I Cherish Thee- pt 2

I Cherish Thee

By Samantha Quinn

Summary: An older and wiser Trip reflects on three little words.
Warning: **Character Death** and **Future Fic.**
Un-betae’ed, so mistakes are acknowledged and apologized for in advance.

Part II

Trip’s POV

****^^^^^^****

This was never supposed to happen.

Vulcans live longer than humans. She’s supposed to be standing over my grave, not the other way around.

I’m not supposed to be kneeling here, on the grains of sand lying at the bottom of Mount Seleya surrounded by the graves of the honored Vulcan dead. My sobs and the Vulcan air shouldn’t mix together to make it nearly impossible for me to breathe. I shouldn’t be damning the unemotional guard I had to pass to gain entrance.

How dare he not mourn?

Doesn’t he know what’s been lost?

But, hell, Vulcans are masters at being emotional and hiding it. I learned that a long time ago, and considering the price I paid for such a lesson, you’d think I’d be less inclined to forget it.

****^^^^^^****

“We must absolve our union, Charles.”

“I don’t want to ‘absolve our union.’”

“We cannot continue. I cannot express the feeling you want me to express.”

“Why not? You feel it, T’Pol, I know you do. Why do you have to be so stubborn and insist on not showin’ it?”

“The fact that you do not understand my reasoning is proof that we cannot continue as a couple.”

****^^^^^^****

Damn, stubborn memories. In truth, they’re as stubborn as the man that possesses them.

In vain, I wipe away the tears that I can’t seem to stop from falling and try to focus on the memorial that’s been erected in her honor. The wording is in Vulcan, but my recent post has given me ample opportunity to learn the language. As the translation becomes clearer, the tears incredibly increase when I didn’t think it was possible for them to do so.

T’Pol, daughter of T’Pal, daughter of T’Sol.

Bondmate of Sokar.

She was cherished.

Cherished. That damn word is going to quite possibly haunt me for the rest of my life.

Again, unwanted memories assault me.

Specifically, a memory of when I had given up all that was precious to me.

****^^^^^^****

“If this is how you want things to be, fine, T’Pol. I’ll always love you, you know that.”

“And I cherish you, Charles. But our union must end.”

****^^^^^^****

I should have fought harder to keep her. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t have. Did I deserve her? The woman told me, in her own way, that she loved me every day – and I was too stubborn to realize it.

I didn’t realize it for several years after T’Pol and I broke up. We went our separate ways and I continued to think that I had loved a woman who hadn’t returned the feeling.

So many wasted years. I’ll never be able to forget the day the truth sunk in. It was such an ordinary day – no sign of the revelation that was about to fall into my lap as I sat there in that rainy San Francisco port. While I waited, I watched the company milling about – Vulcans, Andorians, Tellerites- a true conglomeration and worthy representation the Federation.

That’s when I noticed the Vulcan couple. With a twinge of remorse in my heart, I had watched them- obviously bidding each other hello after a long absence. I watched as their forefingers and middle fingers reached out and connected and I listened as they greeted one another.

“My mate, I have missed you. I cherish thee, t’hy’la.”

“I cherish thee, as well, t’hy’la. You absence has been decidedly unpleasant.”

All at once, I realized that I had been a fool. It had taken nearly ten years, but the Vulcan to English translation of “I cherish thee” was finally complete.

Cherish is the Vulcan equivalent of love.

It was so obvious. Why didn’t I notice it earlier?

Damn foolish human pride.

I had held the universe’s greatest love in the palm of my hand, and because of my own stupidity, I let it slip right out from my beneath my fingers.

It’s not as though I didn’t move on, because I did. Time doesn’t stop for anyone. I married, had three beautiful babies, and continued my career. Most days I don’t even dwell upon the love that T’Pol and I had together. Most of the specifics of the memories are gone. It’s been a long time since I’ve lost any sleep. For all intents and purposes, I’m doing just fine with my somebody new.

But every now and then, I think of what I used to have with T’Pol. And when I do, I realize that time’s healing powers are far over-rated.

I wonder if T’Pol felt the same way with Sokar?

I’ve never met him. Part of me wants to and part of me is glad that I never have. It’s strange- just as part of me wants to hate him, but the part that reads T’Pol’s memorial head stone can’t hate him.

Because he understood what I didn’t. He didn’t ask T’Pol to change her ways like I did. He loved-cherished-T’Pol in the same fashion that she cherished me. Truly unconditionally.

A new flood of tears burst forth and amazingly, I find that I still have the energy to find new sobs. She never asked me to change. Not once. She wanted-and cherished-each emotional, human weakness with only a raised eyebrow in response.

Why didn’t I return that affection?

She held me and comforted me through the loss of Lizzie when no one else did, soothed away the nightmares, and enticed me to smile again when I didn’t think it was possible.

