Fulfilled - Pt 5

Fulfilled

Spoilers: Teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy for “Azati Prime.”
A/N: Ali D, I graciously attribute the praying in Vulcan bit to your review! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, actually. I got a total kick out of everyone’s different viewpoints. And it may not be obvious at all by the end of this chapter, but I am truly beginning to enjoy Archer! His Kirk impressions aren’t nearly as lame as they used to be! Even if Sisko’s were better.

Part V

Legacy

Charlie’s POV

~~~

He’s going to be all right. He has to be. The man I’ve loved like a brother all these years can’t die. He *can’t.*

Regardless of the fact that he passed out on the planet and we haven’t been able to wake him. Regardless of the fact that both Dad and the Admiral are pleading with him to meld with him. Regardless of the fact that each progressive breath only grows more shallow.

And I refuse to acknowledge that the typical warm Vulcan skin is ice cold.

He has to be okay. Never mind the three people in this shuttle that will fall apart if he doesn’t make it. There are two – three people back on the ship who need him. Never mind the many that he has befriended.

He’s going to be fine. Nothing else is an option.

“Can’t you go any faster?” I snap at the poor Ensign piloting the shuttle.

“We’re at maximum impulse now, Lieutenant,” he replies quietly. His tone immediately made me regret my impatience.

“I’m sorry, Robert. I didn’t mean to snap – I’m just worried,” I offer, still refusing to let go of Koval’s right hand. The Admiral is still clutching his left, and Dad. . . I can’t look at Dad. I made the mistake of looking at him once, while we were still down on the planet, and in that moment when I saw the expression on his face, I lost all hope I had that Koval was going to be okay. But even though I can’t bring myself to look at him, I can see his large hands cradling Koval’s head, promising him that he’ll be okay.

And he will.

“We’re docking now, Admiral,” Robert reports.

See, we’re back on board the Prometheus. Everything’s going to be fine. Koval’s human half has kept him alive this long and now that he’s back, T’Pol will patch him up. Maggie’ll keep her husband, little Charles will still have a father, and Koval and I will watch him and Number Five playing together.

Still, as I help my father lift him, only one word stubbornly comes to mind to describe how he feels.

Lifeless.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Once we arrive in sickbay, I try mostly to stay out of the way of Dr. Zahn and T’Pol. The doctor busied herself with taking useless bioscans while T’Pol pressed both hands to Koval’s face in an attempt to meld with him.

I want to be as close to Koval as T’Pol and Zahn are, but I hang back. After all, my friend may be in danger, but Archer and Maggie have a greater claim on Koval than I do. So I stand just behind the two of them, beside Dad, wishing both that I had been as spiritual as Grandma Tucker had preached, and that I knew how to pray in Vulcan. Do Vulcans pray?

~~~

“Hey, who’s that lady staying with you, and why is she wearing those funny symbols on her robe?”

“Jeez Louise, Koval. I’m sorry.”

~~

Yes, Koval, I am sorry. I’m sorry for any argument we every had. I’m sorry for any time I was too absorbed in myself to stop and consider your viewpoint. I’m sorry for not picking you to be on my football team in third grade, because I knew you weren’t any good at the sport. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were more important than winning some stupid game. I’m sorry for the many times I was supposed to meet you for lunch and instead sat with Jude Green, because he claimed to be related to Zephram Cochrane. I’m sorry for the time I thought I had a crush on Maggie. I’m sorry for the time I got angry at you and locked you out of our tree house.

I have so much to apologize for, Koval. Please wake up so I can.

Strange how being in sickbay, watching as T’Pol presses her fingers against Koval’s face, I have somehow lost all my optimism. Everything feels like it’s moving too slow.

I hear a gasp of breath, and bring myself back into the present, hoping that the gasp came from Koval. My gaze, however, finds him still unconscious. The gasp came from T’Pol, who is now muttering softly to herself, fingers still placed firmly on Koval’s face. Her mutterings are so soft that I have to strain to hear her.

“Sor-ry, Maggie. . . Charlie. . . my son.” It takes me a moment to realize that T’Pol is vocalizing Koval’s thoughts.

