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Full Circle

Author - Valleygirl | F | Genre - Angst | Genre - Romance | Main Story | Rating - PG
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Full Circle

By ValleyGirl


Rating: PG
Genre: Friendship/Romance
Disclaimer: Paramount owns it all; I just thought they missed something…
Summary: An alternate follow-up to the candlelight meditation scene at the beginning of “E-squared.” Therefore, consider yourself on a tangent from that point forward, or would that be a side-Trip??? ;o)
Spoilers: general Season III

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Open Minds, Open Hearts

T’Pol’s meditation that night had ended with the same thought swirling around in her head. It had been there for the past several days, but she couldn’t decide whether she was indulging her heart, or contemplating the next logical step in her recovery.

Tell him...Tell him everything...He needs to know...He deserves to know....

***


I’m just tryin to help; this isn’t easy for any of us…T’Pol?

Dismissed

Dismissed?!

Get out.


***


I’m not just going to sit still and watch you fly off and die!

Let go of me!

I won’t let you do this!

I said, LET GO!!!

What the hell’s WRONG with you??!!


***

Trip was annoyed and frustrated to say the least. He had just come from speaking with T’Pol and as had been her habit lately, she had unceremoniously dismissed him. At least this time he’d had enough sense to leave before she either threw him out or he had pushed her over the edge. The call of duty had taken precedence the past several days, but now the ship was out of imminent danger. Trip’s mind turned to his growing concern for the Vulcan, who hadn’t seemed herself for the past several weeks.

***


Look, you helped me through a rough patch and I’m grateful. I just stopped by to see if I could return the favor.

I appreciate your concern, but I’m FINE.


***

He didn’t believe her of course, but he was at a loss for what to do next. He needed something sweet, preferably in the form of pie, pecan pie. Something as nutty as his relationship with T’Pol.

As Trip stepped outside his quarters on the way to the mess hall, he had to stop short to keep from running over Enterprise’s Science Officer. His eyebrows flew up in surprise as he saw her standing there holding a small bag.

“Commander.” she said quickly. Her eyes averted his gaze as she continued, “I have reconsidered your suggestion that a neuropressure session might be helpful to relieve some of the stress of the last few days. Since you were here, I came to you.”

Trip still speechless, stepped aside and followed her back into his quarters. As he watched her carefully, he contemplated her real reasons for being there. Perhaps on some level he had finally gotten through to her?

T’Pol busied herself setting the familiar scene in the new location. As she pulled out 3 of her mediation candles and placed them on the floor, she hoped he hadn’t noticed her shallow breathing and what seemed like her heart pounding out of her chest.

Trip tossed a couple of pillows to the floor as she lit the candles. As she knelt down, she closed her eyes in an attempt to let the calm wash over her.

Trip at this point was more than willing to let her take the lead. For the first time in his life, he was the pinnacle of patience and serenity. Somehow he instinctively knew that she would only relax if he was relaxed too. Nothing was forced, for the moment Trip simply allowed himself to be in her presence as he took up residence on the pillow across from her.

“Shall we begin?” Her tone of voice was surprisingly even as they fell back into the familiar routine.

“Only if you promise to let me help you too” Trip replied. At her slight nod, he removed his T-shirt and lay down on the floor. As she finished working on his back, she prompted him to the next posture.

“Wait a minute; I’m not the one who came here having trouble sleeping” Trip said, still not convinced she didn’t have an ulterior motive.

“I never said I couldn’t sleep” she quickly replied, perhaps a bit more sharply than she had intended. When he looked at her purposefully, she silently complied with his non-verbal request and allowed him to perform the previous procedure on her.

She discreetly slipped back into her top as she rolled over onto her side. Now we’re getting somewhere, Trip thought as he took up a similar but opposite pose on the floor across from her. In his opinion, they’d had some of their best conversations while working the neural nodes on each others feet. Trip could not help but remember what a turn-on he thought it was. To be stimulated by a woman’s intellect while doing something as mundane as massaging her feet.

T’Pol remained silent for several minutes before slowly drawing and releasing a deep breath. It was now or never. They were alone in an intimate setting with several hours at their disposal. And somehow the Commander seemed to be in a remarkably comfortable and open mood, as if he was waiting for her to “spill her guts,” so to speak.

“I wish to speak with you about a deeply personal matter,” she began as if asking his permission.

“Okay.” He nodded, looking at her intently.

“I trust I have your full discretion in this matter, Commander?”

“Of course you do. But it seems to me, T’Pol of Vulcan, that ‘deeply personal matters’ should not be discussed with Commander Tucker your colleague, but Charles, your friend...”

“Very well, Charles” she acquiesced much to his surprise. “I am unsure of where to begin, so I ask for your patience until I am finished.”

“Just start at the beginning, T’Pol...It’ll be okay...I promise.” He had no idea the bomb she was about to drop on him.

Chapter 2

Late Night Confessions

“I am unsure of where to begin, so I ask for your patience until I am finished.”

“Just start at the beginning, T’Pol...It’ll be okay...I promise.”

At this point she sat up, looking directly at him. Trip followed suit, sitting directly across from her. After putting his shirt back on, he leaned back on his hands and stretched his legs out in front of him crossing them at the ankles. All the while, his gaze never left her face.

“I wanted to explain why my behavior recently has seemed slightly erratic.”

“Slightly erratic?!” As she gave him a mild glare, he threw his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry...go ahead.”

“As you know the Expanse has had undocumented effects on the neuro-physiology of Vulcans.” Trip nodded. “I believe that this along with the attack by Raijiin weakened my mental defenses, my ability to suppress my emotions.”

“I thought that the neuropressure was helpin’ you as well as me.” Trip countered.

“It has to a certain degree, but more recently there has been something else counteracting the benefits.” Trip’s eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed as he waited patiently for her to continue.

She took a deep breath. “Do you remember the Vulcan ship Seleya we encountered a few months ago?”

“Course I do. You were out of commission for o’er a week and everyone on that ship had died from Trellium-D poisonin’.”

“It was then that you and Captain Archer decided that you wouldn’t line the hull with it and stored our supply of it in Cargo Bay 2.”

“Right, we both felt it wasn’t worth the risk to you. Does your loss of control have to do with your experience on that ship? You never told me much about it.”

“Indirectly, yes.” she stated. Trip’s confusion showed on his face. “As the initial affects of the Trellium-D wore off, I found myself feeling a cascade of emotions I didn’t know how to identify or characterize.”

“That must have been horrible for you.” he said sympathetically.

“Not entirely.” At his questioning look, T’Pol felt a wave of fear and nervousness wash over her, but she was in to deep to not continue. “I found myself wanting to experience these emotions until I could better define and categorize them. That became harder to do as the feelings started to fade. I logically assumed that in order to strengthen the experience, I needed to be exposed to more Trellium. I thought in trace amounts it would be safe, and I soon devised a way to inject it into my bloodstream.”

Trip’s eyes widened as a mutual response of shock and horror crossed his face. “I don’t know what to say to that” he mumbled; his brain was numb.

She continued, her voice starting to quiver. “When we were attacked at Azati Prime, the cargo bay where the Trellium was stored was inaccessible. As I became more agitated and emotional over the apparent loss of the captain and the damage to the ship, I realized that I was addicted. After the captain returned, I went to see Dr. Phlox who helped me manage the initial withdrawal symptoms.”

“You were in Command! What the hell were you thinking?!” Trip almost yelled at her.

“Commander, there is no evidence to suggest that things would have turned out any differently. You were needed in Engineering!”

Trip got up and started to pace the room, his arms folded across his chest. “Clarify something for me, why exactly would you choose to deliberately harm yourself?!”

“The trellium allowed me to experience certain emotions, while maintaining my outward control. In particular, I wanted to explore human relationships in an attempt to better interact with the crew, the captain...and you.” she replied, noting the Commander’s increasing agitation.

“Me?” he asked quizzically his mind racing a thousand miles a minute.

***


I guess we should talk about last night...what happened between us, in your quarters.

I suppose I should thank you... For facilitating my exploration of human sexuality… It’s one of the many aspects of your species I’ve been meaning to explore since I left the High Command.


***


You’ve got to admit, you’ve been avoiding me ever since the two of us...you know.

Had sexual relations.

Sounds real romantic when you put it that way.

I told you what happened was an exploration, not the prelude to an intimate relationship.


***

Explore. The memories hit Trip like a ton of bricks. “Oh my Gawd! T’Pol, the night we... you didn’t... couldn’t...I can’t believe this!”

“Charles, I am merely trying to explain what...”

“Enough of the explanations, the excuses, the lies---you can’t experiment with other people’s emotions like that, it just isn’t fair!”

“I was only...” she tried again.

