To Have Learned Nothing At All-Ch 18

To Have Learned Nothing At All

By Samantha Quinn

Rating:
Disclaimer: See Chapter one

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Chapter 18

Melting

A/N: This isn’t beta’ed, and is horribly long, so I apologize for the many mistakes I’m sure are found herein.

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“Billy, Cody’s in an awful lot of pain. I know you love him, but-"
“He’s my friend, Trip, my best friend in the whole world.”
“I know that, Billy.”

“Billy, Cody’s very sick. He’s going to die either way. You can let him be put to sleep, and spare him a lot of pain, or you can let him go later, and make him suffer. It’s up to you.”

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For reasons he couldn’t quite fathom, the memory of trying to coax Billy into allowing their parents to put Cody to sleep kept replaying in Trip’s head as he sat across from his brother in the younger man’s temporary quarters.

It was, as T’Pol would have no doubt pointed out, an illogical association to have. The William Tucker across from Trip bore precious little resemblance to the freckle faced little brother that had tagged along behind Trip like a miniature shadow during their childhoods.

Oh, it was a scene that their mother would have immediately recognized. Both Tuckers straddled their chairs backwards – something Trip’s more luxurious quarters wouldn’t have allowed. Occasionally, both Billy and Trip would pull upon the front legs of their chairs which placed them in the same perilous positions that had resulted in many scoldings by Catherine Tucker. Both seemed determined to out-balance the other, however subliminal that desire was now. But as many similarities that existed between their present day selves and the counterparts of their youth, there was one distinct difference. That Billy had looked upon his older brother with complete and utter adoration. This William looked upon his older brother with something akin to contempt.

For his part, Trip was attempting to sound civil, and understanding, when he was in fact confused and distraught. William apparently wasn’t having the same difficulty.

“I’ve seen the footage of what the Vulcan did.”

“Her name is T’Pol.” It seemed to Trip a very important detail.

“I just want to let you know, I don’t blame you.”

Trip blinked several times in response, trying to mentally comprehend what William had just said. “You don’t blame me?”

“No. We’ve all heard the stories about what they can do. I realize she probably tricked you into doing that – what did you call it? Neuropressure?”

*He’s your baby brother. Remember that.* “T’Pol didn’t trick me into doing anything. The neuropressure is a type of Vulcan therapy.”

“Therapy? Tell me, Trip, what type of therapy requires you to get practically entirely naked?”

“It was helping me – and her – to sleep. If you watched the footage used at T’Pol’s trial, you should know that.”

“I’m sure that’s what she told you.”

*He’s the same Billy that used to beg me to make mud pies with him.* “What she told me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Think about it, Trip. The entire concept of neuropressure doesn’t make any sense. There’s no way rubbing someone’s back would help them get any sleep. In fact, if what the two of you were doing when the Vulcan was arrested was any indication, I would think it would make sleeping more difficult.”

William’s words were innocent enough, but the tone he used was far from it. Trip was willing to admit that the neuropressure sessions had been the foundation for some serious flirting between himself and T’Pol. However, they had also helped him through a very rough part of his life. To hear someone degrading the practices as something more sinister and hormonal infuriated him. “Those neuropressure sessions helped me tremendously. After Lizzie died, they were the only way I could get a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what I would have done without T’Pol.”

“And I’m sure she did that just outta the goodness of her heart, right?”

*He’s the same Billy who needed my help on his English homework.* Trip’s knuckles tightened around the chair as he fought to control his temper. “Just what the hell are you implyin’?”

“I’m implyin’ that the Vulcan manipulated you. Seein’ you were vulnerable, she --"

*He’s the same Billy that became an engineer to follow in your footsteps.* “She didn’t manipulate me into anything. And yes, she did do it ‘out of the goodness of her heart,’ whether you want to believe that or not.”

