If you are seeing this paragraph, the site is not displaying correctly. You can see the content, but your current browser does not support CSS which is necessary to view our site properly. For the best visual experience, you will need to upgrade your browser to Netscape 6.0 or higher, MSIE 5.5 or higher, or Opera 3.6 or higher. If, however, you don't wish to upgrade your browser, scroll down and read the content - everything is still visible, it just doesn't look as pretty.

Unfulfilled- Part Eight

Author - Samantha Quinn
Fan Fiction Main Page | Stories sorted by title, author, genre, and rating

Unfulfilled

By Samantha Quinn

Rating: Pg-13, Romance/Angst. Lots and lots of angst. **Future Fic.***

Part 8

T’Pol and Trip Revisited

A/N: This is the End. I am contemplating a sequel, but for now I’m taking a break. Twilight has seriously ticked me off, and if I write anything with Archer in it anytime soon, I will torture him. Severely. Oh, and to anyone who thinks I am unjustly mean to Archer, I suggest you look at “Twilight.” Hello? Earth’s been destroyed, and poor widdle Archer’s upset because he can’t get out of his quarters? Please! And people think that MY portrayal of the man is “bitchy” and “immature”? Sure it is. It’s called keeping one in character. Sorry, end rant.

^^^^^^******^^^^^

Seven months later. . .

^^^^^^******^^^^^

My son is leaving in thirteen days. He has chosen the unexpected path of Starfleet Academy.

No doubt his decision is due, in part, to the revelations revealed to him seven months and one week ago. The revelations have demonstrated a considerable change in my son. He has simultaneously sought to spend more time with his biological father, while demonstrating heretofore uncharacteristic patience towards Jonathan.

I understand Koval’s attitude towards Jonathan. For, while I do not experience passion for my mate, I do hold affection for him. That affection may be minuscule in contrast to the affection I hold for another. Nonetheless, I would not seek to cause him intentional pain.

Although, apparently, I have.

Perhaps my son is attempting to compensate for the unintentional pain his birth parents bestowed upon the man who raised him as his son. If that were the case, however, I would expect him to react with greater anger towards me. He holds none. I can only take that as proof that he understood what I had done for his behalf and what Commodore Tucker had done for the Admiral’s behalf. I am immensely relieved that my son has not lost his affection towards me. In a marriage that has not been personally rewarding, Koval has been my center and purpose in my personal life.

Soon my center will be gone.

It was an inevitable end. Yet I foolishly permitted my focus to be on the present, rather than the future during Koval’s upbringing. Was it not logical? My previous attempts to predict the future had been decidedly unsuccessful. .

Although it is not acceptable for a Vulcan to do so, there are occasions during which I chose instead to dwell upon the past. Mostly my thoughts center around Koval, Commodore Tucker, and Jonathan. Yet there are times I wonder how my life would have been different if I had chosen Koss as my bondmate and left Enterprise.

To be certain, much of the personal growth that occurred aboard that ship would not have taken place.

Yet. . .

If I had left Enterprise, I would have been spared the affection I grew to have towards Commodore Tucker. An affection which I foolishly set aside in order to marry Jonathan. But truthfully, did I not already have the affection for Commander Tucker? Was it not his argument that convinced me to stay upon the ship? If I did not already have some inkling of affection, would I not have returned home?

A chime at the door startles me from my thoughts. If it was either Jonathan or Koval, they would not ring the chime. Glancing out the window, I find the visitor to be Commodore Tucker. No. . . Commissioner Tucker. For, in fourteen days, he too shall be gone. I shall lose my son and my beloved in the span of twenty-four human hours.

I hesitate in answering the door, half hoping he will give up and leave. For all that I treasure him, his very presence is disruptive to the composure I have so consciously constructed. While I cannot force myself to express passion I do not feel in Jonathan’s presence, it is barely within my capability to force myself to remain in control in Commissioner Tucker’s presence. Is it not fitting that the only man with whom I surrendered my control to completely is also the man that threatens to steal my control whenever I come in contact with him?

