Devil's Advocate-Ch 15

Devil’s Advocate

By Triplover

Disclaimer: When I own all this I’ll be sure to go outside and watch the pigs flying cause it’s never gonna happen.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Angst
Rating: R (for violence and other stuff)
Summary: After saving a cargo ship filled with many different species, crewmembers on Enterprise are found dead.

****************************

Chapter Fifteen

A Love That Prevails

Three Days Later…

“I just can’t understand it. For a man so driven he killed an old friend, making him suffer so much, it seemed so strange that I would get through to him. I told him about Lizzie, about the feelings I had when I lost her. It just seemed to reach him. But what worries me most is how I can care so much about a man who forced me to kill three of my friends and tried to make me kill T’Pol! I should hate his guts! I want him dead with every bone in my body… but I don’t! He was my friend. He helped make me who I am. Without him I wouldn’t even be on this ship! Without him… I would have dropped out of Starfleet,” Tucker said, thinking back to all the advice Jolen Croft had given him.

“He was an important part of your life, Commander. It’s not unnatural to feel pain upon seeing an old friend die, even after all your recent experiences. As you said it yourself, he helped make who you have become. In a way you felt as if you owed him for that.”

“I did, Doc! After all the advice, all the times he stuck by me, and all the times he cheered me up when I was feelin’ down… I mean the man pretty much saved my future. I don’t know where I’d be without what he did for me. Hell, I might have been in Florida with my sister gettin’ killed for all I know! I just feel like I shoulda done somethin’. I knew what he was feelin’, Doc. I felt the same way when Lizzie died. I just keep wonderin’… could that have been me if I didn’t get through my feelin’s? When Lizzie died I had people there to help me through! Croft pushed away the two people who could have helped most. When Sindy died he blamed Peter and me for the accident. The hate and sorrow completely consumed him. I could see it in his eyes. It wasn’t him. That wasn’t the man I used to know.”

“Mr. Tucker, Jolen needed someone to blame, and he needed this so badly it eventually changed him. He lost who he was long ago, he forgot the man he’d once been. You had nothing to do with that, just as you had nothing to do with Sindy’s death.”

Trip nodded solemnly. “I just wish so many didn’t have to suffer because of those mistakes I made.”

“Commander, you made no mistake. Sindy’s death was an accident.”

The Commander smiled slightly before looking the Doctor in the eyes. “You’re wrong. I did make a mistake. I knew he needed to blame someone all those years ago when the accident occurred. I saw Jolen when he told me he wouldn’t let me get away with what happened. I should have tried. HE WAS MY FRIEND! I should have tried to help. I shouldn’t have left him alone with those feelings. I could have helped him, but instead I backed away. At least Peter tried to gain Jolen’s friendship back, tried to explain to the man what happened. I did nothin’. Even when Peter urged me to try, knowin’ Jolen would listen to me, I still did nothin’. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t face him. Maybe if I’d helped him through, Peter and his family wouldn’t be dead right now. And I wouldn’t be sittin’ here talkin’ to you about how awful I feel after the last couple of days. I lost so much. I lost a man I used to think of as a brother, I lost three great friends, and what hurts most is… I think I may have lost the thing I cherished most, T’Pol.”

“You should not give up on her yet, Commander. Love will prevail.”

Tucker shook his head, his sorrow as clear as day. “Not this time, Doc. Not this time.” He’d pushed her away, and he knew he couldn’t do it anymore. He tried to kill her, and those images would be with him for the rest of his life. He’d thought he could find a way to be with her. Then the other night he realized the truth. He’d been wrong. It was over between them. They couldn’t go on this way. Finally the engineer smiled. “I should go. I kinda haffta get some sleep since I got an early day tomorrow. Thanks Doc.”

“As always it is my pleasure. Same time tomorrow?”

