If you are seeing this paragraph, the site is not displaying correctly. You can see the content, but your current browser does not support CSS which is necessary to view our site properly. For the best visual experience, you will need to upgrade your browser to Netscape 6.0 or higher, MSIE 5.5 or higher, or Opera 3.6 or higher. If, however, you don't wish to upgrade your browser, scroll down and read the content - everything is still visible, it just doesn't look as pretty.

Fulfilled - Pt 4

Author - Samantha Quinn
Fan Fiction Main Page | Stories sorted by title, author, genre, and rating

Fulfilled

By Samantha Quinn


Rating: PG
Disclaimer: in Part I
Spoilers: Some for “Hatchery.” This is an A/U reality, but apparently some of the same events transpired in both universes. :)

Part IV

Dwindling Twilight

Koval’s POV

~~

The Next Day. . .

~~~

One of my instructors at Starfleet Academy once warned us that the most perilous results would arise from seemingly mundane and benign missions. At the time, not only had I not believed him, but I believed him to simply be engaging in the human tendency towards hyperbole. It appears that, at least for today, Admiral Carter was correct.

Five hours ago, before I departed Prometheus, I could not have imagined that it would signal the beginning of what is likely going to be my last mission. Complacently, I bid my bondmate a brief goodbye and exchanged a quick promise with my mother.

~~

Had I been entirely human, I would have rolled my eyes. “I am the most qualified to investigate the dilithium deposits, Captain Sheldon. I am, after all, the chief engineer.”

“I’m an engineer. I’ll go,” Trip volunteers.

“With respect, Commissioner Tucker, it has been some time since you were an active engineer,” I reminded him gently.

“Koval’s right, Trip. I’ll be part of the landing party; He’ll be fine,” Admiral Archer spoke up, sending a smile to Maggie, in an attempt to placate her. “I’ll bring him back in one piece, Lieutenant Reed, Scout’s Honor.”

Before we left, mother locked gazes with me and said softly, in Vulcan, “Take care of your father, Koval.”

“I will, mother,” I promised, glad for once that the Admiral had never bothered to learn my mother’s language.

~~~

It appears that neither the Admiral nor I are going to be able to keep our promises. For, I am surely dying, and the Admiral is besieged with grief.

I regret that my last words to my mother will have been a lie. I also regret that I did not take more time to say good bye to my bondmate. I will not attempt to reach her through the bond – she cannot handle the pain I am experiencing, given her current condition.

Again, I feel the dueling dichotomy of my heritage. My Vulcan half accepts the inevitability of my death. My human half, however, laments the future of my unborn son. A son which shall never know his father, and as such, shall unwillingly and unwittingly follow in his father’s footsteps.

“Koval? Hey, hang in there, kiddo. I’m not the engineer that you or Trip are, but I think I almost have this communicator working again. I’m sure the Doctor will be able to patch you up good as new once we’re back on board the Prometheus.” The quiver in the Admiral’s voice betrays the confidence he is trying to project.

His voice, as strained and unnatural as it currently is, provides a sensation of soothing comfort to me in my current state. The same toxin that is rapidly taking my life has rendered his visible appearance little more than colorful splotches which fade in and out of view, depending on his proximity.

In contrast, his voice is loud and exceedingly clear, perhaps more so than it should be. Although he is relatively close to me, it feels as though he is shouting, though that would be inappropriate for the situation.

“Archer to Prometheus . . . we have a medical emergency down here. . . "

Distinctly, I can feel the panic of my bondmate. In vain, I wish I could send reassurance her way, but to do so would be too dangerous, as I cannot control the sensations I would project. Her panic is to be expected. The second panic I feel, however, surprises me. It takes me a moment to realize it to be the grief of my mother.

“. . . I don’t know, T’Pol! He was investigating the dilithium deposits –"

The very reason I beamed down to the planet with the Admiral in the first place. Admiral Carter would no doubt appreciate the irony of this circumstance.

“And had an allergic reaction to the toxin in one of the plants nearby – the Angora, Agoria, Dammit, Koval, what was the name of the plant?”

