To Have Learned Nothing At All-Chp 20

To Have Learned Nothing At All

Chapter 20

by Samantha Quinn

Disclaimers in Chapter 1

Hearts Will Never be Practical Until They Can be Made Unbreakable.
A/N: Again, beware of evil scene changes.

+++++++++++++++

Much to his surprise, Trip slept without waking for ten hours, something he hadn’t done since signing onto Enterprise three years ago. No doubt the sedative Phlox had given him was the reason behind Trip’s ability to remain asleep, regardless of the dreams that had haunted him. Unlike the nightmares he had experienced while bonded to T’Pol, these dreams were hauntingly empty, in addition to frightening. It was no longer a matter of not being able to reach T’Pol; not hearing her at all was what now plagued his sleep.

In spite of the dire situation he was in, Trip couldn’t help but think of the irony of the reason behind the longevity of his slumber. Nine months ago, it was Phlox’s refusal to give him further sedatives to help him sleep that had driven Trip to rely on T’Pol.

It was almost humorous, in a sick, twisted way. If Phlox had been as ready to give a sedative then as the doctor had been the night before, it was highly likely that they wouldn’t be here now.

*And T’Pol would be better off. * If there hadn’t been any neuropressure sessions, they never would have tried it on the planet, and T’Pol wouldn’t have been arrested for indecency.

*Which would mean she wouldn’t be lying here in sickbay fighting for her life. * Remembering how lifeless T’Pol held felt in his body only hours before, Trip shivered.

But even as the negative consequences loomed large in his consciousness, Trip was reminded of the positive ones. If it hadn’t been for those damn neuropressure sessions, the argumentative yet affectionate relationship might never have transformed into their current state of warm friendship on the verge of becoming something deeper. The exchange of cultural knowledge – from Surak to the Wizard of Oz – never would have happened. Without the half an hour he’d spent with T’Pol three times a week, the Expanse would have been a far lonelier place.

Hesitantly, his hand reached for hers. His fingers paused just short of contact, uncertain of initiating the intimate gesture when T’Pol was unable to give her consent. Finally, he slid his hand under hers, allowing the Vulcan fingers to rest lightly on top of his own. Needing to be closer, he leaned forward so that his mouth lingered just beyond the tip of her right ear.

“T’Pol, look, I don’t know if you can hear me. . . I’ve heard before that you’re supposed to talk to humans that are in comas. Apparently it’s supposed to help a little. . . I don’t know if that applies to a Vulcan healing trance. Hell, this whole trance thing really has all of us stumped, even Phlox. That’s why we’re on our way to Vulcan. . .”

His voice betrayed him at that point.

“. . . Speaking of which, according to your momma, you’re off the hook with the Vulcan High Command completely. . . Ya know, I hear the crew’ll be getting a couple months down time before the refit. Maybe you and I could spend some time on Vulcan? Along with the snorkeling, our little reading date. . .”

His eyes betrayed him at that point.

“Damn it, T’Pol, you and I have a lot of plans. So you have to get better. There’s too much left for us to do. . . together. . . for you to bail out now. Besides . . . I need you. Hell, let’s be honest. I care an awful lot about you, T’Pol. I can’t –"

It was at that inopportune time that the machine monitoring T’Pol’s vital signs began to broadcast a loud signal which brought Phlox into the room immediately.

“What’s the matter?”

“She appears to be having some sort of panic attack.”

Trip frowned in confusion as he stepped back out of Phlox’s way. “Vulcans can have panic attacks?”

“It is a rather unusual occurrence,” Phlox agreed as he pressed a hypospray against T’Pol’s neck.

“I thought you couldn’t give her anything.”

“It’s a very mild anti-anxiety medication. It shouldn’t interfere with the trance at all. Ah, there we go. Her vitals have stabilized, Commander.”

“Do you think the panic attack was part of the healing trance?”

Phlox shook his head. “No, it’s very unlikely. While I’m not certain, I believe T’Pol may have picked up on the distress you were projecting.”

*If so. . . Maybe our bond isn’t broken completely. * The thought provided Trip with a fleeting moment of hope that hadn’t been there since T’Pol had first been arrested. It was compounded a moment later by the realization that it had been his thoughts that had put her in jeopardy. “I’ll try not to project so much.”

Phlox rewarded Trip with his characteristic smile. “That may be difficult, Commander. Perhaps you should focus on something other than her illness.”

“Easier said than done, Doc.”

“Maybe you could brief T’Pol on the current conditions of engines.”

“I thought the purpose of the healing trance was to heal. The engines are work, Phlox. I can’t burden T’Pol when she’s trying to get better.”

“Well, what does she do to relax?”

“She meditates mostly,” Trip winced with the realization that she probably hadn’t had the opportunity to meditate during the entire time she’d been on the planet. He decided to keep it as another reason to hate the APA colonists. “She listens to music, playing chess. . . she reads a lot. . .”

“Perhaps you should read her a story.”

Trip looked at him skeptically, but shrugged. “I’ll give it a shot.”

“Excellent. I’ll leave you to it, then, Commander. Oh, and make certain you try to read something neutral.”