Tucker stood and walked to the door before turning a little to see the Doctor. “You got it!” he said over his shoulder before exiting. Phlox watched him go before getting to work with feeding his pets. The Doctor wondered if the Commander would ever heal until he and T’Pol talked. He knew the engineer couldn’t do it without T’Pol. He also knew T’Pol would never be able to move on. The two, so different from each other, still needed each other more than anyone ever needed another. There was only so little Phlox could do for Mr. Tucker. The man didn’t just need someone to talk to him. He needed support from someone he trusted. T’Pol was the only person that could help Tucker deal with his problems. Unfortunately, T’Pol was a part of the very problem plaguing Trip. It was true, there were many obstacles in the couple’s way, but Phlox was certain T’Pol would come through. She was, after all, just as stubborn as he was.

==

Jonathan Archer was getting a little tired of it. The first day he’d understood. Trip obviously didn’t want to be with T’Pol after he’d attacked her, and was trying to get through that on his own. So for breakfast, lunch, and dinner he and T’Pol ate alone. At least Trip had gone to the mess hall for food! Then he’d heard that Chef was asked to send his food to Trip’s quarters! Yet still on the second day Archer had let the Commander have his way. He understood how hard this was for him, even if pushing everyone away wasn’t the answer.

Then finally he’d had his fill on the third day when he’d TOLD Trip T’Pol would be eating in engineering because she had a lot of work to do. AND STILL TUCKER TOOK HIS FOOD TO HIS QUARTERS AND ATE ALONE! That was it! That had been the last straw for the Captain. He’d let Tucker do it for breakfast and lunch, but dinner too? No! He was NOT going to let one of his closest friends push everyone away! Trip meant way too much to Jonathan for the Captain to let him do this.

Archer stopped at the door of Trip’s quarters before chiming in. There was a long pause before the Commander answered. “Who is it?”

“It’s Archer,” Jon called through the door.

There was another long pause before Tucker answered. “Come!”

Archer walked in with a sigh, hearing the sound of water in Trip’s bathroom. He must have been in the shower. “Trip?”

“I’ll be right out! Just give me a sec!” Finally the water was shut off and he could hear ruffling in the other room. A few minutes later, Tucker emerged wearing sweat pants and his white undershirt. Trip then sat on the bed to put on his socks and shoes. “So what ya doin’ here, Cap’n?”

Jon frowned. “We’re both off duty, Trip. I know it’s been a while, but you can still call me Jon.” Archer was getting tired of hearing the title Captain everywhere. He’d wanted to ask Trip for a long time to stop doing it, but it never bothered him till today. He wanted to talk to Trip as a friend… not a Captain.

Tucker smiled. “I’ve never really been good with callin’ Cap’ns and Admirals by their first name.”

“Yeah,” Jon whispered, looking to the ground. He should have known. Trip was about as stubborn as T’Pol. No wonder they were so good together…. “Trip, what are you doing?”

Tucker chuckled. “I’m puttin’ on socks from the look of it,” he joked.

Archer shook his head. “No Trip, that’s not what I mean. I mean what are you doing as in, how the hell do you plan on getting through this without your friends?!”

The Commander looked up at his Captain and frowned. “Doc’s been talkin’ with me for an hour each day.”

“He’s just one of your friends. I know what you’re doing, Trip. You are avoiding your friends and I want to know why.”

“Jon… it’s complicated. Jolen was one of my closest friends. Before I even knew who you were my best friends were Jolen Croft and Peter Miller. There was no Jonathan Archer or Malcolm Reed or Travis Mayweather. There was only Jolen Croft and Peter Miller. Those were my friends, the main word being ‘were.’ I just can’t be a friend right now.”

Jonathan frowned. “Peter Miller… I remember you talking about him when he died. You said you weren’t surprised when they said he’d pretty much gone nuts….”

