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The Beginning of Hope

Author - Misplaced | B | Bound Fiction Challenge | Genre - Angst | Genre - Bound CHALLENGE Fic | Genre - Romance | Rating - PG-13 | T
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Bound Fic CHALLENGE

The Beginning of Hope

By: Misplaced


Rating: PG-13 for mild language and some smoochin’
Disclaimer: If I owned Trip and T’Pol (or any of the characters on “Star Trek: Enterprise”), things would have turned out differently at the end of “Home”! But they didn’t and I don’t own them (unfortunately). Paramount does and has repeatedly denied my offers to buy them. Oh well.
Genre: Angst—lots of it! A little bit of romance too.
Archive: Sure, just let me know where, thanks!
Spoilers: Any aired episodes to date and some thoughts on “Bound”
Summary: T’Pol has a theory as to why Trip isn’t affected by the Orion slave girls. Trip is having a difficult time coming to terms with his feelings for T’Pol.

A/N: This is my first attempt at T/T fanfiction! Comments are welcome! Also, this is pretty strictly a Trip and T’Pol story, no real outside characters. Thanks so much to stubadingdong and tripslittleminx for being so willing to be my betas!

Date: 4-12-05

***

Trip stood in the shower, unmoving, the water cascading over his body. He was tired—more than tired. Fatigue had seeped into his bones sometime in the thirty-six hours that he had been on duty, but he hadn’t noticed until he stepped into the shower. The engines were finally getting repaired once Kelby had been relieved of duty. Trip snorted. Kelby had been relieved all right, with Trip’s fist in his face. Kelby had sabotaged the engines then had the gall to pick a fight with the commander. Trip couldn’t blame him, however, once Phlox had explained about the pheromones that the Orion slave girls were emitting.

The captain had ultimately gotten enough sense to confine those green women to quarters, but Trip wasn’t going to feel relaxed until they were off the ship. It was kind of strange, how all the men on the ship seemed to go gaga over the girls—all except for Trip. Sure, they were beautiful—sexy even—but for some reason he didn’t find them that alluring.

Probably because I’m too damn caught up in loving a Vulcan who doesn’t love me, he thought bitterly. He scrubbed his hands through his hair and shuddered. The water had turned cold a while ago, but he hadn’t noticed until now. He shut off the water and toweled off, barely conscious of his motions. He needed sleep and he needed it now.

Trip had hardly gotten into his blues and slipped into his bunk when his door chimed. He muttered a curse under his breath, and even considered not answering. He was fairly certain who it was and he didn’t need to face her right now, not when he was so tired and so… bitter. T’Pol had been trying to talk with him since he’d been back on Enterprise, but he had avoided it. The door chimed again and he realized that she wasn’t going to go away. With a groan, he stood and went to the door. When it slid open he looked on with no small amount of surprise.

Before him stood one of the Orion women—D’Nesh, he thought her name was. For a moment he was baffled. He could have sworn it should have been T’Pol at the door, since it seemed like he could always tell when she was near him. He shook his head.

“What are you doing out of your quarters?” he asked the woman before him.

“I came to… apologize,” D’Nesh said, lightly touching her fingers to his chest. He smirked.

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” She dropped her head and looked at him with a pout.

“You don’t believe me?” she asked batting her eyelashes. Trip rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“Nope,” he stated bluntly, “I suppose I’ve got to escort you back to your quarters.” He looked down and remembered that he was in his undergarments.

“Commander, can I ask a question?” D’Nesh requested demurely. Trip had to keep removing her hands from his chest. The woman couldn’t seem to speak without touching.

“Yeah?”

“Are you not… functional?” The question caught Trip off guard.

“What? What do you mean not functional?”