“I know, I heard you, explore human emotions, interestin’ choice of words isn’t it?!” Trip let out a huge breath of air. “I can’t handle this right now. I don’t want to be in the same room with you, let alone talk to you. I am just so...”

Trip bit his lower lip as his eyes rolled upward. He swirled his tongue inside his check for a moment, “I need to get outta here before I say something I’ll regret!”

With that he slammed the wall console and almost ran out into the hall, leaving a heart-broken and shocked T’Pol behind wondering how she could have so underestimated this man’s capacity for understanding, not to mention his feelings for her.


Chapter 3

Two Sides of the Same Coin

A barefooted Trip started wandering the halls wondering where the hell he should go.

***


I could use a punching bag right about now, but the gym hasn’t been exactly at the top of my priority repair list...

Engineering? No, I made a specific point about taking the night off...

Mess Hall? I was on my way there anyways, but a nosy late night snacker might ask too many questions, besides I’ve lost my appetite....

The Captain? He has too much on his mind these days, besides, we haven’t been as close as we once were...Perhaps I should fix that...I can’t remember the last time we...

Anyways, I promised her my discretion, so I can’t go to Malcolm ...or anyone else for that matter...

Except...Phlox! He already knows! Perhaps he could offer some insight, help me wrap my mind around this...I can’t believe this...T’Pol, Lady Logic, has been using Trellium-D to experience emotions...with me no less...I can’t believe this!


***
Heaving a long sigh, Trip opened the door to sick bay and walked inside. “Hey, Doc?” he called out. Hearing a small gasp and a rustling by the bio-beds, he turned around in time to see T’Pol pale and shaking like a leaf. As she looked up, her expression turned to one of sheer panic. She quickly bolted past him, out the door, and down the hall. Trip froze to the spot stunned, his anger melting away. Now he was just scared, this isn’t good he thought. I never imagined she was this close to losin’ it...



“Commander? Where did T’Pol go?”

Trip whipped around startled for the second time in as many minutes. “I dunno, Doc, but I gotta go find her.”

“Make sure you call me or bring her back here when you do!” Phlox called after Trip who was running out the door.

Trip followed the path he saw her take. As he passed by the first Cargo Bay, he looked inside and found her slouched up against the wall. She glared at him as he approached and crouched down by her side.

“Go...away...Don’t...need...you...” T’Pol was gasping each word, and turning a putrid shade of green and violet. Trip looked at her with alarm. If she were human, he’d have said she was hyperventilating.

“Tucker to Dr. Phlox.”

“Go ahead.”

“Can you meet me in Cargo Bay One? I’ve found our friend.”

“On my way, Commander.”

T’Pol continued to glare at him while still struggling to catch her breath.

Trip returned to her side. “I can’t go away T’Pol, I won’t leave you like this...Look, I’m sorry for the way I reacted earlier, but now’s not the time or place...Come on, darlin’ deep slow breaths, 1, 2, 3, 4...that’s right...please, T’Pol let me make sure you get safely back to Sickbay. I’ll leave you alone as soon as we get there if that is what you really want. I just called Phlox, he’ll be here soon.”

In no condition to argue, she struggled to get up and reluctantly allowed him to assist her. She continued to do her best to glare at him as Phlox hurried over to her. After a quick once over with a hand scanner, he escorted her to Sickbay. Trip meekly followed them to fulfill his promise to see that she was alright.

A short while later T’Pol had significantly recovered and was talking quietly with Dr. Phlox on one side of Sickbay.

“Your bio-signs have stabilized,” he informed her. Glancing at the still present Commander across the room he added, “I believe you can recuperate in your quarters, if you wish. Get some rest, I will stop by and check on you later.”

“Thank you for you assistance, Doctor” T’Pol said, barely above a whisper. She turned and quickly retreated to her quarters with out so much as a glance to Trip.

Trip stared out the door to Sickbay, long after she left. What do I do now?

“Commander Tucker! May I speak to you privately for a moment?” Phlox’s voice was uncharacteristically tense.

“Uh, sure Doc.” he said somewhat absently, still thinking about T’Pol and the evening’s events.

When they reached the privacy of the doctor’s office, Phlox continued, “As you know, I have always done my best to respect Starfleet Authority and the chain of command on any vessel I have had the privilege of serving. But I feel I must tell you that your behavior earlier tonight borders on asinine, thoughtless and perhaps downright cruel. You...”

“What?!” Trip gasped.

“Aside from myself, T’Pol has been struggling with this addiction all alone, she is extremely vulnerable. She came to you needing a friendly ear, a word of encouragement. It was not easy for her to put all her trust and hope in you but all you did was reject her.”