I can hear my mother’s reply even before I can form the words. “Angoran rosebush.” Her voice does not betray the same emotional instability of the Admiral, but neither does it contain the same soothing calm that placated so many worries of my youth. Distinctly, I can her explain the significance of that particular plant to Captain Sheldon and the Admiral. Its pollen attacks the neurosystem of Vulcans, killing them almost instantly. The Vulcan half of me cannot help but marvel that the plant has found so far from its homeworld. The Human half of me marvels at the idea that I may die because of a rosebush. No other plants on Earth are as treasured as the rose. And yet, it may be the reason for my death.

Admiral Carter would appreciate the irony of that as well.

“Koval? Your mother says we have to do something called a . . . meld? She said you’d know what to do.”

Melds. Ah, yes. Melding acts as a stabilizing agent - not only in the case of Angoran rosebushes, but in many other diseases of the Vulcan neurosystem. Bendaii Syndrome, for example.

And typically, in instances of pon farr.

Unquestionably, Admiral Carter would appreciate the cruel irony of that truth.

Unfortunately, he shall never be privy to the full story – no more than the Admiral beside me can be. Which is why I cannot do the one thing that could positively save my life. The type of meld that would be required to counteract the effects of the Angoran rosebush would require a full exchange of our essences. If I were to do so with Admiral Archer, he would know the truth of everything that I know. Including the truth of my heritage.

I think of my mother and birth father, who have both sacrificed so much to prevent him from that knowledge. I think of all the sacrifices made. ..

“KOVAL!” I am certain that he is shouting now. “Meld with me! A shuttle’s on the way, but your mother said they won’t get here in time.”

“No. . can’t.” Surak help me, it hurts so badly to talk.

“Of course you can, Koval. I’ll help. Just tell me what to do.”

“No. . no. . sacr-" The burning sensation in my throat increases tenfold with each progressive syllable. “Sacrifices.”

The word, when I finally manage to summon it, reminds me of the last conversation I had with Trip.

~~

“ . . . and she must have one hell of an engineer to keep her runnin’ in such good shape,” Trip is finishing when my thoughts rejoin the present.

“Thank you. However, I will only be her engineer for another eleven months. At that point, I will be joining Maggie and our son on Starbase Twelve.”

“It’s gotta be a hard thing to give up.”

“When you cherish someone, as I do Maggie, you must be willing to make sacrifices for them,” I reply. The crestfallen expression that crosses his face tells me that he has taken my words in the wrong context. His ever consuming guilt has helped him to make the wrong assumption. Laying a hand lightly on his shoulder, I wait for him to meet my glance before I respond. When his surprised look finds me, I tell him, “I learned such a lesson from you. Did you not sacrifice a promising career so that you could be at home with your offspring?”

“I could have sacrificed more,” he responds. “Things might. . might have turned out differently. . . better.”

“No one could ask you to sacrifice more, fairly.”

The unspoken truth lay between us, still forbidden. To speak of it – to acknowledge the truthfulness of our relationship – would seem to be a betrayal to my other father, the one who did not give me life, but did give me his devotion.

Instead, I turn my attention to the photo that sits on his desk. It fills me with irrational joy to know that I occupy the same space as Charlie does. He follows my gaze and says, “When your son is born, you’ll have to make sure ya send me some holo pics. And lots of ‘em.”

“I will.”

~~~

I regret not being able to fulfill that promise. If I had known that could be our last conversation, I would have perhaps lingered. Instead, I left his presence to join my bondmate.

Still, the time I spent with my father for the duration of this journey has been greater than the amount of time I have spent with my mother. Given our closeness, and my impending death, that is something I truly regret.

“Koval, meld with me! Please, oh, God, Koval – " Archer is still pleading beside me.

My death shall cause him sufficient pain, I am aware of that. It shall also cause sufficient pain to my mother and father. If I considered their wishes alone, I would no doubt be justified in melding with the Admiral, even with the risk of sharing my knowledge. I would undoubtedly survive that exchange of information. I would survive and see the agony such a revelation would cause to three of the people I cherish most.

If I were attempting to be logical, I would simply meld with the Admiral. Yet, logic has no place within the midst of emotions I currently experience.

If I could communicate such with the Admiral, I’m sure he would see humor in it. Has he not always encouraged me to embrace my emotions?

“Koval, are you still with me? Can you still talk? Say something, Koval!” He is near hysterics.

Strangely, I find myself having pleasant memories of Archer as well.

~~

“Did you have a good time today, Koval?” The Admiral asked as we exited the Starfleet Museum.

“Yes, Father. Thank you for bringing me to see The Phoenix.”

“You’re welcome, Koval. Ya know, when I was little my father and I used to come here every weekend.”

“While The Phoenix was a crucial piece of history, Father, I do not understand what additional knowledge you could have gained by repeated trips to the museum. Undoubtedly the docent gives the same tour –"

“Oh, Koval, that wasn’t the point at all. We didn’t come to the museum to learn new information.”

“Then what was the purpose?”

“The purpose, Koval, was to spend time with one another. My dad was busy – a lot – and the time we spent together was very precious to us. Our weekly trips to the museum were one of the ways we connected.”

“I see.”

“You know, I always looked forward to the time I would have a son, so that I could share the same kind of bond that my father and I shared.”

“Is that why you brought me here today, Admiral?”

“Partially. I also know that you’re really interested in the history of space travel.”

“It is an interesting account of my two peoples. However, I must say that this particular museum is especially human-centric.”

“I suppose it is. . . you know, Koval, there are still some humans who, well, have the same attitude towards Vulcans as I had at the beginning of Enterprise’s mission.”

“I am well aware of that, Father.”

“Yeah, I suppose you are. If someone had told me then that I would go on to marry a Vulcan and father half of one, I never would believed it.”

“I am glad that such events came to pass, Father.”

“You’re not the only one. I know you and I have our differences, Koval. But I want to you know that your mother and I are the two most important people in the universe to me. I’m more proud to be your father and her husband than I am of any other role I’ve ever played – and that includes being the Captain of the Enterprise. If I lost either one of you. . . it would kill me. I don’t always express it very well, but promise me you’ll never forget that, Koval.”

“I promise, Father.”

~~~

That is one promise I am able to keep.

In truth, it is memories such as these that forbid me from melding with the Admiral. All the numerous times I have found myself at odds with him are just beyond the grasp of my memory. It is these memories that bonded me to him, in the same fashion that I have bonded to Trip.

“Koval, they’re entering the upper stratosphere. They’ll be here any minute. They had to send a shuttlepod. Something’s wrong with the transporters. . . "

Mother will not understand, of course. She will try to use logic where logic has no place. Logically, she will see my refusal to bond with Archer as sacrificing a life to save feelings. Surely, there can be no such logic, she will claim. Again, I lament the lack of time we have spent together during this journey. Yet, I can find solace in the innumerable times we have spent together, enjoying the harmony that came from being aliens in a human world as well as the natural bonding between a mother and son. Memories flash before me, being rocked and comforted by my mother in a tenderness that would surprise most humans – the ones that believed Vulcans to be truly emotionless. They are fools. Of all those responsible for my upbringing, my mother’s caresses, compassion, and love have been the most accessible.

~~

“Something has caused you concern, my son.”

“No.”

“It is illogical to lie to your mother. I know you as well as you know yourself.”

“I am well.”

“You spoke to Soval, did you not?”

“Yes.”

“Then I know you are lying. It is a statistical impossibility to exit a conversation with Soval and be mentally well.”

“Humor does not become you, mother.”

“I was not attempting to be humorous, my son. Rather, I was speaking from past knowledge.”

“I thought Soval was your mentor.”

“Indeed he has been, and to some extent, continues to be. That does not mean our relationship has been flawless. The fact that our relationship is a difficult one does not demonstrate a lack of affection for one another. No doubt you understand this first hand, given your relationship with Jonathan.”

“Indeed. However, I find the whole thing illogical.”

“Feelings are not subject to logic, Koval. Why do you suppose we suppress them?”

“Soval believes I do not do a sufficient job at suppressing them.”

“Soval has believed that about me for many years. In time, you will grow to appreciate his hypocrisy in that matter.”

“I look forward to that outcome, Mother.”

“You should remember, Koval, that numerous individuals have been scrutinized publicly for making unpopular decisions. Surak himself was not immediately embraced, as you well know. In addition, my decision to stay on the Enterprise was viewed with extreme scrutiny. Surak’s dedication brought logic to our people; mine brought you.”

“Hardly comparable results, Mother.”

“They are of equal importance to me, Koval.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

“ I must take my leave of you now. There are several slices of pie in the refrigeration unit. Captain Tucker calls it ‘comfort food,’ I believe.”

“I believe I shall test his theory on that subject.”

~~~

My father, on the other hand, may in time come to understand. No doubt he shall mourn my loss, and possibly quite strongly, as he is a passionate man. Yet, I recall memories from my youth of the great hesitation Trip took in shooting the Admiral during the Insectoid hatchery incident in the Expanse. Even with a phase pistol set on stun, Trip was reluctant to fire at his dear friend. Such a trait was no doubt partially the reason for his reluctance to love my mother, even when it became obvious that he held feelings for her.

Trip was reluctant to cause temporary harm to the Admiral, even with billions of lives at stake . Surely he can understand my reluctance to cause permanent pain to the same man. Perhaps not at first, but in time he will. Then, of all my parents, he has usually been the one to understand me best.

~~~

“Can I come in?”

“Y-y-yes.”

“Hey, squirt. How ya doin’?”

“I am w-well, Trip.”

“I thought I’d come and check on ya before dinner.”

“I told you, Trip. I am well.”

“Yeah, I heard ya. But I wanted to make sure. I promised the Admiral and T’Pol that I’d take good care of ya while they went on their mission.”

“I am well, Trip.”

“Yeah, so ya said.”

“Charlie told you about today’s events, did he not?”

“Yep. Wanna talk about it?”

“I do not see the point in dwelling upon the illogic of my classmates.”

“Well, maybe I’ll just sit here, and enjoy your company, and if there’s anything you feel like sayin’, I’ll be right here.”

It was, I recognized, a compromise. His human half wanted desperately to continue to pry, even while he understood that such was not the way of a Vulcan. Had my parents been there, the Admiral would have prodded; my mother would have left me to quiet contemplation. I was grateful for the compromise.

We sat there, as seconds transgressed into minutes. He ignored my childish attempts at stoicism, rudely betrayed by the alternating sounds of rude sniffles and an occasional escaped sob.

“Trip?”

“Yes, Koval?”

“Charlie is not going to be punished, is he?”

“Nah. He didn’t do anything I probably wouldn’t have done myself. It’d be pretty hypocritical of me to do anything about it.”

“S-striking another being goes against the teachings of Surak, and is therefore not the logical solution.”

“Well, us Tuckers have never been known for their logic, squirt.”

“Although, I fail to see the l-logic in comparing my ears to that of a fictional elephant whose existence was a product of inferior twentieth century Earth animation.”

“Somehow, I think Surak would agree with ya, squirt.”

“Have you ever seen ‘Dumbo,’ Trip?”

“Yep.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“It’s always been one of my favorites – never fails to make me cry like a little boy, though.”

“I fail to see the logic in purposely watching something that would make me cry.”

“It’s part of being an emotional human, Koval.”

“Well, I am pleased to know your emotionally flawed human self, Trip.”

“And I am pleased to know your very logical Vulcan self, Koval.”

~~

The physical sensation of pain has reached the nerve endings in my outermost extremities and I have to grit my teeth to keep from crying out in pain. I also am having difficulty keeping up the wall between my bondmate and myself. But I know I must force myself to keep the wall up. It is the last gift I can give to my wife and my son, both of whom must suffer because I cannot bear to hurt the man sitting next to me.

But Maggie knows my heart, and she will understand. In time, she will help my son to understand. The grief my son will have is a familiar one. I grieve that I will not be able to be there to guide my son through the bouts of bigotry and xenophobia he will likely experience in his life, or to see his triumphs, or the birth of my grandchildren.

