Devil's Advocate-Ch 14

Devil’s Advocate

By Triplover

Disclaimer: When I own all this I’ll be sure to go outside and watch the pigs flying cause it’s never gonna happen.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Angst
Rating: R (for violence and other stuff)
Summary: After saving a cargo ship filled with many different species, crewmembers on Enterprise are found dead.
A/N: Thanks to Peter Simons for helping me with ideas! Thanks Peter!

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Chapter Fourteen

The Way It Would End

It was strange, this feeling that ran through him the moment he realized his end would soon come by Jolen’s hands. It seemed closely associated with power, but it was so much more. It was hope. A hope he hadn’t felt in such a long time. A hope in the one person that mattered most. There, as he sat with his eyes closed, he could see every moment in time that was spent with her… T’Pol. He could see the time they would spend in her quarters doing neuropressure. He could see himself teasing her relentlessly, as she rose to his bait every time… intentionally. He could see the first time they kissed, and what soon followed as their bodies worked together, both wanting release.

He remembered the feelings he had at that moment, the feeling that they just seemed to fit together. In fact, they had always seemed to fit together, like she was the missing piece, supposed to be clicked in next to him in the picture that was their lives. It was as if through all their experiences, they were meant to be in a way that seemed so impossible. For two people so different, he could never seem to understand how he and T’Pol were able to get through it and join together in mutual love. T’Pol seemed to understand, but he never did. At least… not until now.

In that moment when his life flashed before his eyes, he realized something important. He’d fallen in love with her the moment they’d first fought. Strange that while hating someone he could love them at the same time. In fact, it was more insane than strange. Still, there had been something about her. He’d known from the beginning that there was more to her than what met the eye, but he hid his interest with distaste of all things Vulcan.

He’d challenged her in that decon chamber. He’d been inviting her to prove him wrong. He’d been inviting her to show something decidedly human. Loyalty. Loyalty to someone barely known, but respected nonetheless. Loyalty to someone thought of as weak, yet inside stronger than anyone could ever know. She’d passed his challenge, and since then he’d loved her more than he ever thought possible. She’d proven him wrong, and challenged every feeling he’d had of her. In point, she’d shown that she could handle him in a way no other woman ever could…

and it had changed everything, shocking him deep into his soul.

Tucker’s eyes opened as his hope moved him to action. He looked Jolen straight in the eye before quickly moving his arm despite the pain, reaching for the gun hidden under rubble. Before Jolen could even react, Trip’s gun pointed right back at him. Jolen’s eyes, like windows to his soul, showed his surprise at the change in events.

==

Archer smiled as the ship, now defenseless, floated before them. He stood up and breathed in deeply before turning to look at Hoshi. “Contact Starfleet and tell them we have something for them,” he ordered her.

Hoshi nodded, smiling before getting back to work. “Aye sir.”

Archer then turned to look T’Pol in the eye. “Trip?”

T’Pol shook her head solemnly.

The Captain cursed under his breath. “He should have contacted us by now. Scan for his bio signs.”

“There would be no use, Captain. Radiation from the transporter would block out his lifesigns. The Commander told me the radiation is harmless, but there is no way our sensors could get through. We must wait.”

The Captain scowled, not liking those three words. He didn’t like waiting, especially when a member of his crew, one of his friends, was in danger. Still, there was nothing he could do… nothing to do, but wait….

==

“What happened to giving up yourself to save the people you love from suffering?” Jolen asked the Commander, as he eyed the gun pointing at him.

“They’d suffer either way, now wouldn’t they? If I survive you’d try to use every resource you have to destroy them, and if I died in this moment they’d lose a person they care about forever.”

Jolen raised one eyebrow. “So you’d rather let them die than sacrifice yourself?”

Trip shook his head. “Notice I said TRY to destroy them. You can do whatever the hell you want, Jolen, but I won’t give up. When your daughter died, the worst mistake you ever made was to lose hope, hope that it wasn’t the end of the world no matter how completely awful it felt to lose her. I won’t lose hope. My friends, the people I love, won’t give up on me, and there’s no chance in hell I’d give up on them! So try it. I dare you to even THINK about pulling that trigger and I swear to God I’ll make you wish you never even met me all those years ago!”