I am engaging in hyperbole. Hyperbole and emotion. Such. . human sentiments. It is of little wonder that they are associated with that man.

Again the door chimes and my desire to see my beloved alone overwhelm the need to remain in control.

~~~

Dammit, why isn’t she answering the door? I know she’s home. The Federation Council meeting was cancelled today. I also know she’s alone, because Koval, Charlie, Maggie, and Foosil are off on some final trip together. And the Admiral’s still at Headquarters. For all the man whines about being a figure head, you’d think he'd realize sooner or later that he’s a high ranking Admiral within the Federation. But I don’t want to dwell on the Admiral’s foolishness today. That’s not why I’m here.

I’m here to say goodbye.

She already knows that I’m leaving, of course. She also probably knows that I’m getting a divorce. I’m not really sure why I’m here. Hell, I’ve already hurt Natalie and Charlie. My being here may hurt T’Pol too. That’s the last thing I want. Or is it? Maybe that’s why I’m here. Maybe I want to see if I still can hurt her. If I still matter that much to her. Natalie thinks so, but I haven’t seen any proof. Is that why I’m here? Seeking proof that she still loves me? That her “passion” still lies with me? That’s sick. No. I’m here to tell her goodbye. To tell her I’m sorry. And to see that beautiful face one last time before I go.

The door opens.

~~

“Please, come in. Would you like some tea?” Distantly, I remember asking him the same question years ago, while we were still in the Expanse. He rejected my offer then, as he does now.

Although the memory is distant, the memory of the feel of my fingers on his skin and the converse feeling of his fingers on mine is not. It is a memory that is still very sharp and clear – one that I can see the instant I close my eyes, if only for a moment.

I have grown increasingly emotional and he has only been in my domain for two minutes. I must suppress such feelings. Now is not the time to dwell upon the pleasure I once felt at the touch of Charles Tucker’s skin. Nor is it the time to dwell upon the lingering desire I have to touch him again.

When I am able to focus on his presence instead of my emotional attachment, I realize he is nervous. His hands convey his nervousness by moving restlessly over his hips, behind his back, and lightly grazing his hindquarters before finding his hips again. I find myself envious of their travels – a thought which takes a great deal of effort to suppress.

I should not have let him in. “Please be seated, Commissioner.”

When he sits, I notice that he takes residence in the oldest piece of furniture Jonathan and I possess. It is a late Victorian style rocking chair in which my mate frequently rocked Koval as a child. I take time to observe his presence in the chair and find regret once again to be a palpable emotion.

How is it possible that one man could incite so many different emotions, both positive and negative simultaneously? I think of Jonathan, who incites very little, and wonder how he would react to knowing that the passion he seeks is so easily aroused by another man. Trying to disregard such thoughts, I remind myself that Jonathan’s reaction to such was why Charles turned me away.

But that does not change the fact that I would have preferred seeing Charles’ arms hold Koval and caress away his childhood cries. Admittedly, I would also have preferred to have felt those arms envelop me as well.

Why does he not speak? “Is there a reason for your visit, Commissioner Tucker? The Admiral is not here.”

~~

Commissioner. Such a cold, impersonal term. Once upon a time, she called me Trip. It was brief – only a week. But for that one week, I was Trip. We were together. Life was good.

It’s pretty much been hell since. Then again, that’s why I’m leaving, isn’t it?

“Yeah. . . . T’Pol. . . I came to say goodbye.”

I sneak a glance back up at her, to try to gauge her reaction. She’s as stoic as ever, though. Her arms are crossed across her chest and she’s just looking at me, as if to say, what the hell was the point of coming over here to say that?

Or maybe, ‘you turned me away almost twenty years ago, Charles Tucker, and you have the audacity to come to me now?’ Her posture doesn’t even start to prepare me for what comes out of her mouth.

“Your decision is costing you your marriage. Why are you intent upon pursuing the path?”

She does still care. Natalie was right. Damn. I shouldn’t be happy about it, should I? But part of me is. True, part of me is devastated that she still cares for me. After all, if she does, she can’t be happy. But on the other hand. . . part of me rejoices that she hasn’t forgotten how she used to feel for me. That’s sick, Trip. Really, really sick.

“It’s complicated, T’Pol.”

“You are here. I believe you owe me an explanation.”

I glance up sharply at that. Her stance hasn’t changed, nor has her expression. But there was definite anger in her voice. I’ll grant her that. She has a right to be angry at me. Aren’t I the one who screwed everything up? “I realized how empty my home was gonna be, now that the boys are gone. And well. . . I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Why not?”

“It’s too lonely, T’Pol. Too empty.”

