A Mid-Summer(season) Night's Dream(mare)

A Mid-Summer (Season) Night’s Dream (Mare)

By ShouldKnowBetter

Summary: T’Pol falls in love with Archer. Excuse me? On a Tucker/T’Pol shipper website! Has the author gone mad? Has she finally taken note of Season 2 and ignored Myst’s screen caps? No, of course she hasn’t. This is the stuff that dreams are made of.

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters, the Star Trek franchise and the universe. I just use them for my own private, non-profit making amusement.

Author’s Notes:
1. A response to the Shakespearian challenge, with sincere apologies to the man himself.
2. This takes place in a far fluffier universe than my normal stuff.

**************

Dramatis Personae

Oberon, King of the Fairies Commander Charles Tucker III. (I’m sure he only got the job by sleeping with Archer.)
Titania, Queen of the Fairies Sub-Commander T’Pol, in love with Tucker. (Aw, sweet!)
Puck, a knavish sprite Lieutenant Malcolm Reed. (Well, someone has to be.)
Bottom Captain Jonathan Archer. (Need I say more?)
Peas-Blossom, a fairy Ensign Hoshi Sato. (At least she’s the same species as Malcolm.)
Wall Ensign Travis Mayweather. (Don’t worry, he won’t say much.)
Moonshine Dr Phlox. (Eh … think of your own aside.)

Act 1 – A Mess Hall

“Mind if I join you, ensign?”

Sato looked up from her book with a smile. “Of course not, lieutenant.” Her expression became teasing. “Although I know you’re only trying to avoid Commander Tucker.”

Reed shifted uncomfortably. “Well … there is an element of that. Not that I don’t enjoy your company, ensign.”

“Why’s he in such a temper?”

“You remember that nebula we passed a few days ago?” Reed paused to swallow a mouthful of tea. “Samples we took contained a trace of lirpa-23.”

“That’s nice. What is it?”

“Something the Vulcans have been theorising about for years. They believe it could be used to enhance the efficiency of warp engines.”

“Oh!” The light was starting to dawn for Sato. “So Commander Tucker wants to play with it?”

“Exactly.”

“And Sub-Commander T’Pol won’t let him?”

“She’s claimed the sample for the Vulcan Science Directorate.”

“Ouch! I hope the captain gets back soon.”

“That makes two of us. Keep your head down, ensign. Here they come now.”

Tucker looked up from the drinks dispenser with a glare. “What are you doing here, sub-commander?”

She gestured with the empty cup she was waiting to fill. “Merely because I refuse to share your bed until you cease this foolish quarrel does not mean that I do not become thirsty.”

“We’re supposed to be lovers!”

“I have not said otherwise. Although you did not seem to recall that last week when the At’Hens ambassador was visiting Enterprise.”

“You’re jealous! Again! Do I complain about the amount of time you spend with the cap’n?”

“Yes.”

The engineer drew a breath to shout then thought better of it. “This is crazy. T’Pol, honey, all I want is to run a few tests on the lirpa-23. I won’t use it for Enterprise.”

“The sample is not large enough. The Vulcan Science Directorate is best placed to undertake a detailed investigation.”

He leant in close, mouth brushing her ear. “Let me have it and I’ll be real nice to you.”

She merely gave him a cool look and moved to the door, Sato joining her.
Tucker stared after her, expression mutinous, then it slid into a wicked grin and he headed for Reed’s table. “Malcolm, I need your help.”

“I’m not breaking into the science lab to steal the sub-commander’s sample for you.”

“No need, I’ve got a better plan.”

The Englishman sighed. “I’d much rather not know, commander. Your plans have a nasty habit of getting me into trouble.”

“Not this one. I just need you to pick up some of that anti-pineapple stuff Phlox gives you.”

“Why?”

Tucker’s grin was evil. “Because it just so happens that it counteracts T’Pol’s nasal inhibitor.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup. Phlox told me once.”

“What are you going to do with it? You know that as tactical officer, I can’t condone …”

“I’m gonna give it to her then shut her in the cap’n’s cabin with Porthos. Within fifteen minutes she’ll be begging me to let her out. I’ll be able to name my price.”

“She’ll never speak to you again.”

“Yes, she will. She loves me. Get moving, Malcolm, I want this over before the cap’n gets back.”

Act 2 – A Decontamination Chamber

The atmosphere was depressed and not just because the sight of a mostly naked Denobulan was enough to depress any self-respecting human.

Mayweather broke the silence with a sigh. “I can’t believe it. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.”

Archer raised his head from where it had been hanging down. “I knew them, Travis, I knew them.”

“And all because of a mistake with the Universal Translator.”

