Reflection-Ch 10

Reflection

By Triplover

Disclaimer: I don’t own a thing.
Rating: R
Summary: Trip must face some old demons when a friend from the past reappears asking to stay on Enterprise as a member of the crew.
A/N: If you’ve ever seen “The Count of Monte Cristo” you’ll notice a few small parallels. Okay folks; be happy because you get your conversation between Trip and T’Pol! Yay! This is a long chapter, that’s why I couldn’t put it in chapter nine. But I give it to you now so enjoy!

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Chapter Ten

When everyone had exited the situation room leaving Trip and the Captain alone Archer spoke, “you want to tell me why the hell you just asked me to sacrifice your life in place of Sim?” asked Archer. Jonathan knew the reason why Trip wanted to do this, because it was the same reason Jonathan had let Sim aboard in the first place. Guilt. He just had to hear the engineer say it; he needed to hear his friend say it.

“Because it was the right thing to do,” Trip said in a whisper.

Archer folded his arms and frowned. “That’s why? You’re giving up everything because it’s right?” he asked.

Trip nodded not saying a word.

Archer smiled and walked over to Trip. “I know we haven’t been as close as we usually are but I know you well enough to tell when you’re lying.”

Trip shook his head before turning around to leave the room. The captain hesitated unsure if he should press his old friend further or not. For too long he hasn’t pressed him enough and their friendship had suffered because of it. There were so many times when he could have asked Trip what was going on in the past. His thoughts went straight to the anger he’d shown Degra while he’d been on board. He’d hated Degra for what the man had done and Archer never even thought to ask him what was going on. Of course he knew it had to do with his sister but he should have talked to him, let Trip talk about his feelings. Instead he chose to lean on someone else to help him through. The only thing Jonathan had done was pretty much tell him to shut it up. “Trip!”

Trip slowly came to a stop in front of the door and turned to look at his captain. “Yes sir?”

“We can’t keep walking away from each other. If there’s even a small chance for our friendship to be like it was then I need to know what’s on your mind.”

Trip glared at him. “Our friendship could never be like before. We’ve both changed too much, I mean look at us, Cap’n!” Trip stopped right there and let out a sigh, his anger going with him. “I will always respect you, Cap’n, you have my loyalty and no matter what happens to our friendship you are my commanding officer and I trust your judgment.”

Archer exhaled. “You trust my judgment, but not enough to let me know what’s going on? You want me to let you go kill yourself because of guilt! You have nothing to feel guilty about, you did nothing wrong. If anyone is responsible for what happened to Sim it’s me.”

“Cap’n-“

Jonathan didn’t let him speak. He was tired of this. “If you want to go on that mission you’ll give me a reason for me to say ‘yes.’ Talk to me Trip.”

“There’s nothin’ to talk about,” the engineer fought.

“I think there damn well is Trip! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” At Trip’s roll of the eyes Archer let out a sigh. “I know that’s my fault, we haven’t talked to each other for a while now other than about ship’s business but I’m not about to lose our friendship for good. It can be like before, but it takes two to tango Trip. I can’t fix our relationship on my own. I need help. You’re one of my closest friends, and I don’t want to ever lose that.”

Trip smiled at his captain. “You know why I want this mission. You said it yourself.”

Archer nodded in agreement. “Yes I do, but I want to hear what you have to say. I want to hear your reason.”

Trip paused and looked anywhere else but into his captain’s eyes. “Because the last time Sim was here he gave up his life to save me. I know for a fact that he didn’t want to but he did it anyway. He did it for Lizzie. You said it yourself when we talked about him, remember? I do, because it was the day I opened my eyes for the first time in days to see you standing over me. Phlox told me what Sim did and you told me why. He did it for my sister, our sister.”

“Is that the only reason?” Archer asked.

Trip shook his head ‘no’. “There is no one reason, Cap’n. There’s hundreds of reasons all rolled up into one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“Sim should live, he deserves to live. And this time I can stop him from giving up something he never even should have given up the last time. Bottom line is its wrong for him to give up his life just like it was wrong when you created him. You ended his life, I never asked you to do that. I never would have wanted you to do that. He’s just now got a life. I won’t let him sacrifice it again. I won’t let another person die because of me,” Trip told his captain.

Jonathan frowned when he looked into his chief engineer’s eyes. “What’s happened to you?”

Trip smiled, but the smile was so cold that it sent a shiver down Jonathan’s spine. “I’ve tried to get over it, to ignore the guilt but I can’t. Sim NEVER did anything wrong! He never made the mistakes I did, just like that cogenitor. You remember her don’t you?”

