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Personal Logs of a Vulcan
Author - ginamr | Genre - Angst | Genre - Vignette | Main Story | P | Rating - PG
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Personal Logs of a Vulcan
She paused slightly before sitting in front of the terminal, staring at the blank screen for a moment. “Computer, begin recording.” A chirp and the sudden appearance of the recording screen acknowledged that the command had been received and accepted.
Doctor Soong is now safely detained in his prison cell. However, the events of the last several days, which have been the central focus of my meditations, have brought forth many more questions than answers.
I cannot help but reflect on Trip’s words to me this afternoon:
It is the first conversation of which I can remember where there were no secrets. He did not hide his affections when I brought up that he had been avoiding me. There are many things I wish I had said, among them how grateful I was that he had attended the ceremony.
As I sit now, I reflect upon the time we have shared together. Among them are my memories of the mealtime in which his persuasion that I try catfish finally succeeded.
The logical part of me insisted that the only reason I did so was in the hope that if I disliked it, he would desist with his efforts. But there was another part of me, of which I have not been aware since I was a child, that was curious.
I remember when I spoke with Soval about why we do not eat meat. Of course, I had been told since I was a child that we did not eat meat because it is barbaric. But a part of me thought there must have been a more logical explanation. Soval provided that we did not eat meat as meat had many unhealthy components and that important nutrients in meat such as protein could be found elsewhere. I concede that this is a much more logical argument.
She paused for a moment before continuing.
After recent events, I have begun to wonder if I indeed pursued the correct course of action in marrying Koss. A part of me believes there must be more to my mother’s acceptance of her dismissal. Never have I known her to accept life-changing events with such ease.
Also, she adjusted oddly well to Trip’s presence. She even seemed to approve of him. I do not know what occurred between them that caused this sudden acceptance on her part, but her acceptance of him only succeeded in making my marriage to Koss more difficult to proceed with.
Witnessing Trip out of the corner of my eye, watching the ceremony with what Humans call a broken heart, nearly made me call a halt to the ceremony. Seeing the longing in his eyes stirred something within me as well.
I felt an overwhelming desire to be back in my mother’s kitchen where we had prepared the morning meal together, before I had learned of my mother’s dismissal and before Koss had come. I had felt a calm then that I had not felt in many years. Words were not needed between us as our expressions and cautious touches said what could not be said between us. I wonder at times if words were spoken freely between us with no boundaries and no restrictions, what would be said.
I once overheard a conversation between Ensign Sato and Crewman Cutler on the topic of love. Both expressed their affections for a male crewmember whom they wished would take notice of them. Curious, I sought further information from the ship’s databanks. Love was the most commonly referred to theme in the literary texts of Earth.
I happened upon an intriguing Terran poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning most aptly named “How Do I Love Thee?” I believe the words read as follows:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
Of all of the Terran literary texts I have read on the subject of love, this work seems to most accurately describe the feelings I have seen expressed between Human mates. The author of this piece seems to capture the very essence of this mysterious concept.
I confess myself intrigued and oddly moved by the emotion displayed by this Terran poet. But perhaps love doesn’t mean the same things for all. A deeper exploration would presumably allow for a deeper understanding.
Again, she paused for a moment before continuing.
Upon my reflections of love, the words of my older self come forth in my mind:
The emotions he stirred in me were powerful…frightening. I tried to push him away. If Enterprise hadn’t been stranded in the past, it’s possible I never would have married Trip. But I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without him.
There’s a human expression…follow your heart.
Even though the events that occurred aboard the other Enterprise did not occur in the current timeline, I can sincerely echo her words in that I cannot imagine what my last few years aboard Enterprise would have been like if Trip had not been a part of them.
Suddenly, the com on the far wall chimed. “Computer, end recording and save.” The computer chirped in acknowledgement as T’Pol stood and made her way toward the com panel.
“You’re needed on the bridge, ma’am.”
“Acknowledged. I am on my way.” With this, T’Pol put out the candle burning on her desk and exited her quarters, making her way toward the bridge.
Fin (for now)
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A whole mess of folks have made comments
What a satisfyingly angsty snippet of romance to brighten my Saturday morning. I wouldn't have thought it possible to keep T'Pol in character while quoting Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but you pulled it off admirably. Thank you!
T'Pol would not have tried catfish because Trip would not have pestered her to try it.
in reponse to Kevin...Not to sound rude, but that was the VULCAN half's motive. a part of her was CURIOUS. curiosity seems to be the reason for a lot of T'Pol's actions throughout the series...
Kissing Sim, for example. that was most likely motivated by curiosity and possibly a bit of want.
the scene in harbinger...well, she already knew what it was like to kiss him obviously cuz it's gonna be the same as kissing Sim, but her curiosity and admitions on both their part of being attracted to one another made her wonder what it would be like to have Trip make love to her...
...or so the theory goes. as i said, curiosity seems to drive a lot of the very un-Vulcan things she does.
