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Fulfilled - Pt 3

Author - Samantha Quinn
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Fulfilled

By Samantha Quinn

~~~

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: in Part I

Part III

Contrition

Archer’s POV

~~~~~

“Hello, Trip. Do you have a minute?”

“Sure, Admiral, come on in.”

As I step into Trip’s quarters, I think about how much roomier quarters on Prometheus are than they used to be on Enterprise. They’re even divided somewhat into compartments, whereas ours used to be little more than a large square with a desk and bed crammed into it.

Trip’s particular quarters look especially large, given the meager decorations . Other than the clothes hanging in his closet, Trip apparently brought only three items with him. Two PADDs and a lone framed photograph sit atop his desk. It’s funny, they seem so . . . secluded. Actually, that’s a pretty good description of how Trip’s entire quarters feel. On Enterprise they were never this empty. He’d always made an effort to keep them clean, but they were filled to the brim with books, PADDS, photographs. I can’t fight the wave of sadness that washes over me, when I remember that there was a time that I knew exactly where each of those photographs went, and on which shelf. Now. . . well, now I don’t even know who is in the only one he feels the need to have on his desk.

Curiously, I walk over to his desk to examine the photograph. It’s a picture of Charlie, Trip, T’Pol, Koval, Maggie, and me taken five and a half years ago, just after Koval’s high school graduation.

“Admiral? Is there something you wanted?” Trip asks. He sounds agitated, I notice. After the way I treated him this morning, I don’t blame him.

“Nice picture,” I offer, sitting it back down on the desk and turning to face Trip.

“Yeah. . . " Trip stops for a moment. I wait, hoping he’ll say more. I still don’t know how to say what I came here to say in the first place. The longer I can postpone it, the better. Apparently, he hears my silent plea. Or maybe he’s just trying to fill the uncomfortable silence between us. Uncomfortable silence. Once, we could have sat for hours without saying a word watching water polo, which is far from the loudest sport in existence. What happened to that security? That friendship?

Regardless of what happened to it, Trip decides to continue. “Well, I always keep that one pretty close to my bed. It’s the first one I see when I wake up, and the last one I see ‘afore I go to bed. Just in case tomorrow doesn’t see fit to show up.”

“That’s kind of morbid, Trip.”

He offers a shrug. “Maybe. Maybe it’s just honest, Admiral.”

Another uncomfortable silence passes between us, as I try to remember the last time he called me something besides my rank. “Trip, do you remember our last visit to Cochrane Memorial Park?”

He seems somewhat taken aback by my question, but nods. Hesitant. So hesitant. “It was the night before our assignment to Enterprise.”

I perch somewhat uncomfortably on the edge of his desk. “Yep. I’ll never forget how excited we both were.” He gives the slightest of smiles. It’s incredible how much that smile warms my heart. I’ll freely admit how much I miss it – and him. “It was also the last time you called me ‘Jon.’”

The smile disappears and is soon replaced by a confused look. Even in his advanced age, the puzzled expression is enough to drag up the feelings of protection that I’ve tried so hard to suppress, ever since The Incident. The Incident that changed my perception of Trip. The very same incident that cracked a decade long friendship. It still makes me shiver, when I think about it. So I try not to.

“Well, Jon, what brings you here tonight?” There’s not a trace of bitterness in that tone. . . just exhaustion.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning. It wasn’t . . . I didn’t mean what I said, and I certainly didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Does it really matter if you mean it?”

That takes me by surprise. “What?”

“Never mind. Apology accepted.”

I wonder briefly if his previous comment meant something more significant, but he sounds sincere enough, so I let it go. After all, I came here to apologize – and explain myself – not to cause further agitation than necessary. “It’s just . . . well, I spoke to Malcolm before we left, and he mentioned that it’d been a couple weeks since he’d heard from you.”

My hands have become increasingly interesting as Trip only stares at me uncomprehendingly, as if he can’t begin to understand how that relates to anything. I fight back the hurt that struggles to surface, and explain quietly, “It’s been a lot longer than a couple weeks for me, Trip.”

Is that ever an understatement. The man I have always considered my best friend has not been in contact even once in the entire five years since he left Earth.

“Well, ya know, Admiral, I’ve been pretty busy.”

Not two minutes have passed and we’re back to Admiral? Can’t I ever go back to being just Jon again?

“But not too busy for Malcolm. Not too busy for Travis. Not too busy for Hoshi. Not too busy for Phlox.”

Trip pauses for a moment before answering. Again, the silence is unbearable.

“Did ya talk to all of them before ya left?”

“Yes. I keep in touch with all of my former senior staff.” I bite back ‘except for you.’ I figure it’s implied.

“I never heard from you either, Admiral.”

I bite back the assuredly paranoid delusion that Trip is doing it on purpose. Just habit, right? And old habits die hard. “You’re the one that left, Trip. I expected you to be the one that kept in touch.”

“You never asked me to.”

“I didn’t realize I had to. I thought it should be glaringly obvious to anyone how much your leaving was affecting me.”

Trip leans back on the bed, balancing his weight on the palm of his hands and regards me for a couple minutes. “It wasn’t to me.”

I let the sigh escape and turn my gaze towards the stars that rush past. They’ve always offered me calm, and they don’t disappoint tonight. “Your leaving. . . felt like a knife to the gut, Trip. My life was – is – going to hell, my son left home, my wife and I lost the love we had for one another, and the one person I can count on – the one I depend on – left.”

I lock gazes with Trip long enough to recognize the flash of anger that crosses his face. It’s a fleeting moment, though, and is so quickly replaced that I wonder if I imagined it. “I know you’ve experienced some loss, Admiral. But my life hasn’t been the easiest the past couple years either.”

That’s true. It’s funny, I always thought Trip and Natalie had a wonderful marriage. Neither of them let on otherwise. “I know, Trip. But there’s more to it. Not only did you leave. . . but I envied you.”

There’s no mistaking the look of incredulousness that crosses his face this time. “YOU envied ME?”

“You were continuing to do relevant, useful things for Starfleet.”

“Ya don’t think you’re makin’ a useful contribution to Starfleet?”

“I haven’t felt useful since the Federation formed.”

“Admiral. . . Jon. You’re the reason the Federation formed.”

I allow myself a smile at that and for just a moment, I revel in the glimpse of my old buddy Trip. “It’s not the same Trip. . . you know, it’s funny. If someone had asked me twenty-seven years ago, I never would have guessed that you and T’Pol would remind me so much of each other in the end.”
I see the startled look, and can’t help but chuckle. It’s good to know that some things never change.

“What do ya mean?” Trip asks slowly.

With a sigh, I attempt to tell Trip of my frustration. . . “Seeing her so content with her job as an Ambassador. . . Trip, I know it sounds selfish, but dammit, it hurts knowing her career will continue to rise, while I’m essentially washed up, finished, irrelevant.”

“You’re not irrelevant, Jon.” He says it with such conviction, that it takes me by surprise. My surprise only increases when he gets up from the bed and walks over to where I’m still perched on his desk. Laying a hand on my shoulder and looking me firmly in the eye, he says, “You’re my friend. One I treasure very much, and would sacrifice almost anything for. I’m sorry if I haven’t made that clear, but you can be damn sure that our friendship isn’t ‘irrelevant,’ and it never was.”

It’s funny how much three little sentences can mean to me. “Thank you, Trip,” I manage softly.

There’s another lull in the conversation as I struggle to force my voice to be steady before I ask, “So, tell me about life on Kowl.”

“Ah, it’s hectic. I’m always havin’ to mediate a bunch of squabbles between two equally stubborn forces that don’t realize just how much alike they sound when their voices elevate.”

The laughter comes from it’s own accord as I picture the scene his words conjure up. “Sounds familiar.”

He looks at me quizzically. “What do ya mean?”

“Meal times on Enterprise ring any bells?”

I see him glance briefly at the photo at my side before he shrugs, and offers, “Nah, that was different. I never hated T’Pol.”

“Sometimes I used to wonder.”

“I never did.”

“I really wondered on our wedding day. You seemed pretty unhappy for a best man.”

“I wasn’t unhappy for ya I was just . . . worried . . . that ya were doin’ the right thing.”

I snort. “Then maybe I should have paid better attention to your concerns, Trip. Maybe then we’d all be a lot better off. You know. . . Vulcans bond for life.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I never thought I’d have a problem with that. When T’Pol agreed to marry me, I promised she’d have my heart, and I never thought I’d ever entertain any notion otherwise. . . . back then, it didn’t matter what T’Pol wouldn’t say, because I knew she felt it. But now. . . it’s so cold, and empty in that marriage. It wasn’t always you know. Before we were married, T’Pol was more passionate than any woman I’ve ever known.”

“What happened?”

“It didn’t take long for our relationship to change, Trip. I . . . I don’t know why. But I turned a blind eye towards it, until we found ourselves back on Earth.”

I pause again, and wonder if Trip will think less of me for what I’m about to confess. “Things have been so wrong for so long. . . “ I falter, trying to find the right words. “I always thought I’d be true, but. . . “

“Well, sometimes a broken heart can your perspectives.”

“Her name’s Laura.”

“How long have ya been with her?”

“We aren’t. . . weren’t together. . . not really. But I’ve never wanted anything so badly since . . . well, since I wanted T’Pol. Laura. . . she’s amazing. She’s a pilot instructor at the Academy’s branch for civilian flight instruction.”

“Ah. Tell me about her.”

That takes me by surprise. But I’m happy for the opportunity, as I’ve kept her mostly a treasured secret all these long months. So I tell Trip about how beautiful she is, with her auburn curls and blue eyes. I tell him about her zest for adventure and fun, including her love for the antique sport of skydiving. I share with him her dislike of sitting still and her passion for Greek architecture. I reveal to him her preference for cooked strawberries, raw potatoes, and cheese covered pickles. I enlighten him of the knowledge that she has two daughters and always wanted more, something her currently deceased husband of twenty-five years disagreed with her on. Among these important facts, I manage to impart what T’Pol would surely denote as frivolous. . . such as Laura’s preference for green over pink, extra pulp over low pulp in her orange juice, and Richard Dean Anderson’s Colonel Jack O’Neill over Kurt Russell’s.

“. . . And to think, eight months ago, I had no idea what Stargate was,” I muse.

“Oh, it’s a classic,” Trip informs me. “One of the greatest contributions of the late twentieth century to entertainment. Personally, I’m a bit partial to Teal’c.”

“I never much cared for science fiction till I met Laura,” I admit.

“Well,” Trip says with a sigh. “Love’ll make a person do strange things.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You said that you and Laura aren’t. . together. . .?” Trip stumbles over the question and his hand comes up to his face, rubbing his stubble nervously.

“No.” God, that hurts to say. “Not. . I’m not that type of man, Trip. I. . . When I married T’Pol, I made a promise, Trip, and what kind of man would I be if I didn’t keep my promises?”

“But-“

I shake my head vehemently. “I still love T’Pol, Trip. It’s faded somewhat, but I still love her. I could have easily loved Laura just as much, and maybe even more. . . but I let her go. Because I made a vow, and I intend to keep that vow.”

When Trip speaks again, his voice is so quiet that I have to strain to hear him. “If. . .If you could go back and change it all. . .would ya?”

I’ve thought about that a lot lately, and I’m able to answer Trip honestly. “No. Because if I changed any event, I wouldn’t have my son. As much discomfort as T’Pol and I have had in our union, Koval is always a reminder of happier times. He’s proof there was a time when I loved T’Pol and she loved me, and no one can ever take that from us. And not only that. . .but, regardless of Koval and my differences, I love that boy. He’s . . . well, you have a son. I’m sure you understand.”

There’s another silence, not as uncomfortable as the first. “Yeah, I sure do. Hey, maybe before this delegation is all over, we can watch a water polo match. It’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure of watching Texas kick California’s sorry ass.”

God, how I’ve missed this. “It’s been entirely too long, Trip. Tomorrow?”

I think I see a slight wince, but he nods enthusiastically. “Sure thing, Ad- Jon. Don’t have any other plans.”

We say our goodbyes, and I’m treated with a friend to friend hug that I haven’t felt in what must be decades. I leave Trip’s quarters with a smile on my face, glad that I visited and certain that our friendship was repaired tonight.

~~

To Be Continued. . .


Continue to Part 4

Return to Part 2

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Oh no!!.Archer said just about everything that Trip really didn't want to hear and will he ever tell him now that Koval is not his son. Trip should really stop thinking about hurting Archers feelings and start thinking about his own feelings, because feeling sorry for Archer got him into this mess in the first place.Sniff!

D*** that man! Oh he makes me sooo mad, telling Trip about Laura and how he only stays with T'Pol because of Koval. God poor Trip must be contemplating suicide or something. Please, please don't let part 4 get any sadder than this

You are a master at wrenching my emotions. Will Trip ever get any peace and resolution? Oh, I hope so. Please continue soon....

Oooh, Archer just makes me so mad with his oblivious selfishness. The whole gosh darn universe just has to revolve around him doesn't it? Wanker.

Let him believe what he wants. Those blue eyes are Trip's! :)

You know, it's been so long since I read the beginning of this series that I've forgotten why T'Pol married Archer anyway. What happened?

ARCHER! He's done it again! He's put his foot in his mouth-up to his HIPS! Tell me Admiral Archer, do you like the taste of toes, constantly!?!?!
A reminder? No one can take that away from you?! MORON! ::sigh:: where did Koval's characteristics come from, hmmmm? What about his love of pecan pie? Oh, thats right. You were busy forcing your vision on him, not getting to know him.
ARGH!!!!!
Please, update soon! The last wait was sooooooo long! (30 minutes until "Harbinger!")

