Affliction of the Heart

Affliction of the Heart

By T’Kirr

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Paramount. No infringement intended.
February 20, 2005
Characters: T/T, Bit of Archer
Category: Romance
Archive: Yes, by all means, but please ask me first. This is the first fanfic I’ve ever posted.
Beta’d by Bryan, my husband.
Related Episodes: “Affliction”, “The Aenar”, “The Forgotten”, “Harbinger”
Summary: Feasible aftermath to “Affliction”, taking place during the so far unaired “Divergence.” T’Pol’s newfound ability empowers her to do something to reverse Trip’s decision to transfer. Disclaimer: Paramount owns Enterprise and all characters/everything else related to it. I’ll give ‘em back afterwards.

“My heart is in conflict. How can I follow it? The battle must end before I can know… know what destiny I will lead and what fate I will have. My only hope is… that one day the battle will be over, and after my triumph you will still be waiting for me.”
~T’Pol in Triplover’s “Confessions: Part II,” an inspiration to this story

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *

“Come in,” Archer’s muffled voice carried through his Ready Room door.

T’Pol entered and stood before his desk, hands folded behind her. An opportunity had presented itself when Columbia rendezvoused with Enterprise in their efforts to rescue Doctor Phlox, and she planned to take her chance with it. “I wish to attempt to convince Commander Tucker to return to Enterprise.”

Archer’s brow rose. “Really. So would I.” He stood. “You seem… confident you can persuade him.” He started to pace. “Would you happen to be involved in his reason for leaving?”

T’Pol remained at her state of attention, staring across his desk as he trudged around behind her. She thought back to Tucker’s bitter response when she asked him the same question. “Mr. Tucker assured me I wasn’t.”

She heard his footsteps still, felt his eyes locked to the back of her head. “By all means,” he said, stepping back behind his desk to face her, fingertips on his desktop. “Granted.”

“I am off duty, so I will request to board Columbia immediately.” She turned to leave.

“Hold on, T’Pol.” She turned. “Trip’s coming aboard as we speak.” Her wide eyes looked at him questioningly. “He’s coming over temporarily.” He lowered his tone in significance. “Maybe he forgot something.”
______________________________

Enterprise’s layout was so familiar to him; yet, having spent what little time he had aboard the Columbia, he noticed the subtle differences just walking down the corridor of Enterprise. He had had to repeat the deck number and quarter’s location in his mind when aboard the new ship to keep from straying toward where his old quarters were, but now, it was like walking home. When he reached his door, he slid the strap of his bag off his shoulder and didn’t hesitate to press the button.

The door slid open, and Trip almost jumped. He sighed, staring. “What the hell are you doin’ in here?”

T’Pol pursed her lips in annoyance. “Please, will you come in?” It wasn’t really a question.

Frowning in frustration, Trip stepped past the threshold and slapped the door closed behind him.
_______________________________

She had been staring out the window when he opened the door, and now turned back to the stars, composing herself. The first words he spoke after seeing her for the first time in days had already started to try her patience. After some moments, she realized he was waiting silently behind her. T’Pol turned, and as she searched for the polite way social etiquette directed she begin, she watched him pull his shirt over his head and drop it into his bag,

“Are you… enjoying your new position?”

He took a breath and crooked a half-smile, looking at nothing in particular, doing his best to portray the easy manner she was familiar with as he stretched his blue tank top down over his head. “Oh, you know. New engineering crew. New engines.” His eyes met hers. “We’ve got to get to know each other, is all. Everythin’s different. Nothing broken, nothing worn, all pristine-like, but—“ He raised his hand and glanced around, indicating the room, perhaps even the entire ship.

“—but ‘it’s no Enterprise’,” T’Pol interjected. Tucker sighed again, saying nothing. She had to move her head to keep her eyes trained on his as he looked away. Carefully watching his expression, she said, “Captain Archer and Enterprise need you here.”

