Deep Blue Sea - Chapter 3

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

ah hem, well, I enjoy well written sexual scenes/stories etc as much as the next fan, but parts of this are just not there at all! Fact is, I laughed out loud at some parts because they sounded so so silly.

I think I know what xxx xxx was talking about. Your descriptions are too clinical. Instead of describing just the interaction between them, you are describing too much! Ex:"She was over him in a parallel position. His right hand holding the bottom of her right cheek while the left hand held onto her left breast for more leverage as he sucked on her nipple. He roared at her as he was beginning to lose all senses, “arrhhhh, arrrhhhhh…” Overall, a good story, and I am looking foward to more chapters.

Thanks guys! I hear what you're saying too. Very helpful suggestions for next time. ;)

Interesting premise - good story.

Altho: Trip might not be too inconspicuous (erm, however ya spell it) in his NX-01 ballcap ;) Glad T'Pol and the Tuckers are all getting along so well - good thing the Admiral has a soundproof yacht.

Loving this!!! Detailed descriptions are very Victorian Lit., so no worries! ;) Can't wait for more!

Actually the story is quite good, I think what people above are expressing is that when you spell out everything, there is no room for imagination. You want them to get involved in the piece, ie tease their minds with words that can go many ways, but at the same time read clear enough so they tell a story. It is actually a fun craft, kind of like a puzzle that you are creating for them to solve. I get very tickled by the way I lay out a maze sometimes, knowing full well the reaction of the readers to what their minds can read into the piece. The trick to writing that way is to simply see the picture in your mind and only pick out the key things you want them to know and let their minds provide the rest of the story. Try it with your next piece and I think you will find it #1 easier to write. Pieces like that usually flow out of your brain and onto the page because you can enjoy writing them. and # 2 will leave you tickled imagining how the readers will see it. Lots of times using key phrases from the show that you know they will pick up on, gets them hooked because it stimulates their mind to put the character in it. Kind of like igniting little film clips in their heads. Their brain hits those sparce clues and is suddenly hooked because they can have a reference point in time. Ex: T'Pol often says "but it is not logical" That sparks you mind to one of those scenes and allows you to see her standing there straight and stiff with a questioning scowl on her face, so you don't have to write all that, because any fan knows that is what she does when she says it. I felt you story had a good flow and read well, I always like a good T&T romp. Keep up the good work...T.

You are so brave to do this... I wouldn't be uninhibited enough to get this... um... detailed. It would be really funny at breakfast if the walls weren't as sound-proof as they thought. : ) - D

I kinda wondered what the conversation at breaksfast would be myself ... since Trip had a separate room on the boat. I'm going to assume that his parents are conservative ....

Besides that my take on this hhmmmm STEAMY ....(makes me wonder why I don't have a boyfriend - cuz reading this by myself with no outlet isn't much fun.

MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow!!! good story but a little TMI on the last part. tone down the details just a wee little bit. but pretty good keep the stories comming

Hey Kelly, I got around to reading it, bout damn time!

You know some of it seemed really familiar until I realized it's b/c I beta'd one of these versions. I was wondering if you stole someone else's idea for the MLK speech, then realized it was you who I remembered doing it!

I think the NC17 rating is deserved on Ch. 3, no more no less - it's NC17 style, what you read is what you would see in an NC-17 or MA film, so it's game to me.

The story details are good so far, for me the first Ch. was hard to read b/c I've read about 50 "Lizzy-Funeral" stories and it's hard to stay interested. But it's not your fault, there's just so many of them out there now it's nearly impossible to stay original.

But the sailing cruise is brilliant, I look forward to more!

Hey Kelly, I got around to reading it, bout damn time!

You know some of it seemed really familiar until I realized it's b/c I beta'd one of these versions. I was wondering if you stole someone else's idea for the MLK speech, then realized it was you who I remembered doing it!

I think the NC17 rating is deserved on Ch. 3, no more no less - it's NC17 style, what you read is what you would see in an NC-17 or MA film, so it's game to me.

The story details are good so far, for me the first Ch. was hard to read b/c I've read about 50 "Lizzy-Funeral" stories and it's hard to stay interested. But it's not your fault, there's just so many of them out there now it's nearly impossible to stay original.

But the sailing cruise is brilliant, I look forward to more!

I just read it again because I'm at work and I needed some mental stimulus. (ok, not the right kind but ummmm whatever)

I still think you are brave and bold for chapter three ... although now that I've read it again, I wonder if T'Pol would really be into some of that activity ... considering she won't even touch her own food at the dinner table.

And as rhetorical question ... is Trip's brother kinda like Richie Cunningham's older brother Chuck ... only around for one season and then forgotten?

Kelly!

A huge well done from moi. I think the concept of the story is brilliant - I always love to imagine what Trip and T'Pol would be like in normal, everday situations! (wait....does that make me sad? :-P )
This story is like my thoughts in written form. LoL.

Very much looking forward to the next chapter being posted!

MM

TBC? TBCN! TO BE CONTINUED NOOOOWW!