“This is about her?”

“No it’s not, it’s about Sim bein’ in the same boat as that cogenitor. All she wanted is a life, the kind of life she had wasn’t real! She wanted more and she never got it! If it weren’t for me she never would have learned what I opened her mind to and she never would have killed herself. Sim’s alive and I know all he wants is to live but he can’t! He can’t because of me! I couldn’t save that cogenitor but I can save Sim. I can do things right for a change. I’ve caused two deaths already; I can’t let it happen again. I just can’t, Cap’n. He deserves to live. Ever since Sim got here your guilt has been showin’ just as plain as the nose on your face. You do anythin’ and everythin’ to in some way pay back what you took from him. I’m only tryin’ to do the same thing. He deserves at least that much,” Trip told Jonathan.

Archer was becoming desperate. It would be so easy just to say no and leave it at that. He was the Captain; he didn’t have to listen to Trip. He didn’t have to say yes, but their relationship was in pieces, if he said no he feared the pieces would never be put back together. He didn’t want to lose his friendship with Trip. He couldn’t let it die. “What about your family? They’ve lost one child; do they deserve to lose another?”

“They’ll be fine,” was Trip’s only answer.

“Are you so sure about that Trip? You told me yourself that it was a huge blow to them when they lost Lizzie. You said you were beginning to wonder if they’d ever get over her death. You said it wasn’t right for the child to die before the parent, that’s how they felt Trip! You! You said that! And now you’re asking me to let another child die before them. Now you’re asking me to let another one of their children die when they haven’t even gotten over the first one’s death!”

Trip took a step back shaking his head. “No! I’m askin’ ya to do what’s right! This isn’t about my family. They have two more kids, Cap’n, they have a strong family and I know they’d be fine. When Lizzie died they had nothing! All they had was a memory of a woman they were so very proud of. Everyone was proud of her. I was proud of her, she was doin’ great, livin’ on her own. She had her whole life right in front of her and when she died there was nothin’ left! We’d lost her and we got nothin’ back,” Trip looked his Captain in the eye, Trip’s blue eyes were shinning with a passion Archer had only seen a few times coming from his chief engineer. “It wouldn’t be the same now. After the Xindi attack I told them about Sim. If I take this mission they wouldn’t be losing me.”

“Do you really think they’d accept Sim? He isn’t there son!”

“Your right, he isn’t,” Trip agreed. “But he is me. He might not have everything I have but at least there would be somethin’ left. At least when I’m gone they’d know a part of me was still here.”

Archer knew then that he’d lost. Trip was determined. He wanted, needed to do this and nothing was going to stand in his way. “Your asking me to kill you,” Archer said, his voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Trip smiled. “No, Cap’n, I’m askin’ you to save someone’s life. I’m askin’ you to make a choice. When you created Sim you knew where it would lead, you were creating a livin’ bein’ for spare parts for god’s sakes. Don’t tell me it didn’t keep you up at night because I know it did. You’re not a murderer. You’re a good man and I’m beggin’ ya here. I understand that you didn’t have a choice then. You had to do what you had to do. I know you wanted to save me. I’m grateful for what you did but you have a chance just like I do, to make things right. You had no choice then but now you do.”

Archer smiled as he was reminded of a poem his father used to read him. His father had always wanted him to learn how to make the right choices. It had been important that his son know right and wrong. It had also been important that his son realize how hard making those choices could be.

Two roads diverge in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

~Robert Frost

Jonathan had a choice now, two roads stood before him and he was being forced to choose. His mind moved at full speed as he thought of what his choices would mean, of what life would be like with each choice. He’d heard that poem so many times growing up. And in all that time he’d never understood it because he never tried to understand. It was just another one of his father’s big speeches about life. Now he was that traveler, now he had a choice to make, two roads stood before him and two lives depended on his answer. He tried to believe that maybe there was a way out.

A third road that would save both lives without him having to choose but when in life were things that simple? He had to pick now, he had to make a choice and live with the consequences of that choice. It was then that he realized there was only one answer he could give, only one choice he could make, because he knew just as Trip did that it was the right choice, the only choice.

Silence filled the room for a long time before Archer could find his voice. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Trip asked in confusion.

“The mission’s yours.”

Trip gave for the first time in a while a genuine smile. “Thank you, Cap’n.”

