Tucker Me Slowly

Tucker Me Slowly

By Rocky Lane

Rated PG to be safe
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Paramount owns Star Trek. This is all just for fun.
Credits: I have taken many elements from other stories and re-interpreted them for this short fic.
Summary: T’Pol ponders her evolving feelings for Trip in the shadow of his relationship with Amanda Cole. My own take on Pre-“Harbinger.”
Spoilers for “Similitude.”

*************************

What is it that she has that I do not? I have read much on human culture and psychology. And I have experienced much. I fit within the general parameters of beauty as I understand human men to define it.

I am, I believe, aesthetically pleasing to the human male eye. I interpret the long stares that I get from many male crewmembers as that of potential sexual interest. Their respective body language and physical nuances are subtle but perceptible.

I note however, that the one crewmember whose stare I would welcome, perhaps even encourage, has never, to my knowledge expressed or implied an interest in me either through physical nuance or verbal expression.

Not that Commander Charles Tucker is incapable of expressing himself.

Quite the contrary. He is quite vocal on those subjects that he feels strongly about. And he has, at times, been quite vocal toward me. We have been known to get into some serious *disagreements* regarding protocol and ship procedure—particularly where the Xindi are concerned. But in the end, we always seem to arrive at an acceptable compromise.

He is passionate in what he believes in and how he expresses himself. I recall a conversation I had with Doctor Phlox on such a topic.

“How are the Neuro-pressure sessions going with Commander Tucker?”

“The Commander is responding well. He informs me that the quality of his sleep is improving and he has had less unpleasant dreams as of late. I suspect however that the root of his problem is more psychological than psychosomatic per se.”

“Interesting, why do you say that?”

“He allows himself to get agitated in regard to matters and circumstances that do not warrant such reaction. Furthermore, I have noticed that gradually since our neuro-pressure sessions began, even in regard to inconsequential matters where we have engaged in what humans refer to as ‘small talk,’ he expresses himself in an increasingly--..passiona-- I mean to say--determined sense.”

“If I may be so bold Sub-Commander, I think you were right the first time. Mr. Tucker is passionate in conversation, particularly when he talks about his engines. That fact is quite well known around the ship. In fact, I have heard more than one crewmember joke that they need to ‘Tucker up’ before they begin a shift under his engineering watch for fear of ‘Tuckering out.’”


T’Pol had heard such discussions –many times. It was, in her view, the ultimate irony that new words could one day be added to the English language all stemming from the one person who was so obviously NOT a master of it.

***************************

Passion.

That word was truly the best way to describe the Commander. It was also, T’Pol had to admit, a word that underscored her regard of him.

T’Pol pondered just when the moment was that she first contemplated the Commander as perhaps more than just a fellow crewmember. She could not identify an exact moment. This disturbed her. A Vulcan’s life is about order. Logic. `Cause flowing to ‘effect’—with the ‘effect’ being highly predictable. But only, of course, if all the variables are known and understood from the beginning. And therein was T’Pol’s frustration. She never, at any time, truly understood humans, let alone the Commander. If one does not know the numbers at the beginning of the equation, how can one know how to proceed to the result?

This was perhaps, T’Pol thought, why her people were not as determined as humans to explore the depths of space. Too many unknowns. Too many unpredictable nuances that could fail to meet the comfortable dictates of logic. T’Pol was sympathetic with the Captain and his viewpoints regarding Vulcan holding Earth back. Undoubtedly there was some truth to it. There was a time, even now, when certain Vulcans would exaggerate and identify human errors of judgment to continuously justify their past reluctance to expedite the flow of technological information. The present conflict with the Xindi was no exception. After all, it was not necessarily a leap of logic to accept the possibility (assuming one could accept the notion of time travel, which, of course, was impossible) that future Terrans could become so uncontrollable in their emotions that they would one day destroy an entire Xindi homeworld. The scientific and philosophical conundrum of time travel aside, the actions of the Xindi, if premised upon the supposed future destruction of their world, were not, per se, illogical.

Regardless of the logic of it, which, if necessary, could always be established in hindsight, Vulcans official position regarding the Xindi threat was that it was a Terran problem and any ranking member under the auspices of the Vulcan High Command was expected to follow protocol directives distancing themselves from any Terran response to the Xindi menace. For T’Pol this meant leaving Enterprise and applying for assignment elsewhere.

She did not.