“I find it quite amusing.” Phlox met two outraged stares. “Not the loss of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, of course. But who would have thought that ‘Captain Jonathan Archer’ translates into B’Ard as a declaration of hostilities?”

The captain pushed himself up from the bench and headed for the exit. “I’ll see you both later.”

Phlox and Mayweather looked thoughtfully at each other until the Denobulan offered, “He does not like losing members of his crew.”

“Yeah. Particularly when it’s his fault.”

“That’s a very harsh judgement, ensign.”

“He should have taken Hoshi along. If you ask me, the captain thinks he can do everything. He didn’t even let me fly the shuttle pod.”

“Captain Archer’s under some personal strain at the moment, ensign. I think we have to make allowances.” Mayweather shrugged and departed, leaving Phlox to reflect that sexual tension had a remarkably detrimental effect on humanity. He was sure it would simplify matters if Archer took the sensible Denobulan approach and asked Commander Tucker and Sub-Commander T’Pol if he could join them for sex.

Act 3 – A Bridge

“Captain Archer!” Reed looked up from his position in front of the command chair. “You’re back early, sir. How did the away mission go?”

“Badly.” Archer headed for the ready room then paused, frowning. “Malcolm, what are you doing?”

“Just trying out an idea I had, sir. Given the number of times people take pot-shots at us, I thought that seat restraints might be in order.”

“I see.” Archer came to look at the modifications. “Why are you experimenting on the command chair, lieutenant?”

“Well … you weren’t here, sir. Would you like a demonstration?”

“If I must.”

“Then if you’ll be seated, captain.” Archer lowered himself gingerly and Reed continued happily with his explanation. “I envisage that the restraints will engage automatically when a tactical alert occurs, but they can also be activated manually. With this control.” He tapped it and the arms of the chair curved over Archer’s legs, anchoring him firmly in place. “What do you think, sir?”

“I think it’s … got possibilities. Now let me out, Malcolm. I’ve got a report to write.”

“Of course, sir.” Reed hit the key again – and then again when nothing happened.

“Malcolm?”

“Uh … there seems to be a slight glitch in the control mechanism, sir.”

Archer closed his eyes and counted to ten. “Then un-glitch it.”

“Straight away, sir.”

“And hurry up, lieutenant. I don’t want to sit here for the rest of the day making a jackass of myself.”

Act 4 – A Science Lab

T’Pol looked up with a frown when her privacy was invaded and made haste to secure the container over which she had been bending.

“S’OK.” Tucker came to stand in front of her, placing a cup on the worktop nearby. “I’m not gonna look.”

“That was your previous intent.”

He shrugged, a rueful smile tugging at his mouth. “So maybe you won me over.”

One finely drawn eyebrow rose. “Indeed.”

“Yeah.” He moved closer, hands coming to rest at her waist. “I love you.

That’s what matters right now, not fighting over some element I never heard of before.”

“You wish for a truce?”

“You could say that.” He was moving ever closer, gradually bringing their bodies into contact. T’Pol shivered and leant into him, reaching up to stroke his face as he dipped his head to kiss her. “Missed me?”

“It can be … pleasant … being in your company.”

“Just pleasant?”

She looked up, eyes sultry. “Perhaps later we could investigate how pleasant it can be.”

“That’d be nice.” He kissed her again then pulled back with a grimace. “Damn, I forgot.”

“What did you forget?”

“The cap’n wants you in his cabin asap.”

“Very well.” Regretfully she began to free herself. “Why did Captain Archer not simply hail me?”

“No idea. Here,” he handed her the mug, “I brought you some tea.” His eyes began to sparkle with laughter. “It’s got sugar in it.”

“You believe I need my inhibitions lowered?”

“Well, for what I’ve got planned for you,” he leant in to nuzzle her ear, “maybe just a little.”

“Then I shall be sure to drink it.” He gave her a wide smile and left and T’Pol headed for Archer’s cabin, contentedly sipping her tea. Charles was very kind – and extremely imaginative - when he wasn’t annoying and irrational.

Act 5 – A Corridor, a Lift and then a Bridge

T’Pol had nearly reached her destination when she was hailed by the very man she was on her way to meet. Mildly annoyed at Archer’s impatience she stopped by the nearest comm. outlet. “Yes, captain?”

“T’Pol, would you come to the bridge, please.”

She raised an eyebrow at human inconsistency. “I am on my way. T’Pol out.”

The slight dizziness hit her in the lift and she looked suspiciously at the nearly empty cup. Just how much sugar had Charles added? It had not tasted particularly sweet although there had been a slight after-taste. The door slid open and she stepped onto the bridge, eyes automatically going to the centre seat … and to the man sitting there. Why had she never noticed how incredibly handsome he was? How his hair invited stroking? How his forehead crinkled attractively when he frowned at her? “T’Pol?” How pleasantly his voice sounded in her ears when he spoke her name? She headed determinedly for her one true love.

