To Have Learned Nothing At All-Chp 21

To Have Learned Nothing At All

By Samantha Quinn

Disclaimer in Chapter 1
A/N: I vaguely recognize that Trip might be a little out of character – not in his actions, but in his thoughts and comments. Given spoilers for next season (which aren’t found in the story), I’ve decided that nobody on the writing staff cares about established character, so why should I? Oh, pretend I didn’t say that

Chapter 21

Plot Course for Kansas

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++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three hours. Surely they should have come up with something in three hours. In fact, Trip was rather certain that *something* had to have happened. Given that no one had contacted him once in that three hours, however, he deduced that it simply hadn’t been positive. Thus, he continued to sit alone in his quarters, trying not to remember the desperate plea that had involved him, T’Pol, and the word “no.”

His attempt was not proceeding well. Surak possibly could have helped, and would have been a wise attempt, as The Teachings of Surak remained in Trip’s firm grip. However, reading it would have required an actual opening of the book. Instead, for the past three hours, Trip had simply stared at the cover. It wasn’t the most productive three hours he could have spent. On the other hand, he was able to pass his time by counting how many times the title had blurred. Other than that, Surak brought him no comfort at all.

When the door to his quarters chimed, Trip was momentarily paralyzed by the overwhelming sensations of relief and anxiousness. Consequently, the chime rang twice and was accompanied by the Captain’s concerned voice before Trip could will himself to speak. “Come in.”

The Captain entered, followed by T’Prena. One glance at Archer’s solemn glance immediately abolished any sense of relief Trip might have had. Still, the inevitable had to be asked. “How is T’Pol?”

Predictably, the time that elapsed was significantly less than what it felt like to Trip. His anxiousness rapidly increased when T’Prena remained silent and permitted Archer to speak first.

“She’s not doing well, Trip.”

“But is she going to be okay?”

Archer frowned, shuffled his feat, and cleared his throat. Each action had the result of making Trip want to shake the other man. *Can’t he tell that I’m nervous? Each time he does that it just makes me more nervous.*

“No, Trip. . . I’m afraid she’s not.”

Deciding that his best friend was going to be of little or no help, Trip redirected his attention to the Vulcan doctor. “What’s wrong with her? It’s not still me, is it? Sickbay’s a deck a way. . . I thought that would be plenty. If it’s not, I can go –"

“Commander,” T’Prena interrupted in a manner that was neither coddling nor insensitive, “While your presence was exacerbating T’Pol’s condition in sickbay, you alone are not the reason for her illness. I believe she would be reacting in the same fashion regardless of whether you were here.”

Were none of them were going to answer his question? “*HOW* exactly is she acting?”

It was T’Prena who answered. “T’Pol is disoriented, confused, and. . . emotional.”

“Emotional?” Archer spat in disgust. “My first officer is bordering on hysteria, and you call that . . . emotional?”

“I was attempting to restore the dignity that the colonists’ have stripped from T’Pol. You have a more appropriate classification?”

The urge to throttle Archer had now grown to include T’Prena. They were arguing over something as useless as semantics? “Can’t you and Phlox do something?”

“We cannot. T’Pol’s condition is not physiological. It is of a mental nature. She will require much counseling.”

“But T’Pol is strong,” Trip insisted. “She’s one of the strongest people I know. She can’t require that much counseling. She’ll be okay.”

“Everyone has a mental threshold, Commander Tucker. When T’Pol resisted against the colonists’ attempt to make her lose control, she reached far beyond hers.”

“She doesn’t believe any of us are real, Trip. She still thinks we’re all a delusion. The screaming’s stopped, but now she just sits in sickbay, staring at the wall and mumbling ‘you are not real’ over and over again.”

“But. . . Phlox says Vulcan healers can do some miraculous things. Aren’t there any techniques that can help her?”

T’Prena straightened and clasped her hands behind her back in the same fashion that T’Pol did when she was delivering bad news. Involuntarily, Trip shivered. “T’Pol’s condition is beyond traditional healer techniques. However, there is a method available which might be able to help her.”

“Well, what is it? And why haven’t you started?”

“The method is the Kohlinar. It is an intensive treatment which is a complete purge of all emotions. The procedure is performed by specialized Vulcan priests on Mount Seleya.”

“If it’s on Vulcan, why haven’t you transported her down there yet?”

“Commander Tucker, you do not adequately understand the seriousness of this undertaking. If T’Pol –"

“Look, all I need to understand is that T’Pol – the strongest woman I’ve ever known, of any species – needs help. This Kohlinar ritual can help her. What more is there that you think I need to understand?”

Archer answered him. “The ritual lasts several months. We’d have to leave her behind.”

“In addition, in most cases, partnerships do not survive the Kohlinar.”

“You mean, when the emotions are purged, it might purge the feelings she has for me?” Trip managed to whisper. The thought was horrifying. *But if it’s the only way she can get better. . . *

“Yes. I personally believe that the Kohlinar is T’Pol’s only choice for recovery. However, that is from a purely logical standpoint. Your decision may be decidedly less logical.”