Jolen frowned, his eyes dark with anger. “Trip, I already wish that. Sindy would be alive right now if it weren’t for you.”

Tucker quickly shot the beam holding down his leg, blowing it off before he struggled to his feet. His anger boiled as he faced the man before him. When would he get it through that sick scull of his that Trip wasn’t the problem here?! “DAMMIT JOLEN, DON’T
YOU GET IT?! I DIDN’T KILL SINDY! SHE CHOSE TO GO INTO THAT ROOM KNOWING SHE SHOULDN’T BE IN THERE! YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO KNOW SOMETHIN’ I COULDN’T POSSIBLY KNOW? SHE’S DEAD JOLEN, AND IT WASN’T MY FAULT! IT WASN’T PETER’S FAULT EITHER! IT WAS A MISTAKE, AND ME STAYIN’ WITH HER AS SHE DIED WOULDN’T HAVE CHANGED THAT! WHETHER YOU KNEW ME BACK THEN OR NOT WOULDN’T HAVE CHANGED THE FACT THAT SHE WOULD STILL BE DEAD! IF IT HADN’T BEEN ME AND PETER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TWO OTHER OFFICERS! WE DIDN’T DO THIS TO HER! WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT… she did it to herself.” Trip shouted at the top of his lungs, letting his emotions fill into the words before ending his rant in a whisper. It was then that a tear fell from his left eye. “Nothin’ would. I couldn’t save her.” More tears fell as Trip’s eyes closed. “I wanted to save her, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, and even if I went back and did it all again she’d still be dead in the end. There was nothin’ I could do.” The engineer gripped his gun tighter before falling back heavily against the wall behind him as his left hand covered his eyes.

Jolen’s eyes were wide at the grief before him. Obviously Tucker was quite upset about Sindy.

Trip finally looked up, trying to control himself. “You want me to be responsible, but sometimes things just happen. You’re not the first to lose someone. When the Xindi attacked Earth I lost someone I cared about too. I lost my sister, Jolen, a person I loved more than anythin’. When she died I wanted to kill every Xindi I could find. I wanted revenge, Jolen, but then one day I came face to face with the man who built that weapon. And when he was killed by his own kind after riskin’ his life to help us… the hate just went away. I just kept thinkin’… he didn’t know. He thought he was doing the right thing. With all that hate I kept inside for him, I finally understood. He didn’t kill her along with the other millions because he was a bad person, a killer. He did it because he was saving his own… his wife, his children, his family… his future. He was a good man, no matter how badly I wanted revenge, and even I had to see it in the end. I just wish I had seen it before it was too late,” he said in a whisper.

The two mens’ eyes met, and in that moment Trip could see Jolen’s anger slowly drain away into nothing. He took a few more steps back until his back reached the wall and the tears fell down his face. “I miss her, Trip. I miss her every day. I’ve lost everything… and accident or not you and Peter took that away from me. I had no reason to live, except to kill those responsible for her death.” Jolen was trying to hang on, Trip could see it. He didn’t want to let go of his hatred… after all, it had gotten him this far.

“No one’s responsible, Jolen. She died because she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Hate me all you want, but don’t let that hate move you to kill more innocence. There was a time when we were friends, Jolen. I thought of you as a brother. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget what we were. You haven’t lost everything yet. You’re still alive. You can still make a choice… to live the rest of your life happy.”

“I forced you to kill three of your friends! You almost killed the woman you love because of me! I forced Peter to kill his family as well as himself! I have made you suffer just as I had planned! Why? Why do you care about how I live the rest of my life?!”

Commander Tucker smiled faintly, sniffing. “I just told you. I can’t forget what you did to me, but I can never forget what I did to you… nor can I forgive. Sindy’s death may not have been my fault, and I know to my very soul that it wasn’t, but another part of me wants to believe it was. Then maybe her death wouldn’t seem so… unfair. Then maybe there would be some reason… and not just coincidence. I guess I wanted her to have that… at least that. Don’t get me wrong, Jolen. There are times when I wish I’d died with her, but I can’t change that now. I’d give my life in a heartbeat to save her, but I can’t. No matter how much I want to, I can’t. I have to live with that… everyday. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I do.”

Croft sighed, swallowing hard. “Why do you even care about her? Why care about someone who’s important to me?”