*There’s nothing neutral enough that is going to make me forget about how serious T’Pol’s condition is. * Still, for T’Pol’s sake he had to try. The only alternative was to leave her side, and that wasn’t something Trip was prepared to do.

However, he did leave T’Pol’s side long enough to go to the Captain’s quarters to retrieve the only “neutral” text he could think of.

++++

“Come in.” Archer looked up from the reports he was browsing long enough to look surprised at Trip’s visit. “I thought you weren’t planning on leaving T’Pol’s side.”

“I wasn’t, but I needed to come here long enough to ask a favor.”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you still have that book T’Pol gave you – the sayings of Surak?”

“It’s on my desk. Why do you ask?”

“Can I borrow it?”

“Of course you can.”

“Thanks. Uh. . I’d better be getting back to T’Pol.”

Watching Trip go, Archer scratched Porthos’ ears thoughtfully and remarked, “You know, I’m glad someone’s getting some use out of that thing. I couldn’t get passed the first chapter.”

++++++++++

Two days later, when they had finally reached Vulcan, Trip had made his way well past the first chapter. He was well on his way into chapter five, “Thoughts on Non-Familial Interpersonal Relationships,” when the Captain arrived bearing three Vulcan guests.

It is not considered appropriate for Vulcans to demonstrate surprise. However, something suspiciously similar to that emotion briefly flashed on the visitors’ faces when they came upon the human reading the familiar passages of Vulcan’s greatest philosopher.

“What is he doing?” the male Vulcan demanded in a tone considerably less than controlled.

“It appears that he is reading passages from the Teachings of Surak. Surely you cannot find fault with that action, Soval,” scolded the female at his side.

“Commander Tucker has been quite diligent in his tasks. He’s been reading to her for the past three days,” Phlox reported proudly.

Soval ignored that additional insight. “I was not attempting to find fault, T’Lal. I was merely unprepared for such a sight.”

“You were surprised,” Archer chimed in from behind, earning a distinct look of reprimand from the Vulcan Ambassador.

“For a human to show unbiased appreciation of another culture is a truly unexpected event, my wife. IDIC is not practiced among them.”

“Nor is it practiced among all Vulcans,” she replied simply. Soval started to reply, but T’Lal turned to the third Vulcan, deeming the conversation to be over. “Perhaps you should begin, T’Prena.”

T’Prena, who had simply been observing the couple quietly, nodded and stepped further into sickbay, clearing her throat slightly.

Between trying to fake a sense of calm in order to not project his panic, attempting to read the Surak sayings as unemotionally as possible, and taking time to understand what most of them meant – for when T’Pol awoke, she would surely quiz him on this stuff, of that, Trip had no doubt – Trip had been too fully immersed in the task at hand. As a consequence, he hadn’t noticed the presence of T’Lal, Soval, T’Prena, Phlox, or Archer. At the sound of T’Prena interruption, however, he turned to face the group. A very relieved smile crossed the engineer’s face. When he saw the rest of the entourage behind T’Prena, his smile only widened. “You’re here to help T’Pol?” he surmised.

T’Prena strode forward to stand next to T’Pol’s bedside. “That is correct. I assume you to be Commander Tucker?”

Trip nodded absently, far more concerned about the matter at hand. “Are you going to be treating her here in sickbay?”

“Yes.”

“But don’t you need to be in a hospital? Phlox says T’Pol’s condition is pretty serious.”

Phlox chose that moment to chime in. “Dr. T’Prena is one of Vulcan’s foremost neurologists. T’Pol’s chances of recovering have substantially increased.”

“Though I imagine she could do her task more effectively if you would remove yourself from being in her way,” Soval suggested.

Trip complied, coming to stand next to Captain Archer while T’Prena and Phlox began reviewing T’Pol’s brain activity. “It’s good to see you again too, Ambassador,” he remarked with more than a touch of insincerity. Turning to T’Lal, his voice deepened with respect and he extended his hand in the traditional Vulcan greeting. “I’m glad you could make it, Ma’am. When T’Pol wakes up, I’m sure she’ll be happy. . . erm, pleased to see you.”

“I shall be equally pleased to see my daughter, Commander Tucker.”

There remained an awkward silence amongst the four until T’Prena spoke again. “She has sustained significant damage to the ventral tegmental area of the brain. However, I believe it shall heal itself in due course. What is of more immediate concern is the fact that T’Pol should have awoken by now. There is no medical reason for her to still be in the healing trance.”

T’Lal straightened her back and folded her arms behind her. “Then you must perform the procedure.”

Archer had remained relatively quiet, but chose to break his silence. “What procedure?”

“It is a Vulcan matter, Captain Archer, and is none of your concern,” Soval responded.

“Like hell it isn’t. It may be a Vulcan matter, but it’s also a T’Pol matter. And T’Pol is my responsibility.”

“Perhaps if you had taken that responsibility more seriously, none of us would be in this situation.”

“Soval. Your concern for our daughter’s well being is over-shadowing your logic.” T’Lal turned to address Archer directly. “T”Prena is going to attempt to meld with T’Pol.”