Oh, Koval, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about. Just don’t die, dammit!

“Mother. . . love you . . . Trip . . . Admiral. . . honored to be your son.”

Briefly, I hear the sob beside me and one in front of me. In all the time that I’ve known Koval, I don’t think he’s ever told my father that he loves him. The fact that he is doing so now scares me shitless. It’s feels entirely too much like his final words.

“Hurts. . . pain. . . so much. .” T’Pol’s recitation is cut short by a strangled cry. Beside me, Dad moves forward then stops. I remember his confession in our living room years ago, and know he wants to be beside T’Pol every bit as much as he wants to be beside Koval.

“Take. . . katra. . . re-mem-ber.” There is another cry. It’s tone is just different enough to send fear to the very bottom of my stomach and agony to deepest bottom of my heart. I know, in an instant, that the second cry belonged to T’Pol, not Koval.

Before tears blur my vision I can see Archer move forward to catch T’Pol as she collapses, and I can distantly hear the voice of Zahn as she tries to succeed where the meld failed. But she doesn’t.

“Record time of death.”

I didn’t realize there would ever be a time that I would have to *force* myself to breathe. But my lungs seem to have lost the ability to do that themselves. NO! He can’t. . . No. . . NO!

Captain Sheldon is speaking quietly behind me, I realize belatedly. I suppose I should try to listen. I’m supposed to be a lieutenant on this stupid ship, for whatever that matters. Fortunately, he was talking to Dad. “I’ll need to inform the rest of the bridge crew. Please let the Ambassador and Admiral Archer know I’ll be happy to whatever arrangements they need for the funeral. . .”

“They’ll need to return to Vulcan immediately,” Dad says firmly, but quietly.

“Starfleet. . . “

“Starfleet damn well better realize that some pointless conference isn’t going to take precedence over – you know what? I’ll come with you. Admiral Williams and I are gonna have a little chat.”

Before he leaves, Dad lays a hand gently on my shoulder and says, “Maggie’s gonna need you, kiddo.” His voice is calm and controlled, but I know it’s all part of his “Captain Tucker” façade. He’ll cry later, of course. After the “mission” of yelling at Starfleet is over.

~~

“What’s the matter, kiddo?”

“He couldn’t be more wrong, kiddo. That’s a coward’s excuse. The measure of a man isn’t how well he holds his feelings inside, or keeps his feelings hid. When you’re hurtin’, that doesn’t mean you’re weak. It just means you’re strong enough to cry.”

~~

I’m glad you thought so, Dad. Because I sure don’t feel very strong right now.

The sound of T’Pol’s voice makes me rejoin the present. “We will have to go to Vulcan immediately to perform the katra ceremony.” I notice that she has pulled away from the protective grasp of the Admiral and is now using every inch of her Vulcan control to presume the same control my father had only moments ago.

The same can’t be said for the Admiral. He looks as close to falling apart as I feel. Poor guy. I think now must be the only time I’ve ever felt sorry for the man. I never realized how much the Admiral loves Koval. I wonder if Koval knows. . .*knew.*

My sympathy for the man is short-lived. “Where are you going, T’Pol?” he demands.

Well, she’s a Vulcan and just suffered a tremendous blow. I’m guessin’ she’s probably going to meditate. Call it a hunch.

“I must meditate, immediately.”

Oh, look, I was right. Probably because I spent time trying to understand Koval, unlike the unappreciative bastard he had for a father.

“Dammit, T’Pol, our son just. . . we just lost our son. How can you just meditate that away?”

It’s only my father’s last words to me that keep me from slugging the man. Court-martial be damned.

“I must,” is all T’Pol answers. I’ve been around Vulcans long enough to see that she is struggling to remain in control. Apparently, however, Archer isn’t that keen.

“I didn’t think even you could be this cold hearted, T’Pol. To just get up, and walk away-“

“I will grieve for our son in my own way,” comes the response. “Maggie, if there is anything I can do to assist you, please let me know.”

“I – I will. I think actually. . . actually meditation sounds pretty good right now,” Maggie responds. She turns to flee and I start to follow her. I’m a foot past Archer and T’Pol when the sound of T’Pol’s voice stops me.

