs his face. “Another day at least.” He squirms in his seat. “I – uh – I guess we should talk about what happened last night.”

Finally I look at him. “I’ve been briefed on the situation,” I say, deliberately misunderstanding him.

He looks briefly nonplussed. “I was referring to what happened between us, in your quarters?” I gaze at him, expressionlessly. After he stumbles over a few words, I go on the offence.

My next words are calculated to offend, to drive a wedge between us. He reacts with indignation and disbelief, and finally denial, as I had hoped.

As he utters, “In fact, we should probably just forget it ever happened,” I find it necessary to look away into my tea in order to avoid revealing my reaction to those words. I have been successful, and my regrets begin to overwhelm me.

“It doesn’t mean we can’t keep doing the neuropressure though,” he murmurs, and looks at me with a sidelong glance and a smile that makes my stomach flip.

He has me backed into a corner and he knows it. I should insist that the neuropressure is no longer appropriate, but as I return his gaze the twinkle in his eyes is unmistakable. If the events of last night meant nothing to me other than scientific investigation, then there is no logical reason to refuse to continue the sessions.

In that moment, I am undone.

I have not achieved the success I had feared, rather he once again read me, and this time, outmanoeuvred me. He has won this round. And I begin to think I may have met my match.

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Eight hardy souls have made comments

Excellent!

Oh yes she's met her match! You captured what I think was going through her mind.

Very nicely done.

Love the line "In that moment, I am undone." It is T'Pol and it worked so well right there.

Loved this. It's T'Pol for sure. Hope you write more.

Great. Captures it perfectly for me. The way she looked at him over the rim of her mug, I could just see those thoughts going through her mind:)

AWESOME!!!!!! That was the beyond awsome! I was soooo worried after Harbinger, somehow believing the crap T'Pol was feeding Trip. (Jolene/T'Pol are great actors, actress and character) I had been posting my dissaproval and fear on Trekbbs and Hbbs. But, you have reinstilled the hope and faith that this relationship will continue. THANK YOU.

wow, I love the last line in it. your piece mirrored my interpretation of the episode. excellent job

Yea!! Excellent Job. In the actual episode, I could see everything you wrote in her eyes during that last part when he suggested that they continue the neuropressure. I was hoping somebody would write it up, and here you are, all fantastic and everything! Good work!

Oh, always Vulcan... Trip has done the hard part for her and I think she was secretly thankful for this. Not that she would ever admit it, of course.

Just wait til' the next session, Trip. Now's your turn being bold. You show her, boy!