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Affliction: Missing Scenes

A | Author - Peter Simons | Genre - Angst | Genre - Vignette | Main Story | Rating - PG-13
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Affliction: Missing Scenes

By Peter Simons


E-Mail: simons@cryp.to
Rating: PG13
Genre: Angst, Vignette
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Paramount, no infringement intended.

Summary: This Vignette shows the missing scenes in »Affliction«. If you haven't seen the episode yet, you probably shouldn't be reading this.

Author's Note: I thought it was bloody time that I wrote something again. So here it is. Don't expect too much. ;-) My thanks go to Triplover for helping with this story.

********

It was early in the evening, and the ship was quiet at this time. T'Pol met no-one while she walked aimlessly through the corridors. Her facial expression was perfectly calm, but her mind worked furiously to come to terms with what she had learned an hour ago.

She could not believe it, and this was a thoroughly new experience for her. She had been surprised before, she had denied uncomfortable truths before, but this time it was different. She knew it was a fact: Commander Tucker would leave the ship. This was his last night on ENTERPRISE.

Nonetheless, she didn't believe it for a second. It just couldn't be right. And she would not believe in the accuracy of this information until Trip had told her himself.

T'Pol woke up from her trance for an instant, checked where she was, and then turned sharply left at the next junction.

Apparently Trip had asked for the transfer. It was odd: he had refused the same offer twice before, the transfer did not result in a promotion, and transferring meant leaving all his friends behind! Why would he do that?

It was obvious he had other motives for this transfer than his career. Why would anyone leave the flag ship of the fleet if it didn't result in a promotion?

T'Pol suddenly stopped walking and stood still.

Was she the reason why Trip wanted to leave? Did he wish to get away from her?

The mere thought of this possibility made T'Pol tense up. She could literally do nothing but stand there for a minute; she was rigid. At last T'Pol regained her focus a little and attempted to relax her body, but she found it difficult to apply the new techniques she had learned recently. They proved to be very effective -- unless she thought about Trip, then they didn't seem to help at all.

T'Pol shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind, but no relieve came out of it. She realized how unfocused and how emotional she was, so as a last resort she closed her eyes and withdrew into meditation. She just escaped all sensations and emotions by going to a different place. She liked to think of it as her safe room.

It was bright white and completely silent. Here, her mind could rest. T'Pol breathed deeply and gave in to the cleansing effect of the atmosphere; the white light literally washed her conflict off her. When she opened her eyes again, she was calm.

T'Pol hesitated for one more moment, before she resumed walking into the direction of his quarters.

********

Trip stood alone in his semi-lit quarters, in front of the view screen. He watched the COLOMBIA. An impressive, beautiful starship hovered in front of him, and the sight suddenly made him realize what kind of decision he had made.

The feeling was odd. Parting from his friends troubled him greatly. He knew he would not be able to replace them in any sense of the word. They had lived together through so much that being around his colleagues felt like being part of a family. By transferring, he didn't just leave the ENTERPRISE behind, he left behind his home.

Yet the moment felt good. His gaze was directed at the future for the first time in so long that he physically enjoyed the feeling of anticipation, the uncertainty, and the challenge. He had missed this feeling.

He wouldn't make the same mistakes again. What he had learned was that if he wanted to do his job right, then he had to focus on the job, nothing else. He had invested too much energy into his social life and gotten too little in return. So he wound up neglecting his duty because of it, because of his lack of focus.

T'Pol would probably appreciate this reasoning, he thought and smiled at the COLOMBIA with mixed emotions.

He hadn't faced T'Pol yet. What good would it do? T'Pol had changed rapidly after her return from Vulcan. By now, it seemed as if he hardly knew the woman anymore. How could he? She wouldn't tell him anything! So why should he feel obligated to discuss his decisions with her?

Even if he went to her and said goodbye, what would it achieve? All she would do is look at him blankly and say that the Captain would probably miss him. Where was the dignity in going through that?

Trip looked at the COLOMBIA and tried to shift his thoughts from T'Pol back to the ship, but the doorbell interrupted him altogether.

»Come in.« he answered mechanically and turned slightly to see who entered the room.

It was T'Pol. He watched her cautiously for a moment, and then turned his face quickly back to the window. He realized that he wasn't prepared at all. He had no idea what to say.

»She's a thing of beauty.« Trip said at last, more to himself.

