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Author - Sue | Genre - Angst | Genre - Romance | Main Story | R | Rating - PG
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...Ha!...Told ya...Knew she'd scoot right back up here on account of what I said about my engines still needin' me...That, and the second look I bounced off her...Keep her on pins and needles the way she does me...Who's she foolin'?...No matter how much she keeps herself locked away in her quarters, no matter how hard she tries to convince herself that Kir'Shara of hers can drive me plumb outta her system.
...Not a chance...we've both done too good a job on each other...especially you on me, darlin'...
"Forget somethin', did ya?" I goad.
"What do you mean, at least your warp engines still need you?"
...What do ya think I mean, Lady Logic?...
"It's like I said. At least *they* need me."
"Oh...so you imply that I no longer do?"
"Isn't it what you mean? You've got your Kir'Shara now to help ya figure out all the answers. So it pretty much leaves me out in the cold, for the most part. Now, doesn't it?" I sigh again. "Oh well, there's that cute new ensign with the dimples in the armory..."
...I can see I've thrown her off-balance...Good!...
"You stood there moments ago, agreeing you understood. If you truly do, you wouldn't have said what you just did."
...And if *you* understood just how vital you've become in my life...how great it could be if you'd admit you *do* need me...for both of us to help each other get through this difficult time, together...you wouldn't be shuttin' me out, closin' me off...actin'
"I agreed 'cause it's what you wanted to hear. What I said about the engines needed sayin' 'cause I'm not just somethin' you can get over. Detour around like I never mattered to ya at all. Like I'm a mule in the road...your freaky experiment..."
...LOVE YOU, you stubborn, glorious, woman!...I should take ya between my hands, shake some sense into ya...Wake ya up so wide, you'd never need sleep again!...You belong with me--I belong with you!...How hard is that for YOU to understand?...
"It is difficult to speak with you when you are like this."
"Like what?" I sidle a little closer to her and she stands her ground. Seein' how she does gives me hope.
...I know what she's going to say, but I want to hear her say it. Then again, maybe I don't. Why can't I tell her how much I love her? Why can't I? I'll tell ya why. I'm a big chicken. No guts; she doesn't feel anywhere near what I do, and knowin' that just kills me. --Hell--Just tell her already! Yeah, that's right. Right here and now in Engineerin' so the rumor mill will go bust on the glut of juicy grist I'll dish it to grind...
"Admit it," I chide. "You like it when I'm illogical; you eat it up the way you do pecan pie. You can't get enough of me when I am." That hungry, insatiable look in her eyes, though fleeting, is good enough for me, brother. I've lived on her crumbs this long. There's somethin' else in her eyes too...remorse. She's never worn it well. "The logical thing is givin' you your space. But hang bein' logical! I want you in my personal space, not lettin' you disappear from it like you were never--like you never wanted to be there in the first place...And we both know you were the one who stepped up to the plate first."
...We've got the audience we never should have attracted, but I'm too one-track minded to derail my big mouth...
"I won't give you up! Ya can't ask me to! Not when it hurts too much to even think that you ever could! Trust your feelin's damnit! Not your tired rule book! Listen to what your heart's tellin' ya, deep down inside, for once in your life!"
"Trip...I...I am no longer married to Koss. With my mother's death, he realized it would be pointless for us to persist in an illogical union, so he released me from the marriage."
...She's done it to me again...blows my mind along with the reelin' heart that's got her name branded all over it…
...Right then and there it's like shoes are droppin' like crazy from everywhere throughout Engineerin'...I'm lookin' at her like I did the night we became one so many times, I'm still saddle sore...
"You're a free woman!" I caterwaul, my heart's beatin' like it had wings of eagles. I've hang-glided before, but the way I feel now is a whole nother extreme sport.
...She could've told me sooner--a lot sooner than this!...
"Yes." A look of independence declares itself upon her face, that face, that gut-twisting face. The face, her face where every soft spot of kissable ridge and plane is memorized. "Free to live the way *I* choose."
"Free to break my heart," I can't muzzle myself from throwin' in that face I love so much.
"Free to love the man I choose...or not choose...any...man...my entire lifetime. To embrace logic and *never* sacrifice it..."
...I'm forcin' her hand, knowin' full well I'm goin' at it hard, and all wrong, but I'm past the point of carin' how I should stop and just let her be...like lettin' her be could never be an option I'd ever consider in my lifetime...
"GIMME A CHANCE!!" Again I chant, "A CHANCE!" And again, "ME--A CHANCE!"
...Like a lost sheep in the wilderness...Here I am, here I am...We've been waitin' for each other all our lives!...We don't dare blow it!...
Smoothly, she glides her body right up against mine, and I gulp air.
