The Preview

Fifteen Is the Loneliest Number:
(A Fan Fiction Written at the request of Corporal Amanda Cole

By THECURSOR

Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, I think.
Disclaimer: I own squat, okay?

A.N.: I don’t care if it’s real or not, I’m writing it. Everyone is speculating what is going to go through Tucker and T'Pol's mind during the much ballyhooed Episode 15, but I have a different question. What's going through the mind of Amanda Cole? Here is by far, the strangest Fan Fic I've ever written. Hell, the strangest I've ever READ! Spoilers up the wazoo for Episode 15 (These are the same spoilers you can read on the HOTboard, the link to which is about five inches to the left of this sentence.)

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11/21/03

Look, I know everyone on this website is going to hate me come Sweeps Week. But let me just take the time right now to get out my side of the story before that stupid episode comes out and all you stupid Star Trek fans start demanding my head on a platter.

My name is Corporal Amanda Cole and I SWEAR to you that I had no idea it was going to end up like this, me sitting in the Mess Hall with the fate of a (literally) Star Crossed Love affair broken at my feet.

What had I done? What in god’s name had I done?

Oh, I'd heard the rumors. The ship was constantly abuzz with them. That Asian lady, Hosu or Sushi or something, was always gabbing to the other Starfleet girls about how happy and sated Tucker looked when ever he left that Vulcan’s quarters, but I ignored it. After all, this was a Vulcan they were talking about here. They were a species that prided itself on being unable to feel passion or desire, a cold logical people. Didn't they call themselves the custodians of rational thought?

But it certainly didn’t look that way to me, at least not from this table. From where I'm sitting Sub-commander T’Pol looks like she's ready to cry, stabbing her salad with the frustration of a woman in love with a man who doesn’t even know she exists. There's a sag in her usual Vulcan posture and I could swear that T’Pol kept glancing at Trip, taking her eyes of her food every so often to gaze longingly (or at least longingly for a Vulcan) in Tucker’s direction. This same Commander Tucker was now winking slyly at me in reference to our little make out session the other night.

I'm sighing now because T'Pol saw the wink and looks like she's ready to fold me in half and toss me out an airlock. Why me? I finally find the one cute guy on this whole ship and he's already spoken for. Well, he doesn't know he's spoken for, but I can see where it's going. I know how this is going to end.

T'Pol has him marked; she's already staked her claim, and when a woman like her says a man is hers she makes damn certain he stays hers. She'll probably sit and stew on this for a few days, then when she can't take it anymore she'll just explode and take out the first Amanda shaped object she can find. I don't care what species she is, Miss Snooty Vulcan Pants is pissed at me.

Why is this happening? All I wanted was little TLC from the Chief Engineer, maybe a one roll in the hay, nothing serious.

It started out simply enough, I heard Commander Tucker was practicing some kind of Vulcan super massage and I figured it wouldn't hurt to use it as an excuse to get naked in his quarters for a couple of nights in a row. So I faked a little insomnia, talked the doctor into letting Commander Tucker treat me and then I was home free. Pretty soon I was lying his quarters in my PJs, feeling those talented Southern fingers dance up my spine and play my nervous system like a well strung harp.

Of course I kissed him, wouldn't you kiss that face? That charming boyish…

THE POINT is any woman with a working sex drive would've done the same thing; I just didn't know who else had her eye on him. I didn't do my research, that's all! I wasn't trying to break them up or come between them; I just wanted a little Tucker loving.

Y'know it's her own fault really. She should've moved in before I got here! God, if I wanted Commander Tucker THAT badly and had three years to work with, I would've met his parents and had a nice new ring by now. Three years is a hell of long time to suffer from unresolved sexual tension, Sub-Commander!

And who in the hell does she think she is anyway? God damned Vulcans kept us out of deep space for decades, then call us un-evolved monkeys, now they've started stealing all the hot Earth guys? I mean, HEL-LO, greedy much?

Besides, I'm doing her such a favor. If they ever got involved and anyone found out it'd be front page news and they'd get ever news organization in two solar systems flashing cameras in their faces and that's no way to live right? Moreover, she isn't really his type any way! He needs a fun date, a girl with a little sense of humor to her, not some dour face alien who's just going to-

I'm looking at her right now and I see that she isn't really angry at me any more, just mopey sad again. I remember in my academy days when George Davis cheated on me with Lydia Klugman, and I went through that period where I blamed myself for losing him to another woman. Oh sure, I eventually realized just how much of a skank Lydia was and that George was an asshole for leaving in the first place, but I remember how I felt for those first few weeks.

I felt the same way her eyes look now.

God, I'm so sorry T'Pol I didn't know he was yours, you have to believe me.

I look over at Commander Tucker and I realize he doesn't even know it yet, or at least something is keeping him from admitting it to himself. Fear probably. He's afraid that it'll be too strange, and he wants to cling to something familiar in order to stay normal. Something like me.

I hope he doesn't choose me, I hope he picks her, and they live happily ever after with ten or twenty pointy eared kids biting their ankles. I hope I don't go down in history as that wicked witch who keeps them apart.

And most of all I hope that those stupid fan fic authors don't turn me into some kind of slutty man-eater like they did to that poor Princess What's-Her-Name last season.

I just want to tell the Star Trek shippers in favor of this thing that if they do air that first draft of the script, please don't hate me. I'm only human, not perfect like her. I made a mistake and I'm sorry.

Please don’t blame me.

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Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!

A whole mess of folks have made comments

Chortle! Nice way to put these spoilers in perspective.

HA! Fan-tastic! Certainly can't blame the girl for trying. (or the boy for writing it!)

Haha! I LOVE this. And, really, who could blame any woman for wanting to get naked with Trip? :-)

ha-ha-ha! i don't know why but i found this funny! ^_^

Loved it! Thank you so much for the unusual POV!

I just found this story when I was looking over at their little collection when I found this story. You are such a good writer! This was sooooooo funny! And don't worry, I wouldn't hate Amanda... I mean, Madj is right... who wouldn't want to get naked with that fine man known as Trip?! I mean my god, I'd kiss his parent's for creating him!

Ok, just watched the Harbinger preview a couple of hours ago, and will probably watch it a few more times before it airs next week, and I have to say I didn't like the look of Amanda Cole. This little story makes me a bit more sympathetic, I hope I'll still feel that way next next Thursday; I hope the Amanda Cole is as nice as your Amanda Cole

Damn! That was funny. There are tears in the corners of my eyes. Now that season 3 is over, you should totally write a follow-up. They never showed her again, and I kind of wonder what happened with that. Did Trip just ignore her or politely break up with her?

Nice... But I think she is a man eater and deserved a bigger shock than she got. T'Pol could have fried her........ An I would have paid to see that. But nicely written. T

ROTFL!!! Good one!!! :D

This was class!! Well done....once again!!!

Aw, Amanda, don't be sad. Just drop by the Vulcan Embassy on Earth to see who some fan fic writers have paired you up with instead. Hope you are not against dating older men or eating vegatarian.