Trip quickly defended himself, “Wait just a minute, Doc! I never rejected her, I just needed a few minutes to cool off, gain some control of MY emotions before I completely lost all perspective. I was on my way to talk in you in fact...”

“She said you deserted her,” Phlox pointed out.

“In MY quarters, she had to have known I’d come back eventually!”

Dr. Phlox put his hand up to stop the building tirade. “When you came in to Sickbay earlier what were you feeling?”

Trip sighed, “I don’t know ...Angry, hurt, confused...pretty damn selfish, I guess.”

“And then you saw T’Pol...how do you feel now, Commander?”

“Worried, scared...Horrible...it’s as if...” Trip didn’t want to vocalize the feeling of dread creeping into his soul.

“Go on,” the doctor prompted.

“It’s as if I’ve lost my best friend.”

Phlox smirked and mused, They really are two sides to the same coin. “Don’t you think T’Pol might be feeling much the same way right now?”

Trip sat up straight, “But I never said she’d lost me!”

“Not in so many words, but you berated her, told her you couldn’t be in her presence, you didn’t want to talk to her and then physically left the room. You neglected to tell her the most important thing...That you’d be back! Given T’Pol’s limited experience dealing with emotions and human relationships, how could she know that?”

When put like that, Trip felt smaller than one of Phlox’s weird microbes. He had just assumed she would wait for him to calm down. “So, I’ve screwed up royally, huh?”

“Please understand Commander you have a right to be upset. I was too when she first came to me, and I know with you it was more personal. Express that to her, I did. But, when all was said and done, I put her needs first, because she was the one in real trouble. As she has progressed in her treatment, I have strongly encouraged her to seek out a support system to help her deal with and understand these new emotions, in particular you, Commander. I hope I wasn’t wrong in my assessment?”

Trip sighed again, “No, Doc, no you weren’t. I’ve been tryin’ for days to get her to talk to me, tell me what was wrong. I thought I was ready for anything, but this one really came out of left field.”

“Left field?”

“Baseball analogy...never mind.”

Phlox smiled knowingly at his forlorn friend. “I believe Commander you have your work cut out for you. Trust isn’t earned overnight, as you well know, but it can be destroyed in a heartbeat.”

“Ain’t that the truth!”

“Perhaps I can try to help you get your foot in the door, but only if you promise me to be ever mindful of the lessons learned here tonight. If you have any further need of guidance in this mater, please know my door is always open.”

“Thanks, Doc...For everything.” Trip smiled weakly.


Chapter 4 - Back at the Beginning

After talking with the Commander in Sickbay, the Doctor stopped by T’Pol’s quarters to check on her as promised. He sent Trip back to his quarters to await his call. “Give me a few minutes, and I’ll see if she’s up to talking with you.” Phlox promised.

T’Pol was less than thrilled with the idea of having to see Trip again so soon, but Phlox sought to reassure her.
“Hear him out.” he encouraged. She reluctantly agreed. Despite everything Vulcan telling her otherwise, she had to trust someone.

Trip was back in his quarters trying desperately to figure out what to say to T’Pol if she even agreed to speak to him. It was driving him crazy. When did T’Pol come to mean so much to me, that I can’t even imagine my life without her in it? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. She’s exasperating and stoic one minute, then intelligent and funny the next, not to mention a beautiful woman. And whoever said Vulcans were incapable of passionate feelings...Oh, wait a minute...maybe that was...no that’s something to be figured out another day...I’ve got to believe that despite it all there is some foundation of truth to her emotions...She’s still the same person I’ve come to admire over the past 3 years...saved my sorry ass on more than one occasion...Whew...When did I stop thinking about her as a Vulcan Sub-Commander and start thinking of her as a person, a colleague, my friend. Friend, I guess that word fits as well as any other although that’s not quite right either. I know I owe her at least an apology. After that, I guess I’ll just wing it...where’s Phlox?!, what’s taking so long??

“Phlox to Commander Tucker.”

Trip almost ran to the console, “Tucker here.”

“You may go see T’Pol now, but make it short, Commander, she needs to rest.”

“You got it, Doc…Thanks!”

