Parting and Never Parted

Parting and Never Parted

By MissAnnThropic

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine. I’m just a sad little fangirl that spends her days writing fanfic and watching taped episodes of her favorite shows. Sad, isn’t it? :(
Email: miss_annthropic@yahoo.com
URL: wickmoo.com
Spoilers: “These Are the Craptacular, Shitastic Facsimiles of a Series Finale” aka “These Are the Voyages”
Summary: Archer learns how Vulcans grieve.

A/N: Many thanks to Lady Kate for proof-reading this for me and for helping me out with the title, because my working title sucked! Oh, and also I must ask everyone to pardon my Vulcan. I do not know the language, so I just hunted and pecked around on online Vulcan dictionaries to cobble together the sentences found in this fic. I just guessed at the grammar and syntax. One would think that with at least mild proficiency in three languages (including my native language, of course) I could make a pretty good guess, but alas I fear I butchered the Vulcan tongue. Forgive me. Surak would be ashamed of me.

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Captain Jonathan Archer moved slowly through the corridors of the Enterprise. He was in no hurry. It was late-night for the ship, the alpha shift was asleep and beta shift in the middle of their duty rotation. There was a somber, quiet feel in the air. Archer wondered, if the ship could have spoken, if the Enterprise would have said that she grieved the loss of her chief engineer. It may have been only metal alloys and circuits but Archer could almost swear the ship felt sad. Her sounds seemed to echo and keen lowly, with sorrow, rather than sing and hum contently. As much as Enterprise was Archer’s ship, she had really been Trip’s darling more. Trip had nurtured the ship like a child, or a lover... an engineer’s tie to his vessel was of a different kind than that to the captain. Enterprise may have been sent into battle on Archer’s word, but it was Trip’s hands and care that soothed and healed the powerful vessel when she suffered for her captain’s brashness.

Archer sighed to himself and realized he was being very human. T’Pol would tell him he was projecting his own grief on to his ship. If captain and vessel were at times as one, then Archer decided Enterprise could grieve, too.

It had been two days since his big speech, but Archer didn’t think in those terms. To him, it had been three days since Trip died. The memorial service had been wrapped up in the flurry of the delegation convention. That wasn’t right, Trip had been shuffled in with the chaos of politics. Archer would have another, more fitting and private ceremony for his best friend when the admiralty finally came after Enterprise to decommission her. It would only be a matter of days, and the crew would have even more cause to grieve and gather together.

History would recall these days as the dawn of a new era, a time of hope and elation for the human race, but for Archer it only felt like loss after loss, agony and sorrow just behind the mask of congenial diplomacy. Trip would have seen the irony in that, and he would have gotten a laugh out of Archer for his gloomy, straight-speaking ways on the matter.

Archer found that his feet had carried him to sickbay and instead of questioning his questing legs he commanded the door open. Sickbay, like the rest of the ship, was quiet and still. The lights were dimmed for night, but knowing Enterprise’s last days as an active ship of the fleet were coming to an end made it seem like the mighty ship was already powering down for a lonely death as a museum piece.

Archer stepped slowly into the medbay and for a moment thought perhaps it was a mistake. The corners and shadows in every place he turned on the ship had been packed with memories, and sickbay was no exception. For Archer, the most vivid and visceral memory of sickbay was Trip dying.

Archer faltered, came to a stuttered halt, and stood in the middle of the room for a moment and contemplated flight. He alternated between grieving for Trip and being very angry at him. He had sacrificed himself so that Archer could make it to that all-important meeting to give some damn speech. Trip kept calling it Archer’s ‘big day’. Archer could have slapped Trip; would have loved it if Trip was still there to slap. Archer would have given up his place in history, if that’s truly what that speech was, to save his friend. He would have been late for the entire meeting, AWOL at Starfleet’s chagrin, if only it would have kept his crew intact. So close to the ship’s permanent place in dock and Trip had to die.

Archer was lost in his own dark places and startled faintly when he heard a soft voice. “Captain.”

Archer turned and saw Phlox come out of the shadows with a PADD in hand.

“Doctor.”

“Do you need something?”

Even the Denobulan sounded somber and subdued. Trip had been close to everyone on the ship, that was just the presence he had. The scope of his influence only erupted into true clarity when it was his loss that stung them all so deep.

“No, I was just... well, I’m not really sure what I was doing. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d walk the ship.”