~~~

Lonely? Empty? I find it difficult to believe that he could experience such emotions. “There is no one reason for you to remain?”

“Nothing, T’Pol.”

“And no one.” I did not expect to say it. But in this man’s presence, logic escaped me, as it has so many times before.

My sentence has startled him. He is surveying me now. No doubt he is wondering where my Vulcan reserve has gone. Finally, he speaks again. “There’s one person I’d like to stay for, T’Pol, but I can’t. She-she and I can’t be together.”

Regret, lust, envy, and now jealously. The path of Surak is not within my sight. “Natalie is divorcing you. It is unlikely that your union is a productive one.”

“Natalie? Hell, I’m not talkin’ ‘bout Natalie, T’Pol.”

Then about whom are you speaking? “I apologize. I did not believe you would be an unfaithful husband. Although, perhaps I should have realized it was a strong likelihood.”

I had ached before, when I thought only the mother of his other child held what I longed to possess as my own. Comparatively to what I experience now, that pain was nothing.

“Excuse me, T’Pol, but what the hell are you talking about?” Those blue eyes flash now, with something akin to anger. Let him be angry. I believe he has little justification for such an emotion.

“You have previously shown yourself to be fickle in your sexual encounters.” I held you for only a week.

He is no longer sitting. He is now truly angry. I am . . . gratified at his emotional discomfort. Have I not known emotional discomfort for nineteen years? It is entirely past time for him to endure similar feelings. “When exactly have I been fickle?”

~~

“Ah’len, Kaitamma, Liana.”

Dear merciful God. Isn’t she ever going to let those go? “Those were years ago, T’Pol. I’m a bit different man now.”

“Charlie’s conception was also due to your fickle nature.”

Where is this coming from? “Kindly leave my son out of this conversation. That’s not something you know anything about.”

She’s pissed at something, although hell if I know what it is. But that stoic stance of hers can’t hind the deep breaths and angry swallows. “I will gladly leave . . . your son. . . out of the conversation. You are correct in ascertaining that I know nothing of your relationship with Natalie, Ah’len, Katitamma, or Liana.”

“That’s for damn sure.” I wished she hadn’t emphasized “your son.” I don’t need a reminder of Koval in this conversation. Not while I’m in the Admiral’s home, with the Admiral’s wife – in a house that only serves as a reminder of what might have been.

“I can vouch from personal experience, however, that abandoning sexual partners is not an activity that causes you a great deal of distress.”

Had T’Pol shot me with a phase pistol, she couldn’t have hurt me more. She thinks. . . that I just tossed her aside, because I was finished with her? What did I ever say or do to make her think I’m such a callous bastard?

But I know the answer to that. I turned her away. I have to let her know before I go that she’s wrong. “T’Pol. . . you’re wrong. I didn’t . . . I wasn’t thinking straight when we came back. I kept thinkin’ about the Captain’s feelings – not yours or mine.”