********

T'Pol walked away from his quarters and made it a point to keep her head up high, to walk with an air of calm stoicism. She was a Vulcan. Nothing could affect her.

The exchange had been nonsensical. Not everything in his life revolved around her, he had said. She couldn't understand how that would constitute useful information. Why had he said that? How was that supposed to answer her question? What other reason could there be for him leaving the ship? Of course it was because of her. Just the way he had treated her moments ago was a testament to the fact that he was emotionally involved. So why deny it?

T'Pol shook her head in disbelieve. He had outright denied it was because of her.

If there was a reason behind his words, then she could imagine only one: he had wanted to hurt her. His behavior was disappointing. They had served together for 3.6 years, they had known each other far more intimately than she had known any other Human or Vulcan before, yet he hadn't spoken with her before making this decision.

She had learned of his transfer from the Captain. Trip hadn't even told her personally! It was almost as if suddenly leaving the ship was a purely professional matter which didn't concern her at all. As if he wouldn't know that she had an interest in this decision! It was a cold gesture and she hadn't thought he could be that way.

Not everything in his life revolved around her. Fine, but that didn't have to mean that nothing revolved around her, that her opinion wasn't worth anything. She had taken every necessary step so that they would serve together, and now he just left? Didn't it concern him that his absence would disturb her routine?

********

T'Pol cautiously moved her fingertips over the contact points. She appreciated the Captain's unique experience, of course, but the truth was that she was in no condition for a mind meld. Captain Archer, however, had assured her that he would assist. Unfortunately, she had been too baffled to be amused when he suggested that. If Archer wanted to help her relax, how about denying Trip's request for transfer?

Ever since she spoke with Trip, she had been upset. Her fingers were numb from clasping together behind her back continuously for the last few hours. It had been a conscious effort for her to unlock them from behind her. Now her hands were numb and she couldn't feel anything when she touched Ensign Sato's face.

»Nothing's happening …« Hoshi said in a disinterested voice.

»T'Pol, try to relax your emotional suppression. Just a little.«

She wanted to snap at her Captain and ask him whether that advice came from him or from Surak, but she controlled herself. As if he had any idea what he was saying!

At last she remembered her safe room and retreated into it. It took only an instant and she was alone in the white light. Everybody was gone, and it was much better that way. T'Pol decided to bring Hoshi's mind here too. The meld would be easier to accomplish in these surroundings.

»I feel what you feel.« she spoke with closed eyes and lowered her mental barriers.

********

T'Pol walked through the ship's corridors with her hands clenched behind her back. She couldn't relax anymore; she needed the tension to stay upright. She was exhausted.

First the crew had lost their chief engineer, and now they had lost their chief medical officer on the same day. Everybody was under a lot of pressure because time worked against them, and that pressure showed.

Only now did she understand how important Commander Tucker had been for the social balance on the ship. He had a way of defusing difficult situations with his outspokenness and his humor. Commander Kelby's plain and professional mannerism stood in stark contrast to the man who held that position before him, and that made it all the more obvious what they had lost.

T'Pol herself hadn't dealt with it at all. She had been unprepared for this development. She realized now that she had subconsciously taken Trip's presence for granted. He had been a special part of her life ever since the day the ship had entered the Expanse; they had shared significant intimacy in the last 1,5 years.

Movie Night, the neuro-pressure sessions, the countless occasions on which they had spoken privately with each other -- didn't that count anything? He just left? If she were a human woman, she would feel demeaned. Of course, Vulcans didn't give in to those baser instincts.

She reached her quarters, entered, and headed straight to the spot where she usually sat for meditation. The prospect of spending a few hours in her safe room was very appealing now. Her mind needed to rest. She had to stop thinking about Trip. She had to stop thinking about this entire issue, actually. She had to focus on finding Doctor Phlox, and nothing else.

She lightened the meditation candles, sat down, and closed her eyes. To her surprise, she could enter her safe room instantly: she had no trouble focusing. T'Pol was momentarily puzzled. She seemed to enjoy being here. That wasn't supposed to happen.

But right now, she couldn't care less. All she needed was to rest.

********

Once her shift was over, T'Pol retreated into a remote section of the ship, near the outer hull. She needed to be alone to cope with the recent events.