“Let go of my arm, Jonathan.”

“T’Pol, I need you.”

Something stirred uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach at that remark. Turning back around, I see the Admiral’s hand is still resting on T’Pol’s arm. I should just keep going, because it is quite obvious that T’Pol could easily kick the man’s ass. And I’ve hoped for 24 years that she will.

“Let go of her, Admiral.” I’m surprised when the comment comes out of my mouth, and apparently Archer is too. His hand falls from T’Pol’s arm, and he turns to look at me. We’re standing close enough now that I could slug the man easily. It can’t be wise of me to dwell on that.

“You’re out of line, *Lieutenant,*” he warns.

“And you’re a selfish son-of-a-bitch, *Admiral,*” I respond.

“Excuse me?”

“If you’d stop thinkin’ of yourself for one lousy minute, you’d realize that you’re not the only one who’s sufferin’. Maggie lost a husband, T’Pol lost a son, I lost my best friend, and a baby just lost his daddy. But all you want to focus on is *you* and *your pain.*”

“He was my son! I hardly think it wrong of me to grieve – that’s what most normal, warm blooded humans do. I’m sorry I’m not the cold-blooded Vulcan you expect me to be-"

That’s when I gave in to temptation. The feel of my fist connecting with Archer’s nose felt wonderful and I highly suspect I would have continued if I hadn’t felt T’Pol’s restraining hand on my shoulder.

“You’re SON was a cold-blooded Vulcan, you fucking bastard,” I snap. “How could you. . . how could you blame anyone when it’s your fault he’s dead in the first place?”

“How the hell is it my fault?”

“You were supposed to meld with him! If you had done that, he wouldn’t be dead.”

“I DID try.” The Admiral’s voice breaks, but I press on, twenty-four years of hatred spilling out into the open.

“You should have tried harder.”

“Well, maybe if T’Pol had ever taken the time to tell me about the melding process, I *could* have. But, no, T’Pol, you and your sacred Vulcan secrets. Is there part of your society you’d actually to share with me? I don’t know about pon farr until someone else’s wife has it, I don’t know about melds until our son’s life is on the line-"

“There you go again! Can’t you for one minute-“

“Charlie, Jonathan, you must cease this immediately. Charles, your blame is misplaced. Koval chose not to meld with Jonathan,” T’Pol says softly.

“Why would he do that?” I demand.

“He . . . wished to conceal decisions made in the past,” T’Pol answered. Damn, she must meditate. She looks like she’s about to fall apart any second.

“I’m his father. What could he be so embarrassed about that he wouldn’t want to tell me?”

“If you had ever taken the time to be the father you should have been, the answer would be a vastly different one than it is now,” I answer for the Admiral.

That hurt the Admiral apparently more than my punch did. He stumbles backward, shocked into silence. I feel a twinge of guilt, and even more so when I take another look at T’Pol. The anger coursing through me leaves instantly. If Koval knew how I was neglecting his mother, he’d never forgive me. Well, yes, he would have, because he’s a hell of a lot nicer than I am, but that’s not really the point. “Come on, Ambassador. I’ll show you to a spare set of quarters, where you can meditate in private, without being disturbed,” I offer softly.

T’Pol simply nods and we leave the Admiral alone in sickbay.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It’s been five hours. Captain Sheldon has given me the rest of day off. I’m glad, because the ship is in much better hands with Ensign Jackson flying it. Because all I can do right now is dwell upon memories of the friend I lost.

We were always going to take a trip to Ceti Alpha Four together. Koval’s always been real fond of archeology and apparently that place is just full of ruins.

~~

“That’ll be awesome, Koval. What type of ruins are they?”

