If you are seeing this paragraph, the site is not displaying correctly. You can see the content, but your current browser does not support CSS which is necessary to view our site properly. For the best visual experience, you will need to upgrade your browser to Netscape 6.0 or higher, MSIE 5.5 or higher, or Opera 3.6 or higher. If, however, you don't wish to upgrade your browser, scroll down and read the content - everything is still visible, it just doesn't look as pretty.
Meddling With Paradise
Author - Samantha Quinn | Genre - Humor | Genre - Parody | Genre- Alternate Universe | M | Main Story | Rating - PG-13
Fan Fiction Main Page | Stories sorted by title, author, genre, and rating
Meddling With Paradise
By Samantha Quinn
Rating: PG-13 –lots of cursing.-**Character DEATH** Some season 3 spoilers, although nothing major.
Coupling: T”P/T at heart. Mentioning of others.
Disclaimer: I don’t Star Trek, any of its sequels or its prequel. Also not making any money, please don’t sue.
A/N: This is more of a warning. This has the potential to ruffle feathers. I’m not too concerned about that. Flames and rants will be laughed at, then deleted. I’ve been watching the so-called shipper wars lately and I’m beginning to think certain people were not spanked enough as a child. Read at your own risk. Just remember, I’m a T/T-er at heart. Also, it’s a friggin’ TV Show!!!!! Please keep THAT in mind. Finally, in case it isn’t obvious, this IS NOT meant to be taken seriously, and is not a full fledged attack at all A/T’Pers.
Second warning: if you aren’t familiar with the prophets or Q, you may end up genuinely confused.
(Feedback is always appreciated.)
Prophet Benjamin Sisko growled and slammed his fist into the wall next to him. Fortunately for Sisko’s hand-and for the wall-the said structure was not real. Being a prophet, Sisko had little need for a real wall.
“You are concerned, my son?”
At the sound of his mother’s voice, Sisko whirled and demanded, “They are losing the battle! Why won’t you let me help them?”
“It is not our way, my son,” Sisko’s mother replied. “The prophets do not interfere.”
“We must help them,” Sisko snapped. “There is only one Federation ship. It cannot possibly win against an entire fleet of Borg ships! And that stream isn’t stable. They can’t--“
“Lieutenant Paris is an excellent pilot. The ship shall be maneuvered with ease,” Sarah replied.
“Captain Janeway will see them to safety.”
The Sisko growled and again pummeled the imaginary wall. “I want to be certain.”
Sarah nodded understandably. “I know you do, my son. But we are prophets. We do not interfere.”
“Why the hell not? We have the power to make a difference!” Sisko argued. “If entities like the Q can go around pulling practical jokes because of their powers, then I don’t see why we can’t use our powers for the sake of helping others.”
“Oh, my son,” Sarah said sadly. “The Q are exactly why we do not--dare not interfere.”
“What do you mean?” Sisko asked. “What do the Q have to do with the prophets?”
“I’m sorry, my son. I keep forgetting you are new. You have never heard of the Great Q-Prophet Civil War.”
“The Q-Prophet Civil War?” Sisko questioned. “If it was a civil war, then-“
“Yes,” Sarah answered sadly. “We were at one time all one family. It is a story you must hear, Benjamin. You must know why we do not interfere.”
The Enterprise had been in the Expanse for six short weeks and were the talk of the Q-Prophet continuum. While they called themselves by different names, the two groups were in possession of the same abilities. The “Prophets” called themselves such because they considered themselves faithful to one particular planet, Bajor. The Q did not see the need for such faithful service. The universe was the Q playing ground, and was made entirely for the Q’s amusement. No other consideration was necessary.
Regardless of their differing opinion of responsibility, both groups were currently watching the scene taking place in Commander Trip Tucker’s quarters. This was not the first time the groups had been spying on the intrepid crew of the NX-01. Indeed, the Q-Prophet continuum had been watching the Enterprise crew since they had first departed Earth.
Never before had the crew caused such an uproar, however.
“Oooh, that’s so beautiful,” cooed one Prophet, gesturing to where Sub-Commander T’Pol was demonstrating the Vulcan equivalent of a backrub on the very stressed Commander Tucker.
“Yes,” agreed another. “It’s very sensual, yet tasteful. Nothing near as dreadful as the time one of the Q placed an aphrodisiac in Archer’s coffee while his canine was in surgery. That was adolescent at best.”
