Building the Future

Building the Future

By Rocket Girl

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. Too bad. Wish they would take care of what's theirs.
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: This occurs right after Terra Prime as Trip and T'Pol try to come to terms with Elizabeth's death. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of the petaQ that was aired after that.

A/N: This is my first fan fiction, so please be gentle. In fact, this is the first thing I have ever written that wasn't for school, work, or unavoidable correspondence. I do not have a beta since I did not want to have my friends find out that I am a hopeless T/T addict. Hopefully, the story all makes sense. I am an engineer, which according to those B@$%@*#s B&B makes me incapable of using the English language.

The Service

Archer looked around at the gathering and marveled at the diversity. His crew was here (with Lt. Reed looking very twitchy as if he wanted to make one last check of the security arrangements) along with Trip’s family, Ambassador Soval and all the delegates from the conference. It was amazing, really, that one small child could have such a profound effect on everyone’s perception of what the future should hold. He glanced at Trip and T’Pol sitting silently and unmoving next to each other, but so very separate. He could feel the crushing sorrow emanating from them. He realized that he should get started so that those two could retreat to their private grief before one of them cracked. It was hard to tell which one of them was more devastated. He stepped before the crowd and began speaking.

“It is with great sadness that we are here today. We have come to mourn the loss of Elizabeth Tucker. While we only knew her for a short time, she quickly became a part of our family. The people who created her wanted to use her to divide humanity and alienate us from our planetary neighbors. Instead she has become a symbol of how different species can find a common ground.”

“Her parents, Commander Tucker and Commander T’Pol exemplify the Vulcan ideal of Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. In the beginning, when Trip and T’Pol first met, they were unable to see past their differences. Often the two of them could be found arguing endlessly over every single detail. Many of the crew fully expected to walk onto the bridge one day to find them engaged in a fistfight.

But over the course of time, they developed a deep respect for each other and remarkably became friends. Of course, if things had worked out differently, I am quite certain that we would have found Elizabeth’s parents arguing heatedly over every aspect of parenting.” He paused for a moment to look at Trip and was pleased to see the slightest glimmer of a smile break through his grief.

“However, this story was not to have a happy ending. Sadly, Elizabeth paid the ultimate price for other people’s evil. Fortunately, she was able to spend her last hours with her parents, in their loving embrace. Now we are left with our sorrow at losing such a precious jewel and our joy at having been touched by her beauty even if only for a very short time.” With that, Archer nodded and stepped aside.

Trip Talks to His Parents

After what seemed like an eternity, Trip was ready to escape from the service. He hadn’t realized how hard it would be to stand and accept condolences from everyone. He and Soval had wordlessly taken up protective positions at each side of T’Pol. He glanced again at T’Pol. It was obvious that she was near breaking. No expression had crossed her face, but he could see the subtle signs of distress on her face and feel the turmoil of her emotions through their bond. She needed to leave and return to her quarters to meditate. Trip caught Soval’s eye and nodded slightly. Soval interpreted that signal to escort T’Pol from the room. Trip wanted to go with her, but after looking at his parents, realized that they were hoping to speak to him.

After T’Pol and Soval left the room, Trip glanced at his parents to let them know he was ready to leave. They nodded slightly in acknowledgment. Trip quickly left the room with his parents close behind. He hurried toward his quarters, hoping to avoid anyone that might be happening along in the corridors. He didn’t think he could take any more sympathy. After what seemed like much too far a distance, he finally reached the safety of his quarters. His parents slipped in quietly behind him. He sat down on the bed and leaned back, breathing raggedly, trying to hold onto the last measure of control. His mom sat down beside him and took his hand. She sat quietly for a while, waiting for him to talk, knowing he would eventually.

Finally he said, “It just hurts so much, mom.”

“I know honey,” she replied. “I wish I could tell you that you will get over it someday, but I can’t. At first, after Lizzie died, it was so hard to go on. It was like we stopped living for a while. We were so afraid for you, going off into the expanse, worried that you wouldn’t ever come back. I didn’t ever think we would see happiness again, but slowly over time, it does get better. It will never be like it was and there will always be a hole where Lizzie is supposed to be. It will get better for you someday too.”

Trip sighed heavily, “It’s just that I could see a whole future ahead of us. T’pol and I together with the baby, and now, I just don’t know. I imagined her first steps, graduations, her wedding. A whole future and now there is nothing. We only had such a small amount of time with her.”

"I am so sorry Trip. You didn't deserve any of this. Those Terra Prime people didn't care who they hurt. T'Pol must be very hurt by this as well. I know how private Vulcans are. I noticed that she didn't have any family here." She hoped that mentioning T'Pol would encourage Trip to talk about her. She was dying of curiosity about their relationship.

Trip's only response was, "Ambassador Soval will tend to her."

His mom sighed. It was going to be harder than she thought prying information out of him.

She decided to give up on that for a minute and talk about something else. "We were very honored that you named the baby after Lizzie.

"Actually, it was T'Pol's idea." Trip saw the surprised look come over his mother's face.

An unexpected opening, she thought. "So, what exactly is your relationship with T'Pol? Should we expect a wedding someday? I can see that you love her."

"I don’t know mom. Our relationship has always been difficult. It seems like every time we start to work things out, something happens to ruin it all. Things had started kind of rocky, but it seemed like we were really starting to understand each other. Then, wham, she had to marry some other guy while I watched. That was one of the worst experiences of my life. Then after her mom died, Koss released her from their marriage and I thought, maybe, we could move forward, but no, she had to go and dump me. Now after months apart, we finally began making progress again and now this. This is worse than everything that has come before."

Now that he had started talking, the words were just gushing out of him. "Our being together is hard for her, being Vulcan. Their society is very orderly. Marriages are arranged when they are children. There was little precedent for her to follow when she stepped off the accepted path. So sometimes it seems like we are getting closer and then suddenly she will back off again. I’ve used huge stores of patience to keep from pushing her for more; afraid that would drive her away for good. I am terrified this will be the final thing that drives her away."

He paused for a breath, "And, well, there is something different this time. We have formed a telepathic bond. This is something that happens between Vulcans who have intimate relationships." He waited a beat to let his parents absorb the magnitude of his confession. "It’s kind of like being married in a Vulcan way. I can sometimes share images, thoughts and feelings with her. It's really weird sharing a daydream with someone else. The bond is a lot stronger for her, though. She can hear a lot more of my thoughts. I often only have a vague feeling of her presence. T'Pol tells me that the bond will grow stronger over the course of time."

"At first, I thought this bond thing was going to be great, but it has turned to be much harder than I thought. It is difficult realizing that someone can hear thoughts that you would rather keep hidden. And if I thought that being telepathically bonded with a woman would make it easier to understand her, then I was sadly mistaken. She's just as confusing now as she was before we were bonded."

His mother looked at him seriously for a few moments and then said, "Don't let this drive a wedge between you. It would be too easy to let yourselves drift apart while you are each locked in your own misery."

Trip sighed, "After her mom died, she didn't want my help at all. She really didn't even want to be friends with me any more. I am not sure I want to go through this again."

"But, Trip, this time is different. You share the same grief this time. It is the hardest thing a parent will ever face. You should talk to her as soon as possible."

They all sat quietly for a while, before his mom said, "You haven't eaten anything for hours. I will go get us all some food from the mess hall, so that you do not have to go out and face everyone." With that she went out of the room leaving the two men alone.

After several seconds of silence, Trip’s dad sat down on the bunk a decent distance away from Trip. Both men stared straight ahead, not looking at each other. Both looked like they wanted to say something, but neither knew where to start. After several more seconds of silence, Trip let a breath and said, “Thanks for coming, dad. I couldn’t have gotten through this alone. I am sorry that I wasn’t there for you when Lizzie died.”

“Now, son, you know we will always be here when you need us. We knew you would have been with us if possible after Lizzie died. We understood that you needed to remain on Enterprise. I always figured it was harder for you coping with Lizzie’s death, since you were out there all alone. At least we had all the rest of our family there for us.”

“Yeah, dad, it was pretty bad. I nearly self-destructed. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. All I wanted to do was find the Xindi and kill as many of them as possible. And Jon was too busy trying to save Earth that he didn’t have time to save me. It was T’Pol who got me through it. We had been grudging friends before, but after that we became genuine friends. She had her own troubles in the expanse. We helped each other and eventually became very close.”

