Bridging the Chasm

Bridging The Chasm

By Sue

E-Mail: susieqla@yahoo.com
Website: None.
Category: Romance/Het
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Realizing his dreams rule his life as never before, Trip decides to seek T’Pol out.
Archive: All Enterprise archives are fine.
Disclaimer: Star Trek Enterprise is the property of Paramount and its subsidiaries. I am not making any profit from this.
Spoiler(s): “Divergence”

Author's Note: Somewhat of a slight sequel to my story "Needing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He figured he must have dozed off again. What a night last night. T'Pol had been magnificent! Every wish, every desire, she'd catered to. She was the fantasy rolled into one indescribably sweet woman who had had no qualms showing him the extent of her adoration for him.
Hadn't it been just moments ago that she'd satisfied him all over again with her erotic beauty?

Trip rolled over in the bunk, onto his side. He reached out for his lady, but his hand came up empty. Where was she skittered through his hazy mind. He peeked an eye open and was astounded. His old quarters, and he was glad they hadn't been reassigned, felt like home. The last time he checked, he'd been with T'Pol in her quarters. What the hell was he doing here, he tried to determine, and he noticed he was fully clothed.

"Damn!" he swore, forcing himself to sit up. "These marathon shifts are killin' me." Trip rubbed an eye with the heel of his hand, feeling he was between a rock and a hard place...total confusion. "Not again," he bemoaned out loud, feeling his heart race. He was beginning to think these muddled reveries-- he didn't exactly know what to call them-- were convincing proof of his obsession with T'Pol.

(They're gettin' realer and realer!)

"When's this gonna stop?" he asked the marginally-lit room. His one-sided conversation comforted him. "I should've known it was all make-believe. Since when does she give me neuro-pressure wearin' a pink nightie--a damn fine one--but a nightie? Pink? Yeah, right. In my dreams..." He reviewed what he remembered of what had happened last night, the real events, for starters. How he had wanted to see T'Pol, had been thinking about going to her quarters before he overruled the idea as its being a bad one. Wasn't the plan to get over her? Not run to her on the flimsiest excuse...his having trouble sleeping. He'd told her he wasn't experiencing anything unusual. She'd hold it over him that he hadn't been honest with her if he showed up on her doorstep, asking for help.

It would all come out then. She ruled his mind and sucker-punched his heart every chance she got. He would never be free of her...

"What happened is I hunkered down on my bunk, closed my eyes, hopin' I'd drift off. T'Pol was on my mind. Like always. I still wanted to see her, but never made it." Trip scratched his head, rolling his eyes. "I wound up in that white room of hers, disguised as her quarters this time. Some meditation..." Trip grinned, feeling his body go all tingly, reliving what they'd done. "We..." His mind did nothing to control what was happening to his body the way it had reacted to..."My Vulcan sexpot," he huffed out. "We made the hottest love I've ever had and that includes the night of neuro-pressure as
foreplay."

(Neuro-pressure is *always* foreplay. At least that's consistent. So help me, our sex was freakin' wild, the wildest! I so want more...all T'Pol...all the time.)

Snapping his eyes shut, Trip controlled his breathing, but his smile swamped his face which had gone all moony in spite of his quandary. "We started off gentle and ended up leavin' marks. Love taps. More like belts." For no reason grounded in reality, Trip lifted his T-shirt, inspecting his midriff for telltale lesions.

(Fantasy, buddy, remember?)

Wistfully, Trip questioned himself, "What's it gonna take? Why can't I let her go? I'm only hurtin' myself by tryin' to hold on to a dream. Even in the dream, before we made love for...I lost count of how many times...she said she was stubborner than I. No question its bein' all a dream. She'd never admit that in real life."

(Oh, and bein' stubborn too is somethin' I'd own up to myself?)

Shaking his head, he acknowledged in a strident voice as he rose from the bunk, having decided he'd better make a move to the bathroom, "Two peas in a pod, which explains why we butt heads and it only makes me want her more."

(Why don't I come out with it? Tell her to her face? What's the worse that can happen? She rejects me? She's already done that without words. I'd like to *hear* her tell me to get lost to my face, really spell it out. Glutton for punishment, hello. "Commander, you must stop hoping I'll come around. You want my love but it's impossible to give. Vulcans are...)

