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review by persianmouse
I don't know why everyone's so surprised that Super Archer is back and badder than ever, Coto's biggest talking point about what he's gonna be doing with Enterprise is 'We're gonna make Archer, T'pol, and Trip more like Kirk, Spock and McCoy! Isn't that cool? don't you like that? watch are show! please?' So they're making him Kirk (but can't get laid!), so naturally, he can do no wrong, he's always right about everything, he saves everyone's ass, and he wins every fight no matter how much stronger or skilled his opponent is....oh yea, and he doesn't care about these namby-pamby 'feeelings' people are supposed to have. And they'll turn T'pol into Spock(but with breasts!) and Trip into McCoy(but hotter!) and.... ehhh, forget it, I ran out of energy for a rant.
Is it just me, or does all of T'pols family seem crazier than her? They make her seem almost stable and logical. There's her Mom;
"Oh gee honey, look, you're back from your little quest to save the fucking galaxy, but there's no time to ask you how your doing, if your okay, how was your journey, did you happen to meet any of your children from the future that you had with this man standing right here, because i have to make sure you know how dissapointed I am in you, how i hate eveything you do, and here's a giant helping of guilt cause you and your big bag o' crazy just got me fired, and let's not dwell on the fact that i was unjustly fired cause i never would have been if it wasn't for you... what's that, you've got a little boyfriend? haha, not for longer, remember Koss, that fiance you couldn't stand and rejected three years ago, you have to marry him to get me my job back, and you have to get me my job back because it was your fault i got fired(it's not like i'm part of some religious cult and may have in fact, been trying to view secret documents, don't be paranoid) I'm not concerned at all about forcing you into a marriage that's doomed from the 'I dos', but i'll show more sympathy for this man i don't know rather than my own daughter( but he fixed my microwave, have you ever fixed my microwave daughter? no you just dissapoint me and get me fired), and i know you just changed you entire life and ditched your love all for me and to get my job back, but i have to run off with my little cult now and become a fugitive, so i guess that means you fucked-up your whole life for nothing, isn't that funny, don't you find that funny, you should, you've always been too emotional, have i mentioned i don't like that? oh look, i went and got myself blowd-up, let me hang on long enough to tell you it's all your fault, that i only joined this cult and went on this quest was because you've always been a giant spaz. It's not like that's going to be a major guilt trip or anything, me dying becuase i dislike the way you are and nothing short of Surak himself can make you better, you giant spaz. GAK!"
and then there's Koss;
"Hey baby, your back! Hey look, i know you're like a pariah and a giant embarrasment to the High Council, and you sent me a 'Dear J'Ohn' letter three years ago, and never showed the slightest interest in marrying me, and there was this oddly possesive yellow-haired guy who answeared the door and is now eavesdropping in those bushes over there, but I'd think you'd make a hell of a wife! So i'm insisting we get married, i think it'll work out swell! What your sick? I'll make you better, and i'll get your mommy her job back, and kill that human who keeps following you around, you'd like that wouldn't you? and your mom said to say all her problems are your fault...cause they are, you spaz. And i have no worries at all that strong-arming you into marriage might cause some kind of rift between us, might make you a wee bit perturbed, that you'd poison my coffee or something. And my daddy says that you can go back to your ship and fly off with that yellow-haired guy who opened the door...who came to our wedding....whom you just kissed at our wedding...no worries! Hey look, it's our 6-week anniversary, and look, I know i was nearly peeing myself with eagerness to marry you, and that i had no qualms about forcing you into a marriage you never wanted and creating a possibly insurmountable rift between you and the guy you really love, i've suddenly received some principles (i got them fed-exed special), so now that your mommy's dead, you get a failed marriage as a lovely parting gift. I release you, and I can say that without sounding sanctimonious at all! what are you talking about, it makes perfect sense, completly logical, it has nothing at all whatsoever to do with the mob of TnTers camped out on my front lawn, burning me in effigy. bye! (runs for his dear life)"
And absent Daddy, who was never a Romulan spy, not even a little bit.
I remember in Wrath of Khan, Kristie Alley's character, Saavik?, was written as half-Romulan (it was cut out of the movie release, but it's in the directors cut), so i guess it makes sense that there would be Romulan double-agents on Vulcan, cause someone had to impregnate her momma.
I was actually really happy with this show at first, for two reasons
1.Koss released her from marriage, and she accepted. I had heard in spoilers (evil things they are), that Koss was going to offer a release, but that T'pol said she would have to think about it. It was that 'think about it' that has been bothering me, I found it offensive on a basic female level. i remember thinking that if they didn't have T'pol leave him, that it would confirm what people always say about Star Trek guys, that they have never talked to a woman, like ever.
2. T'pol didn't turn in to a devout Syrannite in one episode, or yet at all. I heard rumor of T'pol saying "I'm a Syrannite, we don't lie" which turned out to be true, but she was lying. hah. T'pol has always seemed too independent, questioning, dissatisfied, to ever be devout in anything, to tow the line and not question it. She has her own path, and it's a fucked-up little path, it's swampy, not pretty, and she falls down a lot. But it's hers. Say what you will about her, but she's not a follower. Or a leader. She's kind of a wanderer.
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One person has made comments
AHaha this was hilarious! You Rule!