When Lieutenant Reed had been arrested, another part of her world had come down. It was as if everything had stopped making sense ever since Trip left. They had found hard evidence that Malcolm Reed was a traitor, yet every bit of knowledge she had about the Human told her that this could not be right. If Trip had been here, things would have turned out different. She just knew it. He would have gotten through to Lieutenant Reed. Trip was good at that.

After marching around in circles for almost half an hour, T'Pol's pace slowed down. She had no more strength to walk much further. So when she arrived at the next view screen, she just stopped in front of it. She was so exhausted; she actually leaned on the handrail and angled forward.

T'Pol noticed that her breathing was quicker than usual. Her heart beat too fast as well. Combined with the occasional dizziness she had all symptoms of a fever. To confirm her suspicion, she reached for her brow and found it damp with sweat.

She no longer dared to enter her safe room. Whatever had happened in there was not what she needed right now. She needed a resemblance of control over the events of her life, and the safe room had stopped giving her that. Trip had appeared in there.

At first she thought she had imagined it, but then she found out that Hoshi had the exact same experience. The chances of them imagining the same thing by coincidence were non-existent, so the events must have been real -- Trip really had been in her mind.

T'Pol watched the stars pass by for a moment, and then she sunk forward and rested her brow against the window that separated her from the void of space. The cold surface felt good on her skin. She remained like this, and rested. For a long time she just looked at the stars.

Never before had she known such a powerful sensation of loss. When Trip had left, she hadn't just lost a trusted colleague … it felt more like her balance had been pulled from under her feet. She could not fathom why he had left. Was it something she had done? What could she have done to deserve being left behind like this?

She knew that she had no right to blame him, but she couldn't accept his decision either. Why hadn't he said anything? If something was troubling him, then why did he keep it from her? She would have done anything in her power to set things right. She knew she would have, but he hadn't even given her that chance. He had just left.

His world no longer revolved around her. She understood it now. It meant that she had lost him -- it meant goodbye.

T'Pol fought furiously to hold her emotional reaction at bay, but found she had to release her frustration. She pulled her head back and banged her brow against the window. She did it two more times before she could calm down. Then exhaustion took over and she closed her eyes and leaned against the cool surface for support again.

With dread she realized how volatile she was. It was another symptom, and slowly it all began to add up: The fever, the unrest, the constant thoughts of him, and the telepathic connection -- she had all the symptoms.

T'Pol's eyes sprung open when she understood her situation. Without knowing, she shifted her position so that she looked straight at a distinct point in the void. By instinct she knew that this was the right direction; this was the direct path to where he was.

Slowly she brought her right hand up to the window, next to her face. Her fingertips touched the cold surface carefully. She closed her eyes and in her mind she could reach past the barrier, through all space, right to him. Her fingers caressed the glass tenderly while her mind gave in to the sensations, to the smell, to the damp warmth she felt in his presence.

»Kelby to Commander T'Pol.«

T'Pol snapped out of it and reached for the button to activate the comm link right next to the window.

»T'Pol here.«

»Commander, we have a serious problem with the antimatter regulators. I would appreciate it if you could come down to Engineering and have a look at the computer system, because we can't make heads or tails of it.«

»I am on my way. T'Pol out.«

She flicked the switch to deactivate the comm unit, breathed deeply, but hesitated for one more moment. Before she left, she leaned against the window once more. She looked longingly into the void, looked at the spot where she knew he was. She closed her eyes and drew her fingers over the glass in an affectionate gesture. Then she whispered »I am scared.« into his direction.

********

»Commander Tucker, is everything all right?«

Trip blinked, then turned around and looked at the young Ensign with surprise clearly showing on his face.

»Nothing. I was just … um, I was just looking out of the window for a moment.«

THE END

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Seven people have made comments

*sniffle* Wow. Just... wow.

Powerful stuff, please write more! I would love to see where you go from here and that was so beautifully put together in a nice subtle way. T'Pol staring out into space in the direction of Trip, her compass. Sigh. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Excellent writing Peter! Looking forward to your update.

Excellent, as always. Wow, I hope you continue, that was great! :)

Nicely written...I am always imagining what goes on between the few minutes of scenes we get. You put it together beautifully. Really enjoyed it. Keep on writing.....

One more "WOW" to add to the others. That was beautiful--staring out the window--leaning on the glass. SIGH . . .

That was an excellent story, Peter. You wrote T'Pol's thoughts beautifully. I would love to read a part 2 to this, in the Divergence and Bound timeframe. This was so well done. I hope you update. Great job!