His Mask

His Mask

By Triplover

Rating: R for Romance and whatever else it has in here!
Disclaimer: I'm makin' no money off of this! Just doing it for fun. It's all yours paramount, forever and always!
Summary: Trip begins to feel depression set in after what happened to his sister and then to Sim, his clone, and it's T'Pol who realizes why.

Feedback: fantasylite@aol.com... please, tell me how ya liked it!!!! And I'd be happy to hear any advice you guys have for future stories!

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Trip Tucker walked into the empty mess hall. No one in sight, just how he liked it. Slowly he walked to the windows, he could get a better view than before in his quarters. The stars glowed out the window, and into the mess. It was nice, comfortable. Slowly he walked to get something to eat, then went back to a table near the window. Watching stars. It never got old. He was never tired of looking at those brilliant little lights outside hanging on nothing. So many worlds next to those lights, so many lives. Trip remembered now just what he was out here for, he went into Starfleet for one reason, and one reason only. To see every one of those lights, and find out what was beyond them. As a child back on earth he loved swimming; he was always diving in the Keys--or just swimming… it didn't matter--he just loved to swim. He taught his sister how to swim, how to dive. Lizzie had always been pretty good at swimming… but it was Trip who had shown her how it was done… she had already figured out how to do it… but he was the one who showed her how to do it right.

He missed her. He missed her so very much. But he knew there was really nothing he could do but wait, hope that they found the weapon in time and hoped no one else had to suffer like his sister had because of this stupid temporal cold war. He just didn't get it. Why kill so many people who had done nothing wrong? It didn't make sense, and Trip found it hard to swallow. How could someone be so heartless?

Suddenly Trip heard the doors open and Subcommander T'Pol walk in. He suppressed a groan as he realized what she was in the mess hall for. Slowly she walked towards him. He looked up at her then back down at his plate as he moved some food around to make it look like he'd eaten some of it. Then he put on a smile.

"Hiya T'Pol! Whatcha doin' here?" He asked her. She sat across from him at his table.

"I came here to find you." He grinned at her, although he really didn't feel like grinning all that much.

"Ahhh, ya do care!" he said jokingly. He knew if he pushed the right buttons she'd leave him alone. And he knew her well enough to know which button's to press.

"You did not come to your session today." she reminded him. He shrugged.

"Sorry, I had work to do. Ya know how it is, busy, busy, busy! All in the day of the life of a chief engineer!" He told her, lied to her. He hadn't been busy, he just didn't come. He didn't feel like coming… he just wanted to sit in his quarters on his bed and think. He was doing a lot of that. Ever since the doctor woke him up from that coma and he heard what happened, he just didn't feel like doing anything but his job.

"I did not see you in engineering." she told him. Again he shrugged.

"That's because I wasn't there. But it doesn't mean I wasn't busy. I'm in charge of takin' care of the whole ship, not just engineerin'." he said, once again lying to her. He kept his head down, looking at his food as he shoved mashed potato's into his mouth.

"Are you free now?" She asked him. Finally he looked but at her.

"Uh, I'm kinda eatin' at the moment Sub-Commander."

She raised an eyebrow at him. Her eyes were shining as he saw some of the stars outside shine down on her face, it was beautiful. Her features were soft, elegant. Perfection. Her eyes were sharp, yet brilliant. It was funny, they were just brown, yet somehow she made brown the most beautiful eye color he'd ever seen. He wasn't sure how.

"Obviously, I meant after you finished with your food." She told him. He moved back in his chair, swallowing the rest of the mashed potatoes.

"Uh… I'm kinda tired. I was just gonna get some rest." he lied. He was lying to her left and right. He hated to do it… but knew he had to. He wasn't about to hurt her feelings, and even if she was Vulcan, she had feelings; they were just hidden by her Vulcan discipline. T'Pol cocked her head slightly.

"Mr. Tucker, are you… avoiding me?" She asked him. He shook his head the second he heard the words come out from her lips.

