Pillar- Ch. 2

Pillar

By Samantha Quinn

Rating: PG-13, Angst, Romance

Disclaimers in Chapter One

POTENTIAL SPOILERS: “Shockwave, I and II,” “Breaking the Ice,” “Shuttlepod One,” and “Fusion.”

A/N: I rewrote a couple pieces of this because the original had Trip having weird telepathic type dreams. Since he’s not a Betazoid, I deemed them inappropriate. And yes, I’m still working on the sequel…

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Chapter Two

Trip Dreams

Hoshi Sato is a damn fine lookin’ woman. Any man could see that. Hell, even Malcolm could, as much as he may have rejected her. I’m a lucky man to have gotten her. If Reed had any sense in that stubborn British head of his, I wouldn’t have.

And the sex is phenomenal.

So, I have an incredible sexy woman in my bed, pleasing me like no woman ever has before. . . but the dreams continue anyway. And they aren’t dreams about Hoshi.

Hoshi’s in my bed now, lying next to me. I sneak a peek at her features. She lies on her stomach, holding tightly to her pillow. Despite our earlier actions, she is clad in a pink satin nightgown. She always re-dresses herself afterwards. Her sleek black hair has fallen across her face, the only visible clue of our earlier bout of lust.

Can’t help but wonder what T’Pol’s hair would look like. If she’d ever let it get messed up. If she’d let me mess it up.

Aw, hell.

Lusting for Vulcans won’t get me anywhere. Especially not with T’Pol.
Who am I trying to kid? It ain’t just lust. If it was, I wouldn’t be lying here with a perfectly good substitute and still thinkin’ bout T’Pol.

Is it love? Not yet . . . but I could let myself love her. It’d be so easy.
How about that? Charles Tucker III could love a Vulcan. If someone had told me that two years ago, I’d have laughed in their face.

It’s not so funny anymore.

It’s all her fault, too. Well, it certainly isn’t mine. I never set out to have feelings for someone that wouldn’t share ‘em. But from that moment where she refused to shake my hand, I was hooked.

In the beginnin’, I thought it might be the male ego at work. The whole ultimate challenge and what a man I’d be if I could get her to lose control. Then I had to go and read her private message ‘bout her wedding and it hit me that I’d be real sad if T’Pol left The Enterprise. And not just cuz I hadn’t got her into bed yet.

Course, I was able to still shake it off at that point. Say we were just friends, and I’d miss her as a friend. Those damn Sulibans proved me wrong. When I spoke to Malcolm and he said he couldn’t see T’Pol . . . every bad possible reason came to mind and I was terrified.

If Silik had been standing there, I would have killed him myself.
And that’s when I knew. There wasn’t any use denying it. I didn’t just want T’Pol because she has a “nice bum,” or to score the ultimate male prize. I wanted her ‘cuz every part of me cared for her.

That’s also when the dreams started. They’re always the same, too. Always, T’Pol is laughing. Always, I almost get to her to tell her how I feel. Then I always lose her. I know that’s how it would be if I ever had the guts to tell her how I feel. I’d lose the only part of T’Pol I actually have. Her friendship.

As much as I enjoy what we have together, it’s the same relationship that nearly drives me crazy. The longer I’ve known T’Pol, the more I want to know. That’s how normal relationships work, right? You get to know someone better and better, as time passes. At first, I thought that’s how T’Pol and me would be. In the beginnin’, it was. She’d share a little piece of information here and there. An occasion or two, I’d even get her to have a piece of pecan pie together.

I can’t help grinnin’ when I think how she first described my favorite dessert. Not a logical choice of food, that pecan pie. Still, after plenty of badgering, I managed to get her to concede to try it. And somewhere along the way, that damn pie became a symbol of our friendship.

Too much of a symbol. T’Pol was right. Pecan pie can’t sustain a man. It taste great, it’s sweet, but a real meal needs something more. T’Pol’s small concessions and exchanges of confidence are great-sweet as pure sugar-but they just leave me thirsty for more.

And I don’t understand why she won’t. I confide in her all the time. I tell her about my engineering shifts, when somethin’ really great happens, when somethin’ awful happens. I tell her about my nieces and nephews back home. Most of the time, she listens when we talk. I think she cares, but who knows? She’s a Vulcan. Maybe she’s was just listening to be polite, and doesn’t really give a rat’s behind how I feel.

If that’s what she’s doin’, I wish she’d tell me. Just come on out and say, “Commander, I do not care to hear any more stories of a personal nature from you.” I’d take the hint.

Hey, I’ve even backed off a little anyway. I don’t really know what’s going on with her-she was a lot more forth comin’ the first year we served together. Lately, she’s bolted down tighter than the warp core itself. I was beginnin’ to worry for a while that she had caught on to how I feel and was disgusted by the very thought of being so intimate with a smelly human.

