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THECURSOR's Second Annual Ship Report of 2003-2004

You remember when these things used to be just ten moments long? Well I had to do the big anniversary special edition version because this year, I have to say, was one of the biggest years for ships of all shapes and size. In spite of my effort to capture all of them in one sitting, some got tossed.

But damnit, I’m only human…

“We’ll Always Have Paris.” (Countdown) M/H

Slash fans were dealt a terrible blow as Malcolm held Hayes tightly in his arms and squeezed him gently as everything went dark. Stupid Tucker couldn’t have beamed him out just a couple seconds earlier. I gotta honestly tell you, this really did have the potential to be a real live homosexual relationship on Star Trek. But kay sirrah....Hayes bought it before the ending credits even rolled.

*sniff * Words cannot express…I mean, *sob * he just…sorry, something in ma’ eye!

"Why Hoshi?" (Exile) H/M
Anyway, when Malcolm finds out about Hoshi's risky mission to the Telepath's castle love nest, he seems a little TOO upset don't you think? Also, exactly what the hell was he doing in that briefing? I don't think they really NEEDED a tactical prospective, do you? Somebody's a little too protective of Enterprise's resident linguist I think. That protectiveness showed up again in Zero Hour when Malcolm spent every third breath reminding the captain about Hoshi's well being. Frankly, this is the most obvious of all the potential Malcolm ships since they've already had a few missed signals and very shippy close calls but if you believe the next entry then, like me, you might be sensing a very dangerous love triangle on the horizon...

“WHAT THE HELL?” (Zero Hour) A/H
I wouldn’t have caught this if Myst hadn’t seen it first.
Archer was treating Hoshi like crap this episode but their final dialogue heavy scenes together made me and everyone else pause in shock. Are they doing it? This isn’t the first time things looked close between them and she remains the only member of the crew outside of Phlox who we actually SAW Archer hand picking for the mission. To top it off…that descendent looked like the spitting image of good ole Hoshi. Hmmmm…..

God Malcolm's A Whore! (Proving Ground) M/TALAS
The title says it all. After fighting and sniping with her the whole episode, We get severeal oddly genuine moments of sexual charisma between the Andorian gunner and the Starfleet security man. Fans had to wonder why this seemingly shallow guest star became so well developed by the end of this episode. Perhaps a second apperence in the near future? Or maybe she's just Malcolm's version of all the Trip girls that have passed through. Malcolm is kind of a ladies man. And just who sent that blueprint to the ship? SHarn or a love struck Andorian warrioress? Either way, the sparks between them were undeniable!

Last Blast (Zero Hour) A/T'P

Oh we all hate it but the moments were there every now and then. T'Pol's loyalty to the captain is absolute and it seems only appropriate to mourn him in death with just as much loyalty. Still, now that she's very 'intimate' with a certain engineer we must wonder how many more of these moments we'll see.

And For The T/T'Pers…

16. “Okay, so she’s been around the block a few times.” (Zero Hour)
We’ve waited a long time for this to pay off and here it finally is. In a moment of surprising candor, TPol reveals her true age…she’s in her SIXTIES! And why would she tell him now? After three years of prodding? Because, and I quote, “Certain information is considered intimate by Vulcans.” Ah! That’s using your noodle! Since she’s seen him naked and can tell everyone where all the embarrassing moles and birthmarks are, he’s got no choice but to keep her age a secret.

15. Peachy (Extinction)
A half naked Tucker convinces a scantily clad T'Pol to try peaches for the first time. I suppose I could make a couple of really intelligent remarks about symbolism and sexuality but instead let’s just point and giggle at just how sexy this scene is.

14. "Oh you know you want to!" (Impulse)
In spite of how distracted and exhausted T'Pol's been over the past couple episodes, her eye's light up with secret glee at the promise of Movie Night returning to Enterprise or at least the prospect of spending an evening in a darkened room with Trip.

13. Big Pimpin’ Deobulan style! (Anomaly)
Phlox is back on our side! When Tucker goes to the Doctor to get him to change his mind about his prescribed insomnia treatment, our favorite Denobulan gives him two choices, A shapely Vulcan placebo or….Leeches. Way to force the issue big guy!