“Then we went to Vulcan together. I was in heaven. She didn’t ever say it this way, but I was going to meet her mom. I was hoping if I made a good impression that maybe she would see that we could have a real future together. But she got married and that ended that. Ironically enough, her mom really seemed to like me by the time the wedding happened. I really thought after her mom died that maybe we had a chance again, but she pushed me away. Now I am not sure exactly where I stand. These last few weeks, we have kind of gotten back together again. But even with this bond, I still don’t really know what she feels, what she can feel. Did mom ever torture you like this before you were married?”

His dad laughed. “Relationships with human women are never easy. I can’t imagine you will ever have an easy time with T’Pol. The fact that she is Vulcan will make it all the harder. You know that she probably finds you just as incomprehensible.”

"I'm sure dad. I can always tell when I am confusing her." He laughed. “Thanks dad. I feel a little better now.”

They sat comfortably for a while before the elder Tucker decided to change the subject to sports to help liven up the mood. When Trip’s mom returned, the two men were enthusiastically discussing baseball. She let out a small sigh. While it was nice to see them talking and happy, she had hoped that they would talk about their feelings some. She supposed that was too much to hope for.

Both men had looked up when she entered and gave her identical slight grins. She was struck by how much alike they looked and how much she loved them both. She really hoped that Trip could find some happiness soon. She wished that she could have some time to talk to T’Pol and assess her. Until she had a chance to see for herself that Trip had some chance of happiness with T’Pol, she would worry about him. But she knew this was not the time and she didn’t see any opportunity in the near future.

She set up the food on the desk and encouraged her boys to come eat. During dinner they kept the conversation light, mostly discussing news of friends and family from home. By the time dinner was over, it was quite late. Trip looked visibly exhausted. Not surprisingly, he hadn’t been sleeping well.

His mom looked at him and said, “Trip, honey, you should get some sleep. Quarters have been arranged for onboard tonight. We will meet you for breakfast in the morning before we leave for home.” With that his parents exited, leaving him to his very empty, quiet quarters.

He flopped back onto his bed hoping that he was tired enough to finally sleep. After several hours of tossing and turning, it became apparent that sleep was not a possibility for tonight. His mind was churning, refusing to give him any peace. Jon had ordered him to take three days off. What was he supposed to do for three days to keep himself from going crazy? He would much rather work to keep his mind off of things. Jon knew that. What did Jon think could be gained from having him prowling around with nothing to do?

He rolled over again and punched his pillow a few times. He kept thinking about T’Pol, wondering if they still had a chance at a future together. He wanted to go to her, but was worried about being rejected again. Perhaps she couldn’t sleep and was hoping he would show up. Probably not, he thought. She is undoubtedly sleeping peacefully. Vulcans did not experience insomnia. Hopefully she would come to talk to him when she was ready.

He lay on his bunk wishing she would come to him.

Soval Grieves with T’Pol

Soval escorted T'Pol to her quarters in silence. When she entered her quarters, he followed her without invitation. She raised her eyebrow at that unusual action.

"Is there something I can do for you Ambassador?" She was in hurry to for him to leave. She could feel cracks in her emotional control and did not wish him to witness any emotional lapse on her part.

"I grieve with thee T'Pol. It is customary in situations such as these to receive support from your family. I offer to stand in their place for you. It would be agreeable if you would allow me to participate in the Vulcan mourning rituals with you."

T'Pol hesitated. To refuse would be illogical and show the depths of her deviation from 'normal' Vulcan behavior. "That would be acceptable, Ambassador."

Soval nodded slightly and entered farther into the room. "Perhaps we should begin with meditation to purge the remnants of the human emotions displayed at the service. To do otherwise would likely disrupt our exercises."

T'Pol recognized his offer for what it was. He was offering her the chance to regain control without calling undo attention to her obvious emotional state. "That would be most logical, Ambassador."

After two hours of meditation, the Vulcans were ready to begin the more complicated rituals. The whole process involved several exercises of varying lengths. Almost all of them were done in silence.

Several hours later, T'Pol was relieved to feel much of her calmness and stability returned. Feelings of grief were undoubtedly some of the hardest to suppress. Vulcan society had acknowledged this and responded by developing these very detailed exercises.
Soval stated, "Perhaps Commander Tucker would also benefit from some of these exercises. I could sense very strong emotions coming from him. I believe humans have a very strong need to share their grief.

"I am aware of Commander Tucker's grieving process. I was present when he learned that his sister had died in the Xindi attack. At that time, he did not wish to share his feelings with anyone. I do not expect that his position will be any different this time."

"But that time he did not have anyone who shared his loss. This time he does. It is logical to assume that he will seek you out." He paused briefly. "If is agreeable, I will contact you in few days to see if you require anything."

"That would be acceptable."

With that Soval took his leave.

After Soval left, T'Pol sat in quiet contemplation for many minutes. She did not believe that she was ready to speak to Trip yet. It was likely that his chaotic feelings would disrupt the calmness she had strived so hard to achieve. Plus, she was certain that Trip had spent time with his parents after the service. Perhaps he had gotten everything he needed from them.

She turned her thoughts to Trip's parents and her impressions of them. After many years of knowing Trip, she had formed an opinion of what they would be like. With just the brief time she spoken to them at the service, it was impossible to tell if they were anything like her preconceptions.

Likewise she had been unable to determine from their behavior if they were aware of her relationship with Trip. His behavior was sufficiently unpredictable that she was unable to decide if he would have told his parents about her or not. His parents had been polite to her, but not overly friendly.

She wished she had a chance to speak to them under less stressful circumstances. She was illogically curious about them. Her mother had certainly been very disapproving, in a Vulcan way, of her relationship with Trip. What would his parents think? Would his parents share the xenophobia that had erupted on Earth? Their expressions had been mostly dominated by grief, but she had seen faint traces of something else, curiosity perhaps. As humans, it would be logical for them to be curious about her even if they were not aware of her relationship with Trip.

She sighed slightly. There was no point in continuing her thoughts. She turned her attention to what she planned to do for the next three days. The captain had ordered her to take "bereavement leave." It was not logical. Her time would be best served by tending to her duties. There was nothing to be gained by being idle.

Trip and Soval

After a night of very fitful sleep, Trip got up, took a shower, dressed in civilian clothes and sat down to wait for his parents. Finally, after an eternity, the chime announced their arrival. He stood to let them in. His Dad stepped in and said, “Morning son.”

His mom looked at him searchingly. She could see the signs of his sleepless night. She asked, “Trip, honey, are you OK?”

“Yeah, Mom, but it is going to take some time.”

“Well, let’s go get some breakfast. Are you up to talking to people, or would you like me to deflect them?”

“I have to talk to them sooner or later, so I may as well start now.”

With that, they entered the corridor and made their way to the mess hall. The crew they met along the way nodded respectfully, but remained silent. Trip, however, could see the sympathy and worry on their faces. His heart tightened with each passing step. When they entered the mess hall, the volume suddenly dropped. Trip knew that everyone was feeling uncomfortable in his presence. Too many could imagine how they would feel if this had happened to them.

Trip looked around briefly hoping to see T’Pol, but his shoulders drooped in disappointment when he didn’t see her.

During breakfast, the three of them struggled to find inconsequential topics to discuss. Trip was tired enough that conversation did not come easily. After breakfast Trip escorted his parents to the launch bay. He was sad to see them leave, but at the same time was looking forward to being able to drop the pretense of being okay.

At the launch bay he saw Captain Archer talking to Ambassador Soval. He hadn’t known that Soval was staying onboard for the night. He experienced a slight twinge of jealousy. Soval had probably spent some time with T’Pol. He wished T'Pol had spent time with him, not Soval.

After his parents got into the shuttle, Trip looked at Soval and nodded respectfully, preparing to return to his quarters.

Soval said, "May I speak with you, Commander?" Soval looked at Archer briefly to indicate that he wished to have a private word with the commander.

Archer looked slightly put-out at being dismissed, but then said, "Very well, good journey Ambassador." Archer turned and proceeded to the bridge.

Trip and Soval stepped a short distance away from the shuttle. Soval spoke first, "I am very sorry for your loss, Commander. There is nothing more distressing than losing a child." He paused momentarily. "A Vulcan would not normally speak of this, but ... T'Pol has been affected by this deeply. Under other circumstances her family would offer support, but that is not possible in this case. Perhaps you will both find it beneficial to comfort each other. You should be able to access information on Vulcan mourning rituals in the Vulcan database."

Trip was shocked speechless. The last time the two had met, Soval had been unexpectedly friendly, but this was just beyond his imagining. He supposed that Soval had also heard the rumors of his involvement with T'Pol. He would have thought that Soval would have led the crusade to have him lynched. Instead, Soval seemed to be encouraging him. Wonders would never cease.

After Trip overcame his surprise, he suddenly blurted out something that had been on his mind for a while. "Do Vulcans bond telepathically with their children too? I mean, is that how T'Pol knew the baby absolutely was ours as soon as Phlox told us?"

Soval allowed only a slightly raised eyebrow to indicate his surprise at what Commander Tucker had just unknowingly admitted. From his comment, Soval deduced that Commander Tucker was aware of the telepathic bonding of mates. This was not something that was spoken of outside of Vulcan society. The only way the commander could have known about the bonding was if T'Pol had told him. The only logical reason that T'Pol would have told him was if they were bonded. This confirmed his suspicions and the rumors of their relationship. He briefly wished T'Pol had chosen a Vulcan mate, but what was done could not be undone. At least he had come to respect the commander.

al replied, "Yes Commander, Vulcans telepathically bond with both their mates and their children."

Now it was Trip's turn to look slightly aghast as he realized what he had accidentally revealed. Trip scrambled to come up with a suitable reply and finally settled for, "Thank you, Ambassador. I will be sure to look in the Vulcan database." He hoped this reply would be enough to scoot Soval on his way. It was one thing to admit to his parents that he had slept with T'Pol, it was quite another to have told Soval. He just wanted to hide under a rock.

Soval took the hint and raised his hand in the Vulcan way and said, "Live long and prosper, Commander."

Trip replied with the same gesture and said, "Peace and long life, Ambassador."

After that, Soval moved swiftly to enter the shuttlecraft.

Trip wandered back to his quarters thinking about how to occupy his day. A look at the Vulcan database would be a good start.

Malcolm and Archer

After leaving Soval at the launch bay, Captain Archer proceeded to the bridge to assume his duty shift. As he stepped off the turbo lift on the bridge, he looked to Lt. Reed and said, “Lieutenant, will come to my ready room?”

Lt. Reed immediately moved to follow Archer to the ready room.

Captain Archer sat at his desk and began speaking. “So, Lieutenant, what is your progress on the bio sample security vault?” Captain Archer had asked Malcolm to design a secure facility to store samples of the crew's genetic material. It had been become prudent to store some of each crewman's genetic material in the event that a sample was needed.

“Well, sir, I have designed a locking mechanism and container made out of the strongest materials available. Certainly no tool on Enterprise will be able to cut through. The locking mechanism will receive power from the ship, but in the event of a power loss, the system will rely on an internal power source. In the unlikely event that power is lost for some reason and internal power does not activate, the locking mechanism will remain engaged.”

“The lock itself requires the correct access code as well as a retinal scan to disengage. Only you, Dr. Phlox, Commander Tucker, Commander T’Pol and I will have access to the system. The access software will be encrypted with the most stringent protocols normally available plus extra protocols that I have designed. I will have Commander T’Pol look at the encryption algorithm to ensure that it is unbreakable. I intend to create a false panel front to the device to so that it looks like just another piece of sickbay equipment. I will need to have Commander Tucker’s assistance to build the device.”

“At your request, I have told no one about this project. Only those of us with access will have any knowledge of the system. I have encrypted all of the files containing any mention of this project. I will have Dr. Phlox and Commander Tucker ‘invent’ a maintenance issue in sickbay to explain Commander Tucker’s presence.”

“Good work, Malcolm. I have given Trip and T’Pol each three days leave. When they return to duty you can get their assistance. I want to make sure that something like this never happens again. I can’t stand to see my friends hurt like this.”

Archer sighed and asked, “Have you seen Trip this morning?”

“No sir.”

“I saw him briefly at the launch bay seeing his parents off. He didn’t look too well. I remember what he was like after his sister died. We need to keep an eye on him to make sure that things do not get that bad again.”

“Definitely not, sir. I didn’t think he would ever recover from that. If it hadn’t been for Commander T’Pol, I do not know what would have happened to him.” Malcolm came to abrupt halt, hoping that wasn’t giving anything away. He wasn’t sure what the Captain knew about Trip and T’Pol’s relationship.

Archer replied, “I do not know what the status of their relationship is. I do not know if we can rely on her to do anything this time. I believe that she is quite unsettled by this. I know when things get difficult for her she retreats into her super Vulcan mode. By the way, have you seen her today, either? I saw Ambassador Soval off, but she did not.”

“No sir. I did not see her in the mess hall this morning.”

Archer made a slight hmmm noise. “I do not know how to determine if she is okay. It is not like you can ask her outright. I just hope they recover from this.” With that Archer stood up and motioned that he was ready to return to the bridge.

Trip's First Day Off

Trip returned to his quarters and flopped down on his bunk thinking about all that had been said and done over the last few days. After about 30 minutes of contemplating, Trip decided to access the Vulcan database. Three hours later he switched his monitor off. His eyes were tired and his head was spinning. Who would have thought that the Vulcans would have such thorough grieving rituals? Grief was an emotion, right? A guy would think that the Vulcans would just pretend that grief didn't exist. That's what they did for other emotions. After reading all the details, Trip was not even sure he could do any of the rituals. From the looks of it, he would have to exert all his mental control to keep his emotions in check to keep from disrupting the rituals. He just didn't think he had the mental strength to tackle that right now. Maybe by tomorrow he would be ready. In the meantime, he still had the issue of what to do with the rest of his day.

Just as he was thinking that, his comm beeped. It was Malcolm asking, "Commander Tucker, have you had lunch yet?"

Trip's mind raced. He really didn't feel like eating or feel like company. He was struggling to find an excuse when Malcolm's voice sounded again. "Commander, I know you haven't eaten lunch yet. I can bring you something in your quarters if you would like. But I am not going to let you run yourself down by skipping meals. You can either join me in the mess hall, or I will bring you something in your quarters."

Trip realized from Malcolm's tone that he had no hope of getting out of lunch. "OK, Malcolm, I would prefer to eat in my quarters. I'll take whatever sandwich looks good today." If Trip was lucky, Malcolm might just deliver the meal and leave. Maybe if he were standing right in the doorway, Malcolm would get the message.

When the door chimed, Trip stood to open the door thus blocking Malcolm's easy access to the room. When the door opened, Malcolm was standing there with two trays in his hands. When he saw Trip in the doorway, a calculating look came over his face. He knew exactly what Trip was trying to do.

Trip saw the two trays and the look on Malcolm's face and knew that Malcolm had figured him out. He decided to give in gracefully and stepped aside to let his friend in. Malcolm, for his part, realized that Trip probably did not want to talk about any of the recent painful events. He entered the room silently and set the food trays on the desk.

As the two men began eating, Malcolm launched into his carefully pre-planned conversation. First he gave a quick run-down of current ship's status. He knew that Trip probably wasn't too happy not being on duty. When times are tough, it is always preferable to have duty to distract you from your troubling thoughts.

After discussing ship business for a while, Malcolm started into two funny crew stories. The first story involved Crewman Walters, who unfortunately, was well known as being somewhat clumsy.

"Walters had been transporting a large container of liquid lubricant down the corridor near the mess hall. He had a rather abrupt meeting with Chef who was moving a selection of fruits and vegetables from recently delivered from Earth to the mess hall. Well, normally, you have to pry the lid off the lubricant barrel with a crow bar, but well, the lid just popped right off liberally coating both him and chef and the veggies in lubricant. This created a huge slippery mess in the corridor. Before either one could react, a group of MACOs out for a jog came around the corner and stumbled into the mix. By the time I got to the scene, there was one huge mess of oily residue, crushed veggies, an irate chef and several very unhappy MACOs. I was trying so hard not to laugh, but it was just impossible. That earned me quite a glare from the commanding MACO. I will probably pay for my laughter at the next sparring session."