Trip struck a fighting pose and began shadow boxing. He liked grumbling out loud. "Vulcans drive me up the, and to coin a word from Malcolm, bloody wall! God help me I love one so much, I'd do *anythin'* for her! What was I thinkin'? Leavin' just made it convenient for her to sweep me under the rug, out of her life. I need to know, and I'm gonna! Least then, when she delivers the kiss-off she thinks I richly deserve, I lick my wounds, staple my heart back together and get on with my life. When I'm back aboard Columbia, the day and night wet dreams I have about her end. They'd better, or I'll quit Starfleet, find Ruby, name every last one of the kids we'll have, and that'll be that!"

Heading into the bathroom for a shower, hoping it would clear his head, Trip determined that avoiding T'Pol wasn't the answer, not anymore. His stay here was temporary, and he'd make the most of it. He'd look for T'Pol in the Mess Hall around the ship's noon hour. He'd invite her to accompany him to the Senior Officers' Lounge, and while they gazed out a view port, he'd lay it all on the line. He loved her, thought about her, even dreamed only of her constantly. Did they stand any chance? Any chance at all? If not...it was goodbye forever.

(Now...let's not be *that* hasty...)

--------------------------------

"Commander."

"Yeah, Kelby?" Trip was preparing to leave the warp drive platform.

The officer, not as experienced as the chief engineer who was on loan from Columbia, looked away from the console, hoping to snag Trip's gaze. Once he had it, he said, "You assistance has been invaluable, sir. I might not have been as cooperative as I should have been in the beginning, but your expertise is astounding. You could rewrite most of Starfleet's manuals, especially sections and their footnotes covering warp field harmonics and compounded intermix calculations with co-existent variables. I never dreamed you could tweak equations like that and make them work."

Trip tempered Kelby's humility with his own modesty. "It's nothin' you couldn't have handled given enough time and everythin' not goin' to hell at once, all the result of sabotage." He clamped down on the novice's shoulder, sincere, but there was the matter of T'Pol that weighed heavily on his mind. He hoped she'd be where he wanted her to be.

"Thanks, sir." Kelby had since changed his opinion of Enterprise's former Chief Engineer. Tucker deserved every accolade the colleagues he'd left behind were quick to bestow. The no nonsense practitioner was a genius with a drawl that had grown on the new guy who sometimes stuttered when his nerves got to him.

"I've gotta run, but what say I meet you back here, oh, about oh-fourteen-hundred hours and we'll retool the sub-EPS bilateral conduits. I noticed some fluctuations in their injection capabilities earlier. Surest way to force the matrix to overcompensate. And havin' it do that wouldn't be wise off a cold start-up."

"S-sure thing, Commander," Kelby called after Trip who was taking his descent down the access ladder at a good clip. Thoughts of how T'Pol might react kept the antsy southerner company every step of the way to the Mess Hall.

(If I'm so smart, why's gettin' through to my lady so hard? I don't know jack!)

__________

He spotted her immediately as soon as he entered the crowded Mess. She was sitting by herself and Hoshi was approaching. Trip hoped Sato would not be invited to sit, but that thought soured when he saw the smiling linguist plant herself at the table with T'Pol.

(Damn! Now what?)

A ray of hope! T'Pol was getting up from the table, said a word of whatever to Hoshi, and made the trip to the depository where she settled the cup she had drunk tea, he assumed, from. When she was within hailing distance, Trip tried not to look so disoriented. If he didn't speak up soon, she'd probably say something dismissive and go through the doors.

"Hey, T'Pol..."

"Com." She stopped herself from finishing his title, seeing the sudden look of hurt lodge in his eyes. "Trip..."

"Can we talk?"

She looked at him, her expression neutral, classically T'Pol. "I believe we are."

"Really talk. Think we could? Like now. Please. That is if you aren't busy." Trip held his breath. (Talk like we used to.) He thought, really concentrating on her. It was fantastic for him to think that if he kept repeating to himself, (Say yes, say yes. Please, T'Pol, just say yes.) That she would. Nevertheless, he kept
hoping.