Archer nodded then looked down at the floor before closing his eyes. He could hear his friend’s footsteps as he left the situation room, the sound of the doors hissing open and closed. He was finally alone. Archer looked back up at the door. He might have been making the biggest mistake of his life by saying ‘yes’ but he’d be making an even bigger one if he said ‘no’. Trip needed to do this and Jonathan knew he couldn’t stand in the engineer’s way, not this time. He’d made his choice; he just hoped he could live with it.

==

Trip had never felt so many conflicting emotions. The captain had said ‘yes.’ Sim wouldn’t have to die. Finally the guilt he’d felt for so long would be gone, but with his relief came sadness, a deep sadness that put such pressure on his chest that he was unable to breath. There was only one person in his life that could make the pain leave. When his sister died he’d tried to ignore the dark cloud over him. He tried to ignore the sorrow that was so overwhelming, swallowing him whole. But no matter what he couldn’t escape. He was drowning, dying with no hope of ever leaving the depression that surrounded him whether he was asleep or awake.

She saved him, pulled him up out of the darkness and into a light he’d never seen before. T’Pol had done so much for him. And now he would never see her again. It was hard to imagine not being able to wake up and see her. He’d be leaving the only woman he ever loved and the realization was like a knife to his heart. He had to see her. The events of days before meant nothing now. It didn’t matter who she loved. It didn’t matter anymore because soon he’d be dead. This was his last chance to make things right, a chance that would never come again.

Trip stopped at her quarters and pushed her buzzer. He heard her shout for him to come in and he opened the door. Once he was inside he saw T’Pol standing at the window.

“What did the Captain say?”

Trip smiled. “He said yes. I’ve got the mission.” Trip’s chest tightened at the sight before him. T’Pol’s shoulders slumped and her head fell at his answer. Needing to see her face, Trip slowly walked over to her turning her to face him before placing his fingers under her chin and lifting up her head so he could look into her eyes. “It’s the right thing to do T’Pol.”

“You did nothing wrong. If anything it is the Captain that is accountable, not you. You were in a coma; there was nothing you could have done. How is it the right thing to do?” she asked him.

It hurt so badly to see her so upset. He’d only seen her like this a few times and each time it took everything he had not to cry. “I’m sorry T’Pol but I had to. I couldn’t let Sim give up his life again. When I was taken out of my coma and I found out what happened and I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t right T’Pol and you know it. I understand why the cap’n did what he did but that didn’t make Sim’s death right. I may not be accountable but the cap’n doesn’t look exactly like Sim. I do, he’s my clone and whether I asked for what happened or not, he’s partly my responsibility. You didn’t wake up in that bed, knowin’ that someone gave up their life, someone you never even met! And then to go to his funeral, realizing how real that clone was. He lived, he breathed, and he was a human being. And he had to die because of me. I guess I never got over it. I mean, it was like lookin’ at my own funeral. To see my face, my body in that casket, how can anyone get that imagine out of their mind? I know it’s hard to believe T’Pol but I’ve always been good at keepin’ things in, at least the things worth hidin’. I’ve kept these feelings in too long. I’ve kept a lot of feelings in too long. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry T’Pol. But this is somethin’ I got to do. I need you to understand that. T’Pol, you’re the only one right now that truly matters to me and I need you to understand how important it is for me to do this. For him and for me,” he said slightly repeating the words he’d spoken to the captain earlier.

T’Pol looked into his eyes as she blinked back tears. Then finally she moved her hand behind his head and pulled him towards her for the most sensuous kiss he’d ever had in all of his life. The two kissed like that for a long time. When they broke apart Trip smiled down at her. “I couldn’t ask for a better goin’ away present T’Pol….”

That was what sent the tears down her face. Trip was surprised to see them but didn’t hesitate to wipe the tears away. “Hey, everything’s gonna be okay T’Pol.” Tears were now coming down his eyes as well as he held her tightly in his arms. “Everything’s gonna be just fine. I promise.”

T’Pol pushed away from him. “No Trip, it is not going to be okay. Do not lie to me because I know for a fact that nothing will be okay. You are being illogical.”

“This whole situation is illogical, T’Pol but here we are. There’s nothin’ either of us can do to change what’s goin’ on. You may not see it now but one day you’ll get over this and you’ll move on.”

T’Pol shook her head slowly. “You made a choice Trip. You’re choosing to end your life for another without realizing how it will affect others. I will not just ‘get over this and move on.’ In all the years of my life I have never met someone I cared for more.”

Trip frowned. “Sim deserves a chance to live. He never got the chance. I did. I know how my death will affect people T’Pol, but I won’t just ignore what I know is right,” Trip took a step closer to her. “You say you care for me right?”

