He Walks With Shadows In The Night

He Walks With Shadows In The Night

By The Watch Stander

Rating: [PG], Angst, Friendship
Summary: Trip reflects on his behavior and state of mind since the events of The Expanse.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Paramount Owns Enterprise and all of its crew. The cast of Enterprise owns the wonderful interpretation of these characters. The fun of writing this story about these characters is owned by me and is no way intended to infringe on any of these rights and is done without payment or profit on my part

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Chief Engineer Charles Tucker the Third made his way down the hallway of B deck. He had just finished a double shift in Engineering and was planning on calling it a night.

It was quiet now, nighttime 01:30 am by the ship’s clock, all the day shift were asleep, all that is except the Chief Engineer.

Trip thought about the changes he’d seen in the people around him on enterprise. Capt’n Archer, his best friend seemed driven, with the weight of the world now resting on his shoulders. Gone was their friendly banter and socializing over recently recorded games of water polo. Jon no longer had time for such things too busy with other matters.

I don’t have time either, doing double shifts doesn’t allow much time for socializing.

In truth, he was glad, for it meant not having to deal with questions about how he was doing and Archer’s concerns about Trip’s feelings regarding the death of his sister.
Jon meant well, but Trip didn’t want to talk about it. It still hurt too much.

His other friend Malcolm was on edge as well, but he still took time to ask Trip how he was whenever they met in the mess and the armory officer would occasionally stop by Engineering to say hello and chat.

I’m surprised he still speaks to me the way I treated him after Lizzie died.

It wasn’t one of Trip’s finer moments and he still felt bad every time he remembered Reed’s hurt look as Trip lambasted him for asking about the memorial for Lizzie.

Have to apologize one of these days.

Somehow, he never seemed to get up the courage to tell Reed he was sorry.

So they acted like it never happened, but the wedge was there, Trip could tell. Malcolm wasn’t as relaxed around the engineer as he used to be.

Probably thinks I’ll go crazy and hit him!

Travis and Hoshi still said hello, and he was always invited to sit with them in the mess when he would occasionally run into them during mealtimes. They treated him like he would break if they said the wrong thing, so their guarded conversations made the mealtime an ordeal for Trip. He also noticed that there had been subtle changes to them as well, for both the ensigns were less cheerful and more reserved and that wasn’t just from his presence. They also seemed anxious and ...afraid.

There was no doubt the mission and Delphic Expanse was affecting them all and no one was immune, not even T’Pol.

Her reaction was completely unexpected. She had resigned her Vulcan commission and asked to join the Enterprise on their mission into the Delphic Expanse. She told Archer Enterprise needed her.

Trip would never have thought she would ever do something so illogical and emotional?

She certainly took me by surprise!

He was glad though, that she had stayed. Her presence added something stabilizing to the whole instability of all that was happening around them.

He hoped tonight he could sleep without the nightmares that so often came to him. Double shifts helped exhaust him so that even his mind was too tired to conger up ghosts and shadows to haunt his dreams.

Sometimes at night when the nightmares did come and he couldn’t hold them at bay, he would get up and walk the corridors of Enterprise. One of the decks wasn’t used except for storage and he found it quiet there with no one to bother him as he tried to get away from his dreams.
The shadows from his dreams were following him down that corridor he knew, but he wouldn’t look back, afraid of what he would see. Lizzie was in those shadows, but seeing her face there wasn’t what scared him, it was the 7 million other faces there with her that terrified him, all begging him for retribution.

No one would understand if he told them about this.

Probably think I’m crazy and relieve me of my command.

He couldn’t bear that happening, it’s all he had left to save him from the night and its shadows. Working was the best thing for him to do.

I just need some time that’s all, maybe when we find the Xindi the dreams will end. The shadows will be appeased and leave me in peace.

After days of trying to sleep and not being able, Trip had finally gone to Phlox for sleeping pills. The doctor had suggested meditation as a way to relax and purge emotions that kept the Engineer from sleeping.

Phlox had asked T’Pol and she had invited Trip to her quarters to meditate. Trip remembered the first time he tried it 3 weeks ago.