The second crew story involved Ensign Mayweather who had conspired with Ensign Peters, the second shift communications officer, to play a practical joke on Ensign Sato. They had painstakingly invented a new "language" to have Hoshi try to figure out. They had apparently done quite a good job on the fake language, but not quite good enough to fool Hoshi for very long. Hoshi, it seemed had caught on rather quickly to the joke and in retaliation had conspired with the Captain to put the fear of God into the pranksters. She "presented" the results of her translation to the Captain, rather loudly, on the bridge in front of the entire bridge staff. Her "translation" consisted of a rather dire threat to the ship it seems. The Captain played his part very well, managing not to laugh as he responded to the threat. The look on Ensign Mayweather's face when the Captain ordered a tactical alert was priceless. He was practically hyperventilating when he tried to explain to the Captain that it was just a joke. At that point both Hoshi and the Captain broke out into hysterical laughter.

"I thought the Captain was going to choke he was laughing so hard. Unfortunately, no one had let me in on any part of the joke, so I thought the tactical alert was real and responded accordingly. I was all set to fire torpedoes. And we are still in Earth orbit! The Xindi aside, it seems unlikely that someone would attack us while at Earth. So I guess I was a victim of the joke as well. I am now seeking some revenge of my own against Ensign Mayweather and Ensign Peters. Maybe you could help me come up with a really good idea."

Trip responded, "Well, Malcolm, you know I always keep some practical joke ideas floating around for when they are needed. I am sure we can set you up with something good."

Malcolm was very pleased to see that Trip was laughing and smiling. He knew that attempting to cheer people up was not something he was good at. Most people considered him too stiff and stuffy to be very funny. He was also pleased to see that Trip had eaten all of his lunch while he was distracted. The Captain would be pleased with his success.

After Malcolm left, Trip prowled around his quarters for a while unable to sit still for any length of time. He tried clearing his mind to see if he could feel T'Pol's presence in his mind. But his kept churning endlessly, leaving him unable to feel her presence at all. He had hoped if he could feel her, he could determine if she wanted to see him.

After a while, he finally gave up, dressed in his gym clothes and headed for a workout. Maybe that would help settle his mind. When he arrived in the gym there were several other people there. He gave them a hard look that said, "stay away from me," and marched over to the weights and started clanking and banging. He was irritated that his injured shoulder had still not completely healed and required caution on his part. After an hour of lifting he was starting to feel better. The pleasant feeling of physical exertion was calming his mind a bit. He decided to move onto the treadmill and see if he could completely exhaust himself.

Many miles later, he could not continue and decided he had had enough. He looked around and noticed he was the only one still left in the gym as it was near shift change. He had been here much longer than he realized. As he was toweling off, he realized that he feel just the faintest trace of thought that wasn't his! T'Pol, he could feel her. He sighed in relief at the return of her presence, however weak. He had grown quite accustom to the feeling. Maybe now was the time to go talk to her.

He rushed back to his quarters and took a quick shower. He dried off and tried to decide what to wear. He didn't want to make it look like he had gone to too much effort, but he didn't want to look like a slob either. He finally decided on his favorite pair of off duty pants and a medium blue shirt. He knew she didn't like his wildly patterned ones. He had just finished dressing when the chime rang. His heart leapt. Maybe it was T'Pol. Almost as soon as he thought that, he realized through the bond that it was not her.

"Come in," he called in a slightly discouraged voice. The door opened and in stepped the Captain. "Hey Cap'n."

"Evening Trip. How about some dinner?"

Trip sighed slightly. He knew he couldn't get out of this one. Why was everyone so concerned about his eating habits? Trip nodded and followed his friend out the door. They went to the Captain's mess. Trip hoped to maybe see T'Pol along the way, but was disappointed. When they got to the Captain's mess, Trip had one last hope that the Captain had invited T'Pol to dinner as well. No suck luck. The room was empty. The two sat down.

A crewman promptly came to take their orders. Trip realized that he was actually hungry. "Guess that long workout helped my appetite," he thought.

During dinner, the Captain kept up a light chatter about ship's systems and other business. Finally, the Captain started in on his version of the practical joke on the bridge that morning.

"And you should have seen the look on Malcolm's face. I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel. He did not look at all happy that he had fallen for the joke as well. I think he considered it a personal affront that something like this could occur right under his nose without him finding out about it."

During this time the bottle of wine they started with was greatly diminished and a couple of hours had passed. With each passing minute, Trip could feel his chance of talking to T'Pol decreasing. The Captain showed no signs of letting him go any time soon.

Finally, he and Archer went their separate ways. By then, however, the bottle of wine was completely empty and Trip was a bit wobbly. The wine combined with stress and loss of sleep had taken their toll. He would have to talk to T'Pol tomorrow.

He dragged back to his quarters, changed into comfy shorts, flopped into his bed and immediately fell into a heavy sleep. Mid way through the night, unfortunately, he woke up gasping from a nightmare. In this dream not only had he lost Elizabeth, but he had lost T'Pol too.

After getting a drink, Trip tried to go back to sleep, but for the rest of the night his sleep was restless and disturbed.

T'Pol's First Day Off

T'Pol decided to spend the bulk of her day meditating. She could feel Trip's turbulent emotions. She was very doubtful that she could successfully maintain her control in his presence. It would be much more logical to wait until tomorrow to see him.

During the course of the day, T'Pol could feel Trip's shifting emotions. During the morning, she could feel intense concentration. He must have found something to occupy his time. Around lunchtime she could feel some small traces of amusement and happiness. She was curious about what had caused his change of mood. After a while, though, his deeply despondent mood returned. She considered whether Trip would return to his self-destructive ways as he had after his sister's death. She would have to take matters in hand if that happened. She would not permit her t'hai'la to suffer like that again.

When it was time for the midday meal, T'Pol waited until most other crewmen would have finished. She quickly retrieved a suitable lunch from the mess hall and returned with it to eat in her quarters. She did not wish to endure the company of others.

After finishing her lunch, T'Pol decided to read several scientific journals that she had not yet had a chance to study. She was very intrigued by a new method to improve sensor data while scanning nebulas and other obscured areas of space. Perhaps she would look into the application of this new method tomorrow. She should be able to work in an unoccupied area of the science center without having the Captain discover her and chide her for working when she was supposed to be off-duty. This wasn't exactly duty anyway. She was doing this for her own personal entertainment.

Several hours had elapsed while she was reading. It was now just after shift handover. She decided it was time to be mindful of her physical condition and go to the gym for a workout. At that time of day there should be relatively few people there. Indeed when she arrived the gym was empty. She was, therefore, completely unaware that she had missed Trip's exit from the gym by only a few minutes.

spent more than three hours in the gym engaging in a variety of Vulcan and human exercises. The feeling of physical exertion was quite acceptable and reminded her that it been a few days since she had been able to engage in her usual exercise routine.

After finishing her workout, T'Pol returned to her quarters for a shower. Afterward, she went to the mess hall to retrieve some dinner. As with lunch, she was late enough that the mess hall was mostly unoccupied. After dinner, she engaged in her usual evening meditation and retired for the night.

Trip's Second Day Off

When Trip woke up, he was groggy, tired and grumpy and had a headache. “Great, just what I needed”, he thought. “A hangover combined with nightmares and another bad night's sleep.”

He spent most of the morning lounging around feeling sorry for himself. Finally, near lunchtime, he got up, took a shower and brushed his teeth. He felt marginally better after that.

He was not at all surprised when his comm chimed a short time later. It was Malcolm inviting himself to lunch again. As with the previous day, Malcolm kept the conversation light. Malcolm understood that Trip did not want to talk about Elizabeth’s death.

After discussing ship’s business for a while, Trip told Malcolm about that he had a plan to sabotage the protein resequencer when Travis tried to use it. “The big issue is, what should we have the protein resequencer spit out when he uses it?”

Malcolm sniggered slightly. “I can think of all sorts of things that could come out of it.”

