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Babel One

Babel One

review by persianmouse

Well, last week, I was very confused about my feelings after watching Observer Effect. See, it actually made me kind of like Archer. And I'm not used to these feelings, they were new and strange, they frightened me. My whole world was changing.

And tonight I watched Babel One with much fear and dread, what new feelings will this show invoke in me......

....but it's all okay, my world makes sense again, for it made me hate Archer again. Yes, there are birds are singing, children are laughing, and there are dancing bears, MY WORLD HAS RETURNED TO NORMAL!!!! Falalalalala LA LA LA!!!

And all because of two words, two tiny, stupid, inadequate little words.

"I'm sorry"

I'm sorry? I'M SORRY?!! (for those of you who don't know, this is what he says to T'pol after she tells him her marriage to Plot Point Boy has been dissolved). Oh, right, right, I see. "I'm sorry T'pol, to hear that the marriage you didn't want and were bullied into by your crazy culty momma has ended. That must be terrible for you, to no longer be in a loveless, likeless marriage, to be the property of that man you couldn't stand, who could at any whim recall you to Vulcan to make babies with him, to take away any last strands of dignity and independence you may have had. I know how happy it made you to be subjugated and degraded, to become a thing to be had, to become somebody's little wife, and not much more. I remember the happy gleam in your eye, after returning from your vacation to Vulcan, where you were bought and sold like cattle, where the lives of you and Trip, my best friend (supposedly), where irrevocably altered, and he's been so happy since that day, not at all moping about like a wounded puppy. It seems so strange that this shotgun wedding didn't last, considering you were in some kind of PTSD haze when you did it, and that is was a marriage founded in guilt, the guilt of a daughter whose never been anything but a disappointment in her mother's eyes, the guilt of a first officer whose self-destructive tendencies endangered my ship and oh, all of Earth, a few months ago, and out of some weird desire for penance, royally screwed herself over. And guilt is such a strong foundation for marriage, not love or respect or trust, or any of those crazy romantic notions. Gee, I'm really sorry T'pol, it looks like your going to have to make your own decisions, decide your own future now, that's too bad, I know how much you liked being submissive to other peoples will. You might even hafta get with the guy you actually, you know, love and stuff, and have a chance for happiness and an actual future that doesn't involve just going through the motions. Damn, that sucks."


Hey, did anybody else notice 'Alien Bounty Hunter' guy from The X-files, all done up in Romulan make-up? I betcha that once 'The Rift' became a regular, he was able to get that actor a job. You know, you gotta look out for your buddies.

And Romulus, cool, nice cityscape with all those concentric rings and moats, who knew that the Romulan capital was the lost city of freaking Atlantis. I certainly didn't.


I hate that marriage so much, on so many levels, I get all in a sweat whenever I start thinking about it. I could bore you all with a lot of screaming about patriarchal subjugation and the cultural disenfranchisement of women, turning marriage into prostitution, some old-school bra-burning feminism, and a lot of hollering about bad writing, but it's late and the sleep beckons. It comes down to this; I hate that marriage, and I wish someone would just say how much it sucked, sucked like a hotel vacuum. His first officer got treated like property, and he never says word one about it. He can't ever shut up with his jingoistic judgments of other races and their cultures, he loves lecturing T'Pol on how to be Vulcan, but Típol get prostituted out to Kos, and NOTHING!!! And don't tell me he was trying to be respectful of her culture, , this is Archer we're talking about here. And her marriage was not really typical, I think. Or at least I hope, otherwise there are a lot of miserable people on Vulcan, awaiting the day they finally put poison in their mates' coffee, or for the day they finally drink the poisoned coffee their mate gave them. Arranged marriages are one thing, but forced arranged marriages are entirely another.

Yeah, maybe Archer was just saying 'I'm Sorry' because he couldn't think of anything to say, but I like the He's-A-Dumbass theory better (because in that one, Archer's a dumbass). He can't even get a bead on his first officer, and yet he supposed to do delicate negotiations with contentious species? Please.

I mean c'mon, "I'm sorry"? No what you say is "Oh really.....Fabulous! Hey everybody, Divorce Party, 2200, observation deck! BYOB! And Malcolm, no more Zima, drink like a man, okay? And the Who-Takes-Their-Shirt-Off-First poll is now open, but nobody pick Hoshi, that's too easy....and considering Trip already has his shirt off and is doing victory laps around engineering singing "We Are the Champions", his names out too." It's not a bad thing her loveless shame of a marriage is over, it's a thing to make a national holiday over.

I don't think he's entirely supportive of TnT, I think he may even be against it. He's done nothing overt, and I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think he may prove a problem in the future, and not just in a Jealous-Unrequited-Lust kinda way, like many of us thought he would be.

Side note: Does anybody think that the EV suits look like giant teddy bears from behind? Whenever they come on, I keep thinking I'm in a Bjork video or something.

....though 'Human Behavior' would make a great Vulcan theme song.

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I love you. Marry me....