“Oh, come off it, Trip. You know as well as I do that Vulcansdon’t have the ability to feel. That woman you’re so hot and bothered about? She’s nothing but a manipulative, cold blooded bitch –"

*Baby brother, remember, he’s your baby brother.* “Don’t talk about T’Pol like that.”

William continued his tirade, Trip’s warning unheeded. “ – Who was probably using neuropressure as some scientific experiment on human sexual practices.”

“That’s enough.”

“I do hope you weren’t stupid enough to actually fuck-"

Trip stood then, his anger overcoming the mental reminders of William’s relationship to him. “That’s enough. I’m only going to say this one more time, William Tucker. You will not talk about T’Pol that way.”

William stood then too. Two sets of identical sloped noses and blue eyes stood glaring at each other. “You can’t actually care about her, Trip.”

“I care about her very much.”

“God, didn’t Lizzie mean anything at all to you?”

The sudden change in conversation, as well as the audacity William had to say such a thing, threw Trip for a loop. “How can you even ask that? Lizzie meant the world to me.”

“Then how can you side with the people responsible for getting her killed?”

“The Vulcans didn’t have anything to do with the attack on Earth, Billy. You know that as well as I do.”

“Of course they did. They held humanity back. If they hadn’t, we could have been ready. We could have prevented the attack that killed Lizzie.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? Look around you. We’re in the middle of humanity’s greatest achievement. This is how far we’ve come with their interference. Imagine how far we could be if they hadn’t been there at every step, trying to hold us back from exploring the stars as is our right. Our technology could have been more advanced, more developed. We could have a fleet by now – one that could have stopped the first Xindi weapon.”

Trip rubbed his eyes tiredly, and wondered how such a normally reasonable man like his brother could come up with such screwed up reasoning. “It wasn’t their fight, Billy.”

“You’ve served in Starfleet too long, Trip. You’ve become a Vulcan appeaser, just Forrest, Williams, and the rest. No doubt she had something to do with that. Tell me, did she give you a good reason why her holier-than-thou planet didn’t come to our aide?”

“Humanity didn’t win against the Xindi weapon by ourselves. We had help from T’Pol, Phlox, the Andorians, even the Xindi themselves.” The memory of T’Pol’s concern about what the ramifications of staying on Enterprise weighed heavily in Trip’s mind. For a startling minute, he feared that she’d never be able to find out what the High Command’s decision had been.

“Well, isn’t that nice? The next thing you’ll be tellin’ me is that the bastards actually have a conscience.”

“As a matter of fact, some of them do.”

“Convenient that their conscience disappeared long enough for them to kill seven million of our people.”

Trip took a deep breath to remind himself of why he was here before continuing. *Arguing with Billy isn’t going to get you anywhere. It won’t get T’Pol back.* “You can’t just group all of them together, Billy. Not all Xindi, not all Vulcans – you know better than that. T’Pol is -”

“Special?” William spat the word.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pleasure.

The sensation had been difficult for T’Pol to name only days before. Now that it was threatening to overwhelm her, she no longer had such a problem. Her problem now was of an entirely different variety.

*I will not give in. Not again.* Though T’Pol literally shook, she refused to submit to the desire coursing through her veins. The more T’Pol struggled to remain in control, the more determined Hogan appeared to grow to tear down her walls of self control. As a consequence, it was becoming increasingly difficult for T’Pol to distinguish between the desires she was resisting and the reality

Hands. Warm, firm, and tender hands were pressing the key points along her spine.

*No. Not real.*

It would be very easy to give in. . .

“Just as you did in the Expanse?” taunted a voice in her ear. Trip.

“No. Stop.” *Isn’t real.*

Trip’s hands flattened and stopped seeking specific points along her spine. Now they roamed, massaging even larger portions. “You don’t really want me to stop, do you T’Pol?”

“You are not real.”

His hands moved lower. “Then it does not matter whether or not I stop?”

