Happy Tears

Happy Tears

By Hopeful Romantic

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Enterprise is the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. All original material herein is the property of its author.
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Archive: Trip/T’Polers, thankee!
Spoilers: Through Terra Prime.
Summary: Trip and T’Pol discover a way to share a pivotal moment with their daughter Elizabeth.

Date: 1-7-06

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A/N: Hey, kids! HR is finally writing something that takes place outside of the Might-Have-Been universe! And OMG, it’s even canon! Gasp!

Yep, this is the first of four stories I submitted to the Strange New Worlds IX contest. So the goofball title of this new series would be, of course, “Strange New Worlds: Rejected!” LOL

But seriously, I’m calling this new set of stories “Contemplations.” Each story resulted from my taking a long, thoughtful look at an episode, a scene, a line of dialogue, an image... and “seeing into the life of things,” as Wordsworth put it.

Note: Since SNW allows only previously unpublished stories to be submitted, I couldn’t send any of the stories I’ve archived at Trip/T’Polers. But I did slip in a few phrases and ideas from stories I’ve posted, or stories I’ll be posting in the future, to enhance these SNW entries. So if you feel a bit of déjà vu as you read them... that’s why. ;)

Heaps of thanks to my sublime betas for this story-- Ludjin, Jenna, and Stephanie.

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The baby’s heartbeat and respirations had slowed dramatically in the past few minutes; it would not be long now. Phlox moved to the isolation chamber, donning a professional mask of calm to hide his own crushing sorrow. Slowly, Trip and T’Pol became aware of his presence. They looked up in tandem, their eyes reflecting a sadness that seemed to go on forever.

“It’s no longer necessary for Elizabeth to remain isolated,” Phlox said. “I thought you might like to hold her.”

He saw Trip swallow hard, understanding the meaning behind the kindhearted offer. T’Pol nodded mutely, with a yearning that wrenched at Phlox’s heart.

As Trip pulled a chair over and eased T’Pol into it, Phlox unsealed the chamber. He carefully lifted the sleeping child up, hugging her... holding her for an extra moment, knowing it would be the last time. Then he placed her in T’Pol’s waiting arms, and silently retreated to the other end of Sickbay.

Archer was still there, half-hidden in the shadowy dimness, standing watch over his two closest friends as they stood vigil over their dying daughter. He had never felt so powerless. He lowered his eyes, unwilling to intrude on such an intimate sorrow... feeling his heart breaking for Trip, for T’Pol, and for this innocent child who had been created only to die.

Trip sat cross-legged on the floor, his face centimeters away from Elizabeth’s. As T’Pol gently rocked her, Trip reached up to stroke the baby’s soft cheek. He studied her face, peaceful in sleep. She was so beautiful. He wanted to memorize every detail, so he would never forget.

“Does she know who we are?” he asked T’Pol. “That we’re here?”

T’Pol nodded as she rocked Elizabeth back and forth, back and forth. “She senses us.”

Trip could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. It felt both wonderful, and achingly sad, to find Elizabeth now, to know her, only to lose her again. “I wish we could talk to her... tell her she’s loved.”

T’Pol regarded her daughter thoughtfully for a long moment. She looked hopeful for the first time in... how long had it been since Phlox told them he wouldn’t be able to save the baby? Forever? For the first time in forever. “Perhaps we can.”

Setting the chair aside, T’Pol sat on the floor, facing Trip, carefully settling Elizabeth in the crook of his uninjured arm. Trip cuddled the sleeping child to him, wondering what T’Pol was up to. His breath caught in his throat as he saw her touch her fingers lightly to the baby’s face, finding the contact points. Then he flinched in surprise as T’Pol touched her other hand to his face, in the same manner.

“Captain,” Phlox said softly. Archer looked up to see T’Pol preparing to mind-meld with both Trip and the child. This would be her first attempt at melding since her problematic episode with Hoshi; she had wanted to wait until her technique improved. She’d been studying with Soval since Enterprise returned to port. Archer held his breath, hoping for her, for all three of them.

“What do I do?” Trip asked her.

“Relax,” T’Pol said. “Open your mind. When you feel my presence, let me in.”