Phlox nodded and pursed his lips in a puffing frown.

“It feels like this place has already shut down,” Archer commented sadly. The captain moved toward one of the biobeds and ran his fingers along the cleanly pressed covering. His lips tugged down into a frown, and the more he fought it the more his anguish at losing his best friend seemed to boil to the surface.

“Trip...” Archer abruptly said, then seemed to take a moment to collect himself. “He kept saying that this was the beginning of a new chapter in human history. He believed the delegation was the start of something great.”

Phlox grunted acknowledgement.

Archer shook his head and looked upward. “All these years on Enterprise, all the things we’ve seen, good and bad, and he was always so sure mankind would rise above ourselves to become something really wondrous. He kept that faith in humanity even at times when I wasn’t so sure anymore. He knew with a certainty I can’t begin to comprehend that people could be better.” Archer looked down and muttered lowly, “I miss that. That was missing at the delegation.”

“It seemed to go well.”

Archer shook his head and said, “I gave my speech, and I didn’t screw up, but it didn’t feel like a new beginning for mankind. It felt like a show, a facade... because I knew Trip wasn’t in the back with that smile of his.” Archer looked toward Phlox and the Denobulan seemed to understand completely.

“I just... I can’t look to the future and not see all the times Trip won’t be there to experience.” Archer smirked sardonically. “Strange... being captain of the Enterprise we’ve seen our share of trouble, and I’ve lost men before... somehow, at this point, I thought everyone was safe. I didn’t expect to lose anyone else so close to Enterprise being decommissioned... least of all Trip.”

“I’m certain it will get better in time. Soon you’ll be able to look at the future and see more than the commander’s loss.”

“I know, but right now... I just can’t see the good days, not the way everyone wants me to, because Trip should have been there for the good days. He worked as hard as anyone on this crew, if not harder, to have those days.”

Archer turned away from the biobed and faced Phlox, leaning back to perch on the edge of the bed and cross his arms in a gesture that reminded Archer very much of his late chief engineer. “Sorry to unload on you, Doctor.”

“Quite all right, Captain. Quite honestly, it’s good to have a chance to talk about how much Commander Tucker’s absence is affecting everyone.”

“Everyone misses him,” Archer noted sadly. “The crew’s not the same without him. The ship’s not the same. I guess that will get better in time, too.”

Archer looked at Phlox and noticed the Denobulan’s face drawn and concerned. After ten years with the doctor Archer had gotten good at reading Phlox and at that moment the Denobulan’s expression seemed to speak of more than mere sorrow at Trip’s death. There seemed to be concern, as well.

“Doctor? Is something wrong?”

Phlox took in a breath and said, “I’m concerned about one of the crewmen, Captain.”

“Someone in particular... who?”

“Commander T’Pol.”

Archer thought on the matter a moment. “I haven’t seen much of her since the conference. She said she wanted to take some time to meditate and I told her to take whatever time she needed. I know she and Trip were friends.” Archer smiled sadly. “Trip was probably the best friend T’Pol had on this ship.”

Phlox nodded in agreement but that did not alleviate the worried look on Phlox’s face. The doctor consulted the PADD in his hand and Archer’s concern began to mount.

“Doctor? Is there something wrong with T’Pol I don’t know about?”

Phlox seemed to debate answering only a moment. “Captain... I’m worried that the death of Commander Tucker will have an adverse effect on her.”

Archer’s expression hardened. “His death is having an ‘adverse effect’ on all of us.”

“I know, but I mean that in T’Pol’s case the situation may be much more serious than mere sadness.”

“So what is it?”

Phlox looked consternated at the prospect of divulging T’Pol’s personal information. “Captain... were you aware of Commander Tucker and Commander T’Pol’s relationship several years ago?”

Archer was. “About six years ago. I know they were in a relationship, but that’s been over for a long time.”

“I’m afraid that an intimate relationship does not end so easily for a Vulcan.”

“I don’t follow.”

Phlox frowned and sighed. “You were never told because Commander T’Pol asked me to keep it in my confidence, but... when Commander Tucker and Commander T’Pol were in a romantic relationship they developed a bond.”

“Bond?”

Phlox nodded. “When a Vulcan takes a mate a psychic bond is formed between the partners. This bond serves to bring the two individuals closer; it allows them to access one another’s emotions and thoughts. It is a very intense, personal phenomenon, and Vulcans do not like to discuss it with outsiders. T’Pol asked me not to tell you about it.”