Her arms remained crossed, although her eyebrows furrow a bit. Dammit, she has to understand. How can I undo nineteen years of misunderstanding in less than fourteen days? “T’Pol –“

“Please do not lie in an attempt to placate me, Commissioner,” she says.
“I’m not lying!” I shout, exasperated. It’s been so long since T’Pol and I have had a good long talk that I’ve forgotten how she used to rankle me so easy. It’s frustrating and yet, so incredibly right.

She doesn’t budge.

“Dammit, T’Pol, I’m talkin’ about you! It’s you that I can’t be together with.”

The eyebrows do a reverse course as they retreat into her hairline. She’s thinking about what I said and I wait. I’m afraid to breathe, lest it interrupt her concentration.

“That is . . . upsetting to you?”

Upsetting? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Are you serious? You honestly can’t tell?”

“You have given me no. . . indication that my affection for you was reciprocated.”

I haven’t seen that expression in nineteen years. It’s the same one that she wore when I told her . . . when I rejected her. Told her she had to marry the Captain. When I made the single biggest mistake of my life. “T’Pol. I’m sorry I haven’t made it more clear. I should have made it more clear from the very start.”

“Made what more clear?” she demands.

~~

Have I no control tonight? It is quite possible that I do not. I should not have let him in.

Not now and not nineteen years ago.

But if he is going to leave me again, I will at least be granted the knowledge that he has experienced pain over our separation as well.

He is clearly upset. “Do I have to spell it out for ya, T’Pol?” The accent has become thicker, more pronounced. I have missed hearing it on a frequent basis.

I could let him go now. Easily, I could tell him that I understand what he is attempting to communicate to me. And then he would leave and I could regain the control that I have lost.

I will not permit him the ease of not finishing his sentence. I remain silent.
Again his hands become restless. I watch with returned envy as they reach his scalp and ruffle the blond locks that grace his features. It is with great difficulty that I ignore the image in my memory of those locks tousled from activity and dampened with sweat.

Can one physically ache with longing?

I grow weary of his unwillingness to finish what he began. Both at the present and nineteen years ago. “If you are finished, Commissioner, then I have other tasks to attend –"

“Goddammit, T’Pol, I love you. I’ve always loved you, long before you chose to start datin’ the Captain. It tore me apart when you and he got together, and the time we spent together was the sweetest week of my life, one I even dream about now. Letting you go was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and one I truly regret.”

The concession was one which cost him. He is heaving now, the deep breaths shaking his entire frame. I am satisfied. He burns with the same intensity as I do. It is irrational and illogical, clearly. Nonetheless, I am gratified that it was truly only his concern for the Captain that kept us apart and not a lack of desire for me.

Such an emotional response.