“Theoretically, it is possible. However, for both of our planet’s safety, I hope the hostile invaders of your fantasy have met their own untimely demise.”

~~~

For someone who wanted so badly to be so utterly Vulcan, Koval could be awfully funny. I’ll miss his unique and warped sense of humor the most.

Or maybe his ability to be so sensitive. . .

~~

“Hey, Koval, are you sure you should be here? I am sick, after all.”

“Then we do not have a problem.”

~~

He sat with me ten hours a day for two weeks. In the end, either Vulcans aren’t immune to chicken pox, or his human half got the better of him. So, a week after I recovered, I began returning the favor.

I can’t believe he’s gone. I’ll never have a more loyal friend. . .

~~

“May I come in, Charlie?”

“That is true. That is why I chose her for my project at the science fair. However, I prefer to claim you as my closest friend. After all, are we not ‘blood brothers, t’hy’la?”
“Yeah, we are, sa-kai.”

~~

It’s funny. His whole life, we disagreed over that stupid term. And yet, his last word to me was “sa-kai.”

I should go check on Maggie. But I can’t drag myself out of this bed to do so. I don’t want to be so selfish – not like the Admiral.

I know I was out of line for what I did in sickbay. Hell, only the friendship between my father and the Admiral will prevent me from being court- martialed. But even if I were to be court-martialed, it would have been worth it. I’ve wanted to slug that man every day for the entire time I’ve known him. Only Koval’s attachment towards the man stopped me.

And I may have been out of line, but my actions were nothing compared to his. His son dies, his wife is devastated, his pregnant daughter-in-law has lost both her husband and the father of her future child. But what does he focus on? Not even on the loss of his son, but he starts dwelling on the relationship he has with his wife. Completely inappropriate. What was the deal with “I don’t know about pon farr until someone else’s wife has it, I don’t know about melds until our son’s life is on the line?”

Since when the hell does Jonathan Archer give a damn about Vulcan secrets? All through growing up, the man never once made any overture towards understanding his son’s culture. And he has the audacity to be upset because there are features of Vulcan society that he doesn’t know about?

Asshole.

*I* know about melds. Koval and I attempted one when I was 10. It didn’t work, and I had a headache for a week. Koval was nervous the entire week.

~~

“We should get a doctor to look at you.”

“But what if you are not? I do not want you to die, Charlie. You are my best friend.”

~~

Dammit, Koval, I didn’t want you to die, either. Tears force their way into my eyes, and I ignore my father’s advice for the moment. I’m sick of crying. It’s much more productive to focus on how much I hate the Admiral.

And pon farr? Hell, even I know what pon farr was, and I’m an “outworlder” as Ambassador T’Pau likes to call us. Some of it came from Kov and So’Trip, but most of the details came from Koval.

~~

“So So’Trip told me a lot about pon farr, and I know you don’t like to share because I’m not a Vulcan, but I’m really curious about it.”

“The entire process of pon farr is illogical, t’hy’la.”

~~

Clearly Archer could have known about melds or pon farr, if he’d only been interested enough to. . .

Wait a minute.

If female Vulcans have to be under pon farr in order to conceive, then Archer’s statement doesn’t make any sense.

There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m not enjoying at all. It’s the same one I used to get when I was little and afraid of the dark and my mother insisted that I sleep without a night light.

T’Pol would have had to have been under pon farr in order to conceive Koval. The fact that Koval’s father is human is irrelevant. That wouldn’t have affected T’Pol’s eggs any. So why would the Admiral have that he didn’t know about pon farr until someone else’s wife had it? From everything I’ve been told about the condition, it’s not exactly a subtle condition. He *had* to have known.

Unless T’Pol had her pon farr with someone else. But that would mean that Koval’s father was someone else.

The gnawing feeling is getting worse.

It’s a ridiculous idea. Even if T’Pol had undergone pon farr with someone else, she was serving aboard the Enterprise when she became pregnant with Koval. For the Admiral to have not noticed a change in demeanor would have required either her or him to be off the ship for a sufficient amount of time. So’Trip told me that the symptoms tend to be quite violent for at least a week.

~~

“You know, Koval and Charlie, there was a time T’Pol and Trip didn’t get along very well.”

“Oh, I’m certain they are now. They’ve been much more civilized to each other since they were taken captive by the Romulans.”

~~

For the second time today, I have to force myself to breathe.

I hop off the bed and do a frantic check at the computer. The numbers have to be off. They have too. There’s no way. . .

Vulcan pregnancies last ten months. Dad and T’Pol were captured in May of 2155. Koval was born in March of 2156. Exactly ten months later.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It simply isn’t possible. No!

Yet . . . “Mother. . . love you . . . Trip . . . Admiral. . . honored to be your son.”

No, that’s even more impossible. That implies not only that Dad was . . .but that Koval knew. If he had, he would have told me.

“He . . . wished to conceal decisions made in the past.”

“Good to see you again, sa-kai.”

God, I wish Koval was here. He’d point out some flaw in my logic, surely. There has to be one, of course.