And I had the audacity to get upset because she wouldn’t say one little four letter human word?

I cherish you.

“Oh, T’Pol,” I tell the head stone in front of me, “I’m sorry for bein’ such an ass. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what you were tryin’ to tell me. I’m sorry that by the time I did realize what you meant, it was too late – you were already bonded to someone else.”

All the apologies in the galaxy won’t make it better now. It won’t right what I wronged so many years ago.

“Ambassador Tucker?” I’m startled out of my self pity by the not entirely self assured voice of a teenage Vulcan male. I half-heartedly wipe at the tears before turning to face the kid, who I recognize to be Skon’s eldest son.

“Yes, Sarek, what is it?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“My father has sent me to request your presence at the council. Proceedings will begin shortly,” the boy answers, still uncomfortable.

He must have heard my emotional outburst to T’Pol. Poor kid. “Alright, Sarek. Give me a minute and I’ll come with ya.”

I turn back towards the stone and try desperately to absorb every piece of the material in my memory forever. It’s all I have left of her, now.

“Well, T’Pol, I’ve got to go. Duty calls. Ya know the bastards are wanting to revoke the Prime Directive – callin’ it a ‘Vulcan Law.’ Which is foolish really. But ya know how humans can get when their emotions get the best of ‘em.”

She should know that better than anybody.

I can feel Sarek’s questioning gaze upon me so I turn my attention back to him. “What is it, Sarek?”

Embarrassed by being caught, he fumbles only slightly as he asks, “Did you know Lady T’Pol well, Ambassador?”

“Yep, Sarek, I sure did. She’s the reason I became an Ambassador, ya know.”

“Indeed?”

“Yeah. Several years ago, she and I had a misunderstandin’ that was really based on bad communication between us. We were both sayin’ the same thing, but neither one of us realized it until it was too late. When I finally did realize it-years later-the post for Earth Ambassador to Vulcan was vacant and I realized there was no one who understood the potential negative effects of bad relations between our planets quite like I did.”

Sarek nods solemnly. “Then you have benefited and learned from your mistake.”

Too late. “Yes, Sarek, I have.”

Rising, I give T’Pol one last goodbye. It is the goodbye I should have given her while she was still alive, and while it still had the power to matter.

But I give it now, and settle for a sense of closure, since a feeling of completion is beyond my grasp.

“Ashaya, Adun.”

The closest English translation? So clear to me now, when it was once so far away. Literally, I cherish thee, beloved.

It is my imagination, of course, but I can almost as I close my eyes tightly to blink back tears that will be unwelcome in a Vulcan council, I swear I can hear T’Pol’s gentle voice say in response, “And I thee, beloved.”

With a final glance at the tomb, I turn back towards Sarek who is staring at me, wide-eyed. If I had any humor in me today, I would find his lack of control amusing.

“I-I did not mean to impinge, Ambassador-“

“No, of course ya didn’t, Sarek. Don’t worry about it.”

“Vulcans do not worry, Ambassador.”

Sure they do. “Course not, Sarek.”

As we head back towards the home of Sarek’s father, the child remarks, “A Human and a Vulcan together as a couple? I have heard of such things, but I have wondered how such a relationship could thrive.”

In the end, I guess we didn’t. “Well, our union seemed the logical thing to do at the time, Sarek.”

The quirk of the eyebrow is so heart-breakingly familiar, I want to start crying again. Resisting the urge, I ask, “That message on the tomb is pretty . . . emotional, Sarek. Must have caused quite a stir.”

“Indeed. However, Sokar insisted upon it. He is quite. . . unorthodox.”

No doubt. T’Pol would never have settled for anyone “orthodox.” Although I have never met Sokar, Sarek’s descriptions calm me. I am glad T’Pol took a mate who genuinely cherished her. I am glad she found one who so obviously was the match that I wouldn’t be. I’m even glad he took the love T’Pol unselfishly gave and I callously threw away.

She deserved such a mate, after all. No one loved-cherished-as wholeheartedly as she did. It’s only fair that it was returned.

I’m only sorry I wasn’t in his place.

****^^^^^^****

The End.

*********

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A handful of people have made comments

*sigh* It's such a good short story, but I'm certainly not a fan of the unhappy ending. At least was wise enough to realize what he had lost, and perhaps that's more important in the end.

This was excellent. I loved how you delineated Trip's emotions and his reasoning. This was very touching and beautifully done. So sad but I like to think that somewhere, somehow, T'Pol is still able to watch over him. Thank you, Ali D :~)

Oh,nooooo! That´s extremly beautiful, but oh so sad...

I agree with Brugman. A great story but so sad. I'd like to think she left him a last message to ease his pain. Ah well...

Great writing, Samantha!

*sniff*

Not the happy ending I was hoping for, but an great story with a ring of truth - sometimes people let the best things they have get away. Thanks for sharing this.