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Soul Search CompleteAuthor - Favors | Genre - Action/Adventure | Genre - Angst | Genre - Romance | Main Story | Rating - PG-13 | S
Fan Fiction Main Page | Stories sorted by title, author, genre, and rating Soul Search Complete By Favors Rating: PG-13 A/N: italics represent inner-thoughts & musings. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Chapter 1 ************************************************* Captain Archer reviewed the staff before him. He was briefing them on the nebula Starfleet wanted them to investigate. T’Pol and Hoshi sat to his right, while Malcolm and Trip sat to his left. Hoshi and Malcolm are paying attention; I can’t say the same for Trip and T’Pol though. “T’Pol?” “T’Pol!” “Captain?” She isn’t paying attention at all. What’s wrong with these two? “The sensors?” I prompt. She’s staring at me blankly; she has no idea what I’m referring to. She at least has the decency to look embarrassed. “The sensors?” “Your mind elsewhere today Commander T’Pol?” I ask, and look pointedly over to the equally distracted chief engineer to my left. Hmmm, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her blush. Green tinged cheeks and neck, she’s really embarrassed now, humiliated even. “What data can you collect regarding the nebula and will the sensors be affected?” “I can provide you with general information at this time. Size, composition, but not what is within the nebula. The sensors won’t penetrate. Perhaps once we are inside.” “What about the engines Trip?” And there he is, staring off into a corner, he isn’t listening one little bit. He’s worse than T’Pol. “Trip?” I repeat. “TRIP!” “Huh, oh, uh…yes Cap’n?” “What do you think?” I try and curb my irritation. He isn’t a teenager anymore, why can’t he focus on the job? I look at him candidly; he has no idea what I’m referring to. “Perhaps Commander Tucker is confused as to what which subject you are referring to. We discussed several topics.” T’Pol to the rescue, she’s trying to save your sorry ass again Tucker. “The last subject.” I say. “The one referring to the affect on the engines if we enter the nebula?” T’Pol asked. “Yes, T’Pol. Well, Commander Tucker?” “Uh…I’ll need to run some diagnostics to see what affect the nebula will have on the engines. At first guess, though, I don’t think we’d be able to travel at warp, not that we’d need to in a nebula. Impulse only. How big was it again?” Trip is clearly embarrassed. It’s obvious to everyone he hasn’t been paying attention. His face is flushing bright red. It’s like Christmas, green to my right, red to my left. “T’Pol can provide you with that data. Dismissed.” I have never been so disgusted with my two top officers in my life! I’ve tried to ignore their personal problem with each other, but it is affecting the rest of the crew. ********************************************************* Trip sat in the briefing room with Hoshi, Malcolm, the captain, and her. We’re discussing something; I just can’t focus on what. I realize I don’t really care. I should write a book on what NOT to do regarding love. Step 1 – do not fall in love with a Vulcan. She looks so tired; maybe she’s having trouble sleeping. Maybe, she wants to be with you and can’t bring herself to admit a mistake? You know how she is. Get a grip Tucker, she doesn’t want you, she made that clear. Step 2 – do not fall in love with a Vulcan. Then why does she keep looking at me? I know she is. I can feel her eyes on me. Why is she looking at me? Why? Because I keep looking at her, that’s why. You’re an idiot Tucker. Step 3 – do not fall in love with a Vulcan. “TRIP!” I hear my name, and realize I haven’t been listening at all. “Huh, oh, uh…yes Cap’n?” Oh crap, I have no idea what he’s talking about. “What do you think?” The captain is irritated. I can’t blame him, here we are being briefed and I’m thinking about that Vulcan over there. “Perhaps Commander Tucker is confused as to what which subject you are referring to. We discussed several topics.” T’Pol said flatly. She’s helping you? Of course, she has no issues with this. Her mind wasn’t wandering off about what will never be. “The last subject.” “The one referring to the affect on the warp engines if we enter the nebula?” T’Pol asked. I catch her eyes, is that concern? More like pity you dumb ass! “Yes, T’Pol. Well, Commander Tucker?” Oh, shit! Think of something, quick! “Uh…I’ll need to run some diagnostics to see what affect the nebula will have on the engines. At first guess, though, I don’t think we’d b able to travel at warp. Impulse only. How big was it again?” “T’Pol can provide you with that data. Dismissed.” Step 4 – do not fall in love with a Vulcan.
