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Heart's Desire

Author - HopefulNebula | Genre - Angst | Genre - Romance | H | Main Story | Rating - G
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Heart’s Desire

By HopefulNebula

Email: (hopefullynebulous@yahoo.com)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I own a great computer with a faulty keyboard and a cat who refuses to accept that she’s a cat. Not Enterprise.
Summary: Post-ep for “Kir’Shara” in which T’Pol remembers something and makes a decision based on it.
Spoilers: Through “Kir’Shara.”

A/N: Wahey, I’m writing again. Thanks to everyone on Trip/T’Polers, just because.

We have differences. May we, together, become greater than the sum of both of us.” ~Surak

Her first action upon learning of her husband’s (ex-husband’s, she reminded herself with muted joy) decision to release her from their marriage was to meditate. She had been planning to do so anyway, and with the knowledge that her heart was free to pursue whatever—whomever—it wanted, she knew she needed to re-center herself before acting too rashly.

Her elderly double had told her that in time, her heart would know what it wanted. T’Pol had not understood those words until she had stood on the Fire Plains, listening to Trip’s retreating footsteps. Never before then had she fought so for control. Even during her short-lived experimentation with Trellium, she had been conflicted. But at that moment on Vulcan, her every desire was to follow Trip and make him hers in every sense of the word. She had never wanted anything so much in her life, and T’Pol inherently knew that this was her heart straining to be heard. There had been so much feeling—too much. She had been paralyzed, overwhelmed by such intensity, and her heart was forced to express itself only through a chaste kiss on the cheek of her beloved. In the weeks that followed, T’Pol spent a considerable amount of energy trying to control her heart, to keep it together as her Trip told her that a pair of fictional tragic lovers had stood a better chance then they did.

And then there was the meld with T’Pau. The memory was still exceptionally vivid in her mind. The first thing T’Pau had noticed was the sheer intensity of T’Pol’s feelings regarding both Trip and T’Les.


You loved… love them both very much, T’Pau observed. There was no point in denying it while their minds were joined so, nor was there a point in explaining who “they” were. The younger woman shared memories of her melds with T’Les, of T’Les’ initial trepidation and then her sense of wonder upon realizing that melds were not fearsome but amazing. T’Les’ memories of her daughter were particularly vivid; T’Pol felt with almost agonizing clarity the memory of an infant who demanded to be held and rocked, of a nineteen-year-old fighting to control her tears at her father’s memorial, of the strong young woman whom T’Les had cherished so much, so very much… Pride, devotion, protectiveness, worry, affection, tenderness… all these she felt as if they were her own.

Just as T’Pol was stricken by these sensations, T’Pol’s feelings for the man who was obviously her t’hai’la captivated T’Pau. Though she did not even remotely consider intruding, the emotions that surrounded the human engineer were unavoidable. Though they were not bonded, T’Pau realized, he was more a part of her than her husband could ever contrive to be.

Remarkable how the same emotions had such a different flavor depending to whom they were directed, T’Pau realized. The regret that permeated T’Pol’s katra simply felt different when connected to T’Les or Charles Tucker.

The younger woman felt a strong mental nudge, a warning of sorts. She was in dangerous territory, so she took the final steps necessary to eradicate the neural imbalance and eased the two consciousnesses back into separation. The last thought she conveyed to T’Pol was of IDIC and how often, emotion was justified.


These memories came unbidden but not unwelcome to T’Pol as she sat down, preparing to meditate. Now that she had experienced a meld as it could be—with a true Vulcan—she felt much more centered. She was unsure whether this was simply a result of being cured of Pa’Nar Syndrome or whether T’Pau’s treatment had extended beyond Pa’Nar to some of the neurological damage that had resulted from her Trellium abuse. The answer may have been as simple as what the captain had termed a “mind meld hangover.” Regardless, T’Pol found it easier than it had been to enter a meditative state than it had been in years. She could finally detatch herself from her thoughts; her search for peace was reaching its destination at last.