"No, I am still on my break." Without trying, she noted the faint circles of discoloration under his tense looking eyes. "My quarters, or yours?" she suggested without a hint of being forward, nothing lurking as a hidden agenda.

"I was thinkin' more in terms of the Senior Officers' Lounge. It's private, but less intimate as either of our quarters."

T'Pol raised a fastidiously contoured eyebrow. "Intimate," she repeated and found herself nearly drowning in his look of cautious optimism.

"Neutral territory," Trip said in a low voice.

T'Pol had begun to believe he wanted nothing more to do with her. It wasn't beyond the realm of plausibility to believe that Trip might have an inkling of what had developed between them and was in denial. It disgusted him. She'd resigned herself, judging that leaving him alone might be for the best overall. The damage had already been done. Their sexual involvement had been a gross mistake, had been solely for gratifying physical needs, and warranted no further discussion.

But, apparently, he didn't see it that way.

His extending this invitation lent itself to what she had hoped for, the opportunity to divulge the nature of what was happening to them. What she had initiated without his knowledge. Did she regret initializing a bond? She hesitated before judging too hastily. She cared for Trip, but feared she had perpetrated the bond impulsively. And now, both were paying the price for her impetuous conduct.

The dream that had tied her mind and body into knots last night, the most erotic dream she had ever had involving her lover, provided the basis for her decision to tell him. Tell him he could never be free of her... He was her mate, it was what had happened. They were bonded in mind, heart, body and soul. It was the consequence of allowing those certain emotions transmuted by her cavalier use of Trellium-D to disrupt her control. The exercise of restraint would have prevented their current plight, this debacle of an interpersonal relationship. That is the only way it could be viewed, T'Pol keenly regretted.

"Uh, T'Pol. Can we talk?"

(We certainly should.) T'Pol considered.

The way he gazed at her suggested that if she said 'no,' he would never ask again. He would leave her alone, and never know a moment's peace in this life. And she would have to live with that consequence of her wayward actions too. She being the cause of his mental unease which she sensed as easily as Vulcans knew when Pon Farr, the blood fever, was imminent. When Vulcan males must mate or die, when the control of emotions was thrust aside.

T'Pol extended her hand towards him, as well as her heart. (Cast out fear) she admonished herself. (There is no room for anything else until you cast out fear.) She was afraid, she admitted it. According to Surak, she must first accept that she feared. She must dominate her anxiety, move beyond it. Only then could she make the crucial leap, embracing the unknown. She would mold her future, not the future molding her.

T'Pol sensed Trip's need to unburden himself, and she would let him. He cared for her deeply. She returning his feelings was the unknown.

"'Pol?" Saying her name that way brought a swift lift to her eyebrow. "Why do I get the feelin' you're not completely with me here on this?" That, and his tentative smile, coupled with the clarity in his dove-like eyes, brought her back.

Despite her trepidations, she staidly answered, "By all means. We should."

"Talk." Trip had that being on pins and needles look once more.

"Indeed." The forcefulness of Trip's smile infused her with courage she never knew such a small gesture, she once considered insignificant, could inspire.

__________

Aside from her quarters, the SOL was where T'Pol often came to quiet her mind. She left the cares and frustrations of life aboard Enterprise outside the door of this mellowly-lit facility that was half the size of the captain's Mess and Sickbay combined.

The two commanders walked to the ample view window upon entering, not hand-in-hand, but side-by-side, reminiscent of their walking a last mile together. Although both thought similarly, they weren't certain it's what they really wanted...saying it was truly goodbye, and meaning it. Whatever happened to there being some sort of middle
ground? Did their situation bar there being any?

Nervously, Trip looked over at T'Pol, then out at the endless vistas of stars again. Pursing his lips that had suddenly gone very dry, he led off, "Despite all that this crew's gone through over the years, with the..." Prudently, he decided to omit her people. "Klingons, the Suliban, the Andorians...the Xindi, includin' the species where memory fails, explorin' these vast reaches'll never get old for me. I just hope all the feudin' doesn't choke the life out of gettin' to investigate the marvels of these new frontiers. There's still so much to discover."