The last sentence jarred Trip out of the confusion he was in. “What do you mean, my decision?”

“T’Pol is not mentally well enough to make decisions concerning her welfare. Under Vulcan law, her bondmate is responsible for making decisions when she cannot.”

“But. . .the bond is broken,” Trip reminded her.

“No, it is not. It may be weak from your perspective. However, as far as T’Pol is concerned, the bond remains in tact.”

“That. . . that must make her recovery almost impossible. If she can sense and feel everything I am. . . "

“The bond will certainly have to be broken before she can heal.”

“But T’Lal told me that the bond was only broken through . . . death.” Trip suppressed the painful memory that came flooding back

“That is the only way it can be broken naturally. The Kohlinaru have other methods.”

Perhaps later Trip would wonder what those methods were. Maybe by then, he would have time to actually care. Presently, however, his brain could only focus on the fact that T’Pol was sick and the only available cure would possibly take her away from him forever. To make matters worse, it was a decision *he* had to make. “What do T’Lal and Soval have to say about it?”

“T’Lal is willing to abide in the law of our people. Soval is of the opinion that because your bond was accidental, the right is not yours. He is therefore petitioning Vulcan High Command for the ability to have a say in T’Pol’s case.”

“Soval won’t do what’s best for T’Pol - he’ll just keep her on Vulcan, because it’s what he wants – what he’s wanted since she first stepped aboard the ship.” The nasty retort was out before Trip had time to consider his remarks.

“Then you believe T’Pol’s best hope lies with returning to Earth?” T’Prena asked calmly.

That was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it? T’Pol’s best interest either lay with him – which meant returning to Earth – or they remained on the planet below. It was truly an either/or situation.

“You don’t have to make the decision right away,” Archer attempted to console. “We can stay in orbit for a couple more days.”

*A couple of days, a couple of years. What’s the difference?*

“Though T’Pol’s condition will grow undoubtedly worse the longer you procrastinate your decision,” T’Prena reminded.

*Perhaps beyond the ability of the Kohlinaru to heal her?* “I – I need to talk to Phlox.”

There was a murmur, a nod, and a respectful bow before they left him alone. It took Trip several false attempts before he successfully made it to the comm unit. The voice that responded to his sickbay query was quieter and much more strained than Trip was used to. “This is Phlox. How can I help you, Commander?”

“I was wondering . . . “ Wondering what? Whether T’Pol was sick enough to justify sending her down to the planet below? Sick enough to validate abandonment? Sick enough to rationalize possibly foregoing any further relationship they might have had?

Taking a deep breath and reminding himself to attempt to be professional, he managed to finish, “How’s T’Pol doing?”

In the ensuing pause, Trip had time to contemplate every possible answer to his question. Of them all, his imagination lingered longest on the possibility that she was fine. The lingering was long enough for him to realize that it was the least likely option.

“Well, she’s stopped screaming,” Phlox replied, unconsciously echoing Archer’s earlier comments.

It was hard enough for Trip to even imagine T’Pol screaming. The fact that it was continually the first thing anyone mentioned threatened his sanity. “That’s good news, right?”

“Comparatively speaking, yes.”

Trip took a moment to remind himself that Phlox was his friend, and therefore, it was impossible that the doctor was truly trying to drive him crazy on purpose. “Look, Doc, I have no idea what that means. All I do know at this minute is that the Captain and T’Prena were just here. . . they made it sound an awful like T’Pol’s only choice is to go to Vulcan. . . And, damn it, I can’t even visit her to see how she’s doing because if I do, I-I’ll cause her to get even worse. So, I really need your help here, Phlox.”

The last part did come dangerously close to desperation. It was, perhaps, that desperation that made Phlox lower his voice as he responded. “Since she stopped screaming, she has not said anything. She is currently sitting curled up into a ball, where she has been for the past sixty-five minutes. She has refused to eat or drink during her consciousness, as well. I believe. . . Well, I believe that T’Prena and the Captain are correct in their assertion that T’Pol will be better off on Vulcan. I can do nothing for her, and Earth doctors won’t understand Vulcan psychology well enough to help.”

No, no, no. There has to be another way. “I-I. . . Thanks.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful, Commander.”

Trip nodded, not caring that Phlox couldn’t see him, and ended the connection.

+++++++

Three hours of soul-searching passed while Trip continued to stare at the Teachings of Surak in his hands. While he stared, his mind wondered over every previous conversation he and T’Pol had ever had about her homeland. Sure, she had missed some aspects of Vulcan. But would the T’Pol he had known. . and loved. . . chose to go through the Kohlinaru? Would she chose to return to Vulcan? Unfortunately, the only answer Trip could come up with was “maybe.” *And this matters far too much to be hedged upon a ‘maybