Turn (R)- Ch. 5

Turn

By stub & Joe

DATE: 10-25-02
RATING: R
Disclaimers in Chapter 1

**************

Chapter 5

"What?!" Trip yelled. He stopped his nervous pacing and spun around to face T'Pol.

"I think you heard me. It is the logical decision," she said. Her gaze locked solidly with Trip's.

"You wanna terminate the pregnancy? Just like that? How very Vulcan of you, T'Pol," he spat. "A typically cold and calculating decision," he muttered. Trip glared at her for a moment longer and continued pacing the small room.

T'Pol narrowed her eyes at him. "I can think of many more reasons *not* to have this child, Commander. Would you like me to give you a few?"

"Oh, so we're back to titles now? What're you gonna do, pull rank on me? Order me to accept that I can't have a say in this?" Trip was seething. "This is just as much my kid as it is yours, which means I got an equal say in the matter! An' I think we should keep it! It's *our* child, T'Pol!"

T'Pol looked up at him, anger and frustration clouded her eyes. "What kind of life would our child have?" she asked quietly. "Half human, half Vulcan, torn between two cultures who couldn't be more different. An outcast in both societies, struggling to maintain some sort of identity."

"Why're you so goddamn pessimistic about this?" Trip countered. "Did y'ever think that maybe our kid would adjust and adapt just fine?? Be the best of both worlds? As parents, we could give our kid the self-confidence to hold his head high an' be proud of who he is!"

They both stood and glared at each other. Neither spoke for more than a minute. Finally Trip spoke. "You've already made up your mind, haven't you? Without even discussin' it?"

"I don't see what there is to discuss," she paused, "Trip."

He stared at her incredulously. "Hell, T'Pol, there's a lot to discuss! For starters, how about my side of the coin? Say we decided to keep the child. Don't you think we'd make good parents?"

T'Pol blankly stared back at Trip. "What sort of parents could we be? It's a moot point. We couldn't possibly care for a child out here."

Trip gave her a small smile. "Says who? C'mon T'Pol. At least think about it for a sec. Humor me, alright?"

T'Pol frowned. "Very well." She sat down on her bed and closed her eyes.

Trip paced for a bit. "Okay," he said, "what do you think?"

T'Pol opened her eyes and stared at him. "Perhaps if you gave me more than a minute, I could better answer your question," T'Pol responded.

"Oh...right," said Trip sheepishly, "I'll be in there." He motioned to her bathroom.

He went to the sink and splashed some water on his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror as he dried himself. Was he crazy? Crazy to even entertain the thought that they could raise a child? Let alone out in space?

His initial reaction, as demonstrated in his many debates with T'Pol, was to take the opposite side. Sometimes he did it to needle her even if he knew she was right. Other times he enjoyed just starting arguments because she was a very good sparring partner. This was obviously different and beyond anything they had ever disagreed over in the past. This was their child.

When Phlox first told them that something was wrong with T'Pol, he feared for the worst. He had truly grown to love T'Pol over the past few years and losing her would devastate him. Once he knew it was not life threatening, he had given a sigh of relief. Of course, the gut shot that followed was unbelievable.

T'Pol was pregnant. With a child...their child. It was unreal. Surreal even. Because of their difference in species, Trip had never considered T'Pol getting pregnant. He was fairly sure that T'Pol would not have thought it possible either. No, he was sure of that. She would never deceive him.

He closed his eyes. His mind was racing and he needed to slow it down. As long as he could talk to T'Pol about this, as long as they could make the decision together, he'd feel much better.

Trip knew how he felt and he unfortunately knew how she felt as well. He wanted to keep the child and she wanted to terminate it. Both, he believed, were knee jerk reactions but unlike other situations, there was only a black or white answer, no gray. He hoped she'd listen to reason and at least discuss this with him but she seemed pretty set in her ways. Damn.

Of course there were other factors to consider as well. The Vulcan Council, Starfleet Command, and Captain Archer were the immediate ones that came to mind. Maybe this was not the right decision? Aw hell. How had things become so complicated?

"Trip?" T'Pol said. She snapped her fingers to get his attention. "Trip?"

He jumped slightly. "Yeah?" In addition to his mind, his pulse was now racing too.

"I'm ready to talk."

***

He wanted to keep it? But how? T'Pol sat at the foot of her bed deep in thought. How could they possibly bring this child to term and raise it on a starship? What would the Vulcan Council think? What would Starfleet think? What would the Captain think? Her eyes snapped open and she looked around the room. Trip had retired to the bathroom to presumably collect his thoughts and she was alone. But not really...she was now with child. Their child. She closed her eyes again and tried to focus on the issue at hand, the welfare of their unborn child.

T'Pol had not thought it possible, conceiving a child with a human. If she had any idea this was possible, she would have taken precautions or made Trip do the same. Their relationship was already complicated enough without a third party making it more difficult. She had thought that third party was Captain Archer but evidently he was just a proverbial bump in the road. Things had become far worse because the third party now was an unborn child. What they had thought was over was really just beginning.

She had told Trip how she felt. They could not possibly allow this child to come into the world. Between the political nightmares and the possible demise of the mission, she was also simply not ready to be a mother. And Trip was certainly not ready to be a father. Or were they?

T'Pol pondered this further. Trip Tucker was a good man, she thought. He would probably make an excellent father. Perhaps she would make a good mother as well. She could not believe that she was actually allowing herself to have these thoughts. What had been a definite decision a few minutes ago was now an uncertain one. Trip was right. She did need time to think about this. And she now wanted to hear his side as well. What was it about this human that made her do the things she did?