12. “You know what? F#*&^ Malcolm!” (Rajiin)
It’s another late night session of T’Pol and Tucker rubbing each other in a dark room, but what’s this? Tucker is feeling…awkward. Apparently, Malcolm’s been teasing him about how much time he spends with T’Pol. You know what T’Pol says to that? “If we were pursuing a romantic relationship it wouldn’t be any of Lieutenant Reed's concern.” That seems to brighten Trip’s mood, and ours.

11. Decon, Revisited (The Xindi)
Tucker and T’Pol have been close before. In Decon, touching and rubbing. In the Captain’s Mess, telling tall tales over a little bubbly. And most of all, on Movie Night watching scary stories together with the rest of the crew. But they’ve never been like this before! The sniping, the implications, the double meanings, the NUDITY! And when it was all over, even Mr. Dense Head Himself, Charles Tucker, felt a little funny about what they were doing. Like maybe T’Pol was coming on to him. Guess what big guy, she was!

10. “Miss Polly, You Look Mighty Pretty Today.” (North Star)
Trip’s got a lotta fantasies. Playing harmonica with the Soggy Bottom Boys, fighting the Xindi Space Navy barehanded and riding off into the sunset with a beautiful woman. Well those first two might never come true but thanks to the Scagaren’s cheap labor needs, he gets to live that last one. And He seemed to really enjoy it when T’Pol started hugging his waist like there was no tomorrow. And they say there are no more cowboys.

9. AWWWWWWW. (Similtude)
We all knew Trip and T’Pol like each other, some of us think they love each other. But they never seem to do anything about it. Being adults they get bogged down in adult problems and worry about adult emotional entanglements like race and social differences. So God bless the kids I say. When young SimTrip starts liking girls, whose his first crush? Why pretty Ms. T’Pol that’s who. But T’Pol doesn’t want to be his Mrs. Robinson, she’s a little too busy. C’mon Polly the age gap isn’t that bad. Your 65 and he’s 4…days old.

8. Subtle, T’Pol. (Similtude)
During Neuro-Pressure T’Pol…I mean to say…Geez, I hate to be crude about this I really do but…well… she put his head in between her…Look, the really amazing thing about this isn’t what she did but what he DIDN’T DO! TUCKER, SHE LIKES YOU STUPID!

7. Wasn’t This A Scene In Chicago? (Harbinger)-
Oh, there have been others. A sexy reptile, the alien girl next door, a Denobulan swinger, a powerful monarch, the mysterious Natalie, and even Ruby the waitress (the ultimate Starfleet fantasy). But T’Pol’s never really sweated those girls, they were no threat and since she never really saw them together she could pretend they meant nothing to him since obviously they never lasted. But the threat has never been this real before. She’s never watched it with her own eyes and seen how happy Trip looks with these other girls. So when that…thing of a MACO starts…touching him…in public, T’Pol just friggin SNAPS! I can see the Springer episode now: “Homewrecking MACOs”

6. At Least There Wasn’t A Freaky Guy With Cheese. (Damage)-
Some people ask if androids dream of electric sheep. Well I have no idea but I know what Vulcans dream of. Sex in the shower. Boo Yah! Inspite of the awkward ending, T’Pol starts imagining all the different ways she can use the term “Could you soap up my back?”

5. “Uh, Aren’t You Getting Ahead Of Yourself?” (E2)-
Well, what ever happened to “I wouldn’t want to know.” Huh, Trip? He gets a little glimpse of the future and all of a sudden he’s planning the honeymoon! Talking about asteroid sand and palm trees…you gotta get her to say YES first man. Hell, you gotta ask before that happens!

4. “I’m Your What?” (E2)-
Okay, I guess this isn’t technically a ship moment but I have to say that this is the funniest face I’ve ever seen T’Pol make. As soon as Lorian calls her mother, she just has this thought process that seems to say, “Do they make a morning after pill for Vulcans?” If there was one thing that would drive her jaw to drop, it was this!

3. The End All, Be All, No Way Around It Best Ship Moment EVER (Similtude)-
DETHRONED OH WOE IS US! But it’s one of the best folks, cause the first time is always the sweetest. Knowing the real Trip won’t find out and driven by grief over the impending loss of Sim, T’Pol locks lips with Sim to give him a nice going away present. In my opinion, Sim was probably feeling a little bit better about the whole ‘dying for the cause’ after this. It’s still hard to top this moment folks…

2. The Sequel To The End All, Be All, No Way Around It Best Ship Moment EVER (Harbinger)-
…but not impossible. They have sex, Nuff Said.