*Not real. Not Trip. Must stop.*

“How is that logical?” The voice did not sound like Trip. It was too rough. *Too unkind.*

Summoning strength that had long since appeared to have left her, T’Pol concentrated. Slowly, the same white walls that had been her prison for the past three days became clear. It took an additional moment for her to recognize the voice as belonging to Hogan.

“How is that logical?” He taunted again. She did not know what he referred to, nor did she care. All she cared about was forestalling the oncoming insanity, a task that was becoming increasingly more difficult.

She would welcome any means of escape. *Any.*

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“Yes, T’Pol is very special to me,” Trip said forcefully, clearly frustrated that Billy couldn’t understand something that simple. “She’s more than special, Billy. I –"

Trip stopped abruptly as an overwhelmingly sharp pain pierced his head. He’d been dealing with the continuing sensations from the bond he and T’Pol had shared, as best as he could without her actually being there to guide him. But as the agonizing pain subsided, the sensations of pain, panic, and fear were gone. In their place was. . .nothingness.

Billy was standing at his side, their previous disagreement momentarily forgotten. “Trip, are you all right?”

“No. . . T’Pol. . . I can’t feel her anymore.”

Billy frowned. “What do you mean, feel?”

Shaking his head slowly, Trip tried to ignore the gnawing foreboding sensation in his gut. “You saw the ‘trial.’ You should know what I’m talking about.”

“Well, I don’t. So how ‘bout you fill me in?”

“The bond T’Pol was telling me about?”

“Oh, that. Yes, I remember. Some type of mental link, I believe she said it was? It’s most likely some type of Vulcan trick to manipulate –"

“She was not manipulatin’ me, Billy. Dammit, it’s not like that. She and I. . . I can’t imagine the rest of my life without her. The bond. . . she says it’s not a strong one, by Vulcan standards. I want to explore that bond in greater detail, along with all other things Vulcan and human.”

Billy pursed his lips in a fair imitation of someone who had swallowed something distasteful. “You’re serious about her, then?”

Trip didn’t hesitate in his response. “Very serious.”

“Have you even remotely considered how your family feels about this? I’m not the only one who isn’t going to be happy with you . . . dating. . . a Vulcan.”

“The Tucker family I remember would want me to be happy.”

“We still do, but without her.”

“I can’t.” Once it was said, Trip wondered why he had never expressed it to T’Pol. With all of his might, he willed T’Pol to hear him, in the same way that he had heard her only minutes before. His efforts were met with the same blank nothingness that had existed in his consciousness since the onset of his migraine.

While his sincerity did not soothe the dull ache that was beginning to take the place of T’Pol’s emotions, it apparently did have a profound effect on his brother. “I didn’t realize she meant that much to you.” As if to demonstrate the decline in hostility, Billy retook his seat.

“It’s funny. . neither did I, until recently. I. . just hope it isn’t too late. I don’t know what the people on APA I are doin’, Billy, but –"

“I’ll speak to them. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do about getting them to release her.”

“Not that I’m complainin’, but what made you change your mind?”

“When I went off to college, you told me that I was going to have to make my own mistakes, and learn from them. I don’t like the idea of you and that Vulcan together, but I suppose you’re entitled to make your own mistakes too. And you obviously care for the Vulcan.”

Trip winced at the repeated usage of “the Vulcan,” but decided not to press it. “Thanks, Billy. Somehow I don’t think the Captain’s having much luck with Dr. Kehn.”

“It’s unlikely. Abagail’s one of the staunchest supporters of the ‘return to old morality’ nonsense that her sect believe in. He’d have better luck in convincing Niagara not to fall than convince her that the Vulcan didn’t commit a horrendous crime by taking her shirt off.”

“Well, I guess I’ll go. . . "

“It’d probably be best. I’m going to call on some old favors with Hogan, but seeing you in my quarters probably wouldn’t be a good battle plan.”

“Right.” Trip stood for an awkward moment, before exiting.