Tucker simply paused, looking down for a moment before meeting Jolen’s eyes once more. “My sister didn’t deserve to die, and I mourned her death for a long time, but what I mourned most was MY loss of innocence. I began to hate the Xindi… every last one of them, and I didn’t give a damn how many of those men had families of their own. I didn’t give a damn about them. You were right. I am guilty, but not of killing Sindy. I’m guilty of letting myself become you. That’s the only thing I’ve ever truly done wrong. I never should have let myself become you.”

Croft cocked his head, unsure of what to say. “Me?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered if those Xindi were guilty or innocent, because I would have killed them either way. I put revenge before what’s right and what’s wrong. I let my hate control me, just as your hate is controlling you! I NEEDED someone to blame and I found that person… I found that person in every Xindi killed. Some of those men may have had nothin’ to do with building that weapon, but they were following orders and they were preventing us from saving my planet. I didn’t care either way, because they were dead, and that feeling of seeing them dead made me feel better. I felt like I had purpose.”

Jolen nodded slowly, his eyes lowering. “Just as I felt I had purpose when I killed Peter….” Croft closed his eyes momentarily, then cleared his throat. “I was going after the wrong men. I was looking for those guilty when I knew they were innocent.”

Trip cocked his head in confusion, before noticing Jolen raise his weapon higher, pointing it at himself. The gun’s tip touched his temple. “Jolen no!” he shouted sternly. Despite all his rage at what Jolen, had done, the thoughts of their friendship now long gone forced him into action.

But it was too late. Jolen looked him in the eye, beginning to pull the trigger. “I lost her, Trip. There is no rest of my life. Sindy WAS my life. She’s gone and the person I find myself blaming is a man that does not deserve my wrath, no matter how badly I want things to be different. I knew you did nothing wrong, just as I knew Peter did nothing wrong. I wanted revenge, needed revenge as you did. But what is revenge, when it is all a lie you made up so you’d have purpose. I died the moment Sindy died. Now it’s time I let go. Knowing you will have to live with guilt over the loss of my daughter is enough punishment after all that I have done to you. I have finished… and now I must end this for myself,” Jolen told Trip. Finally the gun went off and Jolen’s body fell to the floor, blood splashing everywhere, including onto Trip.

Tucker closed his eyes tightly, his chin falling down to hit his chest. If was finally over, and yet Trip had never felt such pain. He’d wanted to kill Jolen after what he’d done to Trip, but the fact of the matter was… a part of him was pained to see the long time friend go. Tucker swallowed hard and pulled the communicator from his pocket, flipping it open. “Tucker to Enterprise. It’s over….”

==

Tucker blinked as he felt his body materialize and his vision clear. There Captain Archer and Commander T’Pol stood before him, with Phlox nearby, ready to help him to sickbay. Finally the process was over and the engineer was free to move. He walked off, limping over to the three, hoping they didn’t see the redness in his eyes from crying, though despite his efforts all seemed more than aware that not all was right with the world. Archer spoke up first. “Shrith has agreed to surrender. Starfleet headquarters has already sent another ship, the Columbia to take it from where we left off. Their warp coil and their injectors have been rendered useless, thanks to your little modified torpedo. They’re not going anywhere,” Archer assured him before smiling.

Trip nodded, trying to smile back. To think he could even try was a useless thought, because nothing could get his mind off the grim moments he was forced to face. T’Pol noticed immediately and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Trip? Are you well?”

Again Tucker nodded, not exactly trusting his voice yet. Finally he swallowed, hoping his voice wouldn’t sound too shaky. “I’m pretty banged up, but I’ll be fine. Doc? Maybe we should get to sickbay. I’m a little tired out.”

Phlox smiled kindly at the engineer. “Of course, Commander! Here, I will help you.”

Phlox put Trip’s arm around him and began heading towards sickbay, the engineer leaning against him for support. Captain Archer and T’Pol watched him go before turning to look at each other. They both knew Tucker was nowhere near fine, but for now both were simply relieved to have him back, knowing it was finally over.

==

“Well, that’s pretty much all your physical injuries. The hypospray I just gave you should help with the pain, and the rest will heal with the help of the other injection,”

Phlox told him cheerfully before pausing. “Now… perhaps next we should talk about your mental injuries?” he asked gently.