“Of course.”

“Then let me do this. If you care about me you’ll understand how important it is that I take this mission. I’m about to die T’Pol, I’d rather spend what I have left with the people I care about. Your right, I’ve made my choice. Now please T’Pol, just accept it. I came here because I needed you. I needed some support from the person I cared about most. Look, I know this has got to be hard. If the tables were turned I’d feel the same way. It’s not easy to know you’re going to lose someone important to you, but if the tables were turned no matter how I felt I’d support your decision. Why can’t you do the same for me?”

“I can, I just-“

“You just what T’Pol?”

T’Pol took a deep breath. “I just don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Trip pulled her into his arms tightly once again closing his eyes to stop the tears. It was hard to believe not that long ago T’Pol had been in the mess hall in the arms of his clone, seemingly in love with Sim. Sim had been right, T’Pol did care for him. Trip had been so upset over nothing, but that didn’t matter now. He was with T’Pol now. “I know you don’t believe me T’Pol but I know it’ll be okay. You just have to have faith. You haven’t lost me yet and you never will. I’m yours T’Pol, for as long as you live baby I’ll always be yours.”

The two stood there together in silence, just holding each other for hours. They thought nothing of what would soon be happening. They thought nothing of their worries or their cares. They were together and that was all that mattered.

==

Archer knew Sim wouldn’t take his decision to let Trip have the mission well. How could he? Archer could hardly take his own decision. If it had been up to him he would have said ‘no’ but he knew Trip too well. Trip needed to do this and Archer would just have to respect that. Still it didn’t stop the nagging feeling he had. This wasn’t right. Archer had been walking around for nearly a half an hour when he stopped in front of Sim’s quarters. He’d been debating whether he should tell him his decision or not, but he knew in the end Sim would need to know. He pushed the buzzer and waited for Sim to open the door but when he did he was worried almost immediately. He’d never seen Sim look so distraught. “Sim?”

“Hey, Cap’n.” He straightened slightly before moving to discard the beer bottle in his hand. “Come on in sir.”

Archer walked in noticing that Sim’s room was quite clean. It was then that he noticed a pillow and bed sheets on the floor. He cocked his head at Sim in confusion. “You were sleeping on the floor?”

Sim seemed embarrassed when he heard Archer’s question. Archer noticed Sim redden. “I guess I’m just used to the floor. I’m more comfortable there, spent most of my life sleeping on the floor so I guess it’s just a habit I have now.” Archer watched as Sim moved the pillow and bed sheets back on the bed before clearing his throat. “So exactly what are ya doin’ here?”

“I need to talk to you,” Archer began but stopped himself, letting out a sigh.

Sim seemed to understand almost immediately. “You’ve decided to let Trip have the mission.”

Archer nodded while Sim dropped to the bed. “Trip is right about one thing, just because you’re his clone doesn’t mean you should give up your life.”

“What life? I don’t have a family; I don’t even know who I am. I’m Trip, but I’m not Trip. So who am I?”

“Your Sim.”

Sim stood. “And just who is Sim, Cap’n? Who is he? Because I don’t know who he is and I’m pretty sure Trip’s family back home won’t know him either!”

Archer glared at him. “That’s enough! I’ve made my choice. Trip has the mission!”

Sim shook his head before moving his hand up to show the ring on his right hand. “You see this? It’s gonna be the cause of my death once the master realizes I betrayed him.”

Archer was about to fight him when he paused. “The master, who is he?” the Captain asked.

Sim let out the breath he’d been holding. “He’s the reason I’m here. He was the one to tell Tesic that you’d gotten rid of me and he was the one that gave them the technology to revive me. He’s the master of Tesic and his crew along with a few other ships near here. No ones met him but Tesic and Tesic’s only seen him once, but he’s not allowed to talk about it since the master sees and hears everything. He’s the real one from the future.”

Archer didn’t like this at all. Could it be that there’s another faction working against him? Seemed like everyone was against him these days. “He must be in the temporal cold war. Daniels said he was from another faction.”

Sim knew about the cold war from Trip’s memory. Archer could talk to Sim about the cold war and Daniels, information that was confidential to everyone else. “Think the master’s workin’ with Silik’s master?”

Archer bit his bottom lip. “Maybe, but I doubt it. It seems like he has his own agenda. Silik’s master seems hesitant to destroy Enterprise whereas Tesic’s master isn’t, he wants us destroyed and out of the way,” Archer said while taking a seat.