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William waited patiently for the sound of his brother’s footsteps to fade away before he requested to be patched through to APA I. The Ensign that connected him didn’t sound very happy to patch him through, but she did, nonetheless, after a lengthy pause in which William was certain she was double checking with the Captain.

After a moment, Hogan’s face finally graced the small screen. “Well, well, Mr. Tucker. So good to talk to you again.”

Attempting not to roll his eyes, Billy simply responded, “I held up my half of deal. Is the Vulcan all right?”

A slight frown crossed Hogan’s face. “Since when do you care about the welfare of Vulcans?”

“Since that Vulcan bitch has some type of link with my brother that damn near caused him to pass out a few minutes ago. When I agreed to help you, I didn’t know Trip –“

“You aren’t planning on going back on your end of the deal, are you, Billy?” Hogan asked menacingly.

“No,” William answered equally as coldly. “But so help me, if anything happens to my brother because of your little scheme –"

“Our scheme. It will benefit the entire colony.”

“I don’t care who will benefit. If something happens to Trip –“

“Well, he is likely to have a broken heart.”

“Life’s full of disappointment. I meant physically. I couldn’t care less about his lust for the Vulcan. And you didn’t answer me. Is she all right?”

“We aren’t certain. Our doctors aren’t versed well enough in the Vulcan physiology to know . . . but, suffice to say, there’s been a glitch.”

“A glitch?”

“Don’t worry about. Proceed with the plan as we previously agreed.”

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On the bridge, Hoshi glared at the comm station. When she’d signed on, Jonathan Archer had professed the need for a linguist. Once she had finally caved, he’d smiled that annoyingly sweet – and manipulative – little boy smile, thanked her, and swore she’d be “the Daniel Jackson to my Colonel O’Neill.” That had swiftly melted away any discontent she had possessed at the time. After all, what child of her generation hadn’t grown up on the stories of Daniel Jackson translating the Asian languages for the less linguistically gifted Colonel as they had crossed continents fighting Khan?

*Daniel Jackson, my ass. I feel more like a intra-galactic version of the old telephone operators they had during the Doctor’s day.*

The feeling was a valid one, given how many “calls” she had directed between Starfleet, the various APA colonies, and their “guests.” The sensation doubled as she received yet another signal. *If Dr. Jackson had suffered the same indignities, he would have told Colonel O’Neill to shove it.*

*And, damn it, he would have been able to do it in more languages in that once sentence than I’ve been able to use in the past week.*

*Hmm. . . Vulcan?* Her curiosity overtook her cynicism when the request came through to speak to Commander Tucker.

“Sato to Tucker.”

“This is Trip.”

“You have a transmission, Commander. It’s from Vulcan.”

Hoshi noticed the looks from Malcolm and Travis, but ignored them in favor of the more important sharp intake of breath from Trip.

“Who is it?”

“It claims to be someone named T’Lal.”

The pause indicated that Trip clearly had no idea who T’Lal was. “Go ahead and patch her through.”

After the transmission went through, Hoshi allowed her thoughts to shift from her own duties to the mission at hand. It wasn’t a mission she was particularly needed for, but it was one that she had a personal stake in anyway. The memory of T’Pol, the once stoic image of Vulcan propriety, asking for dating advice in the turbolift was a clear one. They couldn’t just leave her behind – not now, not after the war had been won, and T’Pol had the opportunity to pursue what she so clearly wanted.

*And for what? So Starfleet can please a group of humans that are every bit as evil as Khan ever was? Maybe more so? Hasn’t our species learned any lessons at all in the past century and a half?*

The very idea that happiness would be ripped from her friends when they were so close to it was heartbreaking to Hoshi. Perhaps it showed, because the man currently in charge of the bridge looked at her quizzically. “Is everything okay, Hoshi?”

“Everything’s fine, Malcolm. I was simply feeling a bit nostalgic about . . . history,” she finished.

“History?”