So, I eased off too. Haven’t asked her for pecan pie sharin’ session lately. Our exchanges have been restricted to being on duty or equally mundane tasks. Least, that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I’ve not always been so successful. I did get a new girlfriend.

Right on cue, Hoshi stirs beside me, and unconsciously wraps an arm around my waist, snugglin’ to get closer. Hoshi knows all about T’Pol, so it’s not like I’m usin’ her or anything. Or at least, no more than she’s usin’ me.

Yep, we’re both serving as poor substitutes. Pretty sad, huh?

The physical is great. But that’s all it is. And each time we use each other, a small part of me wonders how different T’Pol’d be.

When those emotional Vulcans came to visit, I made sure to ask Kov all about Vulcan sex habits. T’Pol had told us Vulcans only have sex once every seven years. Kov had played around with that game too, but after he, Tolaris, and company left and I returned to my quarters, I found a present from Kov. He’d left a PADD on which he’d written me a little thank you note.

“Commander Tucker, you helped me to see my relationship with my father in an entirely different light. To thank you, I’d like to pass on this advice: pay no heed to the seven year myth. The basis of this myth is no concern to you, but revolves around Vulcan males. The females of our species can-and do-have sex whenever their partner and they desire it. Just remember, Vulcans have twice the stamina of a human. Be prepared.”

Be prepared? Are my feelings for T’Pol that obvious? Probably. No wonder she’s been pullin’ away from me lately.

Whenever they desire it. The best thing Kov taught me is that in fact, Vulcans do feel. They have emotions . . . they just try to control them.

T’Pol does a hell of a job.

Glancin’ at the chronometer, I see that I only have about six more hours of sleep left. I close my eyes, and wait for the oh, familiar dream. My thoughts on that infuriatin’ Vulcan can wait ‘til tomorrow. She’s usually what I think about anyway.

***

I run in the direction of the laugh-I’ve never heard it before, but it sounds very familiar anyway.

There she is-I can see her! It’s T’Pol, and she’s standing on the edge of one of the most dangerous cliffs. Laughin’.

I want to watch her laugh forever. I want to watch her beautiful face be overthrown by that smile-a smile I long to see and can never see.

“Trip!” she calls and waves with a reckless abandon she’s never possessed. My heart nearly leaps out of my chest. She’s calling me Trip. How I’ve longed for that. I have to get to her . . . I have to hold her in my arms, to tell her how I feel. The faster I run, the more distant the laugh sounds. Her voice drifts farther and farther away. “Wait, T’Pol, wait! Come back!” I yell. “Come back!”
I begin to panic. Why can’t I see her, why can’t I hear her? Suddenly, I see her standing atop an even higher cliff. She’s not laughin’ anymore. She’s cryin’ now. “T’Pol, what’s the matter?” She doesn’t answer, she just cries harder. I can’t stand seein’ her cry. Not my strong, proud T’Pol. I have to get to her. She stands, and begins to walk to the edge of the cliff. “T’Pol! Stop!” She looks up, looks at me, and jumps.

***

“Trip, Trip, Trip! Wake Up!” I hear Hoshi’s voice and it dawns on me that it was a dream.

“I’m sorry, Hoshi, did I wake ya up?” I ask, tryin’ to stop the poundin’ in my chest.

“I should think so! You were screaming for T’Pol to stop, and then you just started sobbing,” Hoshi lowered her voice. “Trip, maybe you should just tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t think so, Hoshi. I’m sorry I woke ya. ‘Nite.” As I roll over, I squeeze the pillow tightly. No, I definitely can’t tell her. That’s what I was trying to do in the dream, and that’s why she jumped. I want T’Pol. I want her with every bone in my body. But tellin’ her ain’t worth sacrificing our friendship for. It ain’t. And I won’t do it. T’Pol’s happy with things the way they are now. If she wasn’t, she would have told me otherwise.

And I can live with my misery, as long as she’s happy.

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A/N: T’Pol’s point of view was a lot easier to write! This was pretty hard. Most likely not as good, either. Probably because I’m not a man. As usual, please R/R.

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This story is continued in Supernova

Return to Chapter 1 (T'Pol Laments)

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Three people have made comments

Bucky here: There'd *better* be a sequel.

....I'm just sayin'....

This was great, but ow, what angst . I can't wait to see what happens next and how Trip finds out about T'Pol's true feelings. Come on. You know you can do it! You owe it to shippers everywhere to put great pie-eating smiles on our little faces. Thanks for a great story and well done, Ali D :~)

Oh please don't say that's end of the story.I want tosee what happens next.I would hope to see Trip get T'Pol and Hoshi end up with Malcolm somehow.This story was really angsty.I really hope for a sequeal please for Trip and T'Pol fans everywhere.