Instead she resigned her commission and obtained Starfleet clearance to serve aboard Enterprise; an action which only further highlighted her character in the eyes of the High Command. All those years growing up on Vulcan when she perceived herself to be different from her peers in her curiosity and quiet restraint in blindly accepting all Vulcan teachings... and all those years pondering the infinite variety of planets and stars yet to be explored. All of her past led her to Enterprise. She did not have the foresight to appreciate it then; But the first two years serving with her Terran crewman and her determination to continue to do so for a third… was, in her view, a logical decision, perfectly consistent with her understanding of the teachings of Surak.

*You find your Destiny. It does not find you.*

While it may have been through an executive order that initially forced T’Pol to take her place among the Enterprise crew when her posting began three years earlier; it was T’Pol’s decision prior to that , to accept a posting on Earth, that brought her there in the first place.

She always had a fascination for Earth. Just like her grandmother T’Mir. It was she who instilled in T’Pol the compulsion to remain open-minded, even in the face of blind logic.

‘If the answer to a quandary is elusive,’ her grandmother told her, ‘replace the question.”

T’Pol employed such philosophy in deciding to resign her commission.

In the absence of strict logic, could the Vulcan High Command accept the notion of aiding the humans, in their struggle against the Xindi?


The answer to the question was, at first obvious. The High Command would not be convinced. But then she heard the words of her grandmother echoing in the recesses of her mind.

….replace the question?

“Can I accept the notion of aiding the humans in their struggle?”

For T’Pol her path was clear…. But her destiny still elusive.

T’Pol’s actions only further distanced herself from her family and peers. But she saw no other option. She had to be true to herself. In the past, she could always hide her difference of opinion behind a veneer of Vulcan ettiquette. But she had had very little contact with anything Vulcan in the last three years—a fact only exemplified by her experiences. Breaking off her engagement, defending Archer’s actions at P’Jem, agreeing to and subsequently falling victim to a mind meld, being diagnosed with Pa’naar Syndrome, giving up her commission and staying with Enterprise in their quest for the Xindi... these were all circumstances that, despite what logic might otherwise suggest, T’Pol did not regret. Even the diagnosis of Pa’naar Syndrome only inspired defiance in T’Pol whereby she wore the disease like a badge of honor, defying the stigma, quietly challenging anyone who would dare to question her integrity.

But while these things set T’Pol apart, none of them, thought T’Pol would compare to the stigma against her if she continued to contemplate and refuse to purge from her thoughts a certain blue-eyed Engineer.

What would a sexual relationship with him be like? Would she and the Commander be as seemingly incompatible on an intimate level as their species were on a cultural one? Having thought this, why did she even care to ponder the question?

Maybe it was the way that his tone with her began to subtly change during their neuro-pressure sessions together. She saw a different side of him when they were alone...together...touching each other... in deliberately specific spots...for medical reasons of course. The Commander needed help dealing with his insomnia. And the Neuro-pressure helped his body heal itself.

*****************************

And then there was Sim. Yes. That was a turning point.

A clone of the Commander possessing all of the Commanders noble traits. Brilliance, courage, bravery...but were his feelings the same? Sim confessed that he thought about T’Pol .all the time.

I can’t stop thinking about you he said.

...but what is killing me is that I don’t know if the feelings I’m feelin' are mine—or his.

T’Pol wondered the same thing. And she kissed Sim. With feeling. She deliberately allowed herself to feel for Sim. If the procedure that would save the Commander had failed, she would never have had the opportunity to express her high regard of him.

Him.

Sim.

The Commander.

Even in hindsight, it was difficult to put the matter into perspective. The memory of Sim greatly affected her. She tried to put the matter behind her and continue with the neuro-pressure sessions with the Commander as he recovered. At first, she distanced herself in case the Commander recalled any of Sim’s memories, and in particular the kiss. But it soon became clear that he did not possess Sim’s memories.

Moreover, it had recently become equally clear that he did not possess Sim;s feelings either. At least where she was concerned.

****************************


Corporal Amanda Cole.

The Commander does have feelings for her. She must have knowledge of Vulcan Neuro pressure as he apparently has been having sessions with her. My technique must be inadequate. Or perhaps unsatisfying to him. But if that is the case, why has he not told me?

There is a more likely reason for the Commander’s involvement with the Corporal.

He is using the Neuro-pressure as a way to get close to the Corporal. He desires her and wishes to be sexually intimate with her. Vulcan neuro-pressure is nothing more than a subtle way to get the MACO into a compromising position. No doubt he employed analogous methods in seducing Ah'len and Kaitaama, to name but a few.

The Commander appears to be back to his old self. The only difference is that this time his actions do not involve a female outside his species. Given the limited options regarding intimate companionship on the Enterprise, particularly during our pursuit of the Xindi threat, I should not be surprised.

But I am.

