Turn (R)- Ch. 7

Turn

By stub & Joe

DATE: 10-25-02
RATING: R
Disclaimers in Chapter 1

**************

Chapter 7

Trip tapped his foot impatiently as the lift slowed to a stop. Archer had just notified Dr. Phlox of the emergency. The doors to the lift whooshed open and Trip was off again, running towards Sickbay, Archer close behind.

"DOC!" Trip cried as he hurried into the medical bay.

Phlox was waiting and rushed towards the two commanders. "Place her here on this biobed, Commander," he ordered, running a scan over the Vulcan.

Trip did as he was told, brushing away the sweat-soaked hair from her forehead. T'Pol curled into the fetal position, softly groaning. Her eyes were shut tight against the pain as tears trickled down her temples.

"T'Pol," whispered Trip, dropping a light kiss on the top of her head. "It's gonna be alright, hon. It'll be okay." He gently stroked her hair.

"Hon?" said Archer aloud. "Trip?"

"Not now, Cap'n," growled Trip.

"Trip, what's going on?" Archer asked again, a little more firmly.

"Not now, Jon." Trip's voice was strong but fearful.

"Doc?" Archer was beginning to get worried.

Phlox turned to Trip. "Have you informed the captain of your situation yet?"

Archer looked at Trip. "Situation?"

Trip looked uneasy. "No, not yet Doc."

"Well perhaps this might be a good time to have that discussion with Captain Archer," suggested Phlox. He looked pointedly at Trip.

The engineer blanched. "But Doc, T'Pol..."

"Commander, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I need space to work," said Phlox calmly but with an urgent undertone. Trip looked up at him, a blank expression on his face. The doctor threw the captain a pleading glance.

"C'mon, Trip," said Archer gently, "let's give the Doc some room." He grasped the younger man by the shoulders and steered him out of the way. Phlox quickly shut the curtain around the bed, closing the men out.

Archer led the distraught Trip to a small recovery room off the main room. He sat Trip down in a nearby chair and watched his friend trying to maintain calm. Trip's gaze remained focused on the door, his eyes shining with unshed tears. His hands absently rubbed up and down his thighs.

"Trip? What's going on?" said Archer softly.

The engineer's gaze shifted to the man before him. "Jon," he choked. His hands stilled and Trip looked at Archer. "We were just about to tell you," Trip said hoarsely.

Archer leaned forward and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Tell me what?"

Trip waved a hand towards the door. "She's...T'Pol's pregnant," he whispered. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"Pregnant?" Archer asked incredulously. He removed his hand from Trip's shoulder and sat down across from him. "T'Pol is pregnant?" He repeated the question aloud. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "How?"

"Dunno," said Trip, shaking his head. "Well, obviously...we...you know..." Trip found it a little difficult to have this discussion with his Captain. He tried to divert the course of this conversation. "We didn't think it was possible."

"I'm guessing you know it's possible now. Obviously you've underestimated the wonders of biology," Archer said coolly. "How long?"

Trip looked puzzled. "Huh?" He was still somewhat dazed.

"How long have you known she was pregnant?" Archer's tone changed slightly.

"We jus' found out a few days ago," Trip replied. "We were gonna tell you, honest." He sniffed back a tear.

"How...how did you find out?" Archer asked quietly.

"Doc was runnin' some scans on her when she wasn't feelin' well, I guess."

Archer stopped him. "So Doctor Phlox knew as well? I guess that explains him reminding you to discuss this with me. This situation." He spit the last word out like it was burning his tongue. He was getting madder by the minute.

"Like I said," Trip replied, "he was runnin' some tests." He didn't like where this was going.

"And he found out she was pregnant." Archer got up from his chair and took a defensive stance. "And he didn't tell me."

"It's doctor-patient confidentiality. It'd be unethical for him to talk to you about a patient without their consent, Jon. You know that."

"But I'm the captain, Trip. Something like this directly affects everyone on this ship." Archer looked indignant. "My ship."

Archer stood in silence, staring at his friend. After a few minutes, Trip noticed that Archer wasn't saying anything. "Jon?"

"How long, Trip?"

"I jus' told ya, Jon. A few days..."

"No, that's not what I mean." Archer kept the emotion out of his voice. "How long have you two been sleeping together?"

Trip sighed heavily and said, "Just a few weeks. Since the explosion in Engineering." He looked at Jon and narrowed his eyes. "We stopped before we found out she was pregnant."

Archer sat down, leaned back in the chair and shook his head. He glared at Trip. "I thought you two were 'just friends.' Meditation partners and friends, right? Isn't that what you've been telling me for years?"

"Jon," Trip started. He sat up straight, suddenly realizing why he'd been dreading this conversation. "It just happened. Hell, we've been meditatin' together for years. It just started...all of a sudden. Neither one of us saw it comin'."

"Something like that doesn't just happen overnight, Trip," Archer commented.

"No, I guess not. But whatever triggered it just kinda hit us an' the next thing ya know, we're in each others' arms." Trip looked at Jon and shrugged.

Archer nodded absently, nostrils flared. "Why'd you stop?"

"We both came to the same conclusion that this couldn't go anywhere."

"Well I'd say it went somewhere, Trip," Jon said. "She's pregnant for godsakes!"

"I know that!" snapped Trip. He was getting angry now. "If you'd been listenin' t'me you'd have heard me say that neither one of us, let alone the Doc, thought this was even possible! We were gonna tell you but I knew this would happen. I was dreadin' tellin' you because I knew you'd freak on me for professional reasons," said Trip. He thought for a moment and added quietly, "but that's not all. This is personal, isn't it?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," spat Archer.

"Oh?" Trip sat back and folded his arms. "I don't, huh?"

The captain said nothing. The two men glared at one another.

Trip stood up and walked towards the door to the small room. He tried looking through the small window, but T'Pol and Phlox were just out of sight. He sighed heavily and turned around to look at Archer.

"You were hopin' somethin' might happen with you and her, weren't you?" Trip finally asked. "I thought you were over that years ago."

"I am over that," said Archer defensively.

"Obviously you're not," returned Trip. "You've been pinin' away for T'Pol this whole time." He bowed his head, trying to rein in his temper and added, "You feel hurt and betrayed."

"What makes you say that?"

"I see what's goin' on here, Jon. You're either mad that I didn't tell you sooner or you're mad that you weren't the one to get to her first." Trip was fuming. "I'm willin' to bet it's the latter."

"Don't be ridiculous, Trip," said Archer calmly. "Where are you getting this from?"

"This entire conversation!" Trip pointed a finger at Jon. "You're way more concerned with how long I've been sleepin' with T'Pol than the fact that she could be in there dyin'!" His voice cracked on the last word. "If ya truly cared about her, her well-being would be the first thing you'd be thinkin' about. Not this."

"Don't be stupid!" Archer replied coldly. "Is that the kind of man you think I am?"

"Stupid? You're callin' me stupid now?" Trip glared at his friend. "I don't believe this. An' ta think that I was worried about gettin' a lecture from you about Vulcan/Human relations bein' all messed up because of this. I shoulda known you'd be madder about me bein' with her. You're jealous, Jon! That's the kind of man I think you are."

"You think I'm jealous?" snapped Archer. He didn't know how to respond to that so he brushed it off. "You know, Trip, I think you should be less concerned with my emotional state and more concerned with the mess I'm going to have to clean up for you two. This is going to be a diplomatic nightmare."

Trip stared at Jon. He shook his head and sat back down, a derisive snort escaping him. "Your timin' sucks, Jon, ya know that? Maybe if you'da told me you still had somethin' for her, none of this would've happened. You had enough time fer Christ's sakes."

"So this is my fault?" Archer shot back. "What if I had told you? How would things be any different? You said it yourself, Trip, it just happened."

"At least I would have known she was off limits!" Trip returned. "You can't have it both ways, Jon."

The two men stared at each other for a long minute and finally Archer looked away. Trip's gaze drifted back to the door.

Archer sighed heavily. "I guess it doesn't matter now, does it? What's done is done."

Trip nodded and looked at Jon. "I honestly didn't know," he huffed. He idly rubbed his palms on his thighs and once again dropped his gaze from Archer's face.

"Can I just ask you one thing?" said Archer. He got up and began to pace the small room.

Trip looked up. "What?"

"Do you love her?"

"What kinda question is that? 'Course I do! T'Pol is one of the best friends I have!"

"But are you in love with her?" Archer clarified. "If this was just a quick- "

"It wasn't, dammit!" Trip insisted, standing again. They stood glaring at each other again before Trip continued through clenched teeth, "I resent you even askin' that. This is neither the time nor place for this, Jon."

Archer looked at Trip. "You're right. This isn't the time or place for this." There was a twinge of remorse in his voice.

The door to the little room opened then and Dr. Phlox entered. He stood just inside the doorway and regarded the two humans cautiously. "Gentlemen," he said quietly.

"How is she, Doc?" they both asked in unison, their argument momentarily forgotten.

Phlox studied them both for a moment before his gaze fell on Trip. "T'Pol is resting. She'll be fine in a few days."

Trip breathed a sigh of relief. "That's great, Doc. I-"

"Please, Mr. Tucker, let me finish." He paused, took a deep breath and looked down. "I wasn't able to save the baby, Commander. There were too many complications. I'm deeply sorry."

"Oh God," Trip whispered. "Oh no...T'Pol..." He felt like he'd just been socked in the stomach, the air leaving his lungs in a giant huff of shock. He backed up a couple steps and hit the wall. Trip's eyes glistened and darted wildly around the room, unable to find a focal point.

"Trip," Jon started. "I'm so sorry." He reached a hand out to him, but Trip knocked it away.

"Don't, Jon. Not now...I can't." Trip looked away from Archer and struggled to rein in his emotions. Everything started to crash down around him.

"Can I see her?" Trip asked the floor. His voice was barely audible. The doctor only nodded and gently grasped Trip's elbow, leading him out of the small room. Jonathan Archer stayed behind and sank heavily into a nearby chair and resumed Trip's earlier position of looking at the floor.