“Peter and I felt responsible for Sindy Croft’s death, and neither of us could imagine doin’ somethin’ like that to Jolen. We both were close to him. We looked up to him. When Sindy died Peter pretty much lost it. At the time he had a wife and two kids. Peter… he just couldn’t get through it. He wouldn’t talk to anybody, even when we were ordered to. When I was told he finally broke, killing his wife and kids as well as others in his family before killin’ himself… I just… I just couldn’t believe it! I always wondered if maybe there was a tickin’ bomb in me too. Could I end up like that? I didn’t believe it for one second… then all this happened and a part of me wondered if maybe I was goin’ crazy.”

“You weren’t… it was Jolen. You said it yourself! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I let that little girl die alone, Jon! Peter may have felt he could have saved her, but I KNEW there was nothin’ I coulda done! It kept me goin’! I got through it because I KNEW the truth! Jolen never did! Neither did Peter! I came out lucky! Peter and his family died! Then Jolen! But I… I made it out alive… with my friends still alive and kickin’! They’re dead, but at least I’m still alive!” Tucker almost shouted angrily.

“Is that why you’re avoiding your friends? Because you feel guilty for surviving?”

Trip stood, looking into his Captain’s eyes. “I should be dead right now! Jolen had the chance to kill me, and instead he killed himself! I always had hope! I found out it was Jolen doin’ this! I fought him in a way Peter Miller never had! Peter Miller turned out just how Jolen wanted him! But not me! I always get through! I was ALWAYS lucky! Dammit, don’t you have any idea how awful it feels?! Just knowin’… others suffered, but you came out fine. The one person in this world that should never feel this way, and everyday I end up feelin’ lucky. I end up makin’ it! In engineering, when the Xindi attacked our ship while we were in the expanse, I was right next to one of the conduits just like Ensign Orlando, yet she was the one who got killed! Not me! I survived! I made it through! I made it through when people like Taylor never even had the chance! When people like Sim end up being the not-so-lucky ones… twice! I’m tired of makin’ it! I’m tired of bein’ one of the ones to make it! I’m tired of feelin’ guilty just because I made it through and no one else did! I’m tired, Cap’n! I’m just too damn tired!”

There was a long pause as Tucker fell back on the bed and the two sat in silence. Finally Archer spoke up, speaking from the heart. “We all felt guilty after the Expanse. I was the Captain. I had to make the choices. You don’t think I feel guilty about what I’ve done? I CHOSE TO LET SIM DIE… so that you could survive. I CHOSE TO TAKE THAT WARP COIL… so that we could complete our mission. I did things that I’m not proud of, and never will be proud of, but I can’t change what happened. Sim died because of my choice. Every day I wondered why I let him die. Did Enterprise really need you to carry out that mission? Or did I just need you to get through? I’ve asked myself that constantly… and I still don’t know the answer. What about those people I stole from? They needed that warp coil to get home and I took it. They could be dead… and I’d never know. Each night I still wonder what ever happened to them. Did they make it? Or did they die trying?”

“You were tryin’ to save billions of lives,” Trip reminded him.

“Who am I to make that choice?! Who am I to choose one life over the lives of my people?!”

“You did what ya had to do.”

“Yeah… I did, but just because I had no choice does not mean it doesn’t still haunt me. I may have saved the world, but at what cost? Trip, it’s taken everything I have to keep going after that, after what I did. I had to make the choice, and I paid for it, but I couldn’t have continued on if not for this crew… if not for my friends. You’re going through a tough time right now, but doing it alone will only make things worse. I suppose that’s how we were made. We need each other. Trip, you don’t have to lean on me to get through, but you do have to lean on someone. You can talk to Phlox till you’re blue in the face, but I think there’s only one person on this ship that will make a difference.”

Tucker’s eyes moved down to the floor, knowing exactly who he was referring to. “I can’t. I can’t face her.”