She opened her eyes and sighed. She got up off the bed and walked to the bathroom.

"Trip?" T'Pol said. She snapped her fingers a couple of times to get his attention. "Trip?"

She saw him jump slightly. "Yeah?"

T'Pol's face flushed and she took a deep breath. "I'm ready to talk."

***

Trip and T'Pol made their way back towards the bed. T'Pol sat first and patted the spot next to her indicating that Trip should sit as well. She took his hand and began to speak.

"Trip, I took some time to think about it and..." she stopped herself short to make sure that she wanted to continue this sentence.

Trip placed his other hand over hers and looked into her eyes. "And what, T'Pol?"

T'Pol looked back at him and continued, "You're right, we need to discuss this further before we make a decision."

"Thank you," said Trip with a sigh of relief. "Thank you very much." He blinked back a tear.

T'Pol squeezed his hand. "I think you would make an excellent father. I even think that I might be a good mother."

"A great mother," he corrected. "Don't sell yourself short here."

"Thank you." She closed her eyes. "I feel that it is just not the right time." She turned away. "I think we could consider this in the future but just not now. There are too many outside factors."

"So, lemme get this straight, if I get what you're sayin', you would consider havin' a child with me if the circumstances were different?"

T'Pol pondered that for a minute. He *was* a good man. He made her feel different about herself. He had touched her in ways no one ever had, both figuratively and literally. She could see a future for them in some manner. Perhaps even one that included a family. This was just not the time though.

T'Pol spoke. "Yes, I suppose that I would consider that. If the circumstances were optimal."

Trip had a small smile playing on the edges of his mouth. "And if those circumstances were say, less than optimal, the answer would be no?"

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at?"

"Answer the question."

T'Pol arched a brow at him.

Trip sighed. His smile disappeared. "I'm tryin' to make a point is all."

T'Pol considered that. "What would you consider less than optimal?"

"That's what I'm tryin' to say here. When would things ever be right for us? When we get back home after the mission? There's gonna be more interference there than out here."

T'Pol knew he was right. "Yes, that is true."

Trip pressed on. "Out here is bad too because you say we could never care for a child in space. And there are issues out here as well, safety bein' number one. No matter where we raise this kid, we'll all be outcasts, whether it's on Earth, Vulcan or any alien world we choose to exile ourselves on."

T'Pol cocked her head to the side. "I know where you're going with this." She now knew why he was beginning to smile. "You're trying to tell me that there will never be an optimal time or place for us to have a child."

The smile began to grace his face again. "Exactly."

She continued, "And that since I am already pregnant, this may already be the optimal time."

"I can't pull one over on ya, can I? I never could."

T'Pol looked back at Trip and sighed heavily. "Trip, I just do not think it's possible. We can't do this. Not now. Not here. Maybe one day. I just don't know."

"T'Pol," Trip pleaded, "T'Pol, listen to me. We can do this. We can. It is possible. I love you."

T'Pol looked at Trip. "What did you say?"

"I said I love you. And I want you to have my child. I don't want this to slip away."

T'Pol's face went white. "I love you too, Trip." She kissed him softly on the lips. "But I need a little more time to think about this."

"I understand. I understand completely." Trip kissed her again and put his arms around her. He drew her close and buried his face in her shoulder.

T'Pol hugged him back while absently stroking his hair. She felt better now that Trip had said his peace but it was going to make her decision a lot harder. It was not his fault though. It seemed that fate had dealt them a tough hand. She knew where Trip stood but still had no idea whether she'd be standing next to him or across from him when all was said and done.

"Trip," she said.

"Yes, darlin'?" Trip raised his head.

"I need some time alone. I'm sorry. I need to think this through by myself for a while."

"Okay. S'ok. I'll see you in the morning then?" He untangled himself from her.

"Yes." T'Pol wrapped her arms around herself.

Trip rose from the bed and looked down at the woman carrying his child. This should have been such a happy time for them. Not a time filled with doubt, sadness and fear. He lifted her chin, kissed her on the cheek and took his leave.

T'Pol allowed herself to fall back onto the bed. She had quite a decision to make. She closed her eyes searching for an answer but all she had were questions. Curling into a fetal position, she opened her eyes searching for an escape and felt trapped by her quarters. She held herself tighter and began to do something decidedly un-Vulcan: she cried herself to sleep.

*****

Morning came and T'Pol sat on the edge of her bed contemplating her decision. It had been difficult but she felt that she made the right choice. Shortly after crying herself to sleep, she woke up and had stared at the ceiling for a while. In the back of her mind, she had entertained the notion that if the ceiling fell on her, she would not have to make the most difficult decision of her life. As T'Pol contemplated that thought, a revelation came to her. She was not really living.

Trip had always chided her for her reliance on logic and her inability to take a chance. Perhaps it was his insistence or a desire to prove him wrong but she had taken a chance on him. She had grown to enjoy having Trip as a friend and had more recently grown to enjoy him as a lover. In both instances, she had taken that leap of faith and added an element of chance that she sorely lacked in her life.

In the past, when T'Pol had thought of acting on impulse, she always held back. She always relied on logic and reason to carry her through. That was fine if you wanted to survive but not if you really wanted to live.

Trip had helped her truly live, to feel alive, and now she was determined to return the favor. He had opened her eyes to many things over the past few years and she was going to thank him for that. She was going to have his child and to hell with the consequences. She loved Trip and wanted to have his child...their child.

T'Pol rose from her bed, dressed for duty, and headed for sickbay. She needed to have a talk with Dr. Phlox.
***********
Continued in Chapter 6

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