I've never wanted a reset button more than I do for this story. Good grief. Archer is such a clueless ass.

Very anticipated, excellent chapter. But after that admission by Archer... Would there be happiness for T & T?

BAH !!!!!

It's not Archers fault. The poor guy has been lied to by the two people he trusted the most. I'm not a Archer fan by any means but REALLY cut the guy some slack in this story.
If Trip had had the guts to stand by T'Pol & marry her after she declared her love for him.....

..... Helm set course for the AGNST system, maximum warp !!!

(PS keep it coming)

Great chapter. It is not right that Archer is "cheating" on T'Pol, but it is evened out by both Trip and T'Pol's betrayal and manipulations of the past.
Can't wait for the next chapter.

people need to step back and remember the trip in the story is not the one we have seen this season.
the trip in the story let his anger control him...

from the story
"Doctor Phlox once noted that the human psyche is an interesting, if fragile, phenomenon. The death of his sister transformed Commander Tucker from a caring, compassionate, and gentle man to one consumed by anger, revenge, and hatred. The transition was a decidedly unpleasant one, not only for myself, but for Commander Tucker’s friends aboard the Enterprise."

and what happened..
“He’s had time-he’s just deteriorated. You can’t understand. You don’t know what he was like before the attack. He used to be kind, caring, warm, friendly-now he’s an angry, unfeeling bastard. When he shot the Xindi on the planet yesterday, we didn‘t know if they were civilian or military. Trip didn‘t care. He just shot them. It wasn’t necessary. They weren’t harming us.”

“Malcolm, he did a lot less damage because you were there to stop him.”

“Not before he shot the child.”

********

Starfleet had placed Commander Tucker on probation after the investigation into the incident revealed the settlement to be a civilian one. The inclusion of children and exclusion of weapons present in the camp provided the necessary clues to warrant such an action. The Captain had been devastated. Devastated that not only had Commander Tucker potentially ruined his career, but hurt because “I never thought Trip would do something like this.”

My own grief was not something I anticipated. Yet there was no denying my feelings in the matter. I grieved for the child, for Commander Tucker, and for myself. I looked for signs of remorse, prodded for signs of internal pain. Yet I could see none. It caused me considerable distress. In retrospect, I now know that the feelings of distress had a much stronger reason behind them. "


the rest can be found at..
http://triptpolers.houseoftucker.com/fiction/author_samantha_quinn_unfulfilled.shtml

i think a key phrase to understand what happened to archer is the he never believed trip could do something like that.

after watching first flight it is pretty obvious that a lot of what is good and human about jon came about from his interactions with a.g. and especially trip.

even though jon knows trip has a temper he also knows that it is quick the pass and not really dangerous.

jon thinks of trip as this kind gentle person who cares for others who in many ways needs to be protected.

in some ways i see shared grief over what trip did in the story to be a catalyst that drew them both together.

i dont know if they can ever tell him the full truth about what happened but maybe part of it and that tpol is unhappy as he is now may lead a way for them to get out of this mess.

Yes we know Trip was changed by the death of his sister and went through a very dark period in his life but the reason he didn't accept T'pols offer was because of his devotion to Archer. He felt that his best friend was in love with T'pol and he couldn't bear to hurt him. Why did T'pol make the decision to go ahead and marry him when she knew she loved Trip?. Trips feelings for T'pol were not really explained in Unfullfilled we really only got T'pols POV and the overwhelming feeling by Trip that he couldn't break his best friends heart by accepting her offer. Would Archer have done the same if the roles had been reversed. Would he give up T'pol if he found out that Trip loves her?.

Wow, this is one of those stories that just grab you. Archer's hypocrisy is stunning. His in-depth knowledge of this Laura amounts to emotional adultery. They had to have spent a pretty good chunk of time together for him to know so much. I'm really looking forward to part 4.

This was painfully excellent. I felt sorry for both Trip and Jon. Both honorable decent men in their own right but having made decisions that have gone so awry neither can see a way out of the straight jacket of the emotional impasse that is their current lives. Funny, but repairing the friendship with Jon is likely to hurt Trip even more than never speaking to him again. Ali D :~)

Okay, well I wasn't going to say anything with so many people talking about how great this story is but I just can't take it. I read "Unfulfilled" and you had me cryin' practically. You MUST finish this story because it's one of the best I've ever seen. This is a beautiful story... I won't be like the others though. Take your time if you have to! Just as long as the quality stays as good as it has so far... I have no doubts that it will though because your a GREAT writer. I hate sad endings but I can't help but like this story! Believe me, this is one story that I think should go in the top ten. Keep up the good work. I can't wait for the next part... I'm guessing your gonna do it from Koval's POV????