Tucker turned to look at him and smiled. “No thanks, Doc. I’ve got it all under control.”

“Commander, you killed three good friends. You had to go through feelings of guilt over T’Pol’s own injuries as well as the guilt you have for Jolen Croft’s daughter. I don’t think anyone could have everything under control with all that to deal with. I have a psychology degree, Commander. I am fully equipped to help you heal mentally.”

“Dammit Phlox, just leave it alone! I’m not about to pour out my soul about somethin’ that’s no one’s business! I don’t care what degree you have! I have nothin’ to say!”

“Commander, I am your friend. I am also your Doctor, both physically and mentally. Sometimes it helps to speak with someone about what troubles you.”

Tucker slid off the bio bed and glared at the Doctor. “Look Doc, I appreciate all you’ve done to help and all, but this is my business and I don’t need to share anything right now. I just want to be left the hell alone!” he barked before walking out of sickbay in a huff. Phlox sighed before rubbing his forehead. Tucker always was difficult.

==

That night, despite what Commander Tucker had told the Doctor, he was beginning to wonder if talking about things wasn’t such a bad idea. At the time he just hadn’t felt like talking, but after lying in the dark thinking for a few hours he’d begun to realize how empty it felt being left alone.

Captain Archer had given him the rest of the day off as Enterprise waited for the Columbia. Soon night had arrived, leaving him alone for more than six hours. He’d cried in that time, thrown things around, and pretty much gone through the many stages of grief before finally realizing how much of a jerk he’d been to treat the Doctor as he had. Phlox had only wanted to help. He was Trip’s friend! How could he treat the Doctor like that?! Tucker was disgusted with himself. He’d done so much he wasn’t proud of, and now he was truly paying for it.

He couldn’t get Jolen’s actions out of his head. One minute the guy hadn’t paid a cent of attention to what Trip had been telling him, yet when they were face to face, when Jolen got to see the grief Tucker was going through, something inside the man had changed. In that moment Jolen realized the truth, but the actions he took afterward… Trip doubted he’d ever get the image out of his mind. They’d been like family once. Once….

How could things change so much? How could two men go from friends, brothers… to enemies? It just seemed so wrong. Trip had once looked to Jolen for guidance. He’d once talked to the man about everything and anything that troubled him, and yet Jolen had turned around after his daughter’s death and sought to destroy Tucker’s life forever. How could he forgive such a thing? Yet how could he forget the past? He hated Jolen for what was done to him, yet in his heart he reminded himself that Jolen was acting on hate and the need for revenge.

Tucker sighed, then stood and walked to the door. He couldn’t do this. He needed to talk to someone… now.

==

T’Pol laid silently in bed going over the recent events that had now drawn to conclusion. Her right hand rested lightly on her stomach where the scar still resided. Phlox hadn’t had much time to begin working on her scar, though the Doctor had told her there wasn’t much he could do for it. It would always be there… a reminder of what Trip had done. Yet the reminder meant nothing to her. Trip truly had done nothing, no matter what her other feelings were. It was illogical to think of her attack as being something Trip did. He did no such thing. He would never hurt her.

T’Pol closed her eyes for a moment as she heard her door chime, alerting her that someone wished to come in. The Vulcan stood and walked to the door, opening it to reveal her visitor. She was momentarily surprised by who stood behind the door at such a late hour, yet she chased the thoughts away, knowing she should have seen this coming. Who could sleep with such horrible events still on the minds of the crew?

Tucker hesitated at her door, unable to look at her. “Doc says with the information Jolen had on his computer he’ll be able to remove the implant Croft used to control me.”

“That is good news.”

Finally Trip looked up at her. “Can I come in?”

T’Pol stepped aside to allow him to enter before walking away from the door as it hissed shut. She stood near the foot of the bed, watching as he looked out her window.

“The Doc said I should talk to someone about what happened, but somehow I guess I just wasn’t ready for that… at least, not with him. I trust Phlox, but I think right now there’s only one person I can even think about talking about this with.”

T’Pol knew Trip relied on her beyond all others. She had helped him with the death of his sister, and gotten him through many restless nights. Even with the uncomfortable air between them she understood why he’d come. T’Pol took a seat on the bed, sliding back so that her back could lean all the way back against the wall. Cautiously she patted the empty space next to her, silently asking him to join her.