T’Pol and he both sat opposite each other in her dimly lit quarters with a large lighted candle between them.

T’Pol watched as the commander sat down with knees bent and his feet crossed in front of him. There dark circles under his eyes and his face was pale. He seemed nervous and very much on edge. Exhaustion would do that to a human. Vulcans never required much sleep, so they rarely were this tightly wound.

“Rest you arms on your legs and turn you hands palm up, Commander,” she instructed.

Trip gave her one of his questioning stares, “I’m not gonna have to hum am I?”

The comment caught her unprepared and the corner of her mouth twitched at the picture it brought to mind.

She quickly suppressed the feeling and answered his question, “ No, Commander, Vulcans don’t hum....... during meditation.” She added.

“That’s good,” he said with a smile.

She frowned,

He obviously found my comment amusing.

“Close your eyes Commander, and allow your thoughts to pass through your mind. Tell yourself that they are harmless and cannot hurt you unless you let them.”

She talked softly to him giving him further instructions for several moments then closed her eyes as well and proceeded to meditate.

Trip’s mind kept repeating the same thoughts over and over, the picture of Florida being destroyed, his sister’s home gone, he and Malcolm there to survey the wreckage of what was once was a town. It was hard to feel as unaffected as T’Pol had told him to be.

At one point he opened his eyes and looked at T’Pol sitting so still across from him peacefully lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes were still closed.

I wonder what she’s thinking about? The mission, finding the Xindi, or just ending up crazy like the others who have gone here before?

Watching her now in the candle light brought to mind a movie that he had seen several months ago. Lord of the Rings.

T’Pol sitting there with her delicate pixie like features reminded him of the Elf princess that the hero of the movie was in love with. Seeing T’Pol like this stirred up feelings inside him that he couldn’t identify or... didn’t want to.

Maybe I’m just lonely, after all there’ no one I can really talk to onboard that would understand. Or maybe it’s just that she’s so beautiful sitting there so peaceful like.

I wonder what it would be like to hold her in my arms, and ...

When he saw her eyes open and notice him staring at her, he looked away quickly and stared down at the flame of the candle, embarrassed at being caught. He continued staring at the flame unable to look her in the eye, afraid that she would read his thoughts.

T’Pol had seen the lost and longing look in his eyes when she had caught him staring at her. It brought out feelings that she hadn’t experienced in a long time. Quickly she tried to suppress them before they became apparent even to the Commander.

“Commander, you must keep your eyes closed in order for you to purge and repress your hidden fears and emotions that trouble you.” she said softly across to him.

Trip looked up slowly from the candle and into her unfathomable brown eyes that reflected the soft glow of the candle flame. There was a hint of something else in her eyes for a moment, and then he knew he could fall into their depths if he continued to stare, never to resurface.

He forced himself to close his eyes, and take a deep breath. This broke the contact and once more he was able to suppress his feelings and hide his vulnerability from her. To admit to that desire now would destroy all the shields that protected him.

After that session he had done as she instructed, and for a short while he was at peace with himself and could make it through the nights. It didn’t stop all the nightmares, but for a time it pushed the shadows away and allowed him peace.

That had been weeks ago, but now in the night, there was another dream haunting him and tormenting his very soul.

A lone shadow followed him down that corridor at night.

A beautiful Elf with pointed ears and T’Pol’s features,

beckoning him with her soft siren voice to turn around and come into her arms

.....and he so desperately wanted to....

But he knew if he did,

he’d be forever......lost.

End

Check out the sequel, Forever Lost .

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Half a dozen of you have made comments

This was just beautiful, I loved it! Okay, so who just watched "The Two Towers"? Lord of the Rings is my all-time favourite novel and Trip envisaging T'Pol as Arwen is wonderful. Thanks for an unusual story, I did enjoy it. Ali D :~)

Very nice. Short and sweet. I liked the dream bit. And to think, he was no longer haunted by the ghost of Lizzie, but by his love for T'Pol.
Good job.

You captured Trip beautifully. Sigh!

This was wonderful! Keep writing - I've enjoyed all of your stories! :-)

Well done. Gently expressive.

Very nice. I like the soft descriptions.