And the number one Ship Moment of the year…

1. Drinks (Countdown) -
I know. I know. Out of a season of neruo pressure sessions, jealousy, admissions, kissing, and what ever the hell it was they did when the scene blacked out in Harbinger (Handcuffs? Whipped cream? Peaches?) I picked one throw away line in the middle of Countdown. What is wrong with me?

Well for all you crazy fools who dare question me, cram it and I’ll explain!

Unlike every other moment on this list, the scene in countdown was just what we REALLY want out of a ship moment: hope.

See before this scene there was still that “ships passing in the night, fun while it lasted” danger hanging over all of our heads. I mean, for every fan fic that has them getting married with kids, there are two that shows T’Pol going back to vulcan, getting herself purged and blah-blah-blah….we all read ‘em and honestly, we all thought this was how it would end.

But when I watched this moment, I saw T’Pol admitting that there was a future…even if it was in a little tiny way.

Any way, go check out my new review elsewhere on the board, I’m sure you’ll dig it!

ADDENDUM! [There were not enough ships in the above. A few more have surfaced.]

Most Eugenic Couple 2115 (Harbinger) T/AMANDA
God, they’d have uber-children! Look, I’m a devoutly heterosexual man in his early twenties but even I can admit Trip’s a fairly good looking man, I mean he landed T’Pol right? That’s gotta mean he’s got something. So combine those genes with the strong sexy MACO, Amanda, and what have you got? The basis for a super race of sexy, kung fu engineers with southern accents and dark, Mediterranean looks. They could have sex with ANYONE!

Ever Wonder? (Impulse, Countdown) T'P/HAWKINS
He’s destined to die tragically but before he did, Mr. Hawkins went down in history as the fourth crewmember to ever hit on T’Pol (Malcolm, Archer, Trip, now him). During Impulse the crazed Vulcan crew was the last thing on Hawkins’ mind when he started asking really weird, oddly cute questions about Vulcan emotions. Ah, so it’s like that. But in Countdown, it looks to me like Hawkins was jumping up to save his secret crush from certain vaporization. Wow, men will do anything for Jolene Blalock…

”No, I don’t have any Andorian in me…” (Proving Ground) T'P/Sh
But while we’ve only seen four CREWMEMBERS hit on T’Pol, Shran is just one of MANY visiting aliens who’ve tried to hunt the most dangerous game and get T’Pol’s digits. From Rajiin to Tolaris, everybody’s wanted to hook up with our resident science officer. But if you believe Myst, then you could say that Shran was the only who actually came close. Turning on the kind of mack only a character played by Jeffery Combs could possess, Shran starts complimenting her on her outfit and giving her career choice props…for a vulcan that is. Could it be Shran is trying to accelerate the peace process James Bond style? But T’Pol, while attracted in a "I wonder..." kind of way, is quick to shut him down. Obviously, Humans are still more advanced then Andorians in “Pick Up Line Technology.”

[and, a 17th T/T shipper moment!]

17. Unforgettable (The Forgotten)
War is hell. No one knows that more then Charles Tucker III. He’s lost his sister, a lot of his friends, and now his best engineer. Forced to write a letter to the lost crewman’s parents Trip starts to feel the weight of this Xindi conflict and there’s only one person on the ship who can make him feel better, T’Pol.

Return to Miscellany

Seven people have made comments

What can I say? LOVED IT! You certainly are entertaining Cursor....

Astute observations and witty turns of phrase - wonderful!

About Archer and Ensign Sato, didn't the descendent say that Archer's wife was another species, it couldn't have been a Sato descendent too. Unless Archer's kid, and her kid did it, then that might explain somethin'.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with picking that line as the best of the season, THECURSOR. Because it is! I loved it, too. :-)

Your report is great! I am glad you continued it and sure hope you will continue to write it. It's hilarious!

Well, drinks are nice, but I still place the scene in "Forgotten" above it. Because it gave us concrete proof of friendship, to go along with the mattress dancing.

what happen to season four

We find out the neuropressure treatment is T'Pol and Trip's courtship.

The night they had sex was the night they got married. They are bond mates now.

T'Pol take Trip home to her mother.
T'Pol says he's a colleague.
Mother knows she's bnded to Trip.
Trip tells her mother He loves T'Pol.

hey you are hreat i love these, oh man i hope you do the ones for 2004-2005 season long live enterprise