I am the only *alien* female on board. And I have had the benefit of his company for many months in a wide range of emotionally challenging circumstances. We have worked together long hours and strategized ways to improve ship productivity and warp drive efficiency. Along the way, we have both dealt with great stresses and traumas. After my experience with Rajiin, I found comfort in my discussions with the Commander. He followed my instructions well and applied proper pressure to specific points along my lower spinal column to facilitate a more expeditious mental recovery. I never quantified to him the degree to which I value our sessions and how much they aid me in my daily struggles to maintain my emotional stability and discipline.

It is for this reason that I must admit to a certain ... *irritation* regarding his apparently casual exercise in neuro-pressure with the young Corporal. I had assumed that the Commander was benefiting from our time together in a manner similar to my own experience. His efficiency had, after all increased. And his emotional demeanor which was so volatile immediately following the death of his sister has changed considerably. Numerous crewmembers have noticed this change and welcomed it.

Nonetheless, it would appear clear that the Commander desires more than the physical and emotional fortitude that our conversations and neuro-pressure sessions instill.

The Commander desires sexual intimacy. And he evidently feels it best to approach another female to address that need. One who is obviously attractive, brave, strong, and quick-witted.

Corporal Cole has an impressive service record for one so young.

It is logical that the Commander would gravitate toward someone youthful and exuberant. The Corporal is 24 years old. A fact to which, I am sure, the Commander is well aware.

I recall numerous previous inquiries by the Commander regarding my age. Vulcan life spans apparently fascinate him. It would be a simple matter for the Commander to simply look up my age in the ship’s database. He has the clearance. Yet he never does. Rather, he seems determined to have me provide it to him voluntarily; as if hearing the information provided freely from myself would make a difference. Almost like a game of sorts.

Most curious.

More curious still is my ongoing stubborn refusal to answer the question and satisfy his curiosity.

It is illogical for me not to answer his question regarding my age.

So why do I not do so?

My age is inconsequential. Even if I were romantically interested in the Commander....which I am not, age would not play a significant role in our relationship.

Or would it?

On Vulcan, marriages between spouses are rarely, if ever governed by age as a consideration. Naturally, most couples are approximate in age by virtue of post-birth matrimonial planning and arrangement, but it is not uncommon for other forms of union to take place where there is a difference of 100 years or more between spouses.

No. Such considerations would not bother the Commander. But if age was not a factor in the Commander choosing a mate, then why has he remained steadfast in discovering my age?

A disturbing thought caused T'Pol to lament. Perhaps he finally gave up and checked the ship's database and satisfied his curiosity..... and decided against....

Against what? Pursuing her. Courting her. Telling her that he remembered Sim's experiences and shared his feelings and....

T’Pol scolded herself. She was 'feeling' insecure.... a highly emotional weakness--even by human standards. Yet she could not deny what had led her present attempt at meditation to end in failure.

The *fear* of losing him. To her.

*****************************

She would ignore the insecurity that invaded her thoughts and wounded her normally confident resolve. She, like Corporal Amanda Cole was also independently minded and young.

By Vulcan standards.

She was sixty eight earth years old, corresponding to approximately 34 earth years on the Denobulan bio-transcultural medical index. And as for independently minded, T’Pol imagined that one would be hard pressed to find a Vulcan more independent than her. Her actions spoke for themselves. The Commander would come to have greater appreciation of these facts and naturally, change his regard of her.

In the meantime, Doctor Phlox asked that she aid Corporal Cole in a neuro-pressure session to help counteract the effects of the Commander’s flawed ministrations. It would be a good opportunity to learn something more about the nature of the Corporal's relationship to the Commander.

In all probability, the Commander was very likely trying to alleviate her insomnia.

Yes. She would give the Commander the benefit of the doubt.

She would meet with the Corporal rather than continue to engage in pointless supposition.

It was effecting her meditation.

Continue to Chapter 2

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Half a dozen of you have made comments

Nice POV piece. T'Pol seems somewhat conflicted. At one point she seems to want a relatinship with Trip and then later denies a desire for romantic involvement. Vulcan woman are like human females....ca't make up their mind!

Oh, please, please, please: Don´t stop there!!!! I would love to hear about her next neuro-pressure session with Trip!

An interesting piece of introspection on our favourite Vulcan's part. I would love it if you wrote a companion piece from Trip's point of view. Are we allowed to beg? Ali D :~)

The narrative voice was very well done. It really sounded like a person who things on a very technical level, someone very systematic, scientific. I really liked your take on T'Pol.

I enjoyed this piece,in particular the reasoning behind the T'Pol/Sim kiss.

Fascinating.

You can't stop there, please continue!!!!!:):)