Not Alone

Not Alone

By Saint

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Paramount (sadly) owns Enterprise. I’m just a poor college student and am making no money from this.
Genre: angst?
Summary: During shore leave, Trip visits the site of the Xindi attacks.
Archive: sure....
A/N: I found this on my computer when I came back from a semester abroad and decided it was finally time to put it up. This is my first fanfic, so be gentle.

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He was gone...

In the middle of the night, he sneaked out of his temporary San Francisco residence with a small bag draped over his shoulder and slipped away.

Beneath the clear night sky, he called a transport and boarded it without looking back.

* * *

The heat hit him as he stepped out of the shuttle. It was barely dawn, but already the weather was hot and damp. He stripped off his jacket and ran a hand through his unkempt hair. Feet shuffled. His eyes did not stray from the ground as he walked up the steps to the cheap motel he had rented on the edge of what was now nowhere.

He tossed his bag onto the bed, and collapsed next to it face down on the rumpled blanket.

He stared at the dirty motel wall, dark circles under eyes red-rimmed with tears.

* * *

She had called his room three times. No response. No one had heard from him since a silent round of drinks with Malcolm the night before. She tried to track his communicator signal, but--as he often did when off duty or on leave-- he had taken it offline.

She sighed, packed a single bag and boarded a shuttle headed to Florida.

* * *

He stood on the precipice, gazing blankly into the gaping maw below.

It stretched across his view, dominating the landscape. For an unfathomable distance, the hole continued unrelentingly.

Once, there had been life here. Once, there had been schools and churches, football games and late nights lying on the grass under the stars, but now there was nothing but a violently carved canyon.

Paper crumpled in his hand; a picture, slightly wrinkled by shaking hands, nearly tumbled into the nothingness below. His grip tightened, and he blinked back the tears that dribbled onto the photograph. The blonde woman in the image continued to smile at him, sloped nose and dimples echoing features he saw in the mirror each morning. He clung to the photo, sobbing at the view of the beautiful woman who would never again have the opportunity to smile like that.

His knees gave out, and he fell to the dusty ground, wetting the dirt with the tears that stung his eyes.

* * *

He was vaguely aware of a comforting whisper in his ear, of a hand running down his tired back. His vision blurred, and he sniffled, lifting his face slightly from the ground. His eyes fell to the photograph, and once more the tears began to flow. He hiccupped and his body shuddered with sobs held back for days.

Strong arms snaked around his back, holding him close. He buried his face in her shoulder and cried until exhaustion prevented more tears from falling.

His face drew back, and her hand traced the line of his jaw. She gently kissed each of his eyelids, his cheek, and then let her lips lightly brush against his.

“T’Pol...” he croaked, his voice still hoarse.

She placed a finger over his lips, then helped him to his feet, gently grasping his hand. They left the gorge, and walked the few yards to the massive stone memorial. The vast stone wall stretched out before them, its simple grey surface scarred with an alphabetical list of names. Without another word they walked along the curves of the massive wall that rimmed the crater, both heading for the same section. They crouched down, finding at the bottom of a column the name they sought—just one tiny name hidden on wall containing millions. Elizabeth Tucker.

New tears flowed, as his finger traced the chiseled words, but again, a hand on his shoulder steadied him, and gentle fingers wiped the wet droplets from his cheeks and chin.

He kissed the picture lightly and placed it at the foot of the memorial. Finally calm again, he stood and turned from the wall.

T’Pol squeezed his hand slightly as they stepped away. Her arms wrapped around him once more, her hands running softly over his back as she held him close. She kissed his cheek and whispered “Trip, you did not have to come alone.”

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Beautiful in its stark power. This short piece was just the right length.

Since the Xindi episode aired with the scene of a smiling Elizabeth waving while the weapon approaches behind her, I have been deeply touched by this heatbreaking death. I am still trying to figure out why. Its a TV show, just a TV show! But it really is more. And it was beautifully concieved and well acted. I have written several fics: one where she escapes this fate and several with Trip trying to cope with the loss. Yours says it best in the shortest package.

Excellent and very powerful!

Oh so lovely. So touching so sad... just like that episode and the Trip, T'Pol, and Elizabeth connections.

very poignant, Exceptionally well thought out

A very powerful and Moving story about Elizabeth's loss afeesting Trip and T'Pol's connection being affected by her memory. Well done thank you for sharing your story with us.