T’Pol sat in the briefing room with Hoshi, Malcolm, the captain, and him. The captain is briefing us on investigating a nebula. Why does Starfleet insist on investigating every simple stellar event? It’s just a nebula. Trip looks tired, he hasn’t been sleeping. I can tell. It’s like we’re back in the Expanse. Maybe I should offer neuro-pressure again? He rebuffed you last time you suggested it. Why should he accept? I rejected him. Again. I made a mistake, I have come to realize I need him in my life. I can’t meditate, I can’t sleep. The few times I do, I dream about him. Erotic dreams. It is illogical to continue on with this. I just don’t know how to proceed from here. I have no experience with this. He is human, irrational, and emotional. Maybe Doctor Phlox can help me. “T’Pol!” The captain is angry. I haven’t been paying attention and he knows it. “Captain?” I ask, trying to buy some time. Did any part of my mind hear what he was discussing? “The sensors?” he states. “The sensors?” I repeat lamely, think, think, think! “Your mind elsewhere today Commander T’Pol?” The captain looks over to Trip. Trip is stating at the floor, he isn’t listening either. I feel my face and neck blush, I can’t stop it. The captain notices. My blush is getting deeper. “What data can you collect regarding the nebula, will the sensors be affected?” “I can provide you with general information at this time. Size, composition, but not what is within the nebula. The sensors won’t penetrate. Perhaps once we are inside.” “What about the engines Trip?” Trip still isn’t listening. The captain is getting even angrier. I don’t blame him. This is no way for officers to behave. “Trip?” “TRIP!” “Huh, oh, uh…yes Cap’n?” He stirs from his thoughts. What was he thinking about? He catches my eyes. He looks so sad, so forlorn. Does he still care about me? Can I correct this? “What do you think?” I must help him. “Perhaps Commander Tucker is confused as to what which subject you are referring to. We discussed several topics.” “The last subject.” “The one referring to the affect on the engines if we enter the nebula?” I ask hoping some part of Trip heard the topic. “Yes, T’Pol. Well, Commander Tucker?” “Uh…I’ll need to run some diagnostics to see what affect the nebula will have on the engines. At first guess, though, I don’t think we’d be able to travel at warp, not that we’d need to in a nebula. Impulse only. How big was it again?” Trip’s face is flushing bright red. He wasn’t listening at all. “T’Pol can provide you with that data. Dismissed.” We get up to leave, Trip is behind the others. I hesitate at the door. “Commander Tucker.” He turns and looks at me with sad eyes. How I miss the twinkle in his eyes, the light that used to dance there, the light that was for me and me alone. I miss the smile that easily graced his lips. I realize it has been long since he smiled. “I…I…uh…wanted…to….to….speak…” I can’t believe how nervous I am. He knows it! His eyes soften, just a bit. He has steeped closer to me, maybe there is some chance! “T’Pol, a word.” The captain has interrupted us once again. I try and not show my complete and utter irritation and frustration. The captain has no idea how many times he has interrupted us in the past. Trip’s eyes harden again, he nods curtly, turns and leaves. I watch him go; my heart fills with longing and regret. “Yes captain?” I try not to let venom in my voice. I think back to an argument I had with Trip while we were still in the Expanse. We were in my quarters; he was performing neuro-pressure on my back. I had my top off. His hands had stopped moving, I was about to speak when he leaned over and kissed the small of my back. His tongue had trailed along my spine, my flesh had goosed immediately in response. I half-turned over, affording him a view of my bare breasts. He had started to lean forward to kiss me, his lips had just touched mine when the comm sounded. The captain. I rose, purposefully brushing my erect nipple over his lips and nose. I went over to the comm panel, still topless. The captain wanted sensor analysis on some data just collected. I told him I’d be right there. Trip was angry. ‘Why can’t you let your second do it? Or do it in the morning? For God’s sake, we deserve our off-duty time T’Pol. Sometimes you can say no.’ He stormed off. I wish I had said no. “We need to discuss the behavior and job performance of two of the crew. Please sit down.” His expression is grim, this will take long. I will miss my opportunity to speak to Trip, why does he purposefully interrupt us? I am unfairly angry with the captain, he does not know. Does he? “Which crew members, Captain?” “Why don’t we discuss the problem first? Then we can name names if it’s really necessary at that point.” “Of course, Captain.” I know who he is referring to, neither of us have been attending to our duties properly. “I have 2 crewmen who are distracted during their shifts, their work has been sloppy, they have been moody, and they have been keeping to themselves. The tension between the two is palpable. It is affecting the rest of the crew. Working with them both is awkward at best. They used to get along quite well, even famous for the friendly bickering. But something has or hasn’t occurred between them that is causing a great deal of tension that they are allowing to spill over to their daily duties. Other crew are unsure how to behave around these two anymore. Where their professional behavior was once predictable, it is no longer. You, as First officer are responsible for the crew. But I don’t need to tell you that do I, T’Pol?.” “No sir.” “I want a report on these two crewmen, why they are behaving this way, and a plan to correct this behavior. Understood?” “Yes captain.” A report? How can I possibly report on this? What do I say, ‘I’m in love with the Chief Engineer, but have rejected him repeatedly and am now dismayed that he no longer tries to have a romantic relationship with me. I don’t know what to do, I don’t have any experience dealing with these feelings. “No questions T’Pol? Not even who the two crewmen are?” “There are only two members of the crew who have had a significant drop in