Then Trip asked, “So are you going to get even with Hoshi too? After all, she played her part in the whole episode.”

Malcolm replied, “I have given it some thought, but I am not sure I want to cross her. I fear for my life if she gets mad at me! The sensible part of me just wants to leave it alone. The other part wants revenge. I was thinking how to get her and I have an idea. I am not ready to say what it is just yet.”

“Ooooh, sounds like a good one”, Trip stated.

“It will be.”

Trip laughed, “Just don’t let her find out I was in on it too. I don’t want her after me!”

After Malcolm left, Trip decided to go talk to T’Pol. He walked to her quarters and paced outside the door a few times to work up his courage. Finally, he reached out and pushed the chime. There was no answer. His sense of disappointment was crushing. “Where was she?” he thought. He turned and stalked back to his quarters deciding that maybe another trip to the gym was in order. While he was in the gym, he felt the cadence of the ship change. They had broken Earth orbit earlier and had gone to warp. It added tremendously to his irritation that he was not in engineering when they went to warp.

He managed to work off his irritation with several hours in the gym. To his relief, he discovered that he could converse with his crewmates without breaking down.

After showering, he thought about going by T’Pol’s cabin to see if she maybe wanted to eat dinner with him. He was starting to get worried because he hadn’t seen her since the day before yesterday. He thought about trying to comm her, but decided he would rather talk to her in person. Of course, she hadn't made any effort to see him so maybe she didn't want him to come visit. He decided to make his way to the mess hall. Maybe she was there already eating. Then he could make a quick get-away with his pride intact if she did not wish to speak to him. Before he got to the mess hall, he heard footsteps coming up behind him.

“Hey Trip. Just in time to eat dinner with me”, he heard the captain saying behind him. The two men headed into the mess hall together. Trip glanced discretely around but could find no sign of T’Pol. He followed Archer into the captain’s mess. Dinner that night was very similar to the previous night, although Trip took care to limit his wine consumption. He did not want a repeat of last night.

After dinner Jon invited Trip to his quarters to watch some water polo. Their current stay at Earth had allowed them to download many sporting events. When they got to Jon’s cabin, Jon asked him if he wanted a drink. Trip did not think that was a good idea.

He had been trying to work into the conversation a question about whether the captain had seen T’Pol, but couldn’t seem to find the right opening. He didn’t want to seem like a desperate loser and the captain was still not “officially” aware of their relationship. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure exactly what the captain knew about the two of them. He suspected that captain knew that T’Pol was the reason he had transferred to Columbia, but he had never said anything. Trip knew the rumors about them were pretty extensive, but he wasn’t sure if the captain was plugged into the rumor mill. Nope, it was just better to keep his mouth closed on that topic.

After the game was over, Trip wandered back to T’Pol’s quarters. He hesitated outside the door for a moment and then dropped his hand before ringing the chime. He could feel that she was meditating and didn’t want to disturb her. He didn’t feel like going back to his quarters so he was left to wandering around. He eventually found himself in engineering. There was just a skeleton crew since it was not the day shift and at least one of the new ensigns looked decidedly uncomfortable having the chief around.

“Carry on ensign. I’m just here to … um .. well I’m just looking for … I am just hanging out.” With that he strode to the stairs and climbed to the upper deck. The ensign below looked somewhat concerned and gulped nervously. Lieutenant Hess, second in command in engineering, had told everyone that Commander Tucker was off duty, captain’s orders, and that they were to shoo him out if he came in. However, the commander looked so happy to be in engineering that the ensign just did not have the heart to enforce Lieutenant Hess' order.

T'Pol's Second Day Off

When T'Pol awoke the next morning, she was aware of a vague, uneasy restless feeling. This was not a normal state of awakening for her. After clearing her mind, she was aware that Trip was having a similar feeling. He must have had a particularly poor night's sleep. She must have been sleeping quite heavily since his poor sleep had not interrupted hers. This was good news for her. She had not been sleeping very well these last few nights. It was, of course, bad news that Trip was still having trouble sleeping. She would have to arrange a neuropressure session for tonight.

As T'Pol readied herself for the day, she became aware of just how out-or-sorts Trip was. She decided to delay going to see him until lunchtime. She did not relish a conversation with him when he was already upset. When he was in this kind of mood, he tended to be very defensive and snappish and seemed to get quite irritated at her calm demeanor. He seemed unable to stop goading her until she gave some kind of a reaction. She wished them both to be in control so that they could rationally discuss their future together.

Now even more people would be looking for some signs of a relationship between them. It was reasonable to think that the gossip would only increase. In the past, she had not been concerned with the gossip overly much. It was really none of anyone else's business, nor was it for others to approve or disapprove.

Unfortunately, recent events had shown that some humans and Vulcans would not welcome their relationship. They would have to take some steps to protect themselves from further harm. At the very least, they would have to make sure no one found about their bond. It was not something Vulcans spoke of, even with each other, so she would not have a problem with this. She also did not think that Trip would ever deliberately tell anyone something this intimate either. The bigger problem was that it would probably be wise for their public relationship to be very non-personal. Eventually, people would think they were just colleagues and lose interest. Trip would have a much harder time than her keeping their public and private lives apart.

Their plans to have children together would almost certainly have to wait until they retired from Starfleet or least until they were posted on a planet or space station. She did not believe Trip had given much thought to the logistics of having children together. He had been too lost in the wonder of having a child to have given logical thought to how it would have affected their lives. She would have to remind him to be sensible.

After breakfast, T'pol went to the science center to further investigate the interesting sensor modifications she had read about the night before. There was only one crewmember in the science center when T'Pol arrived. T'Pol strode in decisively and gave Ensign Marcos a look that said, "You will not challenge my presence here."

Ensign Marcos, for her part, had no desire to challenge the Commander's presence in the science center although she knew that Commander T'Pol was supposed to be on three days bereavement leave. "Perhaps Vulcans do not need to grieve," she thought to herself, "the Commander certainly does not look broken up about the death of this child." Once again she wondered what Commander Tucker saw in the Vulcan woman. He could have any woman he wanted and yet had chosen a cold, emotionless Vulcan. "What a waste of a gorgeous man," she thought.

T'Pol was aware of the disapproving look of Ensign Marcos but was unaware of the cause. Ensign Marcos was relatively new and T'Pol had not had much contact with her previously. T'Pol chose to ignore her and moved to a workstation to begin her analysis.

By lunchtime, T'Pol's analysis was going very well. It certainly looked as though this methodology could be applied to their sensors. With a few more days of analysis, she would be ready to present a report to the captain. She saved her data, snapped off her monitor and started toward Trip's quarters. She would see if he wanted to eat lunch with her. However, just as she turned the last corner towards his cabin, she saw Lieutenant Reed enter into Trip's cabin with two trays. She was too late. Trip obviously already had lunch plans. She moved towards the mess hall to eat lunch by herself instead.

After T'Pol had given adequate time for Trip and Lieutenant Reed to finish lunch, she returned to Trip's quarters to find that he was not there. She would have to return later. She returned to the science center to continue her analysis. By dinnertime, her analysis was considerably further along. She decided to attempt to speak with Trip again. But once again, he was not in his quarters.

She returned to her cabin for a while before deciding to go to the mess hall and eat dinner. When she entered, she saw Ensign Sato starting to clear her dishes. T'Pol took her time making her dinner selection, debating with herself the wisdom of asking Ensign Sato if she had seen Trip at all in the last two days,

Before she had finished her silent debate, Ensign Sato approached her and said, "I saw Trip and the Captain come out of the Captain's mess a while ago. They were talking about water polo. I know the Captain picked up several games while we were at Earth."

T'Pol nodded in acknowledgment and wondered how Ensign Sato had known that she was curious about Trip's whereabouts. "I am sure that will keep them occupied for the greater part of the evening", she replied. "I think I will take my selections to my quarters to eat." With that, she took her tray and strode quickly away.

After finishing her meal, she read few more scientific journals before engaging in her evening meditation. Once again, Trip did not join her in the white space. She was unsure if he was avoiding her white space or if his emotions were just too turbulent to achieve a sufficiently calm state of mind.

