Last Steps

Last Steps

by Quills

WARNING: SPOILERS for "Similtude"
Rating: PG, angst
Summary: Response to the Challenge to write a PRE-Episode ficlet. This one is PRE-"Similtude."

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I stood at the view port starin' out at the shiftin' sea of space. The iridescent colors the anomalies were given off were kinda beautiful...in a morbid sort of way. They flitted and danced around Enterprise, which was trapped like a fly in amber, unable to escape this zone of space. Taking a deep breath, I let out a sigh.

"I don't want to die."

Two weeks ago the Enterprise's Chief Engineer, Charles 'Trip' Tucker III, had been conductin' tests on the warp drive to create a more efficient use of the ship's plasma injectors during her voyage through 'the Expanse'. It was during the test, that an accident happened... openin' a fissure in the region of space around Enterprise...trapping the ship in a kind anomalous 'Sargasso Sea'.

With extensive damage to the main reactor core, Enterprise was to all rights 'dead in space' unless her Chief Engineer could find a solution to the damaged engines. Unfortunately, Charles Tucker III had been the only crewmember to receive injuries during the test's accident...you'd think a man who makes Chief Engineer aboard a starship would know how to be a bit more careful...but he wasn't and his injuries were actually mortal. He had extensive damage to an area of his brain that couldn't be repaired. He lay in sickbay with no hope of recovery...almost no hope.

The ship's medical officer, Doctor Phlox, had a radical idea that might save the engineer and in turn allow him to save the crew, but there was a catch. Someone would have to sacrifice their life for it to work. Not a member of the crew of course. It would be unthinkable to kill a perfectly healthy person in order to conduct an experiment that MIGHT save a terminally ill one. No, Phlox had come up with a way to create and harvest the neural tissue replacement Tucker desperately needed if he were to live. He would create what he called a "mimetic simbiot"; fancy word for a clone. If he was successful he would create an exact duplicate of Tucker with an accelerated growth rate that would allow the doctor to harvest the tissue he needed once the clone and Tucker were the same age. That's kinda how I came into this world; as somebody’s Frankenstein experiment.

It wasn't so bad in the beginning. Well...not the very beginning. For the first few hours I wasn't much more than a couple uh cells, but then I started to take form in the Doc's glorified petri dish and by the second day I was a healthy baby boy. I'll bet the Doc was a proud 'papa' too. Over the next several days I continued to grow and I started developing memories...memories from Tucker. This was a surprise to everyone and it started complicatin' matters. I wasn't just some experiment. I was a livin breathin' person. They started callin me 'Charles'. I guess they couldn't face the fact that I was the same Trip Tucker that was lyin in sickbay.

I got on well enough with everyone...once they got over me being an exact duplicate of their friend. The Cap'n was real nice to me during my 'childhood' as it were. We really struck up a friendship that I can't even put into words. I guess he was kinda my surrogate father if I have to say somethin' . I spent some time with Hoshi and Travis and Malcolm, but not much. Enterprise was still in trouble and until Tucker was cured I was the closest thing they had to a Chief Engineer. Cap'n wasn't so keen on me workin alone so he assigned T'Pol to assist me...but I really think he meant I would be assistin' her.

T'Pol...she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. In fact she was the first woman I had ever seen. I'm told she held me when I was a baby, though I don't have any memory of that. We worked a lot together for the last week and a half. From the start I was taken by her. I think I woulda been even if I had known other women. The older I got, the more my feelins for her started to develop. It was almost like they were growing along with my body. A few days ago I even tried askin her ta movie night. I made a damn fool of myself. Course she was polite about it. Told me our time would be better suited workin on a solution for repairin' Enterprise. Still, I woulda liked to take her to movie night.

Now here I am, two weeks old and I don't look a day over thirty two. This is the big day for me. The day everyone has been waitin for. I feel like a turkey that's been fattened up for Thanksgivin'.

"I don't want to die."

"No one wishes for you to die, Charles."

I spin around as the sound of her voice scares the crap out of me. Catching my breath I look at her like a schoolboy. Even now, when death is knockin' at my door, I still get flustered when she's in my presence.

"I thought I was alone," I tell her.

"I am sorry if I startled you," she tells me with her usual Vulcan politeness. That's kinda funny...Vulcan politeness...it's a combination of silky words of etiquette and your momma scoldin' ya for stayin' out too late.

"It's ok," I tell her. Actually its more than ok. I wanted to see her.

"What ya doin here?" I ask her. Even now I can't keep my words straight with her. I wonder how 'he' ever managed.

"I came to see how you were."

"Oh, I'm peachy."

She gives me one of those looks. The kind I guess all Vulcans give people when they use words they can't put a finger on. I laugh in spite of myself and tell her I'm fine. Its a lie and I know she doesn't believe it, but I don't give her a chance to push the matter.