“T’Pol?” Archer’s voice rose to a pitch far above his norm as his first officer inserted herself onto his lap, hands rising to run over his hair. “What the hell are you doing?”

She looked back at him, eyes soft. “Speak to me, Jonathan. I like it when you speak to me.”

“T’Pol …” He sounded strangled to his own ears. “I don’t think …”

“You do not need to think, Jonathan. I will do that for you. I love you.”

Archer was struck dumb for at least ten seconds, which merely gave his ensorcelled first officer the opportunity for more stroking. He mustn’t think naked. Mustn’t, mustn’t, mustn’t. “Ensign Sato.”

“Carthage must be destroyed!”

“Hoshi?” Perhaps he was dreaming.

“Oh, sorry, sir, I thought you said Cato.”

“Get Commander Tucker up here.”

T’Pol shifted happily in her love’s lap, noting that he was pleased by her presence, although it was disappointing that he seemed a little under-endowed in that area. Perhaps Doctor Phlox could provide enhancement.

Act 6 – A Bridge

Tucker took one look at his lover seated in his captain’s lap and froze. “T’Pol?” She looked round but immediately returned her attention to Archer who had no intention of meeting his chief engineer’s eyes; it was hard enough not looking at the pair of breasts that seemed to intrude upon his line of sight whichever way he looked. “What …?”

Reed came to stand at Tucker’s shoulder, arms folded. “She walked onto the bridge and went straight up to him, commander. Hasn’t moved for the last five minutes.” He dropped his voice, leaning closer. “You don’t think that tea you gave her …”

“No! T’Pol.” Tucker caught the arm of the woman who, a quarter of an hour before, had been kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Perhaps there wasn’t. “T’Pol, honey, what are you doing?”

She shot him an indifferent look and pulled free. “I am looking after Jonathan.” She cast a brief look around at the befuddle crew. “You must all do as he says because he is mine now. Poor Jonathan, are you hungry, trapped in your chair? Hoshi will bring you something to eat if you wish.”

Archer groaned, risking a quick look at the mortified engineer. “Has chef got any hay?”

Reed decided to take charge, clapping Tucker briskly on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, commander, we’ll get to the Bottom of this.”

Phlox listened to the story with a disapproving expression that turned into a frown as he ran a scanner over T’Pol who still refused to leave Archer’s lap. “Really, Commander Tucker, you should know better than to meddle with things you don’t understand. This was a predictable ending.”

“Moonshine! She loves me, not the cap’n. How can she do this?”

“I’m afraid that the drug you added to the sub-commander’s tea has combined with radiation from the lirpa-23 to completely disrupt her higher brain function.”

“Can you cure it?”

“Fortunately the effects will wear off over the next week or so.”

“No!” That was from Archer as well as Tucker and it was the captain who continued. “Find an antidote, doctor. That’s an order.” He avoided looking at Tucker. “I need a first officer, not a … lap dancer.”

“I will do my best, but I will need access to the lirpa-23 sample.”

Tucker groaned. “T’Pol’s secured it. Malcolm …”

“Sorry, sir, I can’t break the lock. Not that I’ve tried, of course. More of an assumption, really.”

“Travis.” There was no response from the helm and the engineer sighed. “I might as well be talking to the Wall. Ensign Mayweather!”

“Me?” The young man looked up from the list of piloting vacancies he was studying. “But I’ve already appeared once in this story.”

“Get down to the science lab and bring the container of lirpa-23 up here.”

“Ay, sir.”

“T’Pol,” Tucker crouched down by the command chair, trying not to look at the man on whose lap his lover was still firmly ensconced, “we need to access the lirpa-23 to find a cure for you.”

“I did not know I was ill. I am sure Jonathan will look after me if I am ill.”

“Yeah, but we need to be a bit more proactive than that. T’Pol, tell me the combination for the lock.”

She stared at him with thoughtful unconcern and then shrugged. “I suppose I might as well. Now that I have Jonathan to look after, I will have no time for anything else.”

He gritted his teeth. “Fine. Then what is it?”

“1-12-12-19/23-5-12-12/20-8-1-20/5-14-4-19/23-5-12-12.”

“That obvious, huh?”

To the relief of all concerned – well, except T’Pol and perhaps Archer if he were completely honest about it – Phlox returned within half an hour, hypospray in hand. “There you are, commander. Just what the captain ordered.”

“You sure this’ll work?”

“Positive. The sub-commander may suffer a little short-term memory loss but,” he eyed the woman who was still fondling Archer, “that may be considered a benefit.”