As T’Pol waited for his arrival with trepidation, she tried to reassess the situation logically. The Captain hadn’t been to see her, so at least his promise of discretion appeared genuine. Perhaps the Commander’s earlier outburst was not an indication of his true feelings? After all, she had seen him lose his temper before and then return to the rational man she had come to respect. I will never understand humans, she thought sadly. Every other action of Charles’ that night seemed evidence that he did indeed have deep feelings for her. As you have for him, the stray thought invaded her mind. She quickly pushed it away, now was not the time...

Her door chime rang. One way or the other, Trip and T’Pol’s relationship was about to change forever.

T’Pol was sitting on her bed staring at the floor; Trip got down on his knees before her sitting back on his ankles. Even from this vantage point, he was still desperate for eye contact.

Trip picked up one of her hands and lightly caressed it as he prepared to pour his heart out in a fit of unadulterated honesty. He’s hurt, confused, it was too much for him to deal with all at once and he’s sorry he reacted very badly. But humans only react that strongly when they are deeply impassioned about something or care very deeply for someone he tries to explain. She hasn’t lost him; they will find a way to get through this together.

“We are connected you and I, I don’t know when or how, but we are. We don’t have to define our relationship, I’m not sure I even want to define it right now. Humans believe that it’s often the journey that counts, not the destination. But I also know that things can go very wrong in a relationship if two people are not on the same page and are not honest with each other. I want to fix that, because without you T’Pol, there would be a huge void in my life. You can trust me, please allow me to prove that to you.” Even as he asked for her trust back, he was terrified he wouldn’t get it.

Her only reply was a single tear that rolled down her face. Close to tears himself, Trip rose up on his knees and reached out to wipe it away. He drew her into a gentle embrace repeating his promise to be there for her. For what seemed to be a fraction of a second T’Pol rested her head on his shoulder, but still remained motionless.

“Commander,” she whispered “I just need some time to sort through all of this.” Her voice betrayed the exhaustion they both felt. Trip understanding that she was as emotionally drained as he was, broke the embrace and stood up to leave her quarters. He bent over to place a tender kiss on her forehead, while simultaneously cupping her chin. Her gaze met his for the first time as he said “When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me. Call if you need anything.” She nodded slightly in response. With that he sighed and turned to leave.

T’Pol just watched him go and curled up on her bed trying to reassemble her shattered control. Meanwhile, Trip walked slowly back to his quarters, knowing that sleep would not come to him that night as he tried to sort through his jumbled feelings.

Over the next several days, Trip kept a close eye on T’Pol, but from a distance, waiting for T’Pol to come to him. T’Pol couldn’t seem to bring herself to bridge the gap all at once, but as the Xindi conflict approached its climax, Trip and T’Pol working closely together was an integral part of the overall plan. In baby steps, the two began to mend their personal relationship as their professional lives remain intertwined. As they face their next challenge, dealing with the loss of the Captain and figuring out where and how the timeline got screwed up, they will have to depend on each other more than ever.

The End

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

very nice, this needs a sequel!!!

YES!!! great beginning. can not wait to see where this one is going.

Ahhhhhhh!!! part II need part II.......keep it commin!

What is this!!!! I need more, my mouth is watering. Hurry up pleasseeeeeeeee

This is awesome, I can't wait for more!

SEQUEL!!!!

I'm looking forward to the dropping of the bomb. This is a fabulous beginning, and just the way it should have played out! Thanks for sharing it.

i like the way this is heading. i wish he would've said "..but TRIP, your friend" instead of "Charles," but oh well.

Oh, come on! Don´t leave us here!! "TBC" SOOOOON, please!!!

Excellent and I am just bubbling up with curiosity over the *bombshell* she is about to drop into Trip's lap. As long as it is not a sudden lust for Captain Archer I think I'll be able to cope (crossing fingers and wondering why she's having difficulty typing). Ali D :~)

Great start, I'm really interested to read more! I like the atmosphere in the story very much. I don't know ... can't say what exactly it is either. I just like it. :-)

Thanks for the nice comments everyone :o) - the rest is on the way -I've been waiting to read this story since E2 - finally had to write it myself!

SEQUEL....SEQUEL....SEQUEL....SEQUEL....

SEQUEL....SEQUEL....SEQUEL....SEQUEL....

Nicely done. I can see Trip getting a lecture like that from Phlox. So, when do they have their next talk?

Loved the way this played out, with both of them struggling to repair their relationship and doing it in baby steps. And it's left you lots of room for a sequel!

WOW good story whrite more of this. I need a part 3 .

Wow great story. need more of this. give us please a seqeul

and what does the crowd want? *Listens* MORE!!!!!! Now how can you ignore that? You can't can you?