"I just wanted to take a walk around the ship one more time...see the stars," I tell her tryin to put on a brave face. I'm sure 'he' would have no trouble bein brave, but in the end I can't hold it in and I lose it right in front of 'er. "Oh dammit...its not fair T'Pol. I got as much right to live as he does. We're the same person! Why can't I live?"

I turn to look at her, hoping she'll say some encouraging Vulcan wisdom, but for the first time there is a sadness to her normally expressionless features. She tries to speak, but the words don't seem to come out.

"I-I...I'm sorry Charles. There is nothing I can say...."

"I know...there’s nothin anybody can say," I tell her. I'm gettin' angry now. I know its not her fault. I know everyone was doin this for the best of reasons, but dammit I'm still angry and I let it all come out.

"You people made me in your lab. You grew me to serve your purpose and now that I'm ready for ya...Its time to sacrifice ma life? I didn't ask to be created and I damn well didn't ask to be killed!"

I'm gettin riled and I shouldn't. I'm just so frustrated and angry...and afraid. That's really what it boils down to...I'm afraid. I try to apologize to her.

"I-Im sorry T'Pol. Your the last person I would ever want to be angry with." She gives me another one of those Vulcan looks, but this time I don't smile. "Don't you know by now T'Pol?"

She doesn't answer me. She just stands there quietly. And then it dawns on me that she does know. Maybe she's known even before I knew. I'm not thinkin' straight and I know I shouldn’t but I just say it.

"I'm in love with you T'Pol."

She doesn't say a word. She doesn't even move. I've just proclaimed my love for her and probably made an ass of myself in the bargain and she still manages to keep her resolve. She studies me for a moment as her Vulcan mind is no doubt coming up with a suitable response. I don't think I could bare it and I tell her as much.

"Ya don't have ta say anything, T'Pol, I know. None of this has been easy on any of you. All ya wanted was ta save your friend. You didn't know that you'd have to sacrifice someone else ta do it...someone who reminded ya of him so much ya had ta call him by a name he never used. Ya tried so damn hard to set me apart from him...like I was another person cause ya couldn't stand lookin' at me knowin' he was dyin'. Now yer all tellin me I'm goin to go back to him. I'll be a part of him again. I guess that makes ya'll feel better inside, but I'm not him. I thought I was, but I'm not. I have his memories, his feelins but I'm just a shadow of him."

I stop...looking at her silently as I try to regain what little dignity I still have.

"I meant what I said," I told her. "I don't want to die...I may be a clone but I'm not stupid."

"I know Charles," she tells me.

"Can I ask you for somethin?"

She looks at me and nods gently. "Yes"

"Would ya kiss me?" I ask her.

She looks at me and I can tell she isn't sure what to say. "I know ya
don't have any feelins for me, but I..."

I can't finish the words. The tears are fighting their way to the surface. I want to turn away but before I can, she leans close and kisses me. Now I've never been kissed before. I have memories of bein kissed...his memories, but I've never actually been kissed. The press of her soft lips against mine as her hand rests on my chest was threatenin' to overwhelm me. I placed my hands on her arms, pullin her close as I returned the kiss. It was the most incredible thing I had ever felt or would ever feel and I wanted it to go on forever.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity but was still not long enough, we broke the kiss. She stepped back, almost in retreat. Her cheeks were flushed with a tinge of green and her breath was haggard and rough. As for me, I had just kissed an angel, even if she did have the devil's ears.

"Thank you," I said swallowing hard. Before she could respond I spoke again. "I guess I should be goin. Phlox is probably waitin for me and he can't start without me now can he."

"No," she said in an almost choked tone.

I took a deep breath and let it out as I put on my best false smile. "Well, maybe things won't be so bad and he'll have my memories like I have his."

She looked at me and I knew she didn't believe that, but to her credit she didn't try to correct whatever fool notion was in my head.

"That is a possibility," she told me.

"Well...I'm gonna go," I say adding an after thought . "Try to remember me when you look at him."

I expect her to say something reassuring or to help me cope, but what she does I wasn't expecting and it almost makes me jump. Reaching out, she touches her hand to my face and gently glides her fingers down the side. "I will not forget you Charles."

I look down in embarrassment. I'm about ta die and I'm embarrassed. If that doesn't take the cake! I look back up at her and decide to ask for one more favor. "I'm gonna go to sickbay now, T'Pol....would you...would you walk with me there....I'm...I'm don't want to make it alone."

She swallowed hard and shook her head. "Of course...I will stay with you as long as you wish me to."

"Thank you." I tell her as she takes my hand and holds it as I take my last steps.

The End

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Three people have made comments

That was very good. I bet thats whats going to happen in the episode. Everyone's saying its either T'Pol's dream or Trips, but I don't think so. Good job:):):)

Dammit Quills!!! You've got me all misty eyed!!

I hope the episode plays out half as well as this story did!!

Well, crikey. If it goes anything like that in the episode, I'll be sobbing like a little girl. Dammit. (which translates to "That was a fantastic vignette!")