“You,” she began, coming closer to him, “don’t find me attractive?” Before he could answer her lips were pressed against his. For a second he thought of pushing her away, but he didn’t. A part of him needed to know that he could be attracted to another woman, that he could move on after T’Pol. He didn’t resist when she deepened the kiss pulling his body against hers—but to his dismay, he didn’t find any of it particularly arousing. Perhaps sensing this, D’Nesh broke off the kiss and stared at him in mild surprise.

“Come in,” he said, “I need to get some clothes on before I take you back to where you belong.” I am broken, he thought as the sensual woman walked past him into his cabin, more than you know.

***********************************************************************

T’Pol stood at the end of the corridor, her breath caught in her throat. She had been on her way to Trip’s quarters when she had seen the Orion woman at his door. She knew she should have removed the woman immediately, but she remained motionless. When the commander allowed the woman to kiss him and then into his quarters, she had felt an odd sensation in the pit of her stomach. She also felt her heart rate increase and her jaw lock.

The greatest mystery on the ship was how Commander Tucker had managed to be unaffected by the pheromones of the lusty slave women. T’Pol began to have her suspicions and was even planning on discussing her theory with the commander this night, before she saw him kiss the other woman.

Whatever held her in her spot released her and she made her way back to her own quarters. Clearly her theory was incorrect, as it seemed that he was, indeed, affected by the pheromones. She didn’t know why she felt so disappointed and hurt. It was illogical. They were not in a relationship. She had no claim on him and yet, she felt a distinct heartache over his actions.

T’Pol reached her cabin and entered, leaning against the door once it closed and breathing a sigh. It would be wise to meditate, she reasoned. There were emotions that were threatening to surface and T’Pol had no desire to explore them. She methodically went about the room, lighting candles and laying her mat on the floor. She hesitated for a moment before sitting down, concerned that she wouldn’t be able to clear her mind sufficiently. Her thoughts of late tended to center on the commander and often he would appear in the white space of her mind. She began to believe that he may not be a figment of her subconscious, but that supposition was in error as she knew now.

Releasing another small sigh, she finally sat on her mat and crossed her legs. She took several deep breaths and began to imagine the white void….

The whiteness surrounded her as she sat with her eyes closed. It was wondrously quiet and she could feel the stress easing from her. She inhaled deeply, basking in the peaceful nothingness that this place provided for her. Her mind cleared, her thoughts becoming logical, free of the taint of emotion.

Unfortunately, her peace was only momentary as the silence of the void was interrupted.

“Not this place again!” T’Pol opened her eyes and found Trip standing before her with his arms crossed across his chest. “You’d think my mind could come up with something a little more imaginative.”

T’Pol never understood why this imaginary Trip always insisted that this was his dream. If he were a figment of her imagination, then would he not know that he was not real? He looked down at her and grimaced.

“I suppose you’re going to tell me to leave like you usually do,” he said. She stood to face him.

“You are interrupting my mediation,” she stated. He laughed at her.

“This is rich,” he rubbed his eyes, “I can’t even make up a T’Pol that likes me.” There it was again, the insinuation that this was the creation of his mind rather than hers. It was illogical.

“Well, I’m not leaving this time,” he said as he sat down, leaning back on his hands. “I bet if I concentrate hard enough…”

Suddenly the white room disappeared and was replaced with a beach setting. T’Pol stared at him with widened eyes. His clothing had changed as well, to a pair of long shorts and a very loud button-up shirt. He looked her over and his brow furrowed as his eyes glazed over for a moment.

“I guess it was too much to ask to see you in a swimsuit and a sarong,” he said, running his fingers through the sand, “but at least I’ve got my beach this time.”

“How did you do that?” asked T’Pol clearly perplexed. She was beginning to feel as though her mind was working separate from her and it was disturbing.

“How’d I do what?” he returned her question in confusion. T’Pol decided to let the matter drop, since her mind evidently was unwilling to provide an answer for her. She sat down next to him silently. Trip sighed heavily.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he said in a rhetorical manner.