But the timing’s right. Even their eyes are. . . were . . .the same. Koval loved catfish and pecan pie as much as Dad and I do. Hell, he even followed in Dad’s footsteps career wise.

Wouldn’t that just kill the Admiral? All these years, he’s thought Koval was following an Archer family tradition. Not only was he off there, but hell, Koval isn’t .. . wasn’t even an Archer.

I’ll never tell him, of course. Or even Dad. I mean, Koval gave his life to keep Archer form knowing. I won’t let that sacrifice be in vain.

What a hellish day. Not only did I lose my friend, I lost a brother. The ship’s psychiatrist, Dr. Judge, told me that when I’m ready to quit grieving, I should focus on the good times we had together.

Hell, I’ve grieved enough. I move to the bookshelf and start to pull out the old fashioned scrap book that sits there. As I pull it from its spot, the paperback copy of Dad’s book falls from its place instead. I bend to pick it up and remember fondly the occasion that Dad gave Koval and me the books.

~~

“Boys, I want both of you to have a copy of this. When I’m dead and gone, you’ll be able to look back through it and relive parts of my life.”

“I know. But when I was little, my parents made it a tradition of always giving me a paperback copy of all the books I received. I wanted to pass that tradition on to you two.”

~~

His parents.

That feeling in my stomach has returned and only grows worse as I flip open the cover to the first page and see the dedication.

“To Charlie and Koval. . . "

My hands flip on through the pages, skimming past the adventures and discoveries. I dwell only on the mentions of myself and Koval. Koval is mentioned 45 times. I am mentioned 45 times.

Dad knows.

No, that isn’t even remotely possible. . . because if it was true, it would mean that my father had abandoned one of his children, and that isn’t something he would ever do. He simply didn’t know.

He couldn’t have.

And to prove it, I’ll ask him.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

“What?” Dad asks me in disbelief. Good, disbelief is good. It could be a sign he didn’t know.

“I asked if Koval was my brother. I already explained why I think so. . . so . . . was he?”

The expression on Dad’s face makes me have an instant flashback to our living room in San Francisco on the day he confessed to loving Ambassador T’Pol. The day he told me he had given up the love of his life in order not to hurt his best friend.

I never would have thought he would have given up his son too.

“Yes, Charlie, Koval is. . .was . . my son.” Dad’s eyes, already red from hours of crying, begin to water again. Part of me is hurt that he’s crying . . . the other part can only focus on how much those eyes remind me of Koval. That part of me reminds me that because of T’Pol and Dad’s deception, I’ll never see Koval’s blue eyes again.

“How could you. . . lie about something like that?” I demand. It occurs to me that I shouldn’t shout at my father. Hell, I never have.

“By the time I found out, T’Pol was already married to Jon-“

“And the Admiral’s happiness is more important than Koval’s? Oh, excuse me, let me make that the correct tense. Than Koval’s happiness was?”

“Charlie, you don’t understand.”

“You’re damn right I don’t understand! You abandoned him!”

“I never abandoned Koval, Charlie. I was always there for him, every bit as much as I was for you.”

“He was never able to call you Dad. He was stuck with that man-“

“The Admiral loved him as much T’Pol or I did, Charlie. Koval knew that.”

“I’m sure you think so, Dad. You see, as much as you were there for Koval, I’m the one who sat beside him every time he and the Admiral had a disagreement over Koval’s choice for Vulcan culture. I’m the one who had to try to come up with an answer to Koval’s question of why his father didn’t love him as much as mine loved me. Little did we know that was the wrong question.”

“Charlie-“

“I’m the one that had to try to reassure him when he felt out of place. I’m the one that had to sooth away his tears. Did you know the pressure of trying to live up to the Admiral’s expectations made him cry? Did you?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Fourteen times. Not a lot by human standards, but pretty significant by Vulcan standards.”

“Charlie –“

“Do you remember what you used to tell us when we were little, and afraid of the dark? I was sure I saw monsters, and Koval thought for sure he heard the sound of sehlets, as illogical as it was for them to be in a room in San Francisco.” The memory forces a sob out of my throat, but Dad doesn’t interrupt me. “You promised you always be there to chase away the monsters and the sehlets. And yet, when Koval really needed you – you threw him away to the biggest monster of all. You abandoned him.”

“Charlie, you have no idea how much I regret the decisions T’Pol and I – no, the decision I made. And if there was any way for me to change it, I would.” It occurs to me that Dad hasn’t moved once during our entire conversation. He’s still sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at the picture in his hands, with shoulders slumped.

I know he’s hurting. If I had any doubt, the tears streaming down his face right now would have cleared that up for me. But I also know if it wasn’t for the deceit of him and Ambassador T’Pol, this never would have happened. If he had claimed Koval as his son, Koval would still be alive.

“All I know, Dad, is that I’ve never been ashamed to be your son, until today. You aren’t anything near the man I grew up admiring and loving. You’re someone completely different, someone I don’t know, and someone I have no desire to know.”

I don’t stick around to listen to his response.