Tucker snorted silently. “Enterprise will be fine. She’s got some experienced engineers. Kelby can step up to Chief. Columbia doesn’t have anyone nearly as experienced as she needs.”

There was a moment of silence, and T’Pol took a deep breath. “I need you here.”

He stared at her a moment, a mixture of anger and sympathy warring on his face.

T’Pol licked her lips in restrained tolerance as he again averted his eyes. She was weary of his evading the truth. “You did leave because of me.”

Tucker blinked slowly, as if humoring a recalcitrant salesman, and stated, “I told ya, T’Pol. I’m there because Columbia needs me,” then turned his back to her, rummaging in his duffle bag, the conversation over.

He had expected it from her. Even when she revealed that she knew the truth, he had the nerve to flat out deny it. She narrowed her eyes, setting about him in her most logical-yet-miffed tone, “You are a poor liar, Commander Tucker.”

Trip set his jaw, then glared at her meaningfully over his shoulder. “Look who’s talkin’.”

She closed her eyes briefly, bracing against the stab of his words, before returning with a piercing gaze of her own. Perhaps she had deserved that, but he didn’t understand. No, he hadn’t begun to understand. If he had, he wouldn’t be so upset with her. “I didn’t come here to exchange insults with you.”

The anger in his voice surpassed her own. “Then why the hell are ya here, T’Pol?”

The anxiety of what she prepared to do smothered her temper, the reality of her decision coming all too quickly to the present moment. Forcibly, she softened her tone. “I wish to show you something.”
_________________________________

Her voice trembled ever so slightly. It was unnerving to hear her this way. Any one else, except maybe Archer, wouldn’t have noticed it. She seemed suddenly calm, yet frightened. Determined. Determined to do what? He felt he should respond with, ‘Show me what?’ but for some reason, the words didn’t come out. The way her eyes fixed on him caused his pulse to kick into overdrive.

Trip swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat as she took a step closer. An almost pained look drew at her cant brows, an expression he had only seen her portray once before. He had broken down before her those distant months ago, unable to hide his grief for his murdered sister, and she had been there to comfort him. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was planning to do now.

She lifted her right hand towards his face, her spreading fingers hovering near his temple. He jerked suddenly, recognizing the motion. Impossible! It was very Vulcan, but not T’Pol. She didn’t know how. Or did she?

Trip was suddenly very warm. T’Pol knew Vulcans could meld minds, but he was pretty damn sure she didn’t consider herself capable, let alone willing. Unless she was desperate.

That was it. She had to be desperate. Desperate for what?

…To show him something, she had said?

His breath caught as her fingertips touched his cheekbone and splayed toward his hairline. He felt her other hand slip around to the small of his back as she drew even closer. Panic seized him as his heart began to hammer mercilessly. A Vulcan was determined to mind meld with him. Not just any Vulcan, but T’Pol.

His T’Pol.

“You obviously know what I am attempting. Please, try to relax, Trip.” The softness in her voice made his pounding heart ache.

“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me, T’Pol. Have you ever even done this before?”

“Once. Five days ago.” She paused. “Hoshi is alive and mentally sound.”

Trip wet his lips nervously and raised a hand to grasp her right forearm, confused about what happened with Hoshi, but satisfied with asking her later. “Tell me why you’re doin’ this. Just talk to me.”

The pained look returned to her eyes. “Please, Trip. Let me do this. You must want this as well, as I would never force my mind upon yours.” She searched his eyes. “I have attempted to tell you how I feel with words, but, in so doing, I have only hurt you. Please, let me show you. Let me try.”

Swallowing, he nodded slowly, resigning himself as he exhaled. He couldn’t shut her out again. Not when she was finally opening up to him. He had no idea what was going to happen, but the thought of turning back seemed impossible.

“My mind to your mind,” T’Pol whispered slowly. “My thoughts to your thoughts…” Her eyes slipped closed, and he found himself doing the same.