While meditating, she could feel Trip's presence grow stronger until she was sure he was right outside her quarters. She prepared to exit her meditation in anticipation of his visit. Suddenly she felt his presence diminish greatly as he moved rapidly away from her door. She was quite startled by this and thus slow to react. By the time she reached the door, Trip had already disappeared out of sight.

Since it would be undignified to chase after him through the corridors, she retreated to her quarters to attempt to make sense of his behavior. His behavior seemed quite illogical. Historically in their relationship, Trip had always done the pursuing. Always coming to her when either one was troubled. What could it mean for him to have walked away from her? Her mind quickly settled on the unpleasant possibility that this time, he was the one who no longer wanted a personal relationship. That would explain his uneasiness about visiting. She had read in the cultural database that humans often felt extremely uncomfortable when ending a relationship. If his intention was to end things, that would just not do at all. She had finally decided to accept their relationship. He must not back out now.

T'Pol let a small sigh of frustration slip out. This was why Vulcans had arranged marriages. She had spent altogether too much time dwelling on this subject. Time that could have been put to a much more practical use. If she had had a Vulcan mate, none of this contemplation would be necessary. She sighed again. She really must talk to Trip tomorrow. This unsettled state of affairs could not continue.

The Third Day

Trip woke very early after a restless night's sleep. He had spent most of the night castigating himself for chickening out the previous night. He really needed to talk to T'Pol. They needed to settle things once and for all. He couldn't live with the uncertainty.

It was four o'clock when he finally gave up sleeping and decided he had to do something. It was way too early to visit T'Pol. With his luck, she would still be sleeping and get "irritated" at being interrupted. That would start the conversation off wrong.

He wandered over to his monitor and decided to mull over some engineering upgrades that he had been thinking about. He noticed that he had a coded, high-security message from Malcolm. His curiosity piqued, he quickly opened it. The message said,

"I know you are supposed to be off-duty one more day, but I thought you might want something to do. Look over these plans and suggest any improvements. The Captain would like to implement this as soon as possible. Lt. Malcolm Reed"

Trip opened the attachment wondering what was so important. It was the plans for the bio-sample security vault. Trip spent the next three hours carefully examining the plans. Malcolm had been very thorough and Trip was satisfied that this would do the job. He would still have to look under the panels in sickbay to verify some of the details. It was a relief to know that steps were being taken to prevent another incident like this one.

Trip switched off his monitor and decided to shower and eat before seeing T'Pol.

*********************

T'Pol awoke very early the next morning. It was evident from her turbulent thoughts that she needed more meditation. She was unable to get Trip from her mind, continuously pondering the situation and wondering why Trip was unwilling to see her. After only a semi-successful attempt at meditation, she decided to get some work done. It was too early to see Trip. She did not want to wake him and have him be, in his words, cranky, when she went to see him.

She switched on her monitor and saw a coded, high security message from Lieutenant Reed. It read,

"Commander, I realize you are off-duty for another day, but I thought you might appreciate having something to do. At your convenience, please look over these plans. I am particularly interested in your opinion of the encryption protocols. I would welcome any improvements that you might suggest. Lt Malcolm Reed."

T'Pol opened the attachment and began to read the plans for the bio-sample security vault. Twice she accessed the Vulcan database for their latest information on encryption. By the time she was done a few hours later, she had only three minor adjustments to Lt Reed's work. He had been very thorough. She would have to note this for his next crew evaluation.

By now it was such a time that she could get prepared for the day. She showered and decided to get breakfast before proceeding to Trip's quarters for their much needed conversation.

As she neared the door to the mess hall, it opened and Trip stepped out. Both were somewhat surprised by their unanticipated encounter. Trip was caught completely off guard and was so startled by the fact that he could detect slight surprise on her face that he was rendered speechless.

T'Pol, recovering first and aware of their audience of mess hall occupants unhurriedly said, "Commander, I would like to speak with you."

Trip was just nodding when the fire bells began to sound. Fire and rapid decompression are the two worst emergencies on a spacecraft. Years of training instinctively sent them scurrying off, their attempted conversation completely forgotten. T'Pol hurried to the bridge and Trip sprinted to engineering.

By the time Trip arrived in engineering, the automated fire suppression system had activated. But the initial fire had been serious and had spawned two smaller fires before it had been extinguished.

Trip immediately began assessing critical systems to make sure none had been compromised.

On the bridge, T'Pol was performing a similar function. They quickly determined that life support was okay, but a host of other systems were not fully operational.

Within an hour, Trip reported to the bridge with the ship status.

"Cap'n, the initial fire was located in Junction 7, E Deck, Box 5D. That box feeds power to several power relays throughout the aft end of the ship. These power relays distribute power to a number of ship systems. We haven't been able to access the junction just yet. We are waiting for the temperature to cool and for the remainder of the fire suppressant to be vented. Two other fires, both on E Deck, one in Junction 3 and the other in Junction 5, broke out when a power surge exposed equipment to extremely high temperatures.

"Initial assessment seems to indicate that a number of ship systems have been adversely affected. Approximately 84 circuit breakers were tripped due power surges. Each of these breakers will have to be checked manually and reset. In addition, the equipment being served by those breakers will have to be checked for damage.

"The good news is that life support, and warp and impulse drives have not been damaged and are fully operational. Several other systems, however, are only partially operable. Main sensors are up, but there are several aft sensors not responding due to the circuit breakers. Aft torpedoes are functioning, but the auto load sequence is off-line. If we need aft torpedoes, they will have to be manually loaded.

"The lights are off in several corridors on E Deck. Crews will need to take flashlights. The launch bay is also experiencing power related issues. I've assigned work crews to begin repairs, but I expect it to take most of the day to complete. I recommend that Lt Reed and Commander T'Pol be assigned to the weapons and sensor teams respectively."

To this point, Trip had pointedly avoided looking at T'Pol. He was afraid his voice would falter or his brain would scatter if he had looked at her. Now he glanced at her and looked away quickly when he discovered that she was looking intently at him. He was sure everyone was looking at them hoping to see something interesting.

The captain read over the pad of repairs that Trip had given him. "Okay, Trip that sounds good. Assign whomever you need to complete the repairs. Malcolm, T'Pol, you're with Trip."

The three of them left the bridge and proceeded to engineering to pick up their work crews. Soon they had each dispersed to their respective repair sites. Trip had not assigned himself to a specific crew, instead going where needed throughout the day. As a result, he was in the same area as T'Pol at several different times. Despite the uncertainty between them, they were able to maintain their usual, easy work rhythm. Many hours later, most of the work had been completed and the crews had been dispatched for the evening. Trip, however, remained with a core group to verify that all systems were adequately functional. T'Pol had volunteered to remain behind as well, but Trip told her that things were under control and that the evening shift could handle the rest.

An hour later, just when he was satisfied that he could leave for the night, one of the circuit breakers that had been installed that day proved to be faulty and caused another minor power outage. As a result, it was an additional two hours before Trip was able to leave engineering. He had missed dinner and was starving. Lunch had been grabbed on the run, when Chef had arranged for sandwiches to be delivered to Trip's office. The engineering crew had gulped those down hours ago.

After grabbing some leftovers out of the mess hall, Trip returned to his quarters with the intent of taking a shower. After he got out of the shower, he laid down on the bed for a minute just to rest his tired body. But several nights of poor sleep caught up to him very quickly and he was asleep before he had even had a chance to get comfortable.

Return to Duty

Due to his hard work the previous day, Trip over slept the next morning. He barely had time to clean up and eat breakfast before his shift began. It certainly looked like he would not be talking to T'Pol this morning. Indeed, when he entered the mess hall, there was no sign of her. She had undoubtedly already eaten and proceeded to the bridge. That was okay, though, at breakfast before shift probably wasn't a good time to talk anyway.

Trip had not been in engineering for very long when he had gotten a call from Phlox to come look at a maintenance issue in sick bay. He knew this was his cue to go talk to the doctor about the bio sample vault and begin making preparations to build and install the system. He just wasn't sure if he was ready for the doctor's chattiness. The doctor would inevitably ask how he was sleeping. He didn't think Phlox would buy it if he said he was sleeping fine.