“What do you mean?” she asked. This wasn’t the first time thoughts of him had invaded her mind, but it was the first time she hadn’t been able to make him leave. He looked at her with sad eyes.

“I can’t seem to get over you,” he answered. Her heart rate increased once more. She had a confirmation now that this truly was a fantasy of her mind.

“I believe that the Orions are helping you with that,” she said, the tension in her voice evident. Trip’s expression changed to one of incredulity.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he replied, “For a figment of my imagination; you sure don’t know a hell of a lot.”

“I know that you kissed one and invited her into your quarters,” she said heatedly.

“This is ridiculous!” he shot back, “I’m not going to argue with you when you should already know that the kiss did nothing for me and she was only in my quarters long enough for me to get some clothes on so I could take her back to her cabin!”

Trip stood up and walked away without another word, snapping T’Pol…

…back to reality. Her eyes flew open. She had not been mistaken—she hoped.

************************************************************************

The next day Trip stood in engineering, visually committing the room to memory. Tomorrow they would be getting rid of the Orions, as well as meeting up with the Columbia. Trip would be leaving the Enterprise again, most likely never to return. A part of him was desperate for the next day, anxious to get away from the woman who had crushed his heart and yet still held it firmly in her hands. Another part of him hated leaving the ship that had become home to him. Columbia would become a home to him over time, he knew, but it wouldn’t be the same.

“Are you all right, Commander?” Lieutenant Hess asked, breaking him out of his reverie. He smiled at her sadly.

“Nah. I’m just thinking about how much I’m going to miss this place.”

“Then why did you leave in the first place?” Trip’s smile slipped a little. Talk about a loaded question!

“Well, you know, I couldn’t resist the challenge of getting the Columbia out of dry-dock,” he answered somewhat truthfully. He did love the challenge, but it wasn’t why he left. The lieutenant seemed satisfied enough with the answer as she nodded her head.

“I guess I’d better get some work done,” he said, changing the subject.

As he walked away, the doors to engineering room opened. He didn’t need to look to know it was T’Pol, but he turned anyway. Her eyes locked with his and he found himself holding his breath. Damn, she’s beautiful, he thought with regret. She made her way to him, her eyes keeping him transfixed.

“Commander,” T’Pol said as she reached him, her voice was quiet. She appeared almost nervous. “I need to talk to you.”

“I’m kind of busy,” he said, trying to evade whatever she was about to say. When she came to talk to him in engineering about something other than the engines, it had never turned out good for him. He didn’t need another one of those “talks” just before he left the ship.

“I understand,” she said, “You may work while I talk to you.” Trip groaned inwardly, knowing that she was stubborn enough to follow him. He used his arm to indicate which direction he was headed and she nodded.

“I have, perhaps, a theory as to why you were unaffected by the Orion pheromones,” she said once they reached the console where he reviewed some read-outs from the engines.

“Yeah,” he said, not facing her, “You and everyone else on this ship.”

“I believe that mine is the most plausible.”

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense now,” he said with a hint of sarcasm. Trip wasn’t sure that he was going to like whatever her theory was.

“We are bonded.” He didn’t really hear her when she first said it, a shock washed over him. He turned around to face her.

“We’re what?”

“It is highly probable that we’ve formed a telepathic bond,” she said, adding in a quieter voice, “It is a mating bond.”

“What?!” he exclaimed a little too loudly, drawing a few eyes to them. His cheeks reddened slightly as he continued in a hushed voice, “How did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” she answered plainly, “Perhaps it was forged during our… intimacies.”

Trip rubbed his eyes and sighed. This was definitely turning into one of those “nice” talks in engineering. It was no wonder he couldn’t get over her, she was literally in his mind. Great, he thought. It’s not enough that I love someone who doesn’t love me, but now we’re bonded?

“What do we do?” he asked. There was a part of him that wanted to hope that she might reciprocate his feelings, but he had long since stopped listening to his optimistic side regarding T’Pol.