Extremely moving. Are you sure this is your first fic?

I can totally buy this happening immediately prior to their visit to Vulcan in "Home" which, to me, makes it all the more poignant.

Very moving. Very powerful. I can't help but wonder, though, if T'Pol would really be comfortable with such an overt display of affection in a public place. What do you guys think? Is T'Pol in character in this piece or not?

Good point, Distracted. I guess I totally missed that element when I originally read this. Perhaps after "Bound" ('cause THAT was a PDA if there ever was one) but definitely not pre-Home.

Distracted, I think T'Pol would not show this kind of emotion with other people present. I think she might take Trip's hand and drag him to the nearest private place to do it. But in my view, the blackened Xindi ditch is a desolate and lonely place most of the time, avoided as just too disturbing for most people. So in this story, I see Trip and T'Pol there all alone so showing emotion would not be unacceptable. Is this how the author sees it?

There have been so many stories about Lizzy, but I never seem to tire of them. Just what is it about the loss of this particular person that grips all of us gut level so strongly? In my view, I think it is Connor's magic - his artistic talent and the talent of whoever conceived of that terrible scene where the weapon is creeping up on Elizabeth. What do you all think?

I'm going to have to agree with Linda that I was thinking of Trip and T'Pol alone when this happens. I also can't imagine T'Pol being into PDA. I know I'm not and I'm not even Vulcan! :) I never really set an era for this to take place but I can definitely agree with the reasons for it to be later. It could even be in some future time when T/T are finally together.

As for Lizzy, I also am compelled by her, and it's totally Connor. I was thinking a lot about the Forgotten when I wrote this because his feelings for Lizzy are just so powerful and it's a great moment of T/T comfort. Trip has such a tendency to deny his pain and not let other people help him through things. I wanted to play with that a little in the way that I wish things would happen.

You played with that beautifully, Saint. Please play some more!

And the best scene about Trip's denial that I can think of was when in The Xindi (I think it was that episode), he jumped all over Malcolm for asking about a memorial for Lizzy. I just could not pass that up and had to put my thoughts into fiction. So, what are you writing for us next, huh? Huh? Please?

I didn't have a problem with T'Pol in this piece at all. The way the story is written, you have no idea when it takes place. I pictured it as taking place just after "Terra Prime" as their daughter's death stirring up memories.

I figure if it's somehow perfectly understandable for T'Pol to suddenly turn carnivore and eat catfish, it's probably also perfectly understandable for T'Pol to show some affection too. :-)

This was very nicely written. It's too bad we didn't get to see this on the show. I hope you'll write more stories. I'll be watching for them.

A very powerful and moving piece. I liked the flow and the simplicity very much! Really an amazing first fic!

Very moving and powerful. It was really great

I really enjoyed this little piece. It was very sweet and effective. I guess I do see Distracted's point though. We've seen T'Pol show small signs of affection toward Trip, but her previous means of giving him comfort have only included such things as a shoulder squeeze (The Forgotten) and a hand hold (Terra Prime). Everyone has their own interpretation of characters though and since we don't know what she might do when the two are alone together, I suppose this kind of behavior is possible. This was a very moving fic. Please continue to write.

That's me in the above post. Forgot to put in my name. Again! Sorry.

Abso-freakin'-lutely gorgeous. That was beautiful, incredibly touching, and wonderfully written. Thank you for this little treasure! :)

I agree with Distracted that the PDA is a little over the top for T'Pol, but the last line was perfect and perfectly in character: She kissed his cheek and whispered “Trip, you did not have to come alone.”

As for why Lizzy's death gets to us? For me it's the 9/11 analogy. All those firemen, in the prime of their life. Now its the soldiers in Iraq. Did you notice the last lost soldier was nameed "Tucker." I think we greive for these imaginary characters in place of many other real life ones we'll never have a chance to know. It's all the same: innocent people, regular people going about their business.

One little point I just remembered. In a TNG episode, Beverly Crusher was going to make a Vulcan dish which was with molusks from a sea on Vulcan. So I think Vulcans, at least some of them, would not see fish the same way they see meat from mammals or other land species. T'Pol might very well eat fish. Were there any ENT episodes where she refused fish as being non-vegetarian and would not eat them?