“’Beautiful? Sensual?” echoed a Q in disgust. “How could you say that is beautiful? It’s a defamation of character! T’Pol loves Captain Archer!”
“Vulcans do not love,” corrected second Prophet.
“Well, T’Pol is special,” snapped another Q. “She does love Archer. It’s so obvious. Just look at the way she treated him last year, before they entered the expanse.”
“Does that include the numerous times she specifically told him that she wasn’t interested in him?” questioned a third Prophet.
“No,” retorted the second Q. “I’m referring to when she went on a date with the Captain. After she turned Tucker down, I might add.”
“She did not turn Trip down,” a fourth Prophet rejoined. “And besides, she only went with Archer because he ordered her to.”
“He did not.”
“Really? What part of ‘that’s an order’ did I misunderstand?”
“Please. Trip and T’Pol don’t even like each other.”
“They didn’t like each other in the first episode. Ever since that instance with Koss-“
“Where he read her mail without permission! Trip doesn’t even respect T’Pol!”
“Trip was following orders from Archer!”
“Archer never gave any such orders!”
“You Q really have some serious issues understanding orders, don’t you? Or are you under the assumption that Archer never gives orders?”
“Of course he does. Archer is a good Captain.”
“When did we say he wasn’t?”
“You didn’t have to say it, Prophet. It is the only logical reason why you want Trip and T’Pol to wind up together.”
“You want Trip to replace Archer-both in T’Pol’s bed and as Captain of the ship!”
The Prophets just paused at that moment to give each other a collective look of confusion. Finally, one of them spoke again. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I hope you know this means war, Prophets. If we were not Q and Prophets, blood would be shed! Archer and T’Pol belong together.”
An angered Prophet could not help but retort, “You may begin the war, Q, but we shall finish it.”
“Yes,” Sarah said sadly.
“Damnit, I’ve been in a war. A war I would have given anything to prevent. What were they thinking?”
Over the ensuing months, war indeed raged in the Q and Prophet continuum. Each time Trip and T’Pol cast a glance at each other-regardless of the innocence involved-the Prophets cheered and the Q howled. When the prostitute Raijin and Archer began to cast glances each others way, the Prophets again rejoiced, and the Q again howled.
The poor crew of the Enterprise could only blame the Expanse for the distractions thrown their way. They had no way of knowing that powerful immortal beings with god-like powers were to blame for the continual waves of anomalies, space sicknesses, being out-numbered, man-eating plants, enemies with nuclear technology, minefields, cloaked ships, and wormholes that prevented them from their ultimate goal: finding the Xindi.
It was hoped by the Q that each disturbance would cause enough of a commotion to prevent Trip and T’Pol’s relationship from progressing.
“What about the Xindi?” demanded Sisko. “Didn’t any of you stop to consider the more important implications of the Enterprise’s mission?”
“I’m afraid not, Benjamin. Both sides were consumed by the Trip, T’Pol, and Archer triangle.”
“Hmmpf. If I had been alive, I damn well would have been paying attention to the Xindi, or Future Guy’s questionable decision to help or Captain Reed’s replacement by a bunch of arrogant-“
“It’s Lieutenant, Benjamin. He’s not a Captain yet.”
Trip allowed himself a small smile when he heard the door chime to his quarters. “Come in,” he called out, knowing full well who was on the other side. When the Vulcan filled the doorway, his grin grew wider than it had been in weeks.
“Hiya, T’Pol,” he said softly. “What brings you here?”
T’Pol held out a small leather bound volume to him, which Trip took gratefully. “You have shown considerable interest in Vulcan culture lately. Given the reasons for your interest, I believed this work would be of help to you.”
Trip took the book from her and looked at it carefully. “Logical emotions?” he read from the title. “Original works by Surak. Translated by Skon. Ya know, T’Pol, I didn’t think ya Vulcans would ever use such a term as ‘logical emotions.’”
“You were mistaken,” T’Pol answered. “Even Surak knew that there were times in which the cause was sufficient to invoke emotion.”
Opening the book to the first page, Trip read the first sentence aloud. “Grief.” He paused slightly before moving on. “Many emotions are illogical. Grief is exempt from these.” Trip felt his throat constrict and his eyes grew full with tears. “T’Pol. . . “
T’Pol gently reached up, her hand ready to catch the tears before they fell.