Trip gathered up his tools and set off. When Trip entered sickbay he found it to be deserted. He briefly wondered where the doc was, but then got down to work. He pulled off a panel and began investigating the wiring behind it. He heard a door swoosh and saw the doctor's feet come into view. He pulled himself out of the equipment and stood up.

"Hey, doc", he said. "I've started on the initial measurements for the bio-vault. Malcolm has finished the designed for the system and the security protocols. He’ll be here in a bit to iron out some of the details. We will never have to worry about someone stealing samples again. After what happened, everyone else is a little uneasy with having their genetic material floating about. I mean, just think what Malcolm would have thought if he had found out that he a baby with Hoshi. He wouldn’t have been able to look at her for a year.”

“I am sorry commander. When I requested bio samples from everyone, it did not occur to me that someone would steal them and use them to hurt members of our crew. After the incident with the Urquat, it did not seem prudent to rely on you to store the crew’s genetic material on a peach. If I had know what would happen ... I never intended to harm either you or Commander T’Pol.”

“It’s okay, Doc, no one could have ever expected this.”

Trip continues to bang around the equipment. Phlox hovered near by, looking expectantly at Trip. Finally Phlox asks, “How are you doing, Commander?”

Trip sighs and thinks for a few moments before responding, “I’m hanging in there doc, but it definitely hasn’t been easy. Twice now, I’ve had to hear you tell me that I have had a child with T’Pol.” He shuddered some under his heavy thoughts. “Why, Phlox, why does this keep happening? I would be so happy to have a baby with T’Pol in the normal way. Does the universe hate me?”

“I wanted this so badly. When you told me she was a girl, I got beautiful pictures in my mind. All the things we would do together, T’Pol and I raising her together... I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.”

“Have you spoken to T’Pol about any of this?”

“Nah, we have been kind of avoiding each other. I am worried she will tell me that she doesn’t want to continue our relationship.”

“That conversation that we had in sick bay, where I mentioned that T’Pol could have gotten pregnant, you told me not to mention my doubts to T’Pol. I swear, I didn’t, but she knew anyway. She busted my chops over that. I still don’t know that she has forgiven me. I didn’t know how to explain to her that my real problem was how much I really wanted her to be pregnant. It’s funny, those Terra Prime people were so horrified at a Vulcan/human child, but I couldn’t imagine anything that would make me happier than a cute little baby with pointy ears. I can’t imagine wanting a baby with anyone but T’Pol.”

At that point, Lt. Reed entered the room. “Good afternoon Doctor, Commander.”

“Lieutenant.”

“Hey, Malcolm.”

The two men proceeded to work in silence for a while. Phlox could see Lt Reed giving Commander Tucker worried looks and decided that Lt Reed wished to speak with Commander Tucker.

“I must see Ensign Monroe about food supplies for my new Rapierian rodent. I will see you gentlemen later”. With that Phlox strode purposefully out of the room.

Lt Reed remained silent for a short while before finally asking, “How are you doing this morning, Commander? ”

“I have been busy making myself busy, to keep my mind off of things.”

“Have you talked to T’Pol much? She has barely spoken to anyone since she returned to duty. She looks more Vulcan than usual.”

“She was that way after her mom died too. She refused to acknowledge that it even affected her. She wouldn’t talk to me or let me help. In fact, that was when she dumped me the last time.”

“She’s dumped you more than once?” Malcolm asked incredulously.

Trip looked irritated at his slip. Then he dropped his head and mumbled, “Yeah. The first time, she gave me the Vulcan equivalent of 'Let's just be friends'”

“And you keep going back for more?”

“Like an idiot, I just can’t see to stay away from her. Every time, I hope it will work out. I don’t know if this time will turn out any better. And it is not that she doesn’t have feelings for me. It is just that, as a Vulcan, she refuses to acknowledge them and almost seems insulted that she has feelings at all. Every time she starts to accept that we have a relationship, something happens to send her skittering away again. I don’t know. If it doesn’t work out this time, I just may not have the energy to keep trying.”

“So, the rumor that you two were back together was true. I mean, everyone had been suspecting that you were.”

“Yeah, that is why I left Enterprise and why I came back. So does that mean that she and I are the hot gossip topic again?”

“Yes, no one else has a love life worth gossiping over. Although, Travis did seem rather broken up over the incident with that reporter. Rumor is that she played him. Still, it looked like he got lucky before she broke his heart.”

“So how did he get hooked up with her anyway? Did she just randomly select him to mess with?”

“No apparently he knew her from back when he was in the academy.”

“Well, I thought my love life sucked. At least T’Pol has never set out to hurt me deliberately. That’s just a convenient side effect”, he groused sarcastically.

After Trip was finished in sickbay, he returned to engineering. He immediately became embroiled in an issue with one of the intake manifolds. It had been slightly out-of-kilter. One of the new ensigns has tried to fix it but ended up making things worse. By the time he had finished, it was well past lunch. When he went to the mess hall, there were only two people there, neither of them T'Pol. Of course she would have eaten earlier. For now he would have been content to just get a glimpse of her.

T'Pol, meanwhile, spent the bilk of her morning catching up on things that had occurred while she was off-duty. She surreptitiously maintained knowledge of Commander Tucker's location. She wanted a little advanced warning if he was going to come to the bridge. But she saw that he spent a significant amount of time in sickbay with the doctor and Lt. Reed.

At her appointed lunchtime, she proceeded to the mess hall to eat. She arrived at the same time as a large number of other shift one crew, but Trip was not among them. He had probably gotten busy and missed lunch again, she thought. She would have to talk to him about maintaining his health with a proper diet.

After lunch, she returned to the bridge to resume her duties. Midway through the afternoon, the Captain asked to speak to her in his ready room. She realized that he probably wanted to indulge in the annoying human custom of asking about her emotional health.

As the door to the ready room closed behind her, the captain said, "How are you doing T'Pol? I haven't seen much of you during your three days off duty."

"I am well, Captain. I spent my time off duty meditating, exercising and reading Vulcan science journals that I had not previously had time to examine. You needn't worry about me, Captain. I am quite within acceptable parameters."

"I am glad to hear that T'Pol.” the Captain paused for a short breath. "Have you spoken to Trip much in the last three days?" The Captain was greatly hoping she would slip and give him an edge on all the ship's gossips.

But T'Pol merely said, "No Captain, I had not seen Commander Tucker at all until yesterday when the fire started. He worked with my damage control team a number of times yesterday, but I did not have many opportunities for unnecessary conversation."

The Captain sighed. He certainly wasn't getting any thing useful from her. He had one more tactic. "Well, after everything that has gone on in the last few weeks, I expected both you and Trip to join me for dinner. We haven't had much time to keep up with each other."

"As you wish Captain", T'Pol replied, giving no hint at how unsettled she was at having the Captain present at the first conversation with Trip in three days.

"Now, I am afraid, we have some crew evaluations that are overdue", the Captain, said.

T'Pol, for her part, was quite welcomed the return to ship's business.

The end of the duty shift found Trip in his quarters sulking slightly. The Captain had made it quite clear that he was to join T'Pol and him in the Captain's mess for dinner. Trip couldn't imagine sitting through dinner, calmly, with the uncertain state of things between he and T'Pol. At the appointed hour, he grudgingly made his way to dinner. He had at least showered after shift so as not to offend T'Pol's sensibilities. Although he knew for the most part that she had become quite accustom to his smell.

Dinner that night was a predictably tense affair. The Captain felt like he talked until his voice was hoarse. Neither Trip nor T'Pol would speak unless spoken to and neither was speaking to each other. That left him trying to carry on the bulk of the conversation himself. He was beginning to think these two needed to be confined to decon until they did something. Fight, make out, anything. Whatever it took to break the logjam. If things were this tense on duty, everyone would notice. Well, maybe it would be better for them in the long run if they returned to being just colleagues, but somehow he didn't really think that would be the case.

After a reasonable time had passed at dinner, the Captain made his excuses and began an escape plan. He would need a few stiff drinks back in his cabin to relax him after this ordeal.