She remained like this for nearly three hours before standing. That short time had had a great effect on her: she still felt profound grief and regret at her mother’s death, and longing for Trip—T’Pol doubted that they would ever leave her—but they were different now. Though they still burned inside her, T’Pol no longer feared being consumed by their fire. She knew that she should have been afraid as she stood but she felt no fear whatsoever as she left her quarters to tell Trip everything.


Trip rose from his bed, setting the book he’d been reading down onto the desk. He hadn’t been sleeping—he had yet to change out of his uniform. Despite his exhaustion, Trip had no desire to sleep this night. He unlocked the door, which slid open to reveal T’Pol. She was still bruised from her latest excursion on her homeworld, but she radiated contentment.

Damn, Trip thought. I wish I’d been able to feel like that after Lizzy died. A small smile came over him both at the sight of the woman he loved and the revelation that he had become adept enough at reading her to know her feelings through such brief interaction. The woman standing in front of him was the woman he’d fallen in love with. Even if she was married, he could still love her. He didn’t think he could stop.

“Evenin’, T’Pol. Come on in.”

“Thank you, Trip.”

She called me Trip, the engineer rejoiced as the doors closed. “So what brings you here tonight?”

T’Pol paused a second before answering. “Koss—“here she noted the change in Trip’s expression—“has dissolved our union.”

Silence prevailed for ten full seconds before Trip recovered his ability to think, move and speak.

“You mean you’re—and he’s—“ Words left him again. Thankfully, it seemed T’Pol was as adept at reading him as he was at knowing what she was thinking and feeling.


Before she could process anything happening around her, T’Pol was overcome by a sudden pressure around her upper body. Once her superior Vulcan reflexes kicked in, allowing her to regain her balance, she found that the force that held her had hair the color of a Terran desert and eyes the color of a clear Terran sky. Though T’Pol could easily dislodge herself from his embrace, she chose not to. Trip’s presence, though it brought a substantial amount of discord into her life, brought her unspeakable peace. She had thought that logic alone could give her such satisfaction, such a sense of overwhelming rightness, but she knew at this moment that her feelings for the human whose arms held her close were what had kept her sane throughout her times of insanity. They were a constant among the strange emotions she had unlocked. He could help her because he understood how to deal with emotion. Only someone with such passion could help her manage her own deepest impulses. T’Pol knew this now, with such certainty as she had never felt before.

“Trip…” she whispered.

At the sound of her voice, Trip became cognizant of the world once again. T’Pol was surprised at how cold the air felt against her as he pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that. It’s just that I was so glad…”
“I understand,” T’Pol whispered. Trip wasn’t able to say anything else. There had been so much he’d wanted to say, so much he’d practiced saying, but the pressure of T’Pol’s lips against his own prevented him from saying them. He gladly reciprocated the touch, taking it in like a plant takes in sunlight.

There were no words for some time. They understood each other this way, just holding one another. Touch was their common language, and neither of them wished to damage their newfound, tentative future with the wrong words. Trip had never felt so comfortable as he did at that moment, knowing that though there would be obstacles in that future, they could overcome them together.

T’Pol was the next to speak, after quite a long time that she and her t’hy’la spent in each other’s embrace.

“My mother would have approved of this… of us.” She felt, rather than saw, his lips turn up into the grin that had never failed to move her.

“She told me to tell you, you know. Right before the… the weddin’.”

“Tell me what?”

Trip was unashamed of his declaration: “that I love you more than anything, darlin’. I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

The tightening of T’Pol’s embrace against him was all the answer he needed from his T’Pol.

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Awwwwwwwwww! That's so sweet! Great job, thanks!

thats was great :D

That was how it should have been, simple, loving and so right! Thank you for writing again.

Ah, I loved this! Perfect, Ali D :~)

Ohhhh--oooh! Just what I needed to read after last night's episode. I hope so hard that this is where their relationship will truly go. Great stuff, HN. You've boosted my spirits, and I thank you.

I so hope they'll end up like this oneday!
Thanks for sharing this story with us!

very well done, maybe oneday.... Thank you for the hope.

I agree with Alison. This is the way it should have been - not the the stiff interaction of the last episode. (Sigh). Thnak goodness for fanfic.

That was good Keep writin'

simply "aawwwwww"- care to do a follow up?

Warm, cosy feeling. Very nice.