“A Vulcan priest can sever the bond,” she answered, tightening the vice on his heart a little further. Trip couldn’t take it any more. He’d never been one to cry, but if he didn’t get away from her, he would turn into a sobbing mess.

“I need to go,” he said in a strained voice. It was too much. He didn’t think she could crush him more than she had already, but she could and she did. What was worse is that her logical Vulcan mind wouldn’t understand how she destroyed him so easily.

He walked out of engineering, not daring to look back at her. Oh god, why?

************************************************************************

T’Pol watched Trip leave with consternation. The discussion had not gone as planned. She could sense that he was hurt—deeply—and she didn’t entirely understand why. The revelation of the bond should have given him understanding and clarity, but it seemed to bring more confusion and pain.

She followed him, almost running to catch up. When she found him he was in the corridor, plainly headed in the direction of his quarters.

“Commander!” she called after him, but he didn’t seem to hear.

“Trip!” she called louder. He stopped and turned around slowly. His eyes glistened and were rimmed with a deep crimson. She walked to him, trying to find the words that might assuage his pain. With a sudden clarity, she realized that perhaps words were unnecessary in this case. He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn’t hear if he did. Instead, she reached her slender fingers up to cup his face. She brought his lips to hers, remembering how much she found his touch pleasant. It was a second before his mouth softened, and tentatively returned her kiss.

His hands slid around her waist and the kiss deepened even further, their lips parting slightly to invite more exploration. She pushed herself against him, feeling her body respond to his. The kiss became more passionate, more frantic as he gripped her tightly to him and her fingers slinked through his hair. Their balance teetered as he lifted her and pressed her back against the bulkhead. It was then that she suddenly realized that they were in position that was inappropriate in a corridor.

T’Pol broke off the kiss and gently pushed Trip away. The amorous expression on his face changed and darkened. Before she could explain, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her softly.

“Godamnit, T’Pol!” he snapped, “What the hell are you doing to me?!” He let go of her and turned to leave.

“Trip,” she said his name. He looked back at her and pointed an accusatory finger at her.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Just don’t!” He walked away and this time she didn’t pursue him.

T’Pol’s hand went reflexively to her chest as remorse poured into her soul. Had she damaged the commander so irreparably that he couldn’t see how much she cared for him? She was afraid of the answer.

************************************************************************

Trip stepped into his cabin and rested his head against the door. He didn’t fight the tears that came freely now.

“Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!” he cried repeatedly, banging his fist against the door. He was beginning to believe that this was one sick game that T’Pol liked to play, toying with the human’s emotions. She had brought him to the brink of hope again with that kiss, but when she pushed him away it was more than he could handle. He needed to get off the ship and away from her. But I wouldn’t be getting away from her, would I? Not with that damn bond, he realized miserably.

After a while, the tears seemed ebb. Trip eventually lay down on his bed. He knew that he should get back to engineering, but he didn’t think he was in the proper state of mind. His shift would be over soon anyway and if he was needed, there was the com. Trip sighed and rubbed his eyes. Exhaustion washed over him, but it wasn’t a fatigue of the body. He was drained emotionally.

In that moment of weary thoughts he realized that he couldn’t leave without talking to her once more. He needed closure. He needed her to tell him how she really feels. No more games. Trip sat up and drew a deep breath. He was terrified of the impending conversation, sure that he was setting himself up for a deeper hurt; but at least it would truly be over. At least he wouldn’t be running away without resolving this.

He stood up and as he reached his door, it chimed. As it slid open, it revealed T’Pol on the other side. Trip’s heart caught in his throat.

“You read my mind,” he said without thinking. She raised an eyebrow and it made him wonder.

“Did you?” he asked hesitantly.

“If you are referring to the bond,” she replied, “it is not strong enough for me to know your thoughts.”

“Oh,” he said, somewhat disappointed. It would have made the conversation easier if she already knew what was going through his mind.