Her touch was forestalled by the blaring of the tactical alert.
*Sigh.* “Let me guess, that Xindi-Sloth fleet was caused by the Q,” Sisko inquired.
“I don’t get it. Even I could see how much sexual tension the two of them had together.”
“That’s because you are a Prophet, my son.”
Lieutenant Reed scowled at the torpedo in front of him. Thanks to the Q, the ship’s photonic torpedo bays had taken the hardest hit. Malcolm was more than a competent tactical officer and his engineering skills were on par with Commander Tucker’s. Regardless, the damage done by the Xindi-Sloths clearly necessitated team work by the two of them.
“Hand me that scanner, will ya, Mal?” Trip asked from his position.
Malcolm silently handed over the tool. “Here you are.”
“That’s one of the things I like about you, Malcolm. So prompt.”
“Well, I bloody well ought to be prompt,” Malcolm grumbled. “We’ve gone through this scenario enough times.”
“Ya, it’s pretty bizarre, huh?” Trip murmured, his gaze fixed on the problem at hand. “Sonofabitch. Malcolm, hand me the-“
Malcolm placed the tool in his hands before he finished the sentence. Trip managed a soft chuckle. “Thanks. How’s it coming on your end?”
Malcolm wasn’t in the mood to be consoled. “More rapidly than this same repair took last week.”
“I’m beginning to think it’s these torpedoes. They don’t seem very reliable to me. I kinda miss the old ones.”
Malcolm snorted. “It’s not the torpedoes’ fault they can’t hold up to an entire fleet of an enemy, Trip.”
“Well, if your weapons can’t stand up to the enemy, what part of the ship can? Take my word for it, Malcolm, these photonic torpedoes are a passing fad, nothing more.”
Malcolm may well have decided to argue that point, but he did not have the opportunity, as ship’s klaxons again blared. “Bloody hell!” Malcolm exclaimed at the same time that Trip exclaimed, “God damn it!”
“I don’t understand-Surely Reed and Tucker working together should have kept the Q happy.”
“Have you forgotten, Benjamin, that the Prophets are involved in the war as well?”
“You mean the Prophets staged this scene?” Benjamin asked incredulously. When Sarah nodded, Sisko gasped. “But why?”
“There was little need for a science officer to repair torpedo bays, Ben.”
T’Pol and Trip crept through the darkened catwalk, carefully dodging the vines and branches in their way. The Enterprise had been invaded by a man-eating plant. T’Pol had hypothesized that the plant had a very unique growth system and had originally infiltrated the ship as a spore-like substance. Considering its rapid growth since they had first been detected, it was a likely scenario.
T’Pol had concocted a potion which would hopefully kill the creature. As the plant had many of the doors entryways blocked, Trip’s engineering skills were accompanying her on her journey to find the dreaded heart of the beast.
Presently, they came upon it. T’Pol threw the potion directly on the wriggling, red bulb.
That did not please the plant. To show their displeasure, it promptly wrapped two very tight stems around Trip and T’Pol.
“Gah-I . . .can’t . . . breathe,” Trip managed to mumble.
“I . . . regret . . the potion. . . did not . . . work correctly,” T’Pol stated obviously.
“Not your fault. . . who woulda thought. . . man-eating . . . plants in space?” Trip puffed with difficulty.
“Science officer’s. . . duty,” T’Pol murmured. “I have failed.”
Perhaps it was only natural that she would be thinking in such terms, given the close proximity of the plant’s “mouth.” Trip and T’Pol were only moments away from being fertilizer.
“No. . .you . . . have not,” Trip gasped out. “You have. . . never failed us, T’Pol. We-I –owe you everything. You. . . have. . .sacrificed so much. . . to help us.”
Prophets across the continuum rejoiced. Of course, they weren’t really planning on allowing the creature to consume Trip and T’Pol. They were simply waiting for both of the stubborn humanoids to confess their attraction. One down, one to go.
Prophets again rejoiced. She called him something other than Commander Tucker!
“Charles, I must admit to-“
Whatever T’Pol had been going to admit to went unsaid as she and Trip fell unceremoniously to the floor. The plant-a dangerous adversary only moments before-shriveled nearly instantaneously. It’s death was a rapid one and T’Pol quickly leaned over to pick up the shriveled organism.