~~~

To be Continued. . . .

*Sniffle.* Poor, poor Trip.

A/N: I would like to take the opportunity to remind everyone that there are many stages of grief – denial and anger are two of them.

Feedback is good! Even if you want to tell me that Charlie and Koval are evil Mary Sues who deserve to die painful deaths!

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Interesting continuation of your story Samantha. I recall debating with you on Archer's characterization during your "Unfulfilled" story arc. You have a wonderful passion for the characters. I am a T+T'er like most of us.... but I just can't see what Archer has done wrong here. He is the only character that I sypathathize with. Koval's death truly is T'Pol and Trip's fault. Also, Archer was always willing to learn Vulcan....T'Pol just refused to meld with him or teach him. Archer is the real victim.

Ahem. . .

I would just like to point out that Charlie doesn't know everything you do, Rocky. It was well established in "Unfullfilled" that Charlie hates Archer. I couldn't very well change that this time around. It'd be crappy storytelling to have Charlie react as if he was privy to everything we are.

And since you obviously missed it, Charlie's blaming Trip and T'Pol as much as he is Archer, and for Koval's death.

I'm really enjoying this story - very nice angst. Just PLEASE don't make us wait long to continue it!

Noooooooooooooooo!!! But Koval was like my favorite character! Why did he have to die! God Samantha, your killing me here! And poor Trip... T'Pol... Charlie... heck even Archer! This is beyond sad! Archer still doesn't know, T'Pol's stuck with a husband who doesn't love her and Trip now really is alone because his son just said words that would kill any father! I'm sorry Rocky but I feel sorry for Trip here. He makes mistakes and now he's paying for them... no one deserves to go through this kind of pain... Trip's a good man. Poor Trip. No, poor Koval! I can't believe he's gone! Poor Charlie. Oh this is just wrong! I need to go watch a comedy now!

Great story. It is quite easy to feel sorry for everyone. All the characters seem flawed. Makes for a great story with obviously different opinions as to who is more "tragic". Personally, the whole mess could have been avoided had T+T been honest from the get go. Now their son has paid the ultimate price for their 'illogical' actions.

I didn't criticise Charlie's character. My apologies if it came across that way. What makes your writing so effective, IMHO, is that it invokes different positions from the readers. I sympathize more with Archer, Triplover with Trip etc etc. There is enough angst to go around regarding whatever position one takes.

*sigh* How tragic. :(

Still, I can't help but wonder about what is going to happen next, especially now that Archer is the only one who doesn't know the truth of the matter.