“You mean that Trip and T’Pol had one of these bonds?”

Phlox nodded.

Archer, thrown, countered, “But Trip wasn’t Vulcan.”

“It appears that human and Vulcan neurology are similar enough that the bond was permitted to form. Typically this manner of bond only forms between married couples.”

Archer’s eyes widened. “I... I had no idea Trip and T’Pol were ever that serious.”

Phlox shuffled on his feet. “For a short time, yes, it was that serious, though I do not know if Commander Tucker was ever fully aware of the depth of his connection to T’Pol or its meaning in Vulcan terms. After the death of their daughter they began to ‘drift apart’, I believe is the human colloquialism.”

“I know... Trip was in a funk for a long time after Elizabeth died. T’Pol wasn’t doing so great, either. I kind of thought they would have turned to one another to get through it rather than grow apart.”

Phlox shrugged. “As did I, Captain, but romantic entanglements are unruly things.”

Archer chuckled, his tone hollow and humorless.

Phlox regarded his PADD again. “You were never told this, but physiologically Commander Tucker was changed by the bond he shared with Commander T’Pol. His neurological scans changed after the bonding. Many of his brain wave patterns intensified and altered, some dormant parts of his brain were activated, areas that are normally not active in humans.” Phlox looked pointedly at Archer. “They never returned to their normal levels before he bonded with Commander T’Pol.”

Archer knew Phlox well enough to quickly catch his meaning. “So they stayed bonded even after they stopped seeing one another personally?”

“A Vulcan telepathic bond is permanent without professional intervention, Captain.”

Archer gaped then began to suspect Phlox’s thrust. “What about T’Pol? Was she changed by the bond, too?”

Phlox’s expression told it all. “She was. Her brain wave patterns have been altered from typical Vulcan readings ever since she bonded with Commander Tucker.”

“What does that mean, Phlox? I can tell you’re worried. What’s wrong with T’Pol?”

Phlox pursed his lips. “Captain... how much do you know about Vulcan couples, more specifically, married couples?”

“Next to nothing. It’s not something the Vulcan ambassadors invite discussion on.”

“The bond between a Vulcan husband and wife is very strong. It links them over great physical distances; through the bond a Vulcan is never alone, their bondmate is like a constant companion in their mind. In human terms, I suppose you could say it is something like having your significant other’s soul with you at all times.” Phlox frowned. “The dependency and strength of these bonds are such that when one partner is in distress the other experiences that emotional state. When one of the pair dies the other usually does as well.”

Archer jerked upright and dropped his arms back to his sides and stared at Phlox. “Hold on a minute. Are you telling me that T’Pol is going to die because Trip did? Since they were bonded his death means hers?”

“I don’t know, Captain, but I am saying that it may mean that. Since Commander Tucker was human I can’t know the effect that would have on the bond, but I do know that they were bonded and I know what the bond does to Vulcans. As T’Pol is the living bondmate it may not matter what the human factor introduces into the equation... Captain, facts are that she is a Vulcan who has lost her bondmate.”

“And she could die because of it.”

“Possibly.”

Archer began to pace, agitated. “Then why isn’t she in here? Shouldn’t you be monitoring her?”

Phlox fingered the PADD in his hand. “I have been going to her quarters periodically to check on her. She will permit no more; she refused to be confined to sickbay.”

“How is she?”

“She is... unwell. I had hoped that the bond she and Commander Tucker shared would not be strong enough for her to suffer the dire consequences normally associated with the severing of a pairbond, but I am now convinced that will not be the case. Her limbic system is slowing down, her synapses are going dormant, leaving portions of her brain practically inactive, and it’s having repercussions beyond mental well-being. Her body appears to be shutting down.”

Archer felt panic. Blind, senseless, human panic. He wouldn’t lose another crewman, another friend, not so soon, not like this. “What can be done to save her? Can anything be done?”

“There is a treatment. A Vulcan telephysician belonging to a very elite religious sect of sorts called the Kolinahr would be able to treat her, to sever her bond to Commander Tucker so that she might live. It is a common therapy on Vulcan and frequently the only means by which a Vulcan can survive the death of their mate.”