Trip waited in anticipation when nothing was happening. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel anything if she were to read his mind. But she had said she would show him something. Would it be an image, or a feeling?

“Our thoughts are one…”

Trip let the words sink into his mind. He felt a sudden pull towards her, a feeling similar to vertigo. As his eyes were closed, the darkness of his vision slowly began to lighten, and as if focusing on a direction, the dark veils were suddenly stripped aside, blinding his minds eye with a bright whiteness. Trip gasped, and felt more than heard T’Pol do the same. The fingertips on his right hand felt as if they were pressing against something.

He remembered the white nothingness around them from his daydream. Although it seemed to have no visual boundary, he felt an enclosing yet snug atmosphere, unlike before. Stray thoughts came to him. The blue of his tank top matched his eyes. Fear of his own emotions. Desperation. T’Pol was with him in his mind. Or he was with her in her mind. He wasn’t sure which. It was all very confusing.

Are you all right?

Agreed… I feel…a contentment… just being here with you.

He could feel she did. It calmed him.

So… what do we do now?

He felt her hesitation. I am unsure. I helped Hoshi remember from here.

Images from T’Pol and Hoshi’s meld flashed in his mind briefly.

We could start with what ya wanted to show me.

The response was fear. Darkness erupted from the white atmosphere and closed in between them, threatening to pull them apart.

It’s okay, T’Pol! Don’t shut me out, not now.

The black void hesitated, hovering in an aura around the area between them. He could see the whiteness behind her and ached to be back in it with her. He thought of other ways to encourage her.

You came to me, remember? You want to show me somethin’, but you’re afraid of what I might think. I get that. Just take it slow… Whatever it is, I’ll know your reasonin’ behind it, right? There’s no way I can misinterpret you like this, is there?

She was calmed by his thoughts of reassurance. You are right. It is… difficult for me to open up—

Yeah. I know.

They stood for a time in comfortable silence, letting their surface thoughts mingle, until Trip began to feel the gentle pull. He didn’t resist, and found himself delving deeper, migrating toward one thought, and then another, each becoming more and more emotional, more intimate. After several moments, he wasn’t sure whether it was himself or T’Pol directing him.

Suddenly, there was a widening around him, and he was suddenly falling, yet weightless at the same time. A bloom of emotion overwhelmed his senses, and he cried out in shock. Fear, inadequacy, anger, worry, and most of all, desperation and love. Trip focused on the last, attempting to lock himself down against the torrential barrage that threatened to sweep him away.

T’Pol, help me!

By her strained moan, he realized she was as lost as he. Trip was no stranger to strong emotion, but he wasn’t prepared for what could have been nothing else but the turbulent core of T’Pol’s Vulcan mind—strong emotions which, he knew, where caused by him. Certainly, not all Vulcans felt this! What were his own emotions doing to her now? They were confusing her, he realized. Desperately, he reined them in, forcing calmness to permeate his mind.

He felt T’Pol’s mental grip tighten, and through the waves of chaotic color, he saw her. Reaching out, he secured her in his embrace, and together they rose above the anarchy. He could sense it all below them, the boundary of her ordered mind keeping it at bay as it tossed in conflict. Trip brought up with them the one emotion he cared most about: love. It radiated around them in a stunning wash of purple and pink, like a magnificent sunset. Weakness weighed on him and, distantly, he felt the soft support of his bedspread beneath them.

T’Pol was not cold. She was extremely intelligent and very wise with her age by Human standards, yet she struggled with the emotional, unpredictable side of his race. He saw, now, the reason behind the indifferent responses, the seemingly careless remarks, the looks of accusation. She was deeply afraid. His blind loyalty, her inner reactions to his presence, her desire to simply lose control when alone with him invaded her sense of reason. When she had pushed him away, she hadn’t anticipated that he wouldn’t be able to handle her indifference while she sorted out just what it was she was struggling with. She hadn’t known how hard it was for him, his not knowing she still cared for him, choosing to leave her forever instead of enduring the pain of her professional presence any longer.