The story plainly says that Trip tried to persuade her to try catfish. I can't think of a single instance in the whole series where Trip tries to get T'Pol to do something offensive to her culture. Here is the line:
"Among them are my memories of the mealtime in which his persuasion that I try catfish finally succeeded."
The word "finally" implies he tried more than once. Trip knows Vulcans are vegetarians and I cannot recall a single thing in the series that would lead me to believe he would try to get T'Pol to try eating meat.
Kissing Sim cannot be used as a justification here because she initiated that. Sim didn't try to persuade her to kiss him in the episode.
Trip did meet some Vulcans in Fusion who ate meat, so he knew it wasn't toxic to her. Maybe he was just trying to get her to expand her horizons a little... in a teasing sort of way... the way he did with the pecan pie, even though he knew that Vulcans don't generally indulge in such frivolous and questionably nutritious foods. I understand your discomfort with possibly portraying Trip in a bad light, Kevin, but I don't think it would necessarily be out of character for Trip to tease her about widening her experiences with food. He DOES tend to encourage her to challenge her preconceptions about a lot of things. I don't think he would have done it in an obnoxious way, though. It's just that catfish is one of his favorite foods. I can see him playfully offering her a bite everytime he had some, wanting to share the pleasure with her, and her finally giving in after the third or fourth time out of simple curiosity... not because he was badgering her.
I agree that Trip would have known better than to try and get T'Pol to eat catfish, pecan pie maybe, but catfish, i am not so sure. Otherwise the piece was lovely, a nice bit of introspection on T'Pol's part. Very nicely done. T...
I liked it. About the catfish thing... I could see Trip saying it in a sort of flippant way, not really expecting her to actually try it.
That was the picture I saw as well... plus the flabbergasted look on his face when she actually took a bite. Kind of like his expression in Harbinger when she dropped that robe, LOL!
I thank Distracted for understanding me!!! I thought about it myself and realized that Trip was always teasing T'Pol about being narrow minded. And I thought that such would be a good example of just how close they'd become.
"The word "finally" implies he tried more than once. Trip knows Vulcans are vegetarians and I cannot recall a single thing in the series that would lead me to believe he would try to get T'Pol to try eating meat."
Kevin, you seem to be one of the main ones I'm responding to. As Distracted has said, my picture was of Trip teasing her about trying it. And of course Trip wouldn't have tried to poison her!!
"Kissing Sim cannot be used as a justification here because she initiated that. Sim didn't try to persuade her to kiss him in the episode."
That was meant as example of curiosity, not necessarily be teased into it. She was curious, perhaps, about what it would be like to kiss him. I saw the episode and know that Sim didn't really ask her to...which is what made it so sweet!!!
and as I said the first time, curiosity seems to drive a lot of the very un-Vulcan things she does.
You can't use the show Fusion for cover because in that episode only one of the Vulcans ate meat and Trip wasn't in the room at the time. T'Pol made her feelings clear to the Captain about their behavior so if he would have happened to pass it along to Trip, he would have also passed along how offensive their behavior was to T'Pol.
In either Damage or The Forgotten Trip assures T'Pol that she can pick the pepperonis off her pizza. If she had already tried catfish, then he wouldn't have worried about the pepperonis unless somehow there is also this Vulcan fish versus pork thing to worry about. While pecan pie is an example of him trying to share his favorite foods with her, he also knows it doesn't contain anything Vulcans find offensive.
The problem I have is with the way it is written. "Finally" does not mean he did it once. He had to have done it many times. Trip treats T'Pol with far more respect after season 1 to have done it and there isn't evidence a season 1 T'Pol would have eaten meat.
Regardless of how you view T'Pol and her carnivorous exploration, which is difficult to justify in and of itself, the way the story is written relies on Trip behaving in season 3 or 4 in a way that can't be justified based on what we saw in the show.
That's why I said what I did. The premise relies on Trip behaving in a way that is not consistent with is character and T'Pol's exploration is based on that behavior. It relies on both Trip and T'Pol acting very much out of character.
I liked it, thank you! :)
So many details! Regardless I really liked the piece. I just thought of Trip saying the catfish thing in a flippant manner, and man, to see the reaction on his face if she were to accept it! Regardless of the implications, this was really well written story.
Alright everyone...I'm stuck on a title for the next in the Continuing Star Trek: Enterprise. I need your all's help. Email me your title ideas.
Summary: As the new leader of the Betazed people, Kestra attends continued alliance talks along with Earth, Andoria, Tellar, Vulcan, and Alpha Centauri. The destruction of the Earth Embassy and the kidnapping of Kestra Grax leaves the talks in ruins. Is there any hope for the alliance?
I don't want to pick on ginamr, because others of you have been doing the same thing; however, the comments left here are NOT, let me repeat NOT, intended as a writing seminar. It is perfectly appropriate for people to leave comments about a story and for the author to respond to a specific story.
However, you have problems with a story you are writing, then the proper place to ask is in the Fanfiction forum of the HoTBBS.
Please DO NOT respond to the request for story ideas. Ginamr, please start a new thread in the fanfiction forum. Everyone else, please respond there.