...She's like butter that's a little too warm about to be spread over freshly baked biscuits, swimmin' in gravy...oooh, how I love butter...and gravy...
Her voice is pure sultry. "What if I said, yes. I choose you over logic, over Surak, over Vulcan, over everything I have ever internalized as universal, eternal in the greater scheme of things."
I'm havin' a stroke as I start coaxin' her into the eagerness of my arms, and assure her, "But I'm not really askin' ya to do that. How could you think I'd ever want ya to stop bein' who you are, or who you
Shyly, T'Pol forms a tight V with her middle and index fingers, and moves them towards me. Knowing what she wants, I copy her pattern. We Vulcan kiss first, then French.
...She speaks 'the language of love' real well...I've heard her 'parle vous' with Malcolm; she kisses even better, though--hooboy!...
Thunderous applause erupts in Engineerin' amidst a lusty chorus of, "For they're great senior officers ...for they're great senior officers...for they're great senior officers--who're finally out in the open--which nobody can deny!"
T'Pol and I pry ourselves away from our mouths to see and hear Hoshi, Travis, Malcolm, Phlox and Jon singing at the top of their lungs. Everybody steps up their whoopin' and hollerin', on and on and on. My lady and I devour each other with renewed zest...
Where? How? Huh? What the hell happened?
I lift my head, dazed and phased, wonderin' how come I'm still alive after fallin' to Earth so hard. I struggle, as though in slow-motion, tryin' to raise myself up so at least I'm on my hands and knees, like a dog on all fours. My head's splittin'; I stop raisin' it higher, but it's throbbin' like there's no tomorrow. Is it tomorrow already? Groggy, no thanks to the serious number of belts I put away last night, I try focusin' bleary eyes.
This is so how I used to be...blindly tyin' one on, hardcore boozin', whenever life doesn't go the way I want it to before SHE showed me a more useful way to channel negative feelings. Just thinkin' about HER
What meager light there is, is glarin'' enough to jar me. Everythin' that felt so real, and the pain of realization that, dismally it wasn't, angers me. I'm so psyched out, I wanna bam somethin'. Bam whatever so hard, I'll break it...so I do. Takin' my fury out on the
I cuss like the sailor I am, usin' every inky blue word I know, makin' up even fouler combinations as I steam along. Words I've been on my best behavior never to use around HER, despite her not knowin' what they'd mean anyway. I can't accept what it only was, and now my hand's throbbin' as badly as my head is. Damn!!!
Thoughtlessly, I shake my hand, tryin' to ease its pain, dully thinkin' maybe I've fractured it.
My voice comes out a pitiful sob when, mindlessly, I hammer the deck more savagely this time with my left hand. "'Cause that's the way I want it, DAMNIT!! WANT IT ALL! YOU NOT BEIN' MARRIED--YOU WANTIN' ME--CRAZY FOR ME LIKE I AM FOR YOU!! LOVIN' ME LIKE I LOVE YOU!!
I say that, keep sayin' all of it in throaty bits and pieces, like a mantra. Drivin' myself over the edge doesn't take long. Rockin' to curl myself up into a tight fetal position ball, I just lie there on the deck, huggin' my knees to my chest, too numbed to move a muscle.
Squeezin' more tears from my eyes when I shut them, I grieve in desperation, "Please...please...don't leave me behind...PLEASE, DARLIN'...I'm the one who needs you..."
I've never been so scared. Somehow, can’t explain why, so’s she.
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A whole mess of folks have made comments
That's so dang sad, but my word I was feeling Trip's pain for real by the end.
That was wonderful. You portrayed Trips anguish very well. I really wish the writers of Enterprise would give us a little insight into how Trip is really feeling. I can't believe that he is really OK with what has happened between him and T'pol in Daedalus.
Poor lovesick Trip, why did it all have to be a dream???? Ali D :~)
Very, very sad. Poor trip - he needs a cuddle. I was waiting for a fan fiction after that episode - and you did it very well. Thanks and keep it coming.
Oh,this is soo sad !!!
I almost cried! Trip is a lot more tender hearted than anyone gives him credit, and it got it right!
PLEEEZE say you'll do one from T'Pol's POV.... say she was walking past his quarters & overheard all of that (I doubt quarters are THAT soundproof). Make Trip go see Phlox for his poor battered hands and have Phlox go to T'Pol out of concern for Trip. SOMETHING! CAN'T just leave it here! PLEEZE!
I agree with Jash, please don't leave it there! The end of "Daedalus" sucked, just like "Home" did, and you genius writers make it all better! So, pretty please? With sugar, and a cherry on top? :*(
Love you guys for such sweet reviews! Sequel? Sure...just need time...but with Trip and T'Pol constantly on the brain, I'm sure to come up with something. Patience, please...and thanks!
So im not the only one who was disapointed at the end of that episode?