Small talk, flashed in her mind, it normally precluded discussing weightier matters; she'd go along. "Mutual cooperation in the interests of improved inter-species relations holds promise of easing the tensions which would afford better understanding and lessen suspicions. Perhaps one day in the not too distant future such an alliance will be possible."

Trip walked away from the viewing area and lowered himself onto the couch that faced the window. "It goes without sayin' what a boon that'd be in furtherin' the cause of peaceful co-existence." He patted the back of the modular piece of furniture, hoping T'Pol would take the hint.

The winsome Vulcan decided his segue was too potent to disregard; it was a perfect lead-in for what had to be broached. Opportunity had decided to treat her kindly. Once she was seated beside Trip, who found her compliance encouraging, T'Pol said, "Peace...its absence is never fully appreciated until its lack is...felt, acutely so."

The wistful cast of her eyes urged him to ask, "T'Pol, is everythin' all right? I mean...and don't take this the wrong way, but ever since I set foot on Enterprise, you've seemed a might...well..." He sighed, careful how he'd put it lest he chose a word that could cause more harm than good. There was enough miscommunication between them to last her and his lifetimes combined.

"Unsettled."

Trip nodded, looking relieved. "I'll go with your choice of description. Yeah. Unsettled."

The softness in Trip's eyes, the color of tranquility, imparted the will for her to go on. "The reason I asked you earlier whether you've been experiencing anything unusual..." T'Pol blinked, feeling her heartbeat ramp up. How could she have been so irresponsible, despite her strong feelings for him? Her reactionary behavior, forging the mating bond with Trip was inexcusable. What had she been thinking, which therein lay the problem. She hadn't thought; her emotions had taken the helm and had led them down this sorry path. Feeling ashamed, T'Pol hung her head down, no longer comfortable meeting Trip's steady gaze forthrightly.

A chill snaked down her spine when Trip said, "I had this dream...well, to be honest...I've had several, in fact."

She raised her head. "Yes?"

"The one I had last night takes the cake of 'em all." Tucker whistled, feeling the creep of hot blushing travel up his neck, the sides of which felt as though they were being stretched. "Fact is, I keep havin' these dreams." He raised both eyebrows. "It doesn't matter whether I'm awake or asleep. Ever since I left Enterprise I've been havin' lots 'em. Day and night." He was glad she was looking him straight in his eyes, it felt less weird trying to explain. "You're always in 'em, T'Pol...an'...and in this latest one..." His face felt on fire, he never imagined he could feel this embarrassed. After all, it wasn't as though they had no prior carnal knowledge of each other.

"We made violent love..." T'Pol held her head high, looking regal, although her facial coloring darkened as she blushed too.

"It was brutal, but...WOW...sheer WOW. I don't recall I complained any. I knew you wouldn't hurt me. You're so beautiful...and I...I." Trip froze, letting what she'd just admitted to sink in. (She knows! For the love of Pete, SHE KNOWS!) How was *that* possible? "How'd ya know?" The answer was in his mind before he was fully cognizant. "You had the same dream."

Aware that she'd been holding a breath ever since his disclosure, T'Pol fitted her left hand around his right. "Every dream you've had, I have had as well. They aren’t merely dreams. They are states of heightened awareness."

"They start and finish in the white place. The first time I was there you asked me what I was doin' there. You weren't doin' somersaults because I'd showed up."

"And I told you it is there I go in my mind when I meditate."

"And I've become a permanent fixture there with ya ever since...'cause." Trip concentrated, racking his brain. Deep down, he already knew he knew why. "Wait, it'll come to me, T'Pol, 'cause you told me. Ya told me last night, in the X-rated dream." He began looking exasperated. "It's on the tip of my brain. We're somethin' now...somethin' you never thought we could be. Starts with...with a..." He wrinkled his forehead. Engulfed in thought, Trip tried to recover what had been locked away in cerebral recesses.

T'Pol practically heard the inner workings of his mind eke out the nugget of truth she'd told him while they'd been buried in layers of surrealism, the stuff of dreams. She wanted to tell him, but a wiser voice advised her to allow her mate to exercise his powers of recall. If he did, it might not come as quite the shock it had the potential of being.

"You said we're..." A smile of accomplishment claimed his face. "Bonded. That's it, isn't it. We're bonded."