“Um, the Eugenics Wars.”

“Ah. That’s one of my favorite historical eras.”

“Really?”

Malcolm nodded enthusiastically. “General Hammond was the quintessential military commander of the twenty-first century.”

*Of course. The strong, silent type. That’s Malcolm to a ‘T’, isn’t it?* “Yeah, it’s too bad he had to meet such a gruesome fate. What was it? Some type of bug in the ear?”

“Cockroaches, and multiple ones at that. Apparently, the roaches themselves didn’t actually do that much damage, but the hatching of their eggs. . . though. . . I must confess, I don’t quite understand what the Eugenic Wars have to do with our current predicament.”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.”

“I look forward to it.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Hoshi noticed strange expression on Travis’ face. With a shrug, she vowed to ask him about it later, and went back to silently cursing the colonists and her fate in all the languages she knew.

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Wearily, but curious, Trip waited for the connection to go through. When the connection was complete, he was greeted with a startling vision of exactly what he believed T’Pol would look like when she was old – whenever that might be.

“You are Commander Charles Tucker?” the woman inquired.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I am T’Lal, mother to T’Pol.”

Frantically, Trip searched his brain for a reason why T’Pol’s mother would want to request to speak to him. None of the reasons were particularly *pleasant* ones. “It’s an honor to meet you. What can I –"

“I have seen the trial footage.”

*Damn. What in the hell am I supposed to say to that?*

As it turned out, he didn’t need to say anything, because T’Lal continued for him. “While my daughter’s correspondence prior to her time in the Expanse did portray you as a close ally, I did not realize the two of you had become quite so intimate.”

“Well. . .it’s been. . . a recent development.”

T’Lal looked at him for a moment as if to gauge the truth behind his words. Certain that his heart rate was increasing exponentially, Trip wondered why *that* trait had to be one of the universal constants shared by Vulcan and human mothers alike.

Finally, she spoke again. “I suspect the affection has not been. For either of you.”

There was no malice or animosity in her voice, thus, Trip decided it was safe to be truthful, or at least as truthful as he believed a Vulcan could appreciate. “No. But we only recently acknowledged it.”

“That is unfortunate for both of you.”

“Yeah. . .it sure is.”

“I would normally be contacting my daughter. However, since both of our governments have deemed inaction to be the appropriate course of action, the information I would share with her I will share with the one she has bonded with.”

The mere mention of the word ‘bonded’ dredged up the familiar sensation of emptiness. He thought briefly about asking T’Lal, but something in her expression made him pause and allow her to continue. It was also possible that the undercurrent of displeasure she displayed in her phrasing worked to silence Trip as well.

“I gathered from the trial footage that T’Pol has shared with you the investigation into her actions by the High Command?”

“You mean her comin’ with us into the Expanse? Yes, she shared that.”

“The High Command has found that the scientific and diplomatic benefits of her time on the Enterprise have proven her decision to be a prudent one, in retrospect.”

Forgetting to whom he was speaking, Trip permitted a grin to overtake his face. “You mean, she’s in the clear?”

He was given *the eyebrow* in response. “If I understand your vernacular, yes, she’s . . . ‘in the clear.’”

His smile grew impossibly wider. “That’s wonderful news. I can’t wait to tell . . . " his voice trailed off, as he remembered, belatedly, the obvious fact that he might not get the chance to tell T’Pol the news he was certain she’d be glad to hear. *Well, pleased at any rate.*

T’Lal’s brows crinkled slightly in the familiar Vulcan demonstration of confusion. “I had been led to believe that Starfleet had decided to leave T’Pol on the APA I colony.”

Technically, Trip knew he wasn’t supposed to share the details of what was occurring with T’Lal. On the other hand, there was no way he could imagine lying to T’Pol’s mother. “Well. . . officially they have. I can’t really go into details, but we have good reason to think that might change, soon.”

