Love and Loss - Pt 4

Love and Loss

By Triplover

Disclaimer: I own nothin’… and it sucks.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After a very dangerous mission Varen Tucker returns home but is not prepared for what will come next.

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Part Four

T’Pol walked in to see Trip, Jonathan and Jennifer looking at her. Trip stood and walked over to her a question in his eyes. “He… says he will be back tomorrow for the reunion.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes and let out a sort laugh. “Yeah, I’ll bet he is.” At that she left for her room.

Archer let out a groan. “Be right back, guys….” He muttered and then followed Jennifer to her room.

Trip looked up at his wife and frowned. “What the hell’s gotten into Varen?”

“He is in love… but he is afraid of these feelings.”

Trip shook his head. “He’s never been afraid of them before. Why now?”

T’Pol frowned along with her husband. “I do not know… it felt as if he was holding something else back. There must be more to this than his fear of his emotions. He is afraid of something.” Trip stood and began walking to the door. “And just where are you going, husband?”

“I’m gonna find Varen. When Archer comes back, tell him I went to find Varen and I’ll be back soon,” Trip said before opening the door and leaving.

T’Pol stood alone and looked back at Jennifer’s room then at the door where Trip had left. This day was getting worse every second.

==

“You okay?”

Jennifer looked up at her father and wiped away tears. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m a good actor.”

“No offense honey, but you really aren’t.”

Jennifer smiled just as more tears fell. Her father almost ran to her side and held her close to him. She moved her arms around her father and held him tightly. “I miss him, Dad. I miss what we had together. I miss what we were to each other.”

“I know sweetie… I know. To tell you the truth I kinda missed that too. I know when I first found out about you two I didn’t quite act… like I approved but when I saw how much he loved you.”

“I loved him just as much. I just don’t understand what happened.”

“I don’t think even he knows that,” Jonathan muttered with a sigh.

Jennifer’s smile returned and she moved slowly from her father’s grasp. “I’m too old for this.”

Her father brushed more tears from her eyes and looked her in the eyes. “You’re never too old to get your heart broken sweetheart. I know when your mother died it almost killed me. I kept thinking about the first day we met… her driving me crazy… the feeling I had of wanting to strangle the woman if she complained just one more time about the accommodations on the Enterprise.”

Both Jennifer and Jonathan laughed. “She always did enjoy getting under people’s skin.”

“Well she certainly got under mine! But she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever saw… and when I realized I loved her it hit me harder than I could have ever imagined. All I wanted to do was die when I found out about the accident.”

“She died doing what she loved… biology was her first love… next to you of course.”

Jonathan chuckled. “I suppose so, but if I could have asked for anything… it would have asked to see her one last time. My last word to her was… ‘goodbye’ but I never thought it would be forever. I still miss her everyday. You look so much like her too, just seeing you make me think of her.”

“Yeah… I wish I could have known her better… I hardly remember her now.”

“I was scared when my memory of her began to fade too… scared the hell outta me. But even if I forgot her entirely she’d always be in my heart just as she’s in your heart. Don’t worry about Varen. I think he just needs to figure a few things out right now.”

Jennifer nodded. “I think it’s about time I do the same.”

==

Trip smiled when he saw his son. Always headed to the beach that boy. If there were ever a place he’d want to come to think it would be the beach… just like his old man. Trip still remembered when he was younger living in Florida coming to the beach near his house every time he needed some peace and quiet. “I thought I’d find you here.”

His son turned around to look at him and half smiled… though the smile seemed fake somehow. “You know me too well father.”

Trip chuckled and stood beside him. “I used to come to the beach near my house when I was younger… the sounds of waves crashin’… the smell of the ocean… feelin’ the sand between your toes. What could be more comfortin’? Now this was my meditation growin’ up.”

Varen nodded. “Father… I am scared.”

“Oh?”

“I cannot be with Jennifer… even if it is what my heart wants.”

Trip moved his hand to his son’s shoulder and kept his eye on the waves before him. “I have a feelin’ it’s not just emotion ya fear when it comes to Jennifer.”

“I could not stand losing her. She’s still alive now and the very thought of not being with her hurts more than I can take. How could I ever deal with things if she died?”

“Who’s talkin’ bout dyin’ son?”

“Vulcans live two hundred years… humans can barely make it to a hundred. I could not bear losing her.”

Trip smiled and shook his head. “Is this what all that was about? The fact that you’ll live longer than her?”

“Yes… it was the reason I felt it logical to break up with her… I do not want to feel such pain. It frightens me how much I love her. She’s smart, kind, loving and so very wise. She understands Vulcans more than most humans ever could and she respects our cultures. She even learned to meditate just so we’d have something to discuss together.”

“You love her and she loves you. Nothin’ else should matter.”

“I do not want to lose her, Father.”

Trip turned to look his son in the eye. “You know, when your mother and I started datin’ we had a conversation about the fact that she’d live way longer than me. She was pretty scared too about how attached she was to me… she couldn’t see a life without me… just as I couldn’t see a life without her. But the fact is there’s always a chance that someone you love could die. Hell I could die this very second god forbid! Your mother could die just as fast and leave me all alone too. You could be killed in a mission and die leavin’ Jennifer. Or Jennifer could die and leave you. That’s why ya gotta take advantage of what ya do have now. She’s here now… she’s not dead yet son. That’s all that matters. I know it’s scary to think about it but you can’t let it get to you like this. You’ll find a way to live without her if she does happen to die… and even if ya don’t… you never know how you’ll deal until it happens. You can’t just ignore how you feel.”

“Vulcans do it all the time.”

“What about Jennifer, Varen? What about her feelings? She loves you! You can’t just ignore that! You’re hurtin’ her! If you really care you wouldn’t do that to her!”

“I do care about her!” Varen fought.

“Then what ya doin’ here, son?” his father asked him.

Varen smiled as the realization hit him. He loved her… he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t hurt her like this. He couldn’t hurt himself like this. Varen needed her. He had to talk to her. Explain why he did what he did… and hope that she would forgive him for his blindness. “Thanks father.”

“Go kiddo… go talk to her.”

Varen nodded and began to walk away back to Archer’s house.

TBC….

Part 5

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A handful of people have made comments

run you fool run back to her right now!!!

good story:-) can't wait for the next part

I like this, could see that conversation on the beach though I would have liked Trip and Varen to hug before he ran off to put right what ain't broke yet. Ali D :~)

Good story. You would think Varen would have had enough sense to ask T'Pol her feelings; knowing she would someday outlive Trip. Dopey kid :) I trust he'll more than make up for his foolishness. Looking forward to your next posting.

I'm seeing Jennifer resisting this conversation, because she's tired of getting hurt. Hmmm, good luck Varen. Great update.