“I equally regret – " No, Vulcans do not regret. “Circumstances are equally undesirable for both of us.”

~~~

Before I realize what I’m doing, my hands have found a resting place on her shoulders. It feels delightful. And right. When I feel T’Pol tense, however, I quickly jerk my hands away. “I’m sorry, T’Pol.” I seem to be saying that a lot lately. “I know how much Vulcans don’t like to touch.”

Her hand rises to my mouth and she extends her index finger, as though she is going to prove me wrong. As her finger gently outlines my mouth without making contact, she murmurs, “That depends entirely on whom we are touching.”

Her finger hovers briefly before she retracts it and curls her hand into a fist, which she cradles against her chest. “All Vulcans, however, bond for life.” With that, she walks away from me and walks to the chair I sat in only moments before.

The message of what she’s telling me is loud and clear. She’s sorry that we’re both miserable. She’s sorry that I’m leaving. But she can’t go with me. I wouldn’t ask her to, of course. It’d hurt the Admiral, and even if he doesn’t always treat her with the greatest respect, I guess he still loves her. But if she offered to go, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t turn her away. Not again.

“I know, T’Pol.”

“There are exceptions,” she mutters softly. I don’t know if she’s talking to herself or to me, but either way, I decide not to interrupt. “But in order to disrupt a Vulcan union, I would have to show that the spouse has severely violated the tenets of Surak by bringing disgrace to them in some fashion.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard to do, in the Admiral’s case,” I grumble.

“No. . . the very fact that he is human would enable me to seek a divorce in a relatively rapid fashion. However, the ramifications for Koval-“

“Would be devastatin’.”

“Indeed. Although he is technically an adult-"

“You don’t have to explain it to me, T’Pol. I know all about Vulcan lineage. Kov and I had a little chat about it about nineteen years ago.” Okay, so I could have not said that.

“I have been relieved that you stayed in touch with Koval. Particularly given the turbulent relationship he has with Jonathan, his relationship with you has been especially comforting. I wish to thank you.”

“I couldn’t have done less, T’Pol. But I would have liked to have done more.”

“It is not coincidental that your departure coincides with Koval’s?” she asks.

“No, it’s not. T’Pol, I love you. A thousand times over. But you and I can’t be together. And watching you day in and day out with the Admiral-" a man that doesn’t even appreciate you – “kills me. I suffered through it because I wanted to be close to Koval. Or as close as I could be. But he’s gone now. And the emptiness I already feel every time I see you, or Natalie, or the Admiral is only going to be more noticeable now that my last legitimate tie to you is gone.”

Please understand. I love you. I want to be with you. But I can’t. So I have to go. I’m running away. I’m sorry.

“I understand the desire not to be near a catalyst for undesirable emotions,” she murmurs.

Oh, nothing about you is undesirable.

“You came here today seeking. . . closure?” she asks.

“I’ve been seeking it for nineteen years, T’Pol. Haven’t found it yet.”

“Perhaps you will find it closer to the Neutral Zone.”

“Maybe.”

The clock chimes.

“It’s getting late, T’Pol. The Admiral will be getting back soon, and I know ya will want to meditate before then.”

T’Pol gazes at me with an expression I’m pretty sure is sadness. Damn it. I made a Vulcan sad. More than once. “Indeed. It takes a sufficient amount of meditation to cope with our living arrangement.”

“I’m sorry, T’Pol. I’m sorry for everything I did, and everything I didn’t do.” That sounds familiar. Ah, it was the same thing I said to Charlie. Maybe I should tell Koval before I leave, just to make it official. Hell, maybe I should tell the Admiral too. ‘Course, he’d wonder why. And the truth would kill him.

Which is why it’s a good thing that Vulcans bond for life.

Good for him, anyway.

“Please do not apologize. You cannot undo your past actions.” She stands, walks over to me, and holds up her hand in the familiar Vulcan greeting. Pausing briefly, she extends her hand past her shoulder, until it is directly in front of me. Then she closes the gap between her second and third finger, and swivels her hand in a ninety degree angle and brings it straight down. She’s offering to shake my hand.

How fitting. The first time we met, she refused. And now that I’m leaving and saying goodbye when I want nothing more than to stay, she’s offering me her hand. I take it, grasping with all my might.

Vulcans are much stronger, of course and T’Pol squeezes mine even tighter. “I believe your people have a saying ‘Out of Sight, Out of Mind’? May you find that to be an accurate descriptor in your travels.”
Refusing to let go of her hand, I shake my head. “Oh, no, T’Pol. I might be going to get you out of sight, but you’ll never be out of mind. Not on Kowl, not in the Neutral Zone, not on the other side of the galaxy. You’ll always be in my mind, because you’ll always be in my heart.”

She nods and begins to pull her hand away. I have to fight the urge to fight her- to keep the hand within my grasp. It’s silly, but the only part of her I’ve been allowed to touch in so long. . . I don’t want to let go.

As her hand pulls away from mine, her index and middle finger linger, brushing lightly past mine. I don’t give her any indication I remember what it means, but I do. A Vulcan kiss is very special. Especially if it’s a Vulcan kiss goodbye.

“Live long and prosper, T’Pol.” I’m pretty certain my voice cracked somewhere in that sentence. Possibly more than once.

“Take care that you do as well. If either your life or prosperity is harmed while you have sought refuge from my presence, I shall lose the ability for either longevity or prosperity.”

Unbidden, I recall a phrase she spoke once before. “You are essential to my existence.” Still true, after all these years. Then again, my emotions haven’t changed, why should hers? More proof we belong together.

My legs feel fairly numb as I force them to turn and walk out the door, back to my nearly empty home. As I do, I think of the poor, stupid soul who first came up with, “It’s better to have and love and to have lost than to have never loved at all.” Who was that? Shakespeare? Hemingway? Whoever the poor, dumb bastard was, I hope his death was painful and he went straight to hell for telling such an outrageous lie.

I also wish he were here right now, so I could shoot him with a phase pistol. Or worse yet, I’d put him in my shoes for the past nineteen years, leading up to and including today. That’d hurt a hell of a lot worse.