T’Lal only tilted her head in response. “In that case, T’Pol has chosen her alliances more carefully than I had previously believed. I do hope your plans will be successful, Commander Tucker.”

“So do I, Ma’am, and thank you, for lettin’ me know about the High Command’s decision.”

“There is no reason to thank me. Our culture would allow no less.”

“Maybe not. . . but somehow, I don’t think Soval would have seen it that way.”

Again he received *the eyebrow.* “Indeed, he did not. However, you are bonded to T’Pol. To withhold the news from you would have been a denial of your roll in our family. That would be. . .illogical.”

Never before in Trip’s life had the word “illogical” sounded so sweet. It was a bittersweetness, though, when he realized that speaking to T’Pol’s mother was easier than speaking to his own flesh and blood. “Speakin’ of the bond. . .there is one thing I wanted to ask you about.”

“You may proceed.”

“The past day or so, I’ve been feeling some pretty strong . . .sensations. . . from T’Pol,” Trip shuddered in spite of himself, when he remembered what type of “sensations” he’d been experiencing. “But just a few minutes ago, I had a pretty strong headache, and now I can’t feel her anymore at all.”

Vulcans were supposed to be an emotionless species. T’Pol had told him that, popular culture believed that, and Trip had considered it truthful for a long time. But the brief look that crossed T’Lal’s face was such a combination of sorrow and pity that belied that stereotype. The gnawing feeling Trip had felt initially returned.

“Then I grieve with you, Commander Tucker.”

“Grieve?”

“The loss of a Vulcan bond only occurs through death.”

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To Be Continued. . .
A/N: Only three more to go! Yah! Oh. . .and the “Stargate” reference is again gratuitous, but not entirely, as it will come into play later.

Chapter 19

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

That, was absolutely horrible. My heart stopped when I read the last line!! I held my breath the entire time I read the chapter and now, I'm just ... dead. Update soon! I need to know that she's alive!

You're breaking my heart!

NO!!!! no, no, no! Could you please post sooooooon?

No, no, NO! You can't kill off T'Pol - it would not be LOGICAL! Cruel, wicked muse to tempt you into playing with such a notion. Let's hope she's just been rendered unconscious or similar. I really want to box Billy's ears but the part where he worries about Trip and tries to find out from Hogan if T'Pol is alright made me a little less cross with him. Though he still needs a good shake. Can't wait for the next part, Ali D :~)

You are a wicked, wicked individual, Samantha!

I demand that you rectify this situation immediately...T'Pol can't be dead because you went to all the effort of having T'Pol's mum contact Trip...

Sort it...now! :-)

I think you like making us panic like this... you did it in other stories so somehow I'm not surprised you did it here. Your very evil... which is probably why I like your stories. I just love angst... as long as it has a happy ending. T'Pol can't be dead... then what would Trip do? It just couldn't work! Therefore there has to be another reason why things are happening as they are... what in the world is up that sleeve of yours Sam?!

*sniffles* Oh my God! Poor Trip! I can just imagine his face! She's not really dead, don't worry... SQ, you wouldn't do that to him (and us) would you?

Ok, now I know she's not dead... so what exactly have you done to make her appear *dead*... hmmm? Also, the exchange between Billy and Hogan made me sit up and take note. There seems to be more going on there. To what extent is he involved? Enquiring minds need to know. The suspense is killing me already! Good work as always. Waiting for your next posting :)

Nooooo....not dead, it can't be!

goose bumpies up and down my arms and legs!! nooooooo!!! (breath calmly not a death fic).

hurry post the next please.

Oh that Billy Tucker! Going to have to let Malcolm teach him a lesson or two. Maybe Malcolm and Hayes (wait is Hayes still alive in your fic? I'm reading too many right now) can use him as a crash dummy!

Yikes, talk about cliffhangers! I've just read the last half dozen chapters -- loved them, and loved being able to read them in one sitting, but what a place to run out of story! Can't wait for the next update!