"T'Pol, I just feel tired, that's all!" He assured her. She raised her chin. He could see she was bothered by something, but at the moment he didn't really want to know what was bothering her. He just wanted to be alone. If only for a minute. Wasn't it enough that he had to be around people at work? Couldn't he just be alone? He was tired of people asking him how he was doing. If he was ok. He was tired of hearing about how sorry they were about Sim's death and how it wasn't his fault. He didn't want to hear it anymore! And more than that, he was tired of hearing them talk about how sorry they were that Lizzie was dead. Didn't they get it? Lizzie was gone, and now so was Sim. And each time he was unable to do a thing about it! Who knew who else could die on this mission? T'Pol, the captain, Hoshi, Malcolm, Travis, Phlox? Any of them could be gone and Trip wouldn't be able to do a thing about it… and that made him sick to his stomach. The very fact that he was helpless. Slowly he got up with his tray and threw away the food left on his plate; he wasn't hungry anymore. T'Pol stood next to him but when he was about to leave, she blocked the door stopping him from leaving.

"You are upset." she pointed out. Trip rolled his eyes.

"And you’re annoying. T'Pol get out the way! I'm tired, I don't feel like playin' games with ya tonight. All I want is ta go do bed and forget. Ya got that? Now move!" He shouted. Once again T'Pol's eye brow raised. He could see it in her eyes; she was worried about him. Slowly he moved back; he knew he couldn't move her out of his way. She was stronger than he. and he was sure that she wasn't just gonna let him go. "What do ya want from me? Huh? What? You wanna see me upset? Is that it? Well here ya go! I'm upset!"

"You keep many things hidden. You smile to hide your frown." She told him. He felt his eyes water, but nothing escaped them; he wasn't going to let a single tear fall. He'd never let himself become so weak as to cry. He had to be strong. He always had to be strong.

"So? You do the same thing! Hide all your emotions under that Vulcan discipline. Why shouldn’t I do the same?" he asked her.

"Because, you can not control your feelings. They can hurt you if they are held in." She explained. But he wouldn't have it.

"That's crap and you know it! I'm just fine! I'm perfectly fine! In fact I was better than fine until you showed up and got me angry!" He shouted. But she didn't flinch; she didn't move at all. She only looked at him, her eyes studying his face.

"You wear a mask to make people think you are okay. But I see through that mask. You are not okay. And your anger is not because of me. It is because you are simply angry. You use anger and hate to hide your feelings of loss and pain." But he wouldn't give up so easily. He shook his head.

"You have no idea! You think you know me so well! But ya don't! And you never will!

"I saw Sim grow up. I saw him live. He kept it in too. I could see it. Even as a child, he kept everything he felt to himself. He was you. He acted just as you would. I saw you as a child. You smiled, you laughed. But I could see more inside you, him." T'Pol took a step closer to him, he took one back, keeping the distance between them. "Humans… are so strange, so fragile. Yet so… completely hard to understand. You keep everything in, yet it does not help you… it only hurts you further. Why? Why do this?"

Trip felt his body tense as he sat down. Feeling his eyes drop to look at the floor as his mind traveled back to the days he'd spent with his little sister, the days they'd laugh, yell at each other, then the days they would just spend having fun. He looked up at T'Pol, who now had moved a chair to face him. "Because, we'd rather be tortured than face the fact that we're hurt." He almost whispered.

She cocked her head. "Why?"

He let out a long sigh. He didn't want to say anymore. He just wanted to leave, to crawl into some hole somewhere and die. But he knew he couldn't, and that was the worst feeling he ever had. "T'Pol… how do you do it? How do you keep things from hurting you?" He finally asked her. Her eyes looked down now. Then back up at his.

"I do not. I feel… hurt. I feel loss. I was simply trained to deal with these emotions in a way you have not."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh come on T'Pol! Nothin' affects you! I've never seen you upset! I've never seen you hurt! Not once! Nothin' affects you!"

"No! You’re wrong. When you… were hurt… and the captain told me what happened… told me that you may die… it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to hear. No one may have seen how I felt, but it was there… the fear… of losing you… the fear of losing someone I cared for."

Trip felt his eyes go wide. "What? But… but… Archer told me you were against creating the symbiote! Why?"

"I knew what would happen. He'd grow, he'd live with the crew… he would be just like you in every way. When Sim looked of the age of seventeen… I worked with him. He was a lot like you. I knew him… I worked with him. I saw how he felt. And then, as he grew older, he remembered our sessions together, the time we spent together… it was like you were there." He had trouble believing her, but he knew she wouldn’t lie to him. "Every night, I would walk into sickbay while the doctor was away, and see you lying there. You couldn't even breath on your own. And I couldn't help but think… 'this isn't possible'… 'he has to be ok'. But you weren't… and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that you were fine… I knew you weren't. It was not logical that you could be. It was..difficult… to see you lying there, knowing that… that… you were on the verge of death."