“It seems I have not failed in my duty, after all, Commander Tucker,” T’Pol remarked.
The Q cheered. The Prophets gritted their omnipotent teeth. We were so close!
“That plant-it didn’t really EAT anyone, did it?” Sisko questioned.
“Six members of the crew,” Sarah answered.
“SIX? SIX lives were LOST over the ‘PRESSING’ matter of whether T’Pol and Trip f-"
“Watch your language, my son. Certain words are inappropriate for a prophet to use. To answer your question-yes. No one was spared the wrath of the Q-Prophet war. Innocent lives were lost, fates changed forever.”
Captain Archer rubbed his hands together in excitement and nervousness. “So, Raijin, I’m glad you enjoyed the water polo match,” he said with a flush.
“Oh, yes, I enjoyed it very much. My people do not have such an exhilarating sport,” the former prostitute exclaimed excitedly.
“Well, these are all recorded – they’ve been played several months ago. It’s even more exciting in person.”
Raijin turned her large eyes towards the Captain and batted her eyelashes seductively. “Perhaps. . . perhaps I shall be fortunate enough to see such an event one day, Jonathan.”
Archer grasped her hands tightly. “I’ll see to it personally, Raijin,” he promised.
Prophets collectively marveled that the man had any romantic sense at all. He certainly hadn’t displayed any while trying to “woo” his science officer. The Prophets were convinced the former prostitute was the soul mate for the Captain of the Enterprise.
The Q were not of the same belief. The tactical alert sounded again.
When the battle was over, casualty reports were taken, as had become the norm on the starship. It was fortunate Trip was standing beside Archer when the reports were read. Raijin was amongst those listed.
The Sisko was growing increasingly agitated. “A WAR!” he snapped. “How long did this nonsense go on?”
“It continued after the Enterprise left the Expanse. The Q forbid Archer to have a love interest of his own and we Prophets were determined to have Trip and T’Pol for each other.”
“Then it continued until the Commander’s death?”
“Please tell me that wasn’t a casualty of the war?”
“Have you not learned anything, Benjamin?”
The day had begun as a routine mission. No one could have foreseen the consequences that lay ahead.
Commander Tucker and Commander T’Pol were on a peaceful exploration mission on planet Sopel.
“So, T’Pol, congrats on your new rank,” Trip said cheerfully, while bending over to examine a plant.
“Thank you, Charles. I am pleased Starfleet permitted me to join their organization.”
“Well, after all you’ve done for us, they could hardly tell ya no, could they? I have to admit though, I never thought I’d see Vulcans in Starfleet. Glad I was wrong, though.”
“I believe I shall be the first of many, Charles. Our planet used to believe that humans were too violent, but now-“ The rest of T’Pol’s sentence was cut off as the plant beside her erupted into a fit of spores. She sneezed several times in rapid succession. The spores affected her vision almost immediately, and her sense of balance suffered. She swayed slightly, in a most un-Vulcan fashion.
Trip was to her side immediately. “Ya okay, T’Pol?”
T’Pol was not okay. The plant, stationed strategically by the Q, was a Gorn Tulip. The tulips were used on the reptilian planet just prior to battle, to prepare their soldiers. Their chemicals were natural inducers of anger and violent tendencies. For the Gorn, they were a benefit in battle. For a Vulcan, they were of no benefit at all.
Anger coursed through T’Pol’s veins. “You have done this to me,”she seethed.
“Huh?” Trip wondered. “I think we should get ya back to the ship, T’Pol.” His communicator fell from his hands, however, as T’Pol lunged for him.
Trip was strong, but no match for the superior Vulcan physiology. By the time the other Enterprise crew members found her, Trip’s neck had already been broken.
“The Q have always alleged they never meant for Trip to die,” Sarah said sadly. “Only that they intended for T’Pol to attack him. They figured if she was truly violent, he wouldn’t want her anymore.”
“If I remember my history correctly,T’Pol returned immediately to Vulcan.”
“Yes. She became the Vulcan equivalent of a nun. She never married or had children. When the pon far hit, she allowed it to overtake her and end her life.”
Archer understood what had happened. He deeply regretted the loss of Trip’s life, but in his heart he knew that T’Pol was not at fault. And so, he stood toe to toe with the Vulcan in front of him, demanding to be able to speak to his former science officer.