"Yes, Trip. We are." She felt him squeeze her hand which had begun to tremble. How he felt about it. This was her greatest fear. He would despise her. She had taken unfair advantage of him, plunging him headlong in this situation. She had made the decision to complicate his life, she, and she alone. Their first night of intimacy had been of her choosing. She'd been egged on by Trellium-D enhanced emotions and the sublime way his body had soused every inch of hers. He had gone along, willingly, but it had been wrong of her to delve into his fragile mind. Bind him to her forever, without any of his knowing consent. How could she blame him if he resented her for her presumption? Her utter lack of concern for his feelings? T'Pol closed her eyes, they had begun to flutter, with her looking faint.

Alarmed, Trip entreated, "T'Pol? Are you all right?"

Feeling even more ashamed, she nodded, trying her best to avoid his eyes, their keen hone of concern leeching from them. "Yes, but I am not myself."

"What's wrong?"

"You are what is wrong." She made a feeble attempt to extract her hand from his, but Trip wouldn't let her. "No, don't. You mustn’t. The more we touch, the stronger our bond becomes. My selfishness has compromised you more intensely than I ever had a right to."

"What are ya sayin'?" Jumping to a familiar erroneous conclusion, Trip charged, "What? I'll never be anythin' more to ya than that damned lab rat? The freaky experiment that's now gone so wrong, nothin'll ever be right between us again?"

She eyed him sharply. "You were *never* an experiment. Never!"

"Okay--now we're gettin' somewhere, at last. Before ya get incommunicado on me again, tell me somethin' I *don't* know. I cleared out of your life--"

"You left because of me." A look of wonder settled over her heartbreaker of a face. Of course she'd had more than a reasonable suspicion, but to hear him admit it to her was all she had wanted since he had gone away.

Trip was earnest; earnest about his feelings and he yearned to know what hers were for him, once and for all. No more second guessing, in and out of shadows. "Yes. I left because of you." (Not yet) he warned himself. If there was a bottom to get to in all this, he wanted to save telling her how he truly felt about her till then. "Remember what I told ya in the dream?" (I can't believe it! I already know things aren't the same between us. She thinks I'm mad. Like it's all her fault. Blames herself for lettin' passion rule 'stead of her precious logic.)

T'Pol processed pits and pieces from what she was getting from Trip. What reverberated in her head were words she never thought he would say, and when she heard the whisperings, she voiced them. Pride welled up inside of her. "You love me."

Trip's heart stopped beating for half a second as the reinforced walls of the lounge seemed to spin around him and then flew out the window that had breached. He stared at the love of his life long and hard. His swallow felt as if it was going on for ages. "So..." Whose voice was that? Certainly not his, all high and wobbly. "S-so...it's... it's really true. Our minds really are one." Knowing intellectually was one thing. Having the fact staring you dead in the face was quite another.

Something T'Pol judged was amusing came over her and she invited, "You may tell me again, here, like this. Hearing you speak the words to my heart..."

Trip lowered his mouth to where her Vulcan heart lay and rustled against the fabric of her alluring blue outfit, "My heart to your heart, our hearts are merging. Our hearts beat as one." Then he pinned her gaze with his. "T'Pol, I love you. Believe what ya wanna. I've loved ya ever since our first blow-out. You gave me that 'who do you think you're dealing with, Human,' look and ever since, I've been the putty ya can't scrape off, and I don't want ya to. Deny it, fine, but actions speak louder than words. I thought I'd lost ya to your
Kir'Shara and what it means to be Vulcan, after Koss ditched ya.”

“He realized I could never bond with him. I had bonded with you.”

“And when you kept puttin’ me off, I decided it'd be better for us both if I took myself out of the picture. Leave, despite its feelin' like I was leavin' behind half my soul, and forever hold our peace."

"But...you cannot. You haven't known peace since you left."

"Sure don't seem like I can just move on, does it?"

"I know no peace without you, Trip."

"No peace, just dreams that haunt me..."

"Us," T'Pol iterated.

"All the time." He stared into her face for a long while, noting how the subtle shading of the room softened her perfect features further. (Whether you love me or not, T'Pol, livin' without ya isn't somethin' I think I can do. Not anymore. Don't love me. Could ya at least...oh, I don't know...tolerate me? Be a little nice to me once an' a while?) "It's 'cause of this thing...this--"

"Our bond."