And then, there is Charlie.

~~~

“I fail to see the purpose in the secrecy you have invoked for this ceremony, Charlie.”

“Becoming blood brothers is a sacred ceremony, Koval. It’s gotta be secret.”

“On Vulcan we had a very similar ceremony years ago, between warriors. Far from being a secret, such ceremonies were town events. The larger the crowd, the more ‘blessed’ the event was supposed to be.”

“Well, let’s compromise. Since this is a tradition both of our people shared at one point, we’ll use both our people’s traditions. Sound fair?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. We’ll uphold the human tradition of secrecy. We’ll use the Vulcan word for brother when we shake hands. What is it, by the way?”

“Technically, there are two words. There is ‘sa-kai,’ which is a term reserved for those who share parents. There is also ‘t’hy’la,’ which has many meanings, among them ‘one who is like a brother.’”

“Okay. On three?”

“One. . . Two. . . Three,” we said in unison before clasping our hands together.

“Sa-kai,”

“T’hy’la.”

“Koval, I thought you said the word for blood brother is ‘sa-kai.’”

“It is. However, the word used in ancient Vulcan ceremonies was ‘t’hy’la.’ It would be illogical to call you anything sa-kai unless we shared parents.”

“You are seriously missing the point of this ceremony, Koval.”

“And you are being seriously illogical, Charlie.”

~~

Oh, the years we wasted arguing over such a term. In the end, of course, he was right, and I could not even tell him. I very much wanted to.

“They’re here, Koval. Hang in there, until we get to sickbay, okay?” The Admiral’s voice no longer sounds as loud as it did only moments ago. Instead, it sounds very distant.

Equally as vaguely, I hear the concerned sound of Charlie beside me. I feel his hands – and someone else’s - grasp me.

“Good to see you again, sa-kai,” I whisper. His reply goes unheard.

~~


Continue to Part 5


Return to Part 3

Back to Fan Fiction Main Menu

Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!


A whole mess of folks have made comments

My god, if you let him die I honestly don't know what I'll do

Another wonderful chapter. Please don't let Koval die!! You are an amazing writer,hope you can update soon.

Samantha. You are a wonderful writer. I am so engrossed and emotionally involved this story and its prequel that I really don't care what the outcome is, as long as you keep writing. Beautiful!

I just love Koval, please don't let him die! It was also good to see a more sympathetic view of Archer showing that he does indeed care for Koval even if it is not in the same way Trip and T'Pol do. I really like Koval's sense of honour and his dignity. The wonderful mix of Vulcan and Human characteristics makes it impossible for me to grasp that he is a product only of a very gifted and fertile imagination. An imagination that had better not let him die, okay? Don't know how to pray in Vulcan but if I could I would, Ali D :~)

*offers Samantha the largest box of chocolates she's ever seen* Pleasepleaseplease don't let Koval die!!!! He's a wonderful character and the thread that seems to hold all the other characters together in this story

Nooooooooo.....don't you dare!!! Koval can meld with Charlie, right?? Then the secret is safe as far as Archer is concerned, and since Charlie and Koval are already "blood brothers" that makes sense to me.

Just DON'T kill Koval!!! Whatever you do!

Great story. I agree with everyone else that I don't want Koval to die. Besides..... didn't you promise a happier ending this time??

Augh!

Those memories were /great/! Very powerful. Koval's use of sa-kai at the end was a wonderful touch, too.

But augh! Cliffhanger!

Aw, and here I was concerned that Koval was too much of a Mary Sue. :)

But Rocky, I made no promises at the start of the story - only that the story will live up to its title.

And what's the saying? Something about needing rain for rainbows? Although. . .that box of chocolate *is* awfully tempting. :)

Very anticipated chapter but now a major cliff hanger? Please don't keep us haning!

Excellent POV.

Koval... just as stubborn as his fathers and his momma.

Don't let him die! Please! Archer was soooo close to finding out! Grrrrrrrrr. Koval's human half came in handy then. It let him hold out long enough to be rescued-I hope.
Ah, the ironies of this chapter-and Koval's acute awareness of them.
Fantastic chapter, but the cliffhanger was just evil.
Can't wait for the rest!