Trip nodded, trusting her. He shut his eyes, focusing on her low voice. “My mind to your mind... my thoughts to your thoughts...”

Trip felt her... barely a whisper, easing into the corners of his mind like a warm breeze, growing stronger, more resonant. He recognized the calm, steady sweetness that was T’Pol... and beneath it, an undercurrent of heartache that mirrored his own.

“Our minds are merging...” T’Pol felt Trip’s presence, strong and caring, reaching out to her, seeking to comfort and be comforted, longing to complete the connection.

“...Our minds are one.” Trip didn’t realize he’d spoken the words with her until he heard his voice in concert with hers.

Can you hear me? It was T’Pol’s voice again— but this time, coming from inside his mind.

Yes, he replied. He could see her now, with his mind’s eye. She was a shifting, quicksilver image, unmistakably T’Pol... but her face was open, unguarded, filled with tenderness and sorrow. I can see you, he told her.

T’Pol’s mind-image of Trip was much the same as the countenance he showed the physical world... but his innate compassion gave him a shimmering glow. His blue eyes shone with love and anguish. And I you.

Elizabeth? he asked anxiously, hopefully. Is she—

She is here, T’Pol answered.

Trip felt the wisp of another consciousness in his mind, feather-light, like a butterfly. It flitted through his memories, like a child turning pages in a picture-book—

—And suddenly, he and T’Pol were standing in a sunlit meadow, humming with bees and birdsong. He remembered coming to this place one summer, with Grandpa Charles. The air here was different, though, clear as crystal with... innocence was the only word that fit. It bathed the meadow like a morning dewfall, giving everything a dreamlike sheen that felt rejuvenating, somehow. Trip breathed it in, tasted it. It was light and sweet, like a sugary confection that melted on his tongue, and he knew the source was—

Elizabeth. She was making her way toward them through the flower-dotted expanse of green dreamland, picking buttercups as she went. A petite, elfin beauty, she looked about four or five to him, with gracefully pointed ears, waist-long blond hair, and dancing blue eyes.

He and T’Pol both sensed it together. There was a serenity about this child, a purity of spirit that surrounded her like an aura. She was nothing like the monsters who had made her. She was untainted.

She saw T’Pol first. Though her face remained a perfect miniature portrait of Vulcan equanimity, her eyes warmed with gladness. “Greetings, Mother,” she said, with a calm formality that Trip found charming.

T’Pol, following her daughter’s example, maintained a placid demeanor, though Trip could feel her mingled affection and melancholy. “Elizabeth,” she said in acknowledgment, matching the child’s tone. “It is agreeable to see you.”

As soon as Elizabeth saw Trip, she blossomed, a smile lighting her face like a beacon. “Daddy!” She launched herself at him, and he caught her up in his arms, hugging her close. He reveled in the feel of her arms around his neck, her sweet breath on his cheek, her unfettered joy enfolding him as snugly as her embrace.

As she pulled back to look at him, distress suddenly shadowed her fair features. She took his face in her tiny hands. “Mother, why is Daddy crying?”

Trip hadn’t even realized. “He is glad to see you,” T’Pol replied.

Elizabeth studied Trip’s tear-stained cheeks in wonder. “Then these are happy tears?”

“Yes, honey,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Happy tears.” He kissed the tip of her button nose. “You know how I get when my little girl smiles at me. I’m just a big ol’ softy.”

Sure enough, another smile crept onto the girl’s face, just wide enough to show the dimples in her cheeks. Trip gasped softly as he recognized that impish smile. It reminded him of—

“Lorian!” he exclaimed, turning to T’Pol. “She has Lorian’s smile.”

“Who’s Lorian?” asked Elizabeth.

Trip felt a pang of sadness from T’Pol... an old pain, grown fainter with age, but not forgotten. “Lorian is your brother,” she said.

“Where is he?” the child asked eagerly, her blue eyes bright with curiosity. “With you?”

Trip set her down. “He’s always with us, just like you are,” he said, even as he felt a stab of loss, thinking of Lorian. “I expect you’ll be seeing him soon enough.”

Elizabeth took each of them by the hand, and they strolled together through the clover. She had a warm glow to her now, as if she were shimmering with an inner light. “I’m glad you came,” she said.