~~~

As he leaves, I realize a mixture of emotions - for they are too strong to be denied or called by any other name - is present. Chief among them are pain and relief. The reason for the pain is obvious. The relief? Because he is no longer threatening my emotional control.

Is that not the very reason I chose Jonathan Archer as my mate? With Charles, I feel. I experience emotion which threatens the core of my Vulcan being. It has always been true, from the first moment we met. Anger, jealousy, lust, desire, irritation, pain, joy, frustration, enjoyment – all of these have been experienced in Charles’ presence, and all within the first year of our service together. Perhaps within the first month.

During the same amount of time, I develop a trust and a friendship with Jonathan Archer. Affection, perhaps. But nothing stronger. He did not challenge my control.

By the time of the Expanse, I knew my reactions to both men well. Jonathan was reliable, trustworthy, and safe. Charles was trustworthy, and reliable, but dangerous. Whereas I held only affection for Jonathan, I held affection and passion for Charles. Simply, Charles made me feel. There was no such danger while in Jonathan’s presence. He did not. . .does not. . . make me feel.

It is unfortunate that Charles insists upon blaming himself. I share the blame, at the very least. If I had not been a coward and had not run from emotions, then the three of us – along with Koval – would quite possibly not be in such discomfort.

The correct path that I should have taken seems so clear. In contrast, none of my options in the present are as clear, for none of them have more positive outcomes than negative ones. If I abandon my post as Jonathan’s wife, I shall permit my affection for Charles to take precedence over my duty as Jonathan’s wife and Koval’s mother. If I remain, I shall permit duty to take precedence over affection.

I have chosen the latter. Regardless of my decision, however, some obligation – duty, affection, honor, loyalty – is destined to remain unfinished.

A memory from many years ago forces its way into my memory despite my attempts to block it out.

The decontamination chamber.

Commander Tucker and I.

His fingers caress and linger upon my skin. His warm breath and intense voice whisper in my ear.

“Then again, loyalty’s an emotion, isn’t it?”

He was speaking of our opposing duties to Captain Archer. The irony is unwelcome and unnecessary to dwell upon.

I would prefer not to think of loyalty as an emotion. If I were choosing the emotional path, would I not simply follow Charles to the Kowl colony? Undoubtedly, however, the responses loyalty invokes are emotional. For Koval, loyalty has invoked pain. For Jonathan, loyalty has invoked restlessness. For Charles, loyalty has invoked self-loathing. For myself, loyalty has invoked all of the previous emotions as well as regret.

In the face of such negative emotional responses, I sometimes have difficulty remembering why I hold fast to the sentiment. Contemplating the potential ramifications, I must remind myself that abandoning my loyalty to Jonathan would have more negative consequences than positive for myself, Jonathan, Charles, and most of, Koval.

I must meditate. Immediately. Charles’ visit has caused numerous emotional responses to surface. They must be purged before Jonathan returns home. Otherwise, he will receive the passionate wife he craves but the passion would be for another. He can never know that only when I am completely passionless can I truly be free of the emotion Charles stirs within me. Thus, what Jonathan dislikes the most about our relationship is the one thing I must continue in order to remain loyal.