“Hold on. THe last time a meld took place on this ship –“

T’Prena interrupted him. “We are all aware of the unfortunate ramifications of Tolaris’ meld with T’Pol. I assure you, I will not cause such harm.”

For his part, Trip was confused. He didn’t know what a meld was, what the ‘unfortunate ramifications’ were, and he was still trying to process the fact that Soval was apparently T’Pol’s father. Still, if the procedure would make T’Pol better, he was all for it. “Captain, I don’t really know what’s going on, but you have to let T’Prena do her thing. It might be her only hope.”

The addition of Trip’s pleading look melted Archer’s resolve. “Fine. Do what you have to do.”

Two humans, two Vulcans, and one Denobulan watched in fascination and anticipation as T’Prena pressed her fingers to T’Pol’s face. “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. . . “

T’Prena’s voice deepened as she continued. “. . . cold chair . . . head hurts. . . must not give in. . . no! No!. . . “

Trip shifted his weight from foot to foot, feeling utterly useless. T’Pol was hurting, but he couldn’t help her.

“. . . Trip. . . “

Trip started forward, but was stopped by the grip of T’Lal’s hand on his arm.

“. . . No Trip. . .no more Trip. . . please. . . no more Trip.”

If someone had punched him in the gut, it would not have hurt nearly as bad as hearing those words did. *But I couldn’t have interpreted them correctly. There’s another explanation. There has to be. *

With a considerable gasp, T’Prena pulled away.

“Are you alright?” Phlox inquired.

“Is T’Pol alright?” Trip demanded.

T’Prena extended what appeared to be a sympathetic look towards him. In that instance, Trip felt his heart fall to his knees. After all, things have to be at their absolute worst if a Vulcan was feeling sorry for you.

“The colonists were attempting some type of behavioral modification, Commander. Their desired outcome was to make T’Pol have a negative connotation to being intimate with you. . . It appears they have succeeded.”

“What do you mean?”

“T’Pol is continuing to sense your presence and it is causing her a good deal of distress. . . it may be the reason she has not awoken from the healing trance. I cannot help her while you continue to be in the room.”

“Well. . . I’ll just. . . go. . "

“I’ll come with you,” Archer offered.

“No. .. I’d really rather be alone, Captain.”

As Trip turned and walked out of sickbay, still clutching the copy of The Teachings of Surak in his hands, he was granted his wish. He’d never felt more alone in his life.

+++++

To be Continued. . .

A/N: Yeah, I lied, there are still a couple of chapters to go.
A/N, II: Thank you to everyone who has continued to review this story. It’s much easier to continue a story I dislike when I know someone’s actually reading it.

Chapter 21

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Ack! This can't be good.

I like T'Lal a lot. She seems to have something in common with Ambassador V'Lar...maybe a sense of humor. :) And always glad to see Soval.

This story has been great so far! Trip leaving still clutching his copy of The Teachings of Surak broke my heart! Can't wait to hear more!

*gasp* Well, that was gloomy!

You couldn't, you wouldn't, leave it like this . . . would you? Post the next chapter fast! Please! (Next time I'll take the angst warning much more seriously.)

nonononononononon!!! she is stronger than that! Soval has told the healer to break them apart!

it must be!

more soon please!

Why are you teasing us so? I gotta know what happens next!!! This is a really great story!

This is one of my favorite stories I hope you update soon.

Ack! Poor Trip. Fix it!!!

You´re the master of breaking hearts! Please tell me it will be a happy ending! PLEASE!

Damn you! I was enjoying that chapter so much and then suddenly you made me cry...you evil, evil person!

If you don't update soon, I'm going to attack you with virtual spoons! ; )

Why don't you like it? I think it's going really well! Don't leave us hanging! We need a happy ending!

I never said I didn't like it (my dramatic reading side is loving it!) but this T/Ter gets seriously upset when somebody manages to throw a spanner in the works of T/T's relationship...I wouldn't have started tearing up if it hadn't been good reading!

Clicks, I think Jenna was referring to what Samanatha Quinn wrote at the end of the chapter.

Help! Oh no, they can't put a gigantic wedge between Trip and T'Pol. Not fair, not fair, NOT FAIR!!! Gulp. Can't wait for the next part, great writing. Ali D :~)

Poor Trip... I feel so bad for him! Now how do you get them outta this mess? We can't have T'Pol avoiding him for the rest of her life... so something has got to be done!!!!! And quickly... I'm worried!

Great chapter! OMG! Talk about sticking a knife through your heart. Now, I know you're not going to make Trip suffer like that... are you?

"You know, I'm glad someone's getting some use out of that thing. I couldn't get passed the first chapter" killed myself laughing over that. I alway suspected that Archer *never* read that book. Thank you soooooo much for confirming my suspicions :) Hurry with your next chapter.

Great chap and been enjoying the story so so much and just can't wait for the 2 chapters!! Thanks a lot and hope to get more from you!

If this is an example of the kind of writing you can do with a story you dislike, then I can only imagine what you could do with a storyline you do like. Keep up the good work. Thanks and hurry with the next chapter! Love it!

This is great but i beg you... please stop at the angst..yet your so good at it...damn i'm comflicted!

Great Chapter please write more soon.