"Bond." Trip sidled up closer to her again and was overjoyed when she let him put his arm around her without a flinch nor a hitch. "The more we touch..."

"The stronger our bond grows." She tried to hide her apprehension, but found the hurdle too great. Regardless, of his reaction, she had to tell him. She owed him the whole truth. "As long as you live...you will never be free of me..." Her body stiffened, but, a serenity which hadn't been there a moment ago, washed over her. Was it his doing, T'Pol wanted to believe, but she wasn't wholly sold on the idea. How could he be responsible? He barely understood what their being bonded meant.

"I'm *stuck* with you," Trip leveled with a peevish shading in his tone. The T'Pol of his dream had pledged her undying love and devotion to him, but T'Pol, the one sitting with him on this sofa, had put it into perspective. Being face to face was conclusive. If she didn't feel the same, what was the point of this discussion? His life would be a living hell until the day he died.

What peace would he have loving a woman who could never return his affection? His heart ached for even the smallest indication she felt something for him. Sorry, but the sum total of all the dreams they'd shared didn't count. He never knew his heart could ache so over one woman. This really was love in all its soul-twisting glory. The ache was too great to be endured alone.

"But you aren't alone," T'Pol softly assured him, holding his hand tighter. "I'll be with you always."

Gruffly, feeling more annoyed with himself than her, Trip said, "And what if that isn't what I want?

So, it *was* true. He held her accountable, and was unforgiving; he blamed her. How could she blame him? She had wronged him, had taken unfair advantage in a moment of her weakness. How could she have been so self-centered? Now that he knew what she'd done to him, he despised her. Truer knowledge, and a willingness to trust her heart, had led to his contemning her over what she'd done, and now subjected him to, a troubled life.

"I understand," T'Pol said meekly, visibly shaken. Trip took another deep swallow. "My rash behavior merits your anger. I fully accept the consequen--"

"Don't!" He needed to make her understand, really understand, for once. More roughly than he'd intended, he pulled T'Pol into his arms. "Look, that night...you...you thought I needed some convincin'. You were interested, but you thought I wasn't. Am I right, or what?"

Shakily, T'Pol replied, "I assumed you were romantically interested in Amanda Cole...and..."

"And you didn't like that," Trip whispered above the fringe of T'Pol's bangs and they tickled him beneath his chin when she shook her head.

"No, I did not..." The next thing she said made Trip frown. "I was wrong to want you."

"Not wrong," he corrected, "just eager. You're still very new to this thing called." He rubbed his hand up and down her back. "The birds and the bees, sex, love...whether we're talkin' Vulcan or Human style." He kissed the tip of her nose. "You didn't make me do anythin' I really didn't wanna do. Workin' the bond, or not, I'm a big boy. I could've stopped ya, superior Vulcan strength an' all. If I had told ya to stop, you would have. Am I right?"

"I would have, Trip." Her sincerity melted his heart all over again.

"I didn't stop ya, 'cause I didn't want ya to. You rocked me good, and I couldn't get enough. Still can't."

(C'mon, darlin', gimme a smile. It'll do ya good.) He kissed her nose the way he had moments ago, but her blank facial expression stayed intact. (No dice...) "Okay, so...if ya had it to do all over again, darlin', would ya?"

T'Pol burrowed more heavily against him. She had never admitted so much to him, not even to herself. There was something in his giving manner that compelled her to hold nothing back. Feeling so liberated was intoxicating, like his arm hugging her and his smile warming the depths of her soul. "It would have been more logical if I had asked your permission first before--"

"Makin' me yours?"

Her heart raced. "Yes." Somehow, his words infused her with courage, an assurance she'd never known. His courage was the basis for her to face what the truth was. Charles 'Trip' Tucker was more than her bond-mate. He was a *real* friend, and more than anything else she needed a friend right now. One who wouldn't judge or condemn, but
would understand, and still want her as his friend. They had, after all, been friends first.

"Now, answer me this," Trip mindfully interjected, his voice sounding thready, knowing they were making telling strides. He perched T'Pol's chin upon his finger, preventing her from breaking off the hold his eyes had over hers. "What do you feel for me?"