“She will not speak to thee, Archer,” T’Pau informed him. “Even if she so desired, I would not permit thee.”
“You don’t have that right! Commander T’Pol is my science officer. She’s my crewman! She’s a Starfleet officer.”
“You do not have to remind me of that, Captain. If T’Pol had not been in Starfleet, this would not have occurred. Your people are known for their violence.”
“This had nothing to do with us. T’Pol was affected by the spores. There was medical proof-“
“The spores were no doubt increased by the human influence. From this day forth, Vulcan shall discourage our youth from joining your violent organization. We may be part of the Federation, but Starfleet can be left to the humans.”
“Which is why Spock was the next one to join and that was a hundred years later,” Sisko stated
“Unbelievable. Not only did your damn war cost four people potential happiness, but it affected the Federation as well.”
“With Trip’s death, the Q and Prophet Council met. The Council ruled that neither side could interfere with the lives of the NX-01 any further. The Prophets, disillusioned by what had occurred, pushed for a ruling that would forbid interference in mortal lives altogether. The Q refused and the Prophets withdrew from the continuum to form our own. We swore we would not interfere again.”
Sisko sighed and rubbed his goatee thoughtfully. “I suppose I see your point now.”
“Yes, the sadness caused by the end result was too much to bear. Fortunately, the alternate universes provide some proof that we were on the right track and the Q were completely nuts.”
“Really? No one tried to interfere there?”
“Oh, Ben, the Q always think of themselves in such a linear fashion. Alternate universes really aren’t their thing. But take a look for yourself.”
At that, Sarah gestured. Because he was a Prophet, Sisko took in several lifetimes of Trip and T’Pol togetherness. Trip and T’Pol living on a science station together. Trip and T’Pol co-habiting on the Enterprise. Captain Tucker and Commander T’Pol overpowering a Romulan fleet. Trip and T’Pol living on Vulcan together. Trip and T’Pol meeting a young Sarek and Amanda.
“Amazing,” Sisko breathed. “I’ve been exposed to alternate universes before, but I’m always amazed by how different they can be from reality. Did Archer and T’Pol end up together in any reality?”
Sarah smirked to herself. “Well, there was one.” Again she waved her hand and images sprung forth.
This time, Archer wore a goatee and had a nasty scar across his cheek. and T’Pol wore a considerable amount less than was proper for a Vulcan. Then, Sisko noticed, so did all the women on this Enterprise. This Archer stood and walked over to the science station, where he comfortably fondled T’Pol’s tightly clothed posterior. “Well, darling, how are the scans?”
T’Pol glanced up and caressed his scar lightly. “They are proceeding wonderfully, Jonathan. No doubt thanks to your terrific captaincy.”
She glanced up sharply. “Captain, my superior Vulcan hearing just noticed Lieutenant Reed snorting. As he was mocking you, I recommend he be placed in the agonizer booth.”
Archer nodded his approval, and Reed was dragged away. “With your help, T’Pol, the Empire shall be a very prosperous endeavor.”
Sisko groaned. “Of course. Only in that universe would they end up together.”
Sarah nodded. “Well, everything is the opposite of normality in that universe, is it not?”
Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!
A whole mess of folks have made comments
*chuckles* Ah, we all know that Trip and T'Pol were meant to be together.
I've been taking a survey of the Star Trek fans here at the base, and everyone seems to think the most 'logical' coupling of Enterprise characters would be Trip and T'Pol. Take that Paramount!
Man, finally my favorite captain gets his due.
HA! Good thing this is posted on a T/T board. LOL!
My neighbors must think I'm nuts because I couldn't stop laughing! Thanks.
So, wait, Sisko becoming a prophet helped someone? It's b/c of him that we got this delightful little piece of fic? Amazing!
Yeah, we all know the truth. No A/T'P for the world, T/T'P all the way.
What everybody else said. Well done
ROTFLMAO! Fan 'flippin' tastic!
HA, HA, HA! My roommate is mad at me now because I laughed so hard! Thanks for the great story! Keep it up! (I just wish Trip hadn't died... awwww... *sniff*)
OMG! That was hysterical! HAHAHAH! LOL. *snickers*
Great spoof! I love that you draw on several of the ST series.