“When I let Sim die, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to face you. I pushed everyone I cared about, all my friends, away. For a while there I even fell into depression. After the mission was over I tried to get away from my problems, but having someone there for me helped me more than I could even imagine. It wasn’t just talking to that person. It was being comforted. Getting to realize what feelings I had that I hadn’t even known existed. It was about trusting someone else, and letting them see a side of me I didn’t even want to face. Maybe you feel like you can’t face her, but I felt the same way once. Look at me, Trip.” Tucker’s eyes met the Captain’s, and Archer smiled back at his friend. “I’m facing you right now. I’m facing you every moment we talk. I’m facing you every day. I didn’t think I could, but sometimes we never know how strong we are until we try. I once said you were as tough as nails, and I meant it. You are the bravest person I know, and whether you know it or not there are times when I even look up to you. You make me a better Captain every time you give me your strength. I’m proud to call you a friend. All I ask is that you try. Fight, Trip. Show yourself that you can get through this, because we all know you can.” Archer stood and walked to the door before turning back around to look at his friend once more. “T’Pol loves you, Trip. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t even know how it COULD happen, but I can see it in her eyes just as I see it in yours. Talk to her. Trust someone else, the way you trust yourself.”

Trip smiled back at his friend. “Have hope,” he whispered.

Archer nodded once, then finally left the room so that Trip could be alone. Finally Tucker stood and looked out at the stars outside his window. Archer was right. He had to speak with T’Pol. Trip shook his head. “Tough as nails, eh? Guess we’re about to find out…”

==

He’d looked everywhere for her. He’d first checked her quarters, but she hadn’t been home. Then he’d tried sickbay, but there was nothing. Finally he checked the bridge and engineering, but still nothing. By this time he was too tired to try anymore, but there was still one last place he could look. Commander Tucker entered the mess hall and searched the seemingly empty room till his eyes rested on the one figure in the darkness. She was drinking something, probably tea, while looking up out at the stars. “Ya know, you can stargaze in your quarters,” he told her.

T’Pol seemed to almost jump at his sudden presence, but Trip was sure he’d just been seeing things. He walked towards her and folded his arms, smiling. T’Pol looked up at him. “Commander Tucker,” she greeted. He could feel the coldness in her greeting and knew she was upset with him.

Tucker took a seat across from her and sighed. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not quite. I’ve been experiencing a bit of insomnia for the past few days.”

Trip knew her lack of sleep had to do with him. He frowned, hoping he hadn’t hurt her that night he left. “Maybe we should do neuropressure to help you sleep,” he offered.

“I will be fine, Commander. I wouldn’t want you to go through the trouble.” He knew she didn’t mean to sound so harsh, still he couldn’t help but wince at her comment.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble, T’Pol. I uh… I just haven’t been myself lately. I needed a little space to sort through some things, although with the help of a friend I’ve been able to speed things up a bit,” he told her.

“I see.”

Trip ran a hand through his hair and let out another sigh. “Look, I’m sorry for leavin’ you that night. I wanted to be with you, you know I did! I just…”

“You just what, Commander?” T’Pol said, interrupting him.

Tucker glared at her. “I just needed time. You may have gotten through our last little ‘encounter,’ but I haven’t! I tried to kill you, dammit! I love you more than life itself and yet I can’t forget the look in your eyes when I hurt you, feelin’ your blood on my hands. I just panicked. I couldn’t deal with the images and when I felt the scar on your stomach I got a little flashback of what happened. I couldn’t stay there. I needed time to think, to find a way through this before I could face you again.”

“So you avoid me for three days?” she asked.

Tucker bit his bottom lip, trying to find a way to make her understand. “Don’t you have any idea how much I care about you? When I was on Jolen’s ship, there was a moment when Jolen’s gun was pointed in my face. I was sure I was dead meat! Then when I closed my eyes… I could see you. Everythin’ we were together became as clear as day to me. I could see it all. It was like seein’ my life before I die, only instead of seein’ my experiences, all I saw was you. Since I’ve met you I’ve felt alive for the first time, T’Pol. Meetin’ you is the only time I’ve EVER felt alive. I don’t even know how I could have ever been happy without you. For the past few days I’ve felt as dead as a doornail, but I needed time. I needed time before I could face you again, and for a while there I wondered if I could. You may have forgiven me for hurtin’ you, but I haven’t. Maybe I never will. All I know is when I really thought about it… livin’ without you seemed about as nice as livin’ without air to breathe. I need you. It’s as simple as that. Without you… I suffocate and die.”