When he touches me, I do not recoil in disgust. I give myself willingly and frequently. Regardless, there are times when my consciousness does wander. During those brief moments, I contemplate how different our lives would be if I allowed my affection to be satisfied and allowed duty to go unfulfilled. Perhaps then I would experience happiness, the one human emotion that has remained elusive.

~~~

The End.

A/N: Yep, it’s really the end of this story. And no one gets what they want. Sucks, huh? If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find the Archer the Wise, Archer the Intelligent, Archer the Brave, and Archer the Cunning. I should be back around the Twelfth Day of Never or April’s Fools Day.

*******************


There is a sequel: Fulfilled.



Return to Part Seven

Back to Fan Fiction Main Menu

Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!


A whole mess of folks have made comments

Wow. I'm not sure how to react to this. I love the writing and I love the story...but I guess like any emotionally flawed human I was hoping...expecting... a happy ending.

But then, it's cliche...but life isn't always happy, is it??

Great work...but I DO hope you will someday feel up to a sequel...

That was... amazing.

I actually cried through parts of this one. Damn angsty moments! Why can't everyone be happy? *sigh*

Emotionally flawed or not, I like to think that I spend everyday fighting, or being ready to fight, so that somebody out in the world can have a happy ending. Hmph. Now I'm all teary-eyed again.

Keep up the excellent writing, even if it is heart-wrenchingly sad. :(

No,no,no, this cant be how it ends!.They have been miserable for 19 years, they need a happy ending, I need a happy ending. Especially after Twilight last night,Archer and Tpol together for 12 years, how horrible. How could the writers have done this after promising a possible relationship between our wonderful duo, SHAME ON THEM.

Quite frankly Trip deserves to suffer, if he can't follow his heart and put the happiness of the love of his life over his best friend. I could understand T'Pol living the lie, Trip gave her no other choice, rejecting her proposal for marriage.

Yeah, in some ways it really is Trip's fault. If you really love someone, you've got to make sacrfices for them. He couldn't sacrifice John's feelings for T'Pol's, so perhaps he didn't love her as well as he should have. Of course, Trip is also quite brash, so that didn't help anything.

This has been a wonderful angst-ridden cornucopia of a story with such a lot of emotional fallout that it is sometimes hard to take it all in without wanting to bawl my eyes out. I feel sorry for everyone in this fic. It seems the only way this tangle can be straightened out and some kind of peace ensured would be in the event of Archer's passing. Only when all parties are free would the trapped and tragic hearts be able to gravitate to the one place they truly belong. Then Charlie and Koval could be the brothers they were always meant to be. Thanks for a great story and yes, you have earnt your rest. Be assured I will love it if you later decide to do a sequel. Hugs now, Ali D :~)

You know what I love about having written this story? The fact that no one agrees on how people reacted in this story. Some people think Archer's a dingus, others think Trip was, and still others think T'Pol was to blame for her flawed logic. It's fun to read the reactions, especially the more emotional ones. :) I myself was aiming for an ambiguous blame, even if I do hate Archer, I don't consider it his fault, nor do I see him as a "victim."

Although, in my boy Trip's defense, I do have to point out that by the end of this story, he was ready to take T'Pol with him to the Kowl colony, regardless of the Admiral's feelings. Neither he nor T'Pol were ready to sacrifice Koval's feelings, though. Sigh, dueling sacrifices.

And Lt. B, I'm glad you're fighting for happy endings! And you know, someone in this story DID get a happy ending. Malcolm. :) No goatee for him in this universe. Although I may sound like a sadist, I'm also glad you cried. Pathetically, I cried writing parts of it. That's probably a sign it was too sad. :(

There will be a sequel. Will it be a happy ending? Maybe. I make no promises outside of a wedding and a baby. :)