Now, he could only sense her deep desire to understand, and to be understood. Trip was so moved by the importance she placed in him, and how much she only wanted to be with him. He felt all the times she had been fearful he would not live. She loved him, and he laughed with the joy of finally knowing just how much.
_________________________________

There was so much to tell; yet in only moments, T’Pol sensed his understanding. She could see Trip’s smile in her mind’s eye. Then, the memory of the night they had been closest appeared—she wasn’t sure which of them had remembered it, but she guessed it was he. She filled with sorrow, knowing she had hurt him the next morning, calling it nothing more than an ‘exploration.’ Had Trip not been in her mind, she would have shielded such emotion from her expression, but he could feel it all now, with her.

I forgive you. I understand, now.

Encouraged, she thought back further, when she had begun to take doses of Trellium-D. She felt meekly ashamed as he expressed his surprise.

I hadn’t realized it would have such a permanent affect. I feel… my attraction to you was brought on by a drug. I couldn’t let you go on believing…

I love you for who you are. I don’t see why ya can’t be with me and still be one-hundred percent Vulcan at the same time.

He made it seem so simple, so right. T’Pol never wanted to hurt him again.

As they shared their thoughts, she felt Trip’s grow more and more amative. Tongues of brilliant flame leapt at them from the sea of turbulence below. T’Pol had never felt so intimately attached to anyone in the half dozen decades she had lived. He was everything to her now, and she wanted nothing more at that moment than to express to him the heat that boiled just beneath them.

As if evoked by that thought, they began to sink towards the twisting sea of emotional chaos. Thought, in any form, began to come thick and slow, in contrast to their frenzied minds. They were falling toward something dangerous, something they wouldn’t be able to return from, and with alarm, they both knew it.

T’Pol broke the connection. It was almost painful, having his mind ripped from her so suddenly. The pain was almost immediately forgotten when she awoke to her full physical senses to discover his lips entwined with hers. He was kissing her soundly, and she responded with all the ardor that was her fervent mind.

Trip, apparently, had just regained his senses as well, as he moaned in passionate realization. His arms came around her, hugging her tightly to him, and she moved her hands up his shoulders to encircle his neck. Every move of his lips fueled her hunger, and when he bit down on her lower lip, she cried out.

The ship shook suddenly, shattering the air and startling them. They sat on the edge of the bed, breathing heavily, looking around in confusion.

Captain Archer’s voice pierced the quiet of Tucker’s quarters. “All Senior staff to the Bridge!”

T’Pol locked eyes with Trip, and she knew their thoughts were the same. Although both were alarmed, suddenly fearful for the safety of the ship, she saw in his eyes the question, “Why now?”

Nothing more needed to be said. Even as they hurried to the door, where they caught the doorframe as another blast rocked the ship, they shared an inner peace that whatever happened, they at least knew their hearts were one, then and forever.

fin

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Hrm.. my header got a little scrambled somehow. My email is liz.r.white@comcast.net, if anyone needs it.

pretty! i very much liked the subtle lines in there that let you know what was going on with them physically while they were locked mentally with the meld.

This was great! I loved the way they melded, so she could show him how she really felt. I can only hope they'll do it this well on the show.

Great descriptions and your words flowed wonderfully. Great story... T'Kirr! Absolutely great! ;)

This was awesome! I loved it. I hope we do get to see them meld. That would be fantastic.

I loved this and what better way for T'Pol to show Trip what is really in her heart? Oh yes, kudos to you. This was superb! Ali D :~)

Nice story, thanks much for the lift.

Great story !!!! You should write more !

I really enjoyed this story. Mind porn! Gotta love that! An ultimate make-up story, though the physical part did get interrupted...

Great story! Trip and T'Pol mind melding, great idea!