Trip moved his hand on hers, as he watched her trying to keep her discipline… even as he knew it was slipping. Slowly she regained her control, though he could still see her eyes tearing. "I had no idea."

"You… you can't keep it in. You can't keep everything that you feel to yourself. I remember a time when you were a lot …happier. You laughed… and it was all real. Now your laughter is forced… you are not the same."

He shook his head once again. "And I never will be. Not after all this. Not after losing my little sister. Not after knowing that someone else gave up his life just so I could live. T'Pol, things will never be the same again. I'm not the same." . Their eyes locked.

Slowly he moved his hand to her cheek, as he wiped a tear that had escaped her eye. She was just as… 'fragile' as he was. He knew that now. With a smile he moved toward her and they hugged. His arms wrapped around her, as her arms went around his neck. In that moment he realized that she had been right. He needed someone, someone to talk to. And he knew she was the only one he could do it with, the only one he felt comfortable talking to.

Because, he loved her.

"T'Pol… I can't promise that things will go back to normal… but I can promise you one thing." He told her as they broke away. She cocked her head slightly, questioning him.

"What?"

"That from now on… with you… the mask stays off." he smiled tiredly at her. She didn't smile back, but he could see a hint of a smile there, inside her. And just like that, he felt her lips press against his. Felt the tension between them deflate and felt a charge being created by the touch of their lips. And when they broke, he knew only one thing. Nothing would stay the same, and that life was better off that way. He looked deep into her eyes, seeing her emotions as clear as day now. Everything made sense. "T'Pol."

"Yes?"

"I… I love you." He whispered to her. He could feel the heat between them grow as her eyes shown back the love he had for her.

"I know." She told him, and at that he knew she felt the same way, she didn't have to say it. He could see it. Her Vulcan mask had melted away just as his had. He could see everything now. Foremost her love. Slowly he again moved towards her, their lips touched, this time harder. He held her close to him, not wanting to let go, for fear that he'd wake up from a dream and once again would be alone. But he knew it was real. It was all real. Once again they broke. "Perhaps you'd like to come to my quarters for that session now."

He looked at her in confusion. "Session?" He asked, then realized just what she wanted. "Oh right… yeah… I think that's a good idea." He agreed. They stood and hand in hand walked out of the mess hall. No one was around, and their hands did not break apart. Together they walked to her quarters, where they found themselves prisoner to passion. As clothes were thrown to the floor, then undergarments, and finally there was nothing to fling. He took her in his arms gently. Falling to her bed, he allowed himself to pleasure her, and allowing her to pleasure him. Till his climax came, and he felt his body arch into hers, felt her warm body against his and her soft skin caress his. Sweat dripped off his face, as he finally fell on her, breathing so hard he could hear nothing else. Then he looked into her. He slipped over to her side, both now naked, yet both not caring to move. They wrapped their arms around each other and just lay there. Looking into each other's eyes. Until a smile appeared on his lips.

"What?" She whispered. He felt the smile grow as he looked at her.

"I was just thinkin'." he whispered back to her.

"Thinking of what?" .

"Thinking of just how beautiful you are. And how much things will change after this." She nodded in agreement. Then slowly moved she closer to him, kissing him. When they broke away he moved the covers over them then chucked to himself. "Well, I think we can officially write this down as the best session we've had… ever!" He added and with that they laid there, in each others arms, until they both fell asleep. But to him, all that mattered was the fact that they were together. They were finally together. And he couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring.

The End

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Half a dozen of you have made comments

Oh, that was really lovely, what a wonderful ending.

Great follow-up. Sad and wonderful at the same time.

Lovely:)

This was very good, I liked the way it was not very easy for Trip to open up but once the ball got rolling between them it all played out to good effect. His mask was all well and good but you also showed that T'Pol was wearing one too. Well done and thanks, Ali D :~)

I am jumping with joy! Great story.

I somehow just really like the Trip and Lizzy stories. I can't stop reading them or writing them. The loss was so powerful, more so than the losses in any of the any other Star Trek series. And Sim, the same - very sad. Why? I don't know. Might be the quality of the acting. Trip and T'Pol's relationship take the edge off the loss though, as you have so nicely written.