Archer advanced on Phlox like the doctor held some culpability in the state of his first officer. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? We’ve been sitting here in orbit doing nothing while T’Pol is dying? We could have been on Vulcan yesterday!”

“Captain!” Phlox said sharply, and Archer realized what he was doing and backed off marginally. Phlox continued only when the captain seemed to have gotten some control of himself. “I have said nothing because T’Pol insisted I not bring this matter to you. I am breaking doctor/patient confidentiality to disclose any of this to you now, because T’Pol did not wish the treatment.”

Archer blinked. “You mean she wants to die?”

Phlox shook his head. “It’s not that she desires death, Captain... you and I cannot conceive of the trauma that losing a bondmate inflicts on a bonded Vulcan. T’Pol is in a great deal of pain, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It is not that she wishes to die, but she cannot imagine continuing to live with and endure the grief that she is now feeling. Letting the bond’s effects take their course seems more of a... release or escape to her than death.”

“I can’t let her lie in her quarters and die because she misses Trip.”

“I know, Captain... that’s why I broke my oath of confidentiality to T’Pol to tell you. I believe she should be treated by the Vulcans, but I have failed to convince her. I was hoping you might be able to persuade her.”

“I’m sure as hell going to try,” Archer said as he strode, determined, out of sickbay.

Chapter 2

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Whoa. That's some deep... well, I can't think of what, but it's deep anyway. Hope there's more soon! :)

Whoa. That's some deep... well, I can't think of what, but it's deep anyway. Hope there's more soon! :)

This was very well written and painstakingly thought out. The characterizations were right on.
However, I didn't like it because it finalized Trip's death. Elizabeth's death we might have to accept because it was a part of the Enterprise series. We don't have to accept Trip's death because the Finale was a strange part of TNG. Trip's death there was the result of a holodeck program which was written according to written history. But historians are only human (or Whatever) and are only as reliable as their sources. Trip's death-of-record could have been faked, exaggerated, written in for some sort of drama to the holodeck program, etc. etc. Official history is usually written by a committee and is frequently twisted because of someone's agenda, preference, peevishness, mistake, you name it. So, to me at least, Trip didn't die on that mess of a Finale.

This is very well written. I'd like to see how T'pol resolves her grief with Jon's help. Even though this is a TnT forum, I'm not so anti-Archer as many of the people that read, write and comment here seem to be. I will, however, need to consider this an AU story because I, like graybear, refuse to accept Trip's death as canon. Also, although I have seen the idea of the death of one bond-mate inevidably resulting in the death of the other in other fics, I find it hard to believe that T'pol would choose to remain bonded to someone that she might outlive for nearly a century without the bond. She doesn't strike me as the suicidal type.

I think the bigger question here,, is will Archer be able to convence T'pol to resolve her grief an get the Vulcan Bond breakin thingy done. Personaly I dont think Archer could convince a man dyin of thirst to take a drink of water,,, an T'pol is very stuburn an truely loved Trip,, an lettin go is hard to do.. Should be good,,, even though I hated the F#cknale. Cant wait to see were this one goes.

Miss, I /do/ like it, simply because it makes me uncomfortable to think of Trip's death as canon. I don't want him to be dead, but neither do I want various other important, very real people in my life to be dead. Unfortunately, tragic things happen and death does occur, even when you least expect it.

T'Pol's reaction is interesting; I do wonder how and why they kept a bond if they were unwilling to continue a relationship -- but I have my own personal ideas of what really happened, outside of that blasted holodeck recording.

I'm looking forward to the next part, and to see more of where you will be taking this!

Sequel. Right?

Miss A, I would go on record as saying I think you are one of the top writers on this site, but I too agree with greybear and distracted. I object because it seems to finalize Trip's death, which was wholly unnecessary and completely out of character.

We all have to accept death as a part of life. Next week is the first anniversary of my father's death, and I accept it because I have to. I miss him and no amount of wishing or rewriting will bring him back.

However in the world of science fiction, I do not have to accept the death of Commander Charles Tucker III because Bermaga couldn't think of anything else to write for the last episode. Sorry, I hope you will continue to write Tnt fanfic.

Interesting. I'm intrigued by the concept of extending the horrible, crappy finale and turning it into something meaningful and well written.

Can't wait till the next chapter.

I can't wait to see what happens!

Great first chapter. It doesn't seem like a huge stretch to me for Trip to actually be dead after his death. I'm looking forward to see where you go with this.