He could see T’Pol’s eyes water, even if no tears fell. Finally T’Pol stood. Trip followed her lead and watched as she moved towards him, kissing him long and hard. He smiled against her mouth before kissing her back. His arms wrapped around her and he worked to deepen their kiss. When the kiss finally ended their foreheads rested against each other as they both took time to catch their breath. “T’Pol… whose quarters are closest?”

“Yours.”

“Then I think we should go there… now,” he said, letting her hear his desperation as he felt his jumpsuit tighten around the groin area. T’Pol’s eyes widened in surprise before she kissed him once more, then took his hand and led Trip out of the mess hall and down to his quarters. Neither cared who might be in the corridors.

==

Three hours later and the two were more worn out than ever before after sex. Tucker tried to calm his breathing down, before smiling as he realized T’Pol was doing the same. Looks like I still got it. At that he chuckled, holding T’Pol even tighter to him. He’d never been more amazed in his life.

He’d been so afraid to face her… so terrified that it wouldn’t work out, but it had! His fears had been the only thing pushing him away from her… away from T’Pol. This time, when he’d moved his hands over her body he hadn’t felt a scar there, he’d felt her. He focused on her soft skin, taking in the wonderful feeling of her under his body. For a moment everything they’d gone through had seemed to disappear.

He still remembered what he’d done. He still remembered the look of terror in her eyes, the screams and cries for him to stop, and the blood on his hands. He remembered all this, and yet, when he’d made love to her, for one moment in time none of that mattered.

There was only one thing that truly mattered… and that was her.

Trip frowned as he heard his door chime. “Who could that be?” he mumbled to himself. Slowly he got out of bed, hearing the cracks in his body remind him he was no super sex machine. He was going to be feeling this day for a week! Tucker dressed quickly, despite any pain, putting on some sweat pants and a white T-shirt.

He then moved to the door, looking back to make sure T’Pol was covered. He wouldn’t want to wake her at this early hour. Once he was assured that she wouldn’t be bothered, he opened the door to see Malcolm on the other side. “Malcolm? What’re ya doin’ up this early?”

“I came to check on you. The entire crew’s been worried… I’ve been worried.”

“Well ya got nothin’ to worry bout. Everything’s under control,” he said in a whisper, about to close the door when Malcolm stuck out his hand and stopped the door midway.

“Why are you whispering?”

“No reason.”

Reed lifted one eyebrow in amusement. “Really? Trip… you don’t have anyone in here, do you?”

Trip paused. He had two choices. Tell Malcolm T’Pol was asleep in his bed, or lie through his teeth. For some reason he liked the latter better. “Look, I’m tired Malcolm. I just wanna rest and I really don’t feel like explainin’ everythin’ I do to you.”

Malcolm, as usual, simply ignored him. He took a few steps forward then peeked around to see T’Pol in bed, still asleep. Trip sighed, leaning against his wall as he waited for his friend to talk. “No wonder you’re tired,” the Lieutenant teased. “I guess everything’s under control then.”

“Good, then that means you can leave.”

Malcolm chuckled heartily. “Yes I guess I should leave you alone. After all, when she wakes up she may need… your magic fingers.”

“Malcolm!” Trip snapped, still whispering. “Will you get outta here?!”

The lieutenant simply turned before looking over his shoulder, a twinkle in his eye. “I’ll see you in a few hours. Oh, and… I’d take a look at that neck if I were you. I don’t think it would be such a good idea to walk around the ship with bite marks all over your body. Just think of the rumors….”

