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Koss, by Linda

Koss

by Linda

Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. But some of their thoughts are my own, or at least THEY make me THINK they are.

It seemed after the ďHomeĒ episode, many people wanted to shove Koss into a dark corner and strangle him. Not me. I thought he was a redeemable character. Besides, he stood over me with his arms crossed until I finished his story. Ok Koss, you can go home now. Scram!

~~~

Koss

When he opened the door of TíLesís home to me, I knew instantly who he was. I have not yet gone through my first Pon Farr, yet I can sense a male rival when I see one. I fought anger and despair and the urge to finish it right there, but that would have violated the ancient Vulcan rule of guest status.

I was in despair because I knew part of the reason TíPol wished to bond with him. He was of delicate build, like her, and his form was esthetically pleasing, for an alien. I have never considered myself more than average in looks. Except for my size and fitness, I am an ordinary Vulcan male. But my family is powerful and they could have bonded me with any of a number of potential mates. Parents choose mates for their children carefully, that is our way. What has physical beauty to do with the mating process anyway? Everyone cares deeply for their parents and they did not get to choose them. And so it is with the mate that you donít choose yourself: you form a deep lifelong bond anyway. Who is this inferior alien usurper that has stolen my mate? Is this how the Humans repay us for all our mentoring and protection of their world?

Ever since I was seven years old I have kept a photo of her, though that was not strictly necessary. Her changing image over the years is sharp in my memory. My beloved. The mother of my future children. How dare he! But I must keep a logical focus. I must be solicitous and tender with her. I must try to understand what her life has been like on that Human ship. She has been damaged emotionally by it, I can see that. But the bond we made as children is strong. It will win out, as that is the heart of our species genetic inheritance. I will insist on compliance with our ancient traditions even if I, with my familyís help, must manipulate her through the use of her motherís sad and unfair predicament. It is best for her, for our families, and our way of life.
ÖÖÖ.

We are married. Tradition has been followed. That gives me some comfort and I felt so protective and wanted to hold her. But it will take some time for her to acquiesce to the rightness of it, for again I was insulted, even there at my own wedding. She kissed him. She did not kiss me. Then she did not want to stay with me, even just for a private hour or two after the wedding. At least she did not have the impropriety to go off with him. She went off by herself to meditate, and so did I. I walked out into the desert and sat alone for several hours. Upon my return, the family said nothing, just set my place at the evening meal. Later in my room, I folded my ceremonial robe and carefully stored it away. It is ready for our next encounter. Ready for the rites of the Pon Farr.

ÖÖÖ.

My poor, dear world. It looks like we are on the brink of civil war. Will any of the buildings I designed be destroyed in the conflict? Actually one has been already. I cannot force myself to walk past the Earth embassy anymore. I was part of the team who worked with the Humans to design it. It was the melding of the esthetics of two worlds and I felt good about the Humans I worked with. Until one of their kind stole my mate, that is.

And now I will satisfy my curiosity about her ship. TíLes was in quite a panic when she summoned me and gave me this artifact to take to TíPol. TíLes was just getting back into her old lifestyle. Now she is an exile again. I feel obligated to my mother-in-law, I will try to protect her. She reminds me so of my dear TíPol and I wish to look out for them both.

So this is the Human ship. It does not smell as bad as TíPol described it when she first wrote to me from it. It seems almost as sophisticated as our own space vessels. But what do I know. I am no shipís architect. I have no desire to leave the soil of my own world and I do not understand TíPolís enthusiasm for space travel.

ÖÖÖ

Today I went to consult a priest about crisis meditation techniques. My emotional control is very thin. My wife did not welcome my presence in her quarters on the ship and I was deeply hurt. I have been repressing a revelation that I cannot face full on: the revelation that our bonding is not enough. She will never truly be mine. I have an urge to walk out in the desert and keep walking until I am so weak that a wild sehlat will end my misery. That is why I spoke to the priest.

I cannot talk to my parents about this. I am also repressing jealous thoughts about their loving marriage. Is it their fault that they did not choose wisely for me? Actually the fault lies elsewhere. Why did some of us ever venture out into space? It may be our seeking out other species that is the root cause of my misery. Will I ever feel whole again?
ÖÖ..

When Archer and TíPol contacted me, I was so relieved that she was alive and unharmed. I grieve with her for the loss of her mother. I should never have let TíLes go off with the Syrannites into the desert. But my family would not have tolerated my hiding her in their home. I felt a good deal of anger with my family, and also with myself, for not having the strength to resist their demands. Yet I have found that strength now. May the katras of my ancestors forgive me, because I have given Archer the codes which will allow him and TíPol and that misfit TíPau to transport into the heart of the High Command.

ÖÖÖ.

My world is safe now, ironically with the help of the Humans. But my heart is heavy. I will never be the same person I was. How could I? I have released her from our marriage; to do anything else would have been futile. We both would have been miserable. Now it is only I who am in misery. Perhaps it is justice for not protecting TíLes.

I have moved the possessions that I still kept at my parentís house, into the apartment I took in the city. Since I have cast aside the marriage my parents set up for me, and in their words: Ďcommited illogical and possible disloyal actsí over the matter of the transport codes, it seemed best to distance myself from them. I live alone in the city now. I have increased my meditation time as this is my only solace. What sort of person will I be when these emotions recede? Hopefully I will be able to find peace. As for my home world, may it also find peace and its place in the universe.



Seven people have made comments

A nice outlook on Koss! I too never quite believed he was evil, though sometimes I wanted him to be just so it could be easier to hate him! LOL Now that T'Pol's free... don't hate him one bit, nor do I want to! This little story really is sad though... I still wonder what will happen with Koss.

Poor Koss. Sad but great story thanks.

After Kir'Shara's underwhelming Koss send-off, fanfic give us what the show didn't. I started out putting Koss in the skunk category in my stories-- at least as far as Trip was concerned, LOL-- but I agree with Triplover, the truth is usually more complicated than just "love" or "hate". And your story explores the little details of Koss's POV with such poignancy. Very thought-provoking.

Okay, Linda... you made me cry. I see your point. He isn't an a**hole. Happy now? : )

Oh dear, I hate to make people cry, especially a great writer like yourself. Now I feel obligated to try to write something to make you laugh. But, yes, I did have to defend my buddy Koss. He came to my living room, sat down in my favorite chair, and would not leave until I agreed to tell his story!

I am a HUGE Trip fan (pics of him on my class register, watched "Michael" four times in two days, etc) but I love Koss! If T'Pol doesn't want him (she should have Trip), I'll take him! In the eps, you can see that Koss loves her, wants to show her some affection, etc. I always feel very sorry for him, because despite everything he DID love her and she stayed with Trip (well, who wouldn't?).

Koss is a GREAT character. There should be more fanfics about him. I'm writing one that has a T/T focus but he's in it. If I ever get the darn thing finished (I'm notorious for starting fics and never finishing them, but I don't post WIPS - that's just torturing people, with the way I write!) then I will post it and we can revel in Koss-love. :)

Good! Another Koss fan. Yes, you can see that Koss loves T'Pol. He deserves a mate and I sort of gave him another love interest in the story 'Koss Again'. I am even considering writing a story where he goes back in time and gets her! That is all I'll say so I don't spoil 'Koss Again for you. But I combined 'Koss and 'Koss Again' into one story called 'The Commission' and I think it is better than the original two stories. And a couple of people want me to expand 'Koss' filling it out more to make it better. I might just do that. And please, finish YOUR Koss story. I would love to read it!