Trip felt his throat tightening. He knew it was almost time. “Elizabeth... I love you, sweetheart. I wanted to tell you.”

She gave him a look of playful reproach. “I know already, Daddy.” She tugged on his hand, and he leaned down low enough for her to kiss him lightly on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

They continued their saunter through the meadow, Elizabeth idly swinging her hands back and forth as she held theirs, a contented half-smile on her lips. T’Pol had to muster every bit of control at her disposal, to keep her voice even. “I cherish you as well, Elizabeth.”

The child looked up, her expression tranquil. “And I you, Mother.” She was shining much more brightly now, looking like a pixie-cute faerie from an enchanted forest, leaving a trail of light in her wake. “When will I see you again?” she asked them.

“We cannot say with certainty,” T’Pol replied. “However, you need not see us to know that we are with you.”

“You’ll always be with us, Elizabeth.” Trip kissed the blond faerie’s luminous hand, and she beamed happily.

They held tight to Elizabeth’s hands as she grew brighter, brighter, until her radiance was so pure and blinding that they couldn’t look at her any longer. Then she was gone, and Trip and T’Pol were alone, clinging to each other.

Trip collapsed to his knees, unleashing his grief at last... weeping for the child they had lost, and the daughter they would never know, except for this tiny glimpse, here in the dreamland. T’Pol cradled him in her arms, her sorrow mingling with his, enveloping them both in darkness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Archer saw tears rolling down Trip’s composed face. Then T’Pol’s hand slipped away from the baby, and Archer knew that she was gone.

T’Pol and Trip remained in the meld for a moment longer, before T’Pol slowly removed her hand from his cheek. He blinked back to awareness, his eyes meeting hers, and a single sob escaped him. With infinite tenderness, she wiped his tears away.

Trip’s gaze dropped, to Elizabeth. Her face was utterly serene. He leaned down and touched his lips to her forehead... kissing her good-bye. T’Pol lifted one tiny hand with her finger, her face reflecting a grace that made her even more beautiful, even in her grief.

Trip looked up, catching Archer’s eye. The Captain was across the room in a heartbeat, kneeling beside his friends. He saw pain in their eyes, but also a kind of peace. His voice trembled with shared loss as he asked, “Did you see her?”

Trip, swallowing tears, didn’t trust himself to speak yet. “Yes,” T’Pol replied, as she continued to hold the baby’s hand. “We spoke with her.”

Archer’s eyes glistened with unshed tears of his own. “What was she like?” he asked softly.

Trip heard T’Pol’s answer in his mind, echoing through the bond, as clearly as if she were whispering in his ear. It was the same as his own reply. He smiled at Archer, even as fresh tears began to fall. “She was happy.”

~~ fin ~~

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Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!

A whole mess of folks have made comments

*sniff* Having been fortunate enough to read this some time ago...it still brings fresh tears to my eyes...beautiful in it's simplicity...keep writing like this HR and you'll be published for sure! Great story.

wow you got me in tears that's hard to do. Nice one but so sad.

I love this story it made me cry also.

Oh, my God! Beautiful!

Also having been fortunate enough to read this some time ago, I have to say that I stand by my previous comments. Sad by very well done and I love how Elizabeth reacts differently (and appropriately) toward the individual parents.

Such a pity that tPtB didn't seem to care as much for their characters as you did. :(

You made me cry - and I do not shed tears easiely!
Great work, hard to believe it was rejected by the contest.
I hope you'll also update your 'might-have-been'story soon - I love your ability to turn the canon-plot into a brighter light - I'm hoping lil' Elizabeth has a chance to live in your story.

So very moving... even on the second read. Thank you, HR. It's beautiful and it's a shame it didn't make it in. Next time maybe. :)

Awesome indeed, HR. A quite touching piece of writing. Looking forward to the next one.

*sniff, sniff* - lovely story...

Beautifully told story .very powerful. I'm glad that T'Pol and Trip got hold their daaughter,And through the meld got to share time with their daughter.

Heartbreaking. Elizabeth reminded me of my youngest. It was an inspiration to have her treat each parent in a culturally appropriate manner. Children deal with dual language parents all the time... why not dual cultural behaviors? I wish you'd write an AU series in which Elizabeth lives, and we see how she develops these patterns of behavior. The character development possibilities are endless!