Trip’s eyes widened as his frown grew, and a blush of red seeped up into his face. Well, at least things are back to normal, Tucker….

==

Daniels smiled calmly as he walked back and forth in the small dark room. His best servant stood nearby watching. “What now?”

“Now… we have nothing to lose.”

“What is your plan?”

“I’ll need time… and most certainly I’ll need friends to create it. My people will need this technology, but time is no matter when you can control it. It’s time I make a deal. Jolen and Sim were too weak to carry out my mission, but this time there will be no failure.”

“Master?” the man before him questioned.

Daniels finally stopped pacing and looked up at his servant. “The Federation is too peaceful to want to take over the universe, but there are two who would find ruling over the galaxy worth the fight.” A smile appeared on his devilish face as the plan began to form. “It’s time we make a Federation of our own.”

The servant smiled back, finally understanding. “And what of… him?”

Daniels turned to look at the man tied up in the darkest corner of the room. “Once my will is complete he and all that came before him will be gone. The Federation will be in ruins, and my people will finally have the upper hand! They have refused us for too long! He has refused us for too long. Now they will all pay the price. I will not leave until they suffer what we have been through! While we suffered from their meddling they lived in prosperity! If not for them the Terran Empire would have triumphed!” Daniels walked over to the man and pulled his face up into the light. “My dear counterpart. I’m afraid you will not get the chance to see your people suffer as I have, because you will never exist. Your ancestor, Commander Tucker, will be gone, and soon his future along with it. There will be no Federation, because I will crush them! All of them! They will know what I have seen, what my people have seen, and finally know the suffering my universe has endured. The Mirror Universe, as you call it, will finally see peace, while your universe suffers in darkness!”

The other man carrying his face stared back at him, his fear showing through as he spoke. “Try all you want. You won’t succeed. You may have fooled everyone in believing that you are me, but you will never be me! You won’t get away with this.”

Daniels smiled, chuckling faintly. “I AM YOU… Daniels. The you… that is far better than anything else you could ever imagine. My family has survived through everything thrown its way, and now we will finally have OUR revenge! Your Kirk’s first officer Spock destroyed my people, Daniels! Now I will destroy yours!”

The End

A/N: That’s right I left you with a cliffhanger! I’m the writer and I can do whatever I like! But don’t worry about it, because the last and final story in this little trilogy will be on it’s way VERY soon. I want to finish this story before the season ends. Look for Joint Wars which will be the last story’s title! I’d also like to thank everyone who has stayed with me through this story, which I kinda had to do to get to the last one. Anyway, thanks! And much thanks to DAK for being such a great beta and also thanks to Peter for encouraging me to continue with this story! Thanks guys! :D Now I know you guys are pretty upset about Enterprise leaving, but I just want to assure you… I promise to finish this story out with a bang! ;)

The story continues in Joint Wars

Return to Chapter 14

Back to Fan Fiction Main Menu

Have a comment to make about this story? Do so in the Trip Fan Fiction forum at the HoTBBS!

A whole mess of folks have made comments

Evil, evil cliffhanger. Grrr!

This was really good apart from the evil cliffhanger!

EXcellent cliffhanger! v. interesating! Looking forward to the next story!

Bout time, they shacked up proper!
Loved this whole story, and the first one two. I cant wait till the next one comes out. Gee who will be the next Evil bad guy that MU Daniels sicks on Trip?

So glad that Trip and T'Pol are back together. I loved Malcolm checking on Trip and finding out that everything was indeed alright (chuckle). And the twist at the end was brilliant. Well done, Ali D :~)

Damn - I had forgotten all about Daniels - cool twist!

*impressed whistle* That was GOOD! WD, WD. :)

Damn, that was good! You evil little vixen with your cliffhanger from hell...LOL. Can't wait ;-)

That's so evil. Nice MUAHAHAH!

I think that's one of the best stories I've ever read !!!!

So that's why Daniels is so evil! Brilliant! I never would have thought of that. Looking forward to the next one!