“Cap’n, destroying Tesic’s ship won’t stop the master from trying to destroy you. It might be a minor setback but he will try again.”

Archer nodded slightly looking out Sim’s window at the stars. “I know. Who ever this ‘master’ is, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of him soon.”

“You’ll need an experienced chief engineer. The future depends on this ship.”

Archer turned to look at Sim. “I have one. You said yourself that you have his memories. You used that when trying to get me to allow you to fly one of the shuttles back in the Expanse, remember?”

Sim smiled. “Your right, I am experienced, but I don’t have his heart. It’s the heart that makes him a damn good engineer along with that experience and that knowledge. Trip’s got all three. You’re makin’ a mistake, Cap’n, and I don’t think you realize how big this mistake truly is. I can’t help you sir. There’s only one man that can help you protect the future, and you’re just about to send him to his death.”

Archer’s eyebrows rose just as Sim walked to the door. He turned to look back at him. “Lock up when you leave.” And then he was gone.

Archer rubbed his forehead. “Well that could have gone better,” he mumbled to himself. He just hoped Sim didn’t do anything stupid, if he was anything like Trip that certainly was a possibility.

==

Sim had been walking through the ship’s corridors for nearly an hour before he saw where he’d reached. It was Rylic’s quarters. He’d wanted to see him. His friend, he needed someone to talk to and Rylic was the only one who could understand. He was the only one who knew how important it was for Sim to have this mission. Instead Trip had taken it away. He let out a hardly noticeable sigh before sitting down next to the door leaning on the wall. Why? Why would Trip do something so stupid? Sim was willing to do this. He was going to do it for T’Pol. He was going to do it so he’d get the chance to pay back Tesic after what he’d done to him. And then Trip just ruined it. He couldn’t let Trip lose his life for him.

It was obvious that Trip was doing it to pay back something he didn’t need to pay back. Sim would have died anyway, if not to save Trip then he just would have died days later because of the limit put on him, only fifteen days. It had been a logical choice. It had been the right choice. Trip couldn’t die because of a guilty conscious.

“I have to do somethin’,” he whispered to himself, for Trip, for T’Pol. Sim knew better than anyone what Trip’s death would do to the crew. Sim also knew that he couldn’t stay on Enterprise. He’d gotten himself and his friends into one big mess and he was going to be the one to get them out of it. It was his responsibility, not Trip’s. “I won’t let him do this, whether Trip likes it or not, this is my mission, my responsibility.” Sim moved away from the wall and took a deep breath before pushing the buzzer to Rylic’s quarters. Now he knew what he had to do, and Rylic was just the man to help him do it.

Chapter 11

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Seven people have made comments

Finally Trip & T'Pol have their talk. It was a very tender moment, thank you!! God the suspense is killing me, there is no way Trip is gonna end up taking this mission... Sim to the rescue?

Hurry with your next installment!!

Soooooooooo Sim's gona "incapacitate" Trip... hehehe its the only thing he can doo...

Ever since we learned about the ring I've been wondering... can't he just cut off his finger???

Good story Can't wait for the end!

Great chapter but I wanted to give Trip a good shake. Whats with the death wish. He is so absorbed in his own self pity that he can't see how many lives will be affected by his death. Why is he so guilt ridden about Sim. Both Archer and T'pol have pointed out that he had no involvement in it. Sim would have died anyway. I hope Trip gets to see past his own guilt and starts to consider other peoples feelings besides his own. Hopefully Sim will knock some sense into him.

This is building pace and tension and I can't wait to find out what happens next though I have a sneaky suspicion. I am so glad that Trip and T'Pol had that talk, time for more than a little honesty. Ali D :~)

Ahhhh... the TALK... finally...

“I couldn’t ask for a better goin’ away present T’Pol….”

That had me almost in tears, no wonder T'Pol breaks down... you can be such a torturer...
But why's Trip so suicidal all this sudden?
It's not his fault.
Maybe Sim should whack him in the head and take his place...
Oh, Sim... I was wondering the same thing as Hero: why not cut the finger off? OK, maybe there's some finger-cutting-off-detector inside, that makes the ring go BOOOOM if activated...
;-)
Please update soon!!!!

Finally! The talk! ;-) But I must admit, I´m not soooo sure, that T/T could go from "not talking" to "I love you" in one heartbeat. I know that Trip is in immediate danger of death and that this would speed up a few things. But, hmmmm. And I could kick his you-know-what for this drowning in self pity!

Please continue soon, great Story.