“I can, however, sense what you are feeling at times,” she continued, “May I come in?”

Trip stepped aside to allow her into the room. She gave it a cursory glance before turning to face him once more.

“Trip—“ “T’Pol—“ They both spoke at the same time. Trip shook his head.

“You go first,” he said, trying to hide the trepidation that he was feeling. T’Pol didn’t speak right away, seeming to gather her thoughts. She pulled out the chair from his desk and sat down. Trip took her cue and sat as well, on his bed.

“I believe that you may have made incorrect assumptions regarding my reaction to the bond,” she said.

“What have I assumed?” he asked, not daring to think that she might actually care for him.

“That I find it undesirable,” she answered quietly, her eyes not meeting his.

“You don’t?” he pressed, feeling a tiny light of hope. She brought her dark eyes up and gazed at him intensely.

“The bond cannot be formed unless there is… a desire between both parties.”

“Which means?” Trip pressed further, his heart swelling.

“I have… great affection for you.” Trip thought his heart would burst. She did care for him. He was speechless for a moment.

“I… I don’t know what to say, T’Pol,” he stammered, “I mean, after everything…” T’Pol knelt before him and tenderly took his hands in hers.

“I apologize if my actions have led you to believe otherwise,” she said in a small voice, “but I care deeply for you.” Trip squeezed her hands; he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, this time out of the joy that was threatening to overtake him. He leaned down and lightly touched her lips with his. After a few seconds he pulled back and looked into her eyes.

“I love you, T’Pol,” he admitted freely, “You were killing me, but I loved you anyway.” T’Pol reached up and gently wiped away the tears that were beginning to fall from his eyes.

“And I you, t’hai’la,” she replied. She pulled his head to hers and kissed him deeply. He felt the tension seep from his body. There would be time for explanations later. For now it was enough that she loved him.

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Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!


A whole mess of folks have made comments

Sweet, very realistic, I liked it a lot

Lovely, tender fic. Good job!

I enjoyed this one. Poor Trip! That boy needs some comfort after all the pain you put him through!

Thanks for answering the challenge.. NOW THIS needs to be on tv, this fri...8pm...

Thanks for writing this! It was wonderfully sweet! Yes, lots of angst, but a great resolution. Write more!

Wow!!! I can't believe this is your first fic !!!!!
It's great and wonderful!!!!!
Thank you for this fantastic story!!!!!!!!!!

Thank flipping goodness! How much does the poor man have to endure before things finally go right? Very good, thanks! Ali D :~)

Thanks for your comments everyone!

I know, I put Trip through the wringer with this one, but it just felt right.

I might do a sequel with a more clear resolution, especially since T'Pol still has some explainin' to do. :p

damn! you had me ready to cry right along with Trip...great story --you caught the emotions beautifully.

That was beautiful, I felt bad but still chuckled when Trip realized he was "broken"
Is it Friday yet!?? :-)


This is soooo goood!! You've written the characters and the dialogue so well, so believable. Trip really has it bad doesn't he?
I love the way you wrote this fic.

Great story! Now if the aired version is half as good as this I'll be a happy TnT'er. :)

Good one. :)
When isnt Trip goin through the wringer?
Cant wait for the sequal/secound part, just dont be to rough on Polly. She's only Vulcan after all. ;)

Good story! Just love happy endings. If this is your first story, please keep writing. You really expressed their feelings. Be sure to watch 'Bound'.

Excellent story!! Great grasp of the characters! Can't wait for your next T/T story!

Great story! But just a suggestion...maybe a little less histrionics from Trip:) I mean this abundance of emotion would be a turn-off for T'Pol, but otherwise loved it!

Awww great first-time fic, beats my own by a mile for sure ;) I just ducked this up (since I was on vacation when it was released) This is how it should've been during the episode *sniffles* poor Trip but at least he gets the girl in the end!

I keep listening to the news speaking about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the best site to get one.

Hey! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!