After the Captain took his leave at the mess hall door, Trip and T'Pol continued along the corridor together for a while. It was T'Pol's intention to follow Trip back to his quarters and initiate their much needed conversation. But before they could get very far, a crewman from her science department came and informed her of an urgent computer problem that was threatening an experiment she had running in the science center. Since several weeks’ worth of work had gone into the experiment, it was necessary for her to tend to the problem before the experiment was lost. She informed the crewman that she would tend to the problem. She gave Trip a slight nod and said in a very severe voice, "I'll speak with you later, Commander." The crewman hearing this felt very sorry for the poor hapless Commander Tucker. It was obvious he had done something to get on her bad side. He was just glad it wasn't him, not realizing, of course, that Commander T'Pol was very displeased, in her Vulcan way, at having been interrupted.

Commander Tucker gave her a very irritated look and strode away to his quarters wondering what gods he might have offended to deserve this unending cruelty. He proceeded back to his cabin and prowled around restlessly for a while before deciding to take out his irritation on a computer game. Two hours later, his door chime sounded. He was immediately aware that T'Pol had come and was standing outside his door. "Come in."

T'Pol stepped in and said, "Commander, we need to talk."

Trip immediately felt shivers run up his spine at her impersonal tone. A horrible sense of dread overcame him. She was planning to dump him again. His face tightened noticeably and he adopted a defensive stance.

T'Pol noticed his stance and felt the wave of dread emanating from Trip. She was unsure what might have caused his reaction. She was concerned that it meant that he did not wish to continue their personal relationship. She wondered what steps she would have to take to repair their relationship. Now that they were bonded, it was only logical that they would be together. That was after all, the Vulcan way.

After a moment's hesitation, T'Pol decided to take a chance and ask Trip outright about his sudden feeling. She had previously discovered that he really didn't like for it when she read his feelings through the bond, but figured in this case that it might be prudent.

"Trip, why do feel so uncomfortable in my presence? Are you wishing to end our relationship? I have read that humans often feel uncomfortable in that situation."

"What .... no, T'Pol. I thought maybe you were trying to end things between us. You've made no effort to see me over the last few days. I thought ... well, I thought you didn't want to see me."

"I have made several efforts to see you, Commander. You were either not in your quarters, or Lt. Reed was with you. You have not made much effort to see me either. Two nights ago, you approached my door and then changed your mind. I deduced that you did not want to see me. Why did you walk away”?

"For god's sake T'Pol. Would you stop calling me Commander when we're alone? I've heard you call me Trip before. Why can't you do it all the time?"

"I am sorry, Trip. It is mostly habit that has me calling you commander. But you have not answered my question."

Trip looked irritated. He didn't really want to talk about what had caused him to chicken out the other night. Finally he said, "I didn't think you wanted to share your grief with me. Plus my emotions are so strong right now that I was worried that I would overwhelm you."

"Shared sorrow lightens grief", T'Pol replied.

"You didn't seem to think that when your mom died."

"I have learned much since then."

"Well, if you wanted my company, you should have told me. I have been reluctant to approach you this time, afraid that I would get dumped again".

"Dumped? I am unfamiliar with this usage."

"Dumped, ending a relationship against the wishes of the other party."

"I did not 'dump' you after my mother died. I merely needed time to assess the impact of the Kir'Shara on my life."

"Well, in human terms, the speech you gave me is one of the classic 'get lost' speeches. Right up there with the 'let's just be friends' speech. That one, by the way, is what you gave me the morning after we first had sex. So I seem to have plenty of experience with you dumping me. Why should I think anything has changed?"

"But we are bonded now. That is what has changed."

"You say that like it should mean something to me. But I am not Vulcan so I have no real understanding of what it means to you. Only what you have told me. And you haven't really done a very good job of explaining it to me. You keep talking like it should be obvious to me. Well, I am not a mind reader, T'Pol. You get a lot more out this bond than I do. Sometimes, you've just got to tell me what you need. Don't leave me guessing. The uncertainty causes me to get irritable as I never have any idea if I am doing the right things or not."

"And do not just assume that you understand my feelings just because you can sense them through our bond. I know you were displeased when you thought I had doubts about Elizabeth's origins. But you were wrong about the depth of my doubts. My rational mind knew that you had never been pregnant. If I had some tiny, niggling, irrational thought about it lingering in my brain, well, I am sorry. That's just the way the human brain works. Sometimes, it keeps bombarding us with irrational worries until something new comes along to worry about. When I saw that you had been captured and mistreated, the last of those thoughts left my mind to be replaced with thoughts of escaping."

"And it wasn't even that I ever truly thought you could have been pregnant and not told me. The problem was that I so much wanted to believe that we could have a baby together, the right way this time, not in the weird way it keeps happening for us. It is hard, T'Pol, to keep having children appear out of the woodwork." With this statement paused for a long breath.

T'Pol replied, "It has been difficult for me as well. When we met Lorian, I did not want to acknowledge that there could be a circumstance where we had gotten married and had a child. I also did not want to admit how appealing the idea was."

Trip looked startled for a moment. "Well, you sure did a good job hiding that."

"Thank you", she replied.

Trip had to smile faintly. This statement reminded him of Soval. After they had averted war with the Andorians, Soval had more or less admitted to liking and respecting humans, a sight Trip had never expected to see.

She continued, "My conflict about Lorian led me to be more harsh with you than was warranted. For that, I apologize. This time, with Elizabeth, I did not even try to be dissatisfied with the idea of having a child with you. That made listening to your feelings of doubt somewhat disconcerting. I could not understand where your doubt could have come from. It was not logical."

"So where do we go from here this time? I want to spend my life with you, and I want to do it without doubts and without fear. Are we together this time, T'Pol?"

"Yes", she replied after only the slightest hesitation.

Trip moved swiftly to her and enfolded her in his arms. They stood like that for some time before he finally leaned back and asked, "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Yes", she replied moving into his arms. He slowly led her over to the bunk. They both stripped down to their underwear and laid down on the bunk. For the moment, Trip was content to just lie on the bunk with her. He did not want to push her to physical intimacy if she was not ready. Their eyes slowly closed and they drifted off into shared dreams.

When he awoke, Trip immediately felt T'Pol's warmth sufficing both his body and mind. She was lying at his side lightly trailing her fingers over his chest. As a human male, he had naturally woken up already aroused. He wondered if T'Pol was aware of that aspect of human physiology. Probably, he thought. She always seemed to research everything very thoroughly. He could feel himself becoming somewhat embarrassed as her fingers caused his arousal to become more insistent. He tried to pull away slightly to hide his condition. He was still very wary of pushing her too fast. She took matters out of his hands by tightening her grip so that he could not pull away. He suddenly realized that he could feel her arousal as well as his own. She was doing this to him on purpose! He could feel a slight breeze of her amusement in his mind that it had taken him so long to determine her intentions.

He rolled a bit to bring her flush against his body. Their lips met slowly and tongues tangled deliciously. Slowly he slid his hand up her side and slipped it underneath her tank top. He worked his fingers around to her breasts until finally caressing the tips. She, meanwhile, was working studiously to remove his shirt, being careful to fully explore every inch of his exposed skin.

He could feel himself about to burst from their combined feelings of pleasure. Their bond had never been this intensely noticeable to him before. Now they worked quickly to finish removing each other's underwear.

When they were both fully naked, Trip rolled on top of T'Pol. He nibbled his lips down her neck and shoulders until he reached her nipples. He toyed with one nipple with his lips. He used his fingers to manipulate the other. He could feel her arching in pleasure and straining to get closer to him. She mumbled something in Vulcan. He felt a wave of wonder that he was able to cause her to lose control to the extent that she forgot to speak English. He figured that was quite an accomplishment.

She allowed him to continue tormenting him for some time before flipping him so the she was on top. She then proceeded to pleasure him until his eyes rolled back into his head. Finally, when he thought he would explode, she moved to take him inside of her. The pace quickly accelerated, as neither one had much control left, until they reached shared climax, able to feel their own pleasure as well as the other's. As they recovered, they laid together enjoying each other's presence.

Sometime later she finally spoke, reminding him that they needed to get ready for duty. With a sigh, he kissed her one more time. Just before rising, he looked at her and asked, "Will you teach me to speak Vulcan?"

She had, what was for a Vulcan anyway, a very surprised and pleased look at this request. He was always happy to catch her off guard.

"Of course, th'yl'a, we may begin tonight." With that, she walked off into his shower.

The End

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