** ** ** **

Phlox led Trip to T'Pol's bedside. She was covered in a light sheet. Her hair was mussed and her features pale. Trip winced as he saw her.

"She's been sedated. She won't wake up until sometime tomorrow," Phlox said quietly. He pulled a chair closer to the biobed and turned to leave. "I'm sorry, Mr. Tucker. I'll be in the other room if you need me," he said and closed the curtain behind him.

Alone now with T'Pol, he took her hand and bent over her sleeping form. He placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled back slowly. He stared at her. He bit his bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears.

He wanted desperately to know what happened. Was it because of her? Was it because of him? The mere thought that they weren't compatible for this jerked a choked sob from him. Trip had no answers to the questions swirling around in his head. He hoped like hell the doctor would know something, anything, as to why T'Pol's body rejected the child.

Trip allowed everything to sink in. They'd lost the baby. The miracle they were going to share was impossible after all. And Trip almost lost T'Pol in the process. This woman lying on the bed before him meant the world and then some to him, Trip realized.

He pulled the chair closer and sat down. Trip grasped her hand and held on tight. He closed his eyes. The floodgates had opened and the tears now spilled freely down his cheeks. As he thought about everything he had, everything he could have had, more sobs wracked his body.

Long minutes passed as he wept silently at her side. He had no idea how T'Pol would react to the news that they'd lost the baby. Trip thought he knew her pretty well but couldn't imagine what this was going to do to her. He had to be strong for her...for himself. He tried to compose himself by wiping his face with his sleeve. He looked at her face once more, his chest tightening into another sob. Trip clutched at her hand and lowered his head to rest on the bed. He turned his head toward the wall and stared at nothing for a while. Small tears continued to meander their way down his face. When exhaustion caught up to him and no more tears came, Trip finally closed his eyes and let sleep claim him.

** ** ** **

He was vaguely aware of gentle fingers running through his hair. Trip sat up with a start, finding himself in Sickbay. He looked around quickly and his gaze settled on T'Pol. She was awake and looking at him. Her face was impassive as always.

"Good morning," she said softly. Her hand reached out to him.

"Mornin'," Trip replied. He tried to smile as he grasped her hand. He couldn't do it and looked away. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Trip," whispered T'Pol. She tugged his hand to get him to look at her. "I know. The doctor told me."

Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, Trip squeezed her hand and tried to hold in the sobs that were threatening again. "Oh God, T'Pol. I'm sorry," he managed to choke out. He leaned forward and buried his face in her neck, careful not to touch her middle. T'Pol wrapped her arms around him as best she could and held his shaking form as he wept.

He kept repeating his apology into her shoulder like a mantra. Finally T'Pol guided him back so she could look into his face. "Why do you keep apologizing?" she asked him softly, cupping his cheeks. "This is not your fault, Trip. Why do you blame yourself?"

"If I hadn't wanted to see you lose control, none of this woulda happened," Trip whispered. "If I didn't push you, we wouldn't have had sex, I wouldn't have gotten you pregnant and you wouldn't have lost the baby." He couldn't look her in the eye. "This all could have been avoided if I hadn't been so damn selfish."

"Trip," T'Pol began, "you are not selfish. You're the most giving human I have ever met."

Unable to speak, Trip looked at his lover through his tears. He bit his bottom lip and nodded once.

T'Pol's thumbs gently stroked Trip's cheeks and jaw. She blinked back unshed tears and said, "You told me once that everything happens for a reason. Do you remember that?"

Trip, his head still down, nodded. "Yeah."

"Do you really think this, us, wouldn't have happened? Do you think it was just your desire to see me lose control? We both know that's not true. It was a long time coming, Trip. It would have happened eventually."

"You think so?" he sniffed.

"Yes, I do. It was unavoidable." T'Pol paused. "I never asked you to stop, did I?"

Trip looked up. "No, I guess you didn't." He wiped at his face, trying to hide a small smile.

"Perhaps having a child was just not meant to be. We may not be destined for parenthood," T'Pol replied.

"Can't change the course of Destiny, huh?" Trip said. "I'm sorry things turned out this way." He then felt the lump return to his throat as he watched T'Pol's bottom lip quiver, just a bit. He felt his own doing the same. "You don't regret it?" he choked out.

"I regret nothing of my time with you. I enjoyed everything," she said, a tear finally escaping. It rolled down her cheek uninhibited. "It was a wonderful experience. It still is." She gripped his hand tighter.

Trip watched the tear travel down her face and disappear under her jaw. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. "I love you more than anything, t'hy'la. For as long as I live," he whispered.

T'Pol raised an eyebrow and allowed a slight smile to play across her lips. "T'hy'la? Where did you learn that word?"

He kissed her again and replied, "You've taught me a lot, T'Pol. More than you'll ever know." Trip finally felt he had a reason to smile. He grasped her other hand, his lifeline, and held it tightly.

"Trip?" T'Pol said quietly. Her eyes were shining. "I love you too, t'hy'la."

Trip's smile grew broader as he leaned in and rested his head next to hers. They were going to make it, he thought.

Continued in Epilogue

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