Cautiously Tucker sidled up behind the Vulcan woman and pressed the hypospray to her neck. She jumped at the cold pressure and turned to frown up at him, her expression sliding from one of annoyance to cool inspection – then the nature of her seat registered and she leapt to her feet. “Captain! I …”
“That’s quite all right, sub-commander.” Archer tried to rise and belatedly remembered that he was still fastened to the seat by Reed’s restraints. “Malcolm!”

“I’m working on it, sir. Another ten minutes.”

“Make that five.”

“Yes, sir.”

Enterprise’s captain leant back and glared at Sato and Mayweather who were still watching with interest. “OK, people, let’s get on with our mission.”
Mayweather swung back to his board and – if anyone had bothered to listen - could be heard to mutter, “We’ve got a mission? Oh, yeah, ‘to explore brave new worlds’. I wish I’d stayed home. No one ever lets me say anything, do anything …”

“Ensign Mayweather!”

“Yes, captain?”

“Stop mumbling.”

“Ay, sir.”

Act 7 – A Lift

Tucker drew T’Pol hastily off the bridge, searching her face carefully for any sign of what she might feel for him. She looked back, eyes troubled, although her first words were reassuring. “Charles, what happened? I was in the science lab and then … my memory seems strangely vague. I seem to recall … ‘feeling an ass’?”

He chuckled and pulled her close for a hug. “That’s the cap’n for you. Don’t worry, honey, it was just a dream.”

“But … I was in physical contact with Captain Archer.”

“As long as you didn’t enjoy it. They always say the course of true love never does run smooth.”

“I believe that is a quote from a play by Christopher Marlowe.”

“Sorry, honey, William Shakespeare.”

“Indeed not. I understand that the works popularly attributed to the glover of Stratford …”

“T’Pol!”

“Yes, Charles?”

“Come on and kiss me, T’Pol,” and he proceeded to demonstrate that star ship captains were very poor substitutes for chief engineers where Vulcan first officers were concerned.

Act 8 – A Cabin

Reed yawned and stretched. “Computer, resume recording. ‘Well, mum and dad, it’s nearly midnight on 23rd April, so I’d better be getting to bed. No one on Enterprise knew it was St George’s Day, of course, so I’m pleased to say I wasn’t forced into any farcical celebrations. Speaking of farce, I hope you weren’t offended by the subject matter of this letter. Not the done thing to gossip about your colleagues, I know. Still, you’ll probably think I dreamed the whole thing. Trust me, I’ll try and have a more believable story for you next time I write. So, good night unto you all. Your son, Malcolm.’ Computer, end recording.”

-fin-

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Definitely a hoot. Loved the "Cato" in joke!

I did have a jolly good laugh at Trip's sneaky plan backfiring on him in such a spectacular fashion. Not sure that Malcolm's seat restraints are going to catch on though! Thanks for a great story, Ali D :~)

LOL!!! i loved this!!!! great job!!!! shakespeare should be jealous ;)

LOL that was great, laughed a ton and had a jolly fine time, Cato.. LOL

Very funny and clever! I laughed and thoroughly enjoyed this.

And, yes, we know April 23 is St. George's Day as well :P (it is clearly identified as such on my Star Trek calendar, which mentions Shakespeare not at all!). BTW, what does happen on St. George's Day in England, if properly celebrated?

That was really great. I loved it. BTW, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead -- is this an in-joke for all Vagrant-Story-Fans or the Stoppard/Popkin-book? ::lol:: Gotta love Shakespeare.

That was really great. I loved it. BTW, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead -- is this an in-joke for all Vagrant-Story-Fans or the Stoppard/Popkin-book? ::lol:: Gotta love Shakespeare.

Oh, that was so good, I laughed aloud. Well done on a very nice story, and I especially liked the 'Rosencrantz and Guildentern are dead' quote.
Hee-hee!

That was brilliant! I loved how you meshed the characters of the play with the crew of the Enterprise. I particularly got a kick out of Travis. Loved it, so thanks!

haHA! Loved it! The only Shakespeare play I liked, and I think I like yours much, much better! Fantastic!!

hehehehehehehehe. what more can i say? hehehehe

My favorite Shakespeare play meets Star Trek - and so well too! Absolutely loved it and all the subtle and not-so-subtle references to the original play. XD

I may not know much about Shakepeare but I know a good fan fiction when I read it, and this was it. The banters between Trip & T'Pol were excellent, as always.

Pun after pun, all working together to glue a smile on my face. "although it was disappointing that he seemed a little under-endowed in that area. Perhaps Doctor Phlox could provide enhancement." bwahahahahahahah, soooo evil!

Loved it! Thanks again.