You made me cry! *sniffle* Seriously, that's was the most depressing bit of fan fiction I have read since, well... EVER!!! This is a 4 out of 4 hanky story. You should warn people that you are about to rip their heart out! ;) I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

BTW, how could Archer be so stupid as not to connect the dots and know that Koval isn't his son? He never researched Pon Far/ Pon Frell, just out of morbid curiosity? What a baboon.

Yes I too feel a bit sorry for Archer. Archer can't see the forest for the trees because never in a million years would he think his best friend and wife would lie to him continually over a period of 20 years about his son.
Archer has been rejected by his wife and now his son would rarther die than accept his help. Archers only crime was trying to love them. I didn't say Archer did a good job but at least he didn't lie to people who he cared about.

Treknut: I don't think that Koval preferred to die rather than accept Archer's help. I think he was trying to keep Trip and T'Pol's secret, as such an invasive mindmeld would have showed him everything.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED KOVAL!!!!!!!!! I'm not gonna be able to get any work done.

And Charlie! He's functioning just like Trip. He's channeling his grief into anger. Are we going to see him deal with his emotions a la Trip early Season 3?

Yes, Archer is being selfish-very. But we all deal w/ grief in our own ways. He brought up his marriage b/c thats where the problems started. He's trying to find someone or something to blame for the death of his son.

As for Trip, has he mentioned yet that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions? He WAS only trying to do what was best for Archer. He couldn't change anything after they were married, but he tried to do his part. Yes, honesty would have solved everything, but none of this was intentional.

As seems to be a theme with this series, NO ONE is perfect. Everyone has their flaws. Koval's death was an accident, and he chose death over negating the sacrifices Trip and T'Pol made.

Although I'm still in shock, this was great.

I realize now that I may have sounded . . snappish last time around. That wasn't my intention, but real life majorly sucks at the moment. :( But I always enjoy your comments, Rocky, as I like to be challenged occassionally. Helps me grow, and all that. It may not show, but I really took your comments on "Unfulfilled" into consideration as I was writing this one - especially from Archer's POV, in an attempt to identify with him more.

As for Pon farr. . .um, I don't think that's something you can just look up. Trip and Charlie only know because they have a willing Vulcan Without Logic to tell them. It is *supposed* to be a secret. :)

I adore the way you have written Charlie but ouch, I am so very sad and have tears in my eyes at his words to Trip. He has a point but it crucifies me that Koval's death may put an irreparable wedge between them. I loved it when Charlie stood up to Archer, that was so long overdue I had to resist the urge to shout Hooray. I am also hoping that once they get Koval to Vulcan they will be able to bring him back the way Spock was. I can't bear the thought that we will lose Koval forever. You have made these characters come to life so much that I laugh with them and now cry with them. Can't wait for your next part. Heartfelt thanks, Ali D :~)

Great job of writing, I was very upset when I read this last week and could not even post a reply back then. To be honest I was a little mad at you Quinn, for killing off Koval...It was very painful, since he is my favorite character in this series of yours! I really didn't expect this to happen as I thought he would pull through somehow!
But your story kinda reminds me of another short story I read when I took a Science Fiction course in college (back in 1980)...I can't remember the title or author but it made an impact on me. The story was about a young girl who snuck aboard a space freighter to get a "free" ride to find her brother. Unfortunately she picked he wrong ship, it was designed with just enough fuel to make a one way trip. Her added weight would keep the ship from making it's destination to deliver the medical supplies. The captain tried everything he could to save her...there was no ships that was close enough to meet them, no material/equipment to remove off the ship (it was stripped to the bare minimum already), he even considered sacrificing himself, but knew the girl could not pilot the ship, the mission was too critical. The story ended with the young stowaway getting jettison out of the space ship. The girl knew this and accepted what had to happen. When I finished the book, I threw it against the wall in disgust. But a few days later, I realized that it was a DAMN good story to evoke that kinda response outta me. I guess the point I'm getting at is...yes I am mad at you for killing Koval, but damn, it takes great writing to make your readers react that way! Keep up the good work! I'm still expecting some kind of miracle for Koval, wishful thinking on my part....but I'm that kind of reader!