OK, everyone else seems to have had their say. I think you portrayed Archer accurately. I feel both annoyance with Trip for continuously refusing to pursue his heart's desire-so he deserves a bit of pain, and empathy, because he has sacrificed his happiness over and over for many, especially Archer. T'Pol, Koval, Charlie, yeah.....
Yes, Malcolm ended up happy. But with who? No goatee? YES!

Let me tell all of you, there were times when I audibly screamed during "Twilight." Ugh. Horrible. Especially this part:

"How did you know that? No one knows that?"
"Our relationship has evolved over the years?"
"How?" -or w/e Archer says.

And then T'Pol gets the guilty look. We all KNOW, but don't want to acknowledge, what that was about. At least in this story we know where her heart is. For that at least, I am thankful.

As for the sequel, I don't need a happy ending, I suppose. But what I do want is for Archer to find out about everything. Even if he goes nuts, I really really think he needs to know (little evil thoughts, being suppressed.)

Great story, good ending!
-Phaser Lady

samantha said//

A/N: This is the End. I am contemplating a sequel, but for now I’m taking a break. Twilight has seriously ticked me off, and if I write anything with Archer in it anytime soon, I will torture him. Severely. Oh, and to anyone who thinks I am unjustly mean to Archer, I suggest you look at “Twilight.” Hello? Earth’s been destroyed, and poor widdle Archer’s upset because he can’t get out of his quarters? Please! And people think that MY portrayal of the man is “bitchy” and “immature”? Sure it is. It’s called keeping one in character. Sorry, end rant.

=====
pookha replies

i think later on we see how he reacts when he first learns of earth's destruction each day..
he ran out of the shelter in agony.
but he also knows he has very little time to dwell in the emotion so what he was trying to di and what we see several times is that archer is desperately trying to find some way to
still be useful.

which we find out when tpol told him he does leave his quaters to walk the dog and visit the shcool kids.

i still really like the story even if it didnt have a happy ending though i can live with trip at least gettting away from natalie.

and he does at times have a tendency to run away.. see twilight..
he was going to run off on some survey ship tilled tpol nixed that with her decision.
so many people dont see the implications of her decision becuase without leaving to go to
the planet which forced trip to become captain of enterprise trip would have been gone off some place and possibly even dead by the end of the 12 years.

in a way her sacrafice to go down to the planet with archer kept her family of jon and trip together.

she even mentioned that the leaders of the settlement would want to talk to trip implying he would be expected to come down to the planet from time to time.

of course the other thing people tend to miss is that archer probably would have prefered trip over tpol as the person looking after him.

i mean look at who archer is desperate to make a connection with.. at the captains table he has specs for the engine's .. the same ones he had given trip earlier.

later in the scene with t'pol after the visit from soval when he wants to be useful and what does he suggest // going to engineering and help trip.

if archer does ever learn the truth of this story i suspect he is going to have a lot of reactions .. and while there will be some anger mixed with the pain at first i wouldnt be suprised in the long run if he felt pain for all that trip has gone through.

for a long time he let the events of the expanse in this story (where trip killed a xindi child) to color how he saw his friend,,,
and i think it would hurt to know he had been so wrong..that the trip of the expanse was just a temporary aberration..that his thoughtful, caring friend who felt very deeply had come back.

i do hope some time in the future when you are not so angry with archer you will pick this story back up,.. i dont think it will be over till at some time archer does learn the truth..

I must admit, my little shippy heart loves happy endings. So I´m looking forward to a sequel. 19 years of waiting is really long enough!!!

I must admit, my little shippy heart loves happy endings. So I´m looking forward to a sequel. 19 years of waiting is really long enough!!!
Oh and please: send Archer to hell. He was NEVER proud of his wife for being an successful Ambassador!

P.S. The link on the fan fiction-site to "Part Eight" leads to part seven!! Perhaps someone could fix this.