Fixed Links Circumnavigate

Fixed Links Circumnavigate

by stubadingdong (misanthropistx@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG

Series: ENT

Code: T/T, as usual; angst

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. Just got fired so I have nothing for which to sue. Sorry.

Notes: No, you’re not missing a chapter. I chose to focus on the effect, rather than the cause. Enjoy!

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She stood at the edge, looking out over the river rushing through the gorge. Dark clouds were gathering, crashing into one another as the wind whipped them up. I had wanted to apologize, again, for the things I’d said. I stopped about 40 meters from her. The wind had sent her usually impeccable short hair into spikes around her head, her arms folded across her chest. It was nearing sunset, the clouds not yet obscuring the reddish orange arrows of light. Against the dark clouds, the rays cast a purplish haze over the Vulcan. She looked gorgeous.

I bit my lower lip, nerves gathering in my stomach. I always found it difficult to apologize to her. She always had a way of making me feel less than human. I think I deserved it this time.

I looked up into the stormy sky and sighed heavily. This mission went to hell in a hand basket as far as I was concerned. It was supposed to be a simple exploration of an M-class and I’d turned it into a Vulcan crusade. I’d questioned her intentions and loyalties in front of the Captain. It came from nowhere. I like teasing her, but pushed way too far this time. I’d never seen her look hurt before. Until just about an hour ago.

God, I was such an asshole. I *am* an asshole. I’ll always be an asshole. I felt horrible. I felt the lump in my throat forming as I thought of how much I’d hurt her. I’ll cry for her, dammit. Maybe I should leave her alone, I thought.

I turned to leave, thinking of the crestfallen look she’d failed to hide. Captain Archer glared at me. His expression barely contained his own anger with me. He’d dismissed T’Pol and grabbed my arm, dragging me off to a clearing.

After a twenty minute lecture on ethics and what it means to be an officer, I left to find my own solitude, to think about why I couldn’t seem to grant her the decency I demanded from her myself. I’d cried, I’d sobbed, and I still didn’t know why I did what I did.

Lightning flashed in the sky, bringing me back to the moment. I looked at T’Pol standing there again. She had begun pacing, her head now bowed. I had never seen her agitated before, so discomposed...and it made me all the more nervous.

The wind was gusting harder now, the lightning flashing near constant as I approached her place of refuge. I tried to make as much noise walking as I could so I wouldn’t startle her, but even with her keen Vulcan hearing, the wind was ripping too much. Thunder now began to rumble in the distance. I’d better make this as quick as I could.

I cleared my throat. She stopped pacing but did not turn around.

"T-T’Pol?" I stammered over the wind. God, I had to pee.

"Go away, Commander," she said. I could barely hear her. I tried to bite back the tears. This was gonna be difficult.

"T’Pol, please," I begged. "I- I’m sorry..." I suddenly didn’t know what to say. The lump in my throat wouldn’t go away and was hard to talk around. I looked up, trying to find the words in the storm above.

"Fer what it’s worth...I didn’t mean what I said," I managed to choke out.

"Then why did you say it, Commander?" she asked me bluntly, still not turning around.

I shook my head and held my arms out, letting them fall back to my sides. I couldn’t get any more words out. The tears in my eyes wouldn’t stay back any longer and fell freely down my face. I put my head in my hands and sunk to my knees, sobbing again.

I heard her footsteps approaching me and felt her kneel beside me. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t.

"You are always challenging my loyalties, which in effect is challenging my person," she stated calmly. "How long have we been serving together, Mr. Tucker? Can you not see my loyalties lie with Captain Archer? Must I continue to prove myself to you? I cannot, and I will not. You need to move past your preconceptions and mistrust with Vulcans in general...and me specifically. I am not the...’bad guy’ here."

I shook my head. "No," I mumbled, looking up. She had situated herself next to me, peering closely at me. I saw faint tear tracks on her face in the dirt that had settled there.

"You’ve been crying," I said, dumbfounded. I reached up to her face, trying gently to rub away the traces of what I’d done. "Oh my god," I gasped, "I’m so sorry T’Pol..." Fresh tears began to flow. I made a Vulcan cry. Good lord, I was the biggest jerk in the universe.

The storm clouds chose that moment to release the rain they’d been holding. It came down in torrents on us. Thunder crashed overhead. She leaned into me, and said into my ear, "You still haven’t told me why you said what you did." And then, in a very unVulcan-like manner, she rested her forehead against mine, shielding our faces from the driving rain.

I took a deep breath, trying to draw the calm from her. "I guess I just want you to see past your own preconceptions...of us...of humans," I said shakily. "I like to push yer buttons, and I know I take it too far sometimes. But I also know that you can handle it. Hell, sometimes you even seem to enjoy it. I guess maybe it’s my way of provin’ to you that I *do* know what I’m doin’ and that I’m not a little kid you need to keep an eye on. I don’t know how else to explain it, T’Pol," I sniffed. "You never gave me a chance."

"I could say the same, Commander," T’Pol remarked. She placed her hands on my shoulders. They snaked around my neck to rest in my hair. "You’ve never given me a chance, either."

"So I guess we’re both guilty of the same charge, huh?" I smiled for the first time in hours. She gave my neck a gentle squeeze. I watched as water coursed green-gold rivulets down her face, running off her chin. It had washed away the tear tracks. My finger absently followed its path.

"I ’spose you’ll be meditatin’ more than usual tonight , huh?" I asked. "Cuz of me?" The thundershower had stopped just as quickly as it had begun. The wind still blew, sweeping the clouds away.

T’Pol nodded against my head. "Yes," she agreed, "though not because of you." She pulled back and looked at me in the eye for the first time. "I will meditate longer because of your words...and...this," she gestured to the two of us kneeling in a mud puddle, soaked to the skin and clinging to each other for life. "I think we needed this. This confrontation was imminent."

My arms slipped around her waist as I pulled her into a fierce hug. I felt her wrap her own arms around me in return, not as reluctant as I would have thought.

"Thank you," I whispered into her ear. I felt her hold on me tighten, for just an instant, before pulling away from me. We slowly got to our feet. I took one last look at the sky. The clouds had almost all broken up and blown out over the vast canyon. The remains of the sunset poking up from the horizon met with the glow of the rising moons. It was beautiful. I wish I had brought my camera.

I felt refreshed. I felt good. I felt a new energy with T’Pol, one that wasn’t so tense. I think she’s right, we needed that. We began walking back to camp in comfortable silence.

"Hey T’Pol," I called after a few minutes. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "You ever hugged a human before?"

"No," she said simply. "You were the first."

"Y’ever kiss one?" I teased. She scowled at me that time and kept on walking.

Yeah, we were gonna be just fine.

END~FINIS~NO MORE

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Four of you have made comments

"~NO MORE"

NOOOOOO! DAMMIT!

I hope you write more of these kinds of stories. You've got the self-hating/ansty thing nailed.

I should know :(

I did like this. I could see Trip getting upset at his uncharacteristically cruel outburst especially when he realised that the tough seemingly unemotional Vulcan could be reduced to tears. To discover he had actually hurt her cut him deep and you handled that well. Thank you for a very good character driven story. Ali D :~)

great stuff. i loved this. oooooh, u should do one from t'pol's perspective....hehehehe. prolly not nearly asa entertaining-what would she be thinking in this situation? hehehe.

Oh that was so cute! "Have ya ever kissed one?"

Heehee.