Tucker turned around, smiling at her before doing the same, their shoulders touching lightly. “Thanks T’Pol,” he whispered.

“You can always trust me, Trip. I will always be there for you.”

==

After nearly half the night spent talking about Jolen and his feelings, Trip had been emotionally exhausted. Not wanting to be alone he’d asked to stay with her, and together they’d fallen into a deep sleep, both enjoying being in each other’s arms. Tucker was the first to awake, smiling sleepily at how well he’d slept. Captain Archer had give most of the bridge crew the day off after recent events, including Commander Tucker and T’Pol. He could lie next to her for as long as he wanted.

He had to admit to being relieved that he could still rely on her. T’Pol had admitted to him last night that she too was upset at everything that happened. It hadn’t been easy for her to face him after he’d attacked her, but she was Vulcan and could handle emotional stress far better than he. She’d meditated about the feelings and gotten past them with little problem. He, on the other hand, still had a lot to deal with. T’Pol had encouraged him to talk with the Doctor. Perhaps the sessions would help mend some of the mental stress he now had to deal with.

Tucker looked to his right side, noticing T’Pol stir on his shoulder. She was awakening. Finally her eyes opened, her hand slowly stroking his chest. “Mornin’,” he greeted.

“Good morning,” she greeted back before closing her eyes once more. “It is good to awake next to you again.”

Tucker lightly chuckled, always amused at how human she could be at times. Then it came to him that she was far more relaxed than with anyone else. It was something he treasured as being only for him. “Yeah,” he agreed before gently kissing her forehead. T’Pol stared up at him, not even blinking, until finally Trip had to speak up. “What? What is it T’Pol?”

Finally he got his answer as her head came down and her lips smashed into his. Her mouth held him captive, as if she was thirsty after spending a week in the desert, and he could feel his body respond. Before he knew it he lay on his side, his upper body leaning over her as he kissed her. Finally they took a break, each catching their breath. T’Pol helped him remove his shirt quickly as they began their oral exploration once more. Tucker could feel her arms wrap around him as her right leg went up to do the same, locking him in position. He slowly worked on her shirt, unbuttoning the silky material as his lips left her mouth, trailing down her face to suck her left ear into his mouth. T’Pol gasped in pleasure, moaning as she helped him finish unbuttoning the shirt. She situated her body, working to remove the clothing while Trip began to touch her bare skin, his hand trailing down her body.

Tucker had just gotten into the heat of things when his hand felt something on her skin. He sucked in a breath, his head moving down to see what he’d touched just as the mental image of him stabbing her in the chest played over and over in his mind. He could feel the scar under his hand while the actual image of her faded. He could see the green blood on his hands, feel the knife he held pound into her body once more, her face flashing the pain she felt. His entire body tensed, his eyes widening, pushing away from her in a jolt. He jumped out of bed, falling to the floor as he slid to the wall, trying to get as far away from her as he could.

T’Pol frowned as she watched her mate breathe raggedly, his eyes wide. “Trip? What is wrong?”

Tucker shook his head, trying to erase the image before quickly grabbing his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I uh… I gotta go! I can’t… I just uh… I just gotta go. Sorry!” he muttered, not even hearing what he was saying as he stayed away, his eyes not even looking up to see her before he was gone.

T’Pol cocked her head slightly, unsure of what she had done that sent him running out of her quarters. Did she push him too fast? She’d thought the timing right, but one could never know with Trip. T’Pol settled back against the bed, staring at the door. Could their relationship ever go back to the way it was? T’Pol’s head hung low as her logical side spoke the answer. Perhaps not.

Chapter 15 CONCLUSION to "Devil's Advocate"

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Half a dozen of you have made comments

WOW!!! He shot himself! Didnt expect that.
T'pol and Trip just have to work things out, they just have to!! I cant wait for the next chapter!

This story is INTENSE! Can't wait for more! :)

I liked the way Trip talked out what had happened to Sindy with Jolen and got him to see how wrong he had been, using his own hatred of the Xindi to illustrate the point. Ali D :~)

Terrific! But don't leave us hanging too long, and please let them work through it.

More more more! :-D

Wow never really expected Jolen to kill himself like that. I really like the way your'e handling T/T. I hope you don't let us hanging becuase I can't wait unitl you put the next chapters!