It's a loss for Strange New Worlds and a gain for us. Not having read the story before and being an emotional person, of course I'm crying (sniff,sniff). What more can I say that was not already said? Always love reading your stories, sad or not.

This was really beautiful. I'm re-reading The Lovely Bones right now and your imagery of the in between world of the spirit is just as moving. I've actually enjoyed all of your stories for that same reason, the emotional resonance. I'm sorry it didn't get picked but I agree with scarletwitch, it was definitely our gain.

You made me cry! That's just not fair! Beautiful, achingly beautiful, and perfectly written. Thank you so very much. :*)

What a touching story. I wish they showed that scene in Terra Prime. Please keep writing!

Well done!, very well done.

Lovely. A sad subject handled with love and tenderness. I am not an emotional individual but you touched me with this. I do enjoy your work even if it gets somewhat soapish for my tastes from time to time and will continue to read everything you present. Thank you.

HTH2k4

That was just wonderfully touching and so sensitively written, thankyou.

Just Lovely. Thank God for the box of Kleenex! Boy, did I need them?!

oh dear... oh dear... i knew by the title i'd have to use tissues but a visit to the cardiologist was not anticipated.

That was beautiful,, but yets so heartbreakin HR,,, all at the same Time HR. I loved how Elisabeth reacted to Trip an T'pol differently according to their respective cultures,,, But some how I still got the feeling that in this story T'pol wanted to grap hold of her duaghter an never let her go,,, I think you had TnT down perfectly i this one (AS always). An Lizzie was beautiful lil gal. Snif, Ya made me Cry HR,,, Dang it. An It was wonderful that she went out of the world knowin happiness. Ok I better go an sob some more in private. I dont get why those idiots at the Strange New world thingy didnt accept this one? They just dont have good taste.,,, Ok now Im gona go Cry again,, Dang it.

Hello hon! I just read this again (as one of the priveleged few that got a sneak peak of this story). So beautifuly poignant.

Alright, this tomboy's got to get another box of kleenex...

Heartbreaking.

What a lovely story, sniff,..Thank you so much !

Ah hell, here I am all amush. Oh how I wish B&B would ahve given us this in Terra Prime, it would've been one of the best episodes ever.

You should really put a tissue rating warning on this one. I went through half a box. Really well done. Nicely portraied. T...

Okay, I usually don't cry, but this was just to sad and emotional not to. HR this was great story and I can't believe why Strange New Worlds didn't take something so great.

Lovely story still, HR. I adored it the first time I read it a few months ago, and I still do. Ran out of tissues crying when I reread it. I'm glad it made the second read pile, though I still think it should have made the book. Great job as always.

That was beautiful HR, thank you. I've never sat crying at my laptop before, but it was not a negative experience. It was how it should have been.
Thank you.

You've gotten me all misty. Wonderful job! What a beautiful story.

Aw. I'm verklempt! Really nice. If it had to end the way that it did, I'm glad you gave Trip and T'Pol something to hold on to. Lovely work. Thanks so much.

I so loved your story. Can't help crying, too. This would have helped so much on the show.

You handled everything just right. It was nice to share such an intimate moment with our favorite couple and have a glimpse at what might have been.

Please keep writing. Surely they can see how much we all enjoy your work!

Rasputin's tears are collecting in his forestwood goblet of vodka.

God, I´m in tears. This story is really heartbreaking. I don´t know how you do that - you use the same words as everyone but when YOU put them together, you create something magical.
I always easily fall into you fics, it´s like I can feel what Trip, T´Pol, Lorian and all the other characters feel. You have such an unique style that I REALLY envy you and your writing skills!
Please, HR, promise us that you NEVER EVER will give up writing!

BTW, did I mention that I´m still in tears?
I can´t understand why TPTB had to be so cruel with TnT. They had to got through so many hard times - why take even this second and so innocent child from them? WHY? God, I´m glad that we´ll always have fanfics...

After rereading this story, Rasputin was moved to spend the whole afternoon sitting quietly in the golden leaves and the brisk cold wind in the wooded cemetery.

aaah so sad! you write beautifully, i hope you continue writing more.