"My emotions overpowered me. I allowed--"

"Okay, you forced the bond on me, I'm not harpin' on that. Movin' on. Before you did what you did. Before, T'Pol. What did you feel before?" The arm around her garnered her to himself even tighter.

T'Pol had never felt more alive, at one with herself and the man she knew loved her more than she loved herself. "I *feel* the attraction you exert over me constantly. It is tremendous. I wanted you. You fascinated me." It was as though a great skein was unraveling. "You will always fascinate me. My feelings for you are illogical, but
cannot be denied. I have long since stopped trying. They are what they are."

"And they are?" Trip encouraged.

"Strong..."

"Sorry you bonded with me?"

"Ashamed I got carried away by emotions I..." She had to tell him everything, there was no stopping now. If she trusted him, and cared for him, she'd tell him and trust that he'd truly understand. "I abused."

This he hadn't expected, but the thought occurred to him that here was the T'Pol he had yearned for her to be. His voice was rock steady when he asked, "Abused? Abused how?"

"I injected trace amounts of Trellium-D into my body so I could access certain emotions." If he was going to reject her, now would be the time.

Trip raised an eyebrow, startled, but careful, he kept his voice from fluctuating. "And by certain emotions, ya mean the ones ya spent most of your life denyin' they existed."

"Never denied, but taught to control because of their harmful potential."

"Why take the risk?"

"I wished to experience having these emotions. Feeling, feeling. Experience them with you. You are my catalyst."

Trip felt his heart nearly break. "Oh, God..." She was naive and without any doubt, the most beautiful woman he'd ever know. He shook his head, but refused to come off as judgmental when he said, "You risked what it means bein' Vulcan for me? T'Pol, you crazy kid. Why didn't ya tell me? I would've understood. I tell ya no lie."

"Do you understand now?" T'Pol asked, sounding breathless.

"Yes." He patted her arm. "Yes, I do. And I want ya to know. I'm not upset...well a little stunned that you'd risk your health for me, but, well...I'm floored."

"You love me," T'Pol accused, but looked strangely appeased.

"Through the bond ya know that, like I know we belong together, 'cause ya feel the same about me."

"Yes, Trip."

"So, you're okay with this?"

"As long as you are 'okay' with it..." T'Pol was having some difficulty with this being reality. The dreams had taken their toll on her grip of what was concrete and what wasn't, as they'd had on Trip's mind.

"T'Pol, darlin', I'm more than okay."

His mate gave him her best imitation of giving him the fisheye. "More than okay?"

"Way more. Hey, I'm in love." He hugged her so hard, but knew she wouldn't break. Raining kisses on her scalp and stroking it too, Trip was orbiting Earth's moon and who needed a space vessel? T'Pol had given him impulse capability of his own. Being alive never felt this good. Words he spoke against her kissable head were a little muffled by her hair. "Bonded, huh?" His arms were braced under her neck.

Content to live in the moment, T'Pol, as she angled herself around so her lips found his, remarked, "We are, t'hyla."

"Hot damn!"

She raised her hand, seeking to position her fingers over the contact points of Trip's face that was filled with wonder. "May I?"

He kissed the pads of each finger before letting her touch him. "Be gentle," he teased.

"Always with you, t'hyla...and always...for you."

They were in the 'white place,' and it was no longer white...it was golden. He loved her and she loved him, telling each other so, over and over.

End

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Thar was soooooooooooooo beautiful !!!!!
I loved it!!!!!!!!
sigh, you are a great writer!!!!!

Just wonderful! so cute, thank you

You, bt, are the sweetest! Thanks ever so much!!

Now, THAT was a 'valentine for Trek fans' - **sigh** Thank you for sharing!

That was great it was so romantic wonderful

The best thing that's happened to me all week was reading this fic-thank you!

Yaaaay! That was great! Wedding, please! :)

Hooray! Now they are one, about time too. This was excellent, well done! Ali D :~)

That was so sweet... I wish that it would happen that way on the show!

Oh That was really good. Trouble is I wish we could see ascene like this for real...

I agree, it was a wonderfully written story. Would love to see more of your work. T.