productivity and efficiency, Commander Tucker and me. I presume these are the two crewmen in question.” “Yes.” I stand to leave, presuming the discussion is over. I want to leave, to return to my quarters, to try and mediate. Although that does not bring me any peace or answers, only his face and what I have given up. I have been a fool. *** “I haven’t dismissed you yet.” Archer regarded his first officer. She sat back down with head bowed down, looking completely helpless and forlorn. She didn’t now how to cope with her feelings. It was obvious to everyone on Enterprise, except Tucker and T’Pol that they were in love with each other. The captain knew in his heart and soul that each believed their care for one another was one-sided. How could two intelligent people not see what was in front of them? Dealing with feelings and emotions were foreign to her and she refused to ask for guidance. “T’Pol, I’m here if you need someone to talk to. If you don’t want to confide in me, then perhaps Doctor Phlox, or even Hoshi. But it’s my belief you need to sort out your feelings before you formulate a plan to resolve this issue. You need to do some soul-searching. I think you need to understand your feelings, what you want, and with whom.” Her head came up swiftly at the last statement. She realized how transparent she must be, always casting her glance at him, seeking his face among the crowd. “Do you understand what I am getting at T’Pol?” T’Pol merely stared back, afraid to answer and simply nodded her head. “Do you really? Don’t try and solve this on you own, OK? Dismissed.” Archer realized she didn’t. He’d have to keep pushing her. **** T’Pol was at a loss. She knew she needed to speak to someone. She had often turned to Commander Tucker, but that door was closed to her now. He avoided her at all costs anymore; he no longer sat at breakfast or dinner with her and the captain. She had even discontinued sharing meals with the captain as well. She had taken to eating alone in her quarters. T’Pol had returned to her station and sat staring blankly at her console. The captain wanted sensor data on the nebula, and yet she still couldn’t focus on her task. Damn these emotions. You wanted the, you got them, she thought. Her thoughts kept drifting to Trip and the last time they spoke together in private. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your mother. She was a fine lady. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here. I know what you’re goin’ through.’ *** “Doctor Phlox, may I speak to you?” “Of course Commander, what’s troubling you?’ T’Pol sat on a biobed, looking dispirited. Phlox patiently waited for her to begin. After several minutes, he said. “I’m going to feed my ‘menagerie’ as Commander Tucker refers to it, whenever you are ready.” T’Pol followed along behind Phlox, at a complete loss on where to begin. “I am having trouble sleeping, meditating, and eating. My job performance has been…affected.” “I see.” Phlox continued to feed his odd assortment of creatures. He knew that T’Pol’s issue wasn’t physical, it was emotional. “How…how…how do you know when you are in love?” she finally blurted. “Oh, there are many ways…” “Doc? You here? I got a hellva headache.” Commander Tucker came strolling through the sickbay doors but came to an abrupt halt when he saw T’Pol. Their eyes locked with one another and Phlox watched as each wordlessly opened and closed their mouths. “Uhhh….never mind. I’ll come back later.” T’Pol watched as Commander Tucker turned quickly and almost ran from sickbay. She closed her eyes and tried to focus slowing her heartbeat down. It hurt; the pain in her chest just wouldn’t go away. She realized her breathing was becoming erratic. “Doctor. I believe there is something wrong with me.” “I agree. But the only thing I can do you for you is to give you advice. It’s up to you to resolve this problem. You asked me about being in love? Well, I’d have to say the proof just left here. What you’re feeling is emotional pain T’Pol. Emotional pain you have caused for the both of you by your actions.” Her eyes were sparkling with tears. His harsh words were difficult for her to hear, but she had finally asked. “What do I do? I don’t know what to do, or how to correct this situation. The Captain actually asked me for a report and a plan on how to correct this…this…problem between Commander Tucker and me.” T’Pol was clearly confused. Phlox exhaled a long breath before speaking. “Come sit down, here’s some water. Let me be perfectly blunt Commander, you’ve rejected Commander Tucker numerous times. You broke his heart. Now you decide you want him. He doesn’t trust you anymore, at least not with his heart; he doesn’t believe that you care for him. And why should he? Your marriage was dissolved, but instead of embracing a relationship with him, you turned him away. He is exhibiting the same symptoms as you are. How do I know all this? Because he has confided in me as well. You ask for my advice? Talk to him. Tell him you love him. It won’t be easy; you’ll have to rebuild his trust. Have you ever told him of your addiction?” “No.” she whispered, staring that the floor. “You took Trellium to allow your emotions for Commander Tucker to come to the surface, now they are a permanent part of you. And yet you reject the very person for whom you damaged yourself! I don’t understand you T’Pol. Why do keep turning him away? Do you think he’ll want you to give up your Vulcan heritage? Spurn you because of your past addiction? If so, then you really don’t know this man. Or is it that you are simply afraid? There are 95 people on this vessel between Enterprise crew and MACOs. 93 of them know that you two are in love with each other.” “I am afraid. I don’t know what to do, or what to say. I have no experience with this. I have….screwed up…as he would say. How do I proceed?” “Commander Tucker likes pecan pie, doesn’t he? Perhaps take a piece to his quarters, and talk to him. Tell him how you feel, don’t let anything interrupt you. Even tell him that you are afraid. He is a kind man, and while he can be….caustic…when he’s hurting…he cares for you deeply T’Pol. You shouldn’t be afraid of a relationship with him. Did you ever speak to Lorian?” “Not really.” “Perhaps you should have. You and Commander Tucker had a very happy marriage.” “Until he died.” She said bitterly. Then it finally dawned on Phlox, why she was so afraid. “That’s what you’re afraid of! That he’ll die on you? As you know those exact events didn’t take place, which means Commander Tucker could lead a very long life. You are both in a ship of exploration; anything could happen to either of you, at anytime. Do you think Commander Tucker would be any less devastated if you died? Are you willing to let go of something that may be source of your happiness, peace, and serenity, just because you’re afraid it will end too soon?” “My lifetime will far exceed Trip’s.” “I know, and assuming neither of you come to a tragic end, his death will be difficult for you. But are you really willing to sacrifice 50 or 60 years of happiness to save yourself from future pain? Are you content now? No! Are you happy? No! Are you at peace? No! The captain has asked me to report on your mental health along with Commander Tucker’s. He needs to know if either of you can still serve in your respective positions. At this time I am inclined to recommend you both be relieved of duty until you resolve this.” T’Pol suddenly became angry. “Why is it all up to me? Why is it my sole responsibility to correct this situation? Both you and the captain have decided I am at fault for this!” “Are you not? Did he reject you? Didn’t he keep persisting in getting to know you, despite your many rejections?” Phlox asked her quietly. He knew she was still struggling with her emotions. The words hit home. She looked up at him with her eyes wide and full of tears. “I must admit, sometimes I feel responsible for this.” “Why?” she asked, her voice barley audible. “I recommended that you perform neuro-pressure on Commander Tucker, knowing full well how intimate the procedure is, and also knowing his feelings towards you.” T’Pol looked up at the doctor. She too had been attracted to the Commander long before the neuro-pressure sessions began. “You gave me an excuse to spend time alone with him, to touch him, to become closer to him. I suspect, Doctor, you knew of my attraction for him as well.” She looked at him pointedly. “Well, I wouldn’t be a very good doctor if I didn’t notice these things. I take care of your mental health in addition to your physical health. You were in here continuously when he was sick with that virus. You smoothed his hair, wiped his face with a cool, damp cloth. You sang to him in Vulcan. You didn’t do these things for Ensign Soto. Yet you never let him know that, why? Because of fear. Talk to him, let him know how you feel.” “What if he doesn’t listen to me?” “Take a page out of his book then. He pursued you for years, be persistent, MAKE him listen. A white flag is a sign of truce on Earth, just a bit of trivia. Off you go now, get your Commander back.” End Chapter 1 Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS! A whole mess of folks have made commentsOHMYGOD! You have to update soon! Too much of a cliffhanger! Excellent storytelling. I was on the edge of my seat. A great time to spend reading your story while I'm at home with my sick 7 year old son. (An a break from work too! Heehee) I REALLY enjoyed this, and loved seeing the same scene from the different points of view - interesting and funny! Can't wait for the next chapter! Wow what a great read on a stormy day you have the characters written spot on.I hope we'll get another cghapter from you soon.nice to see the scenes from both T'Pol and Trip's perspectives. What a way to leave a reader hanging!!! You've really got a knack for the internal turmoil of our fave couple. I love how you used Phlox for exposition. Excellent device! And you said everything we've wanted to scream at her all season! Hope Polly gets it and get her man! Wow !!!! please continue soon, well done ! I just loved Dr Phlox in this one, his is the true voice of reason. Can't wait to see how T'Pol masters her own fears and insecurities to finally let Trip in. Ali D :~) "Off you go now, get your Commander back." That was good! Update, please! :) This is really nice! I hope you update soon! Don't know if I could wait too long! This is wonderful so far. I really wish Phlox would have a conversation with T'pol like this on th show. I think she needs to be made aware of how much she is hurting Trip and herself. I can understand Trip not wanting to be near her now because of the constant rejection. So very nice, indeed! Hurry with more, please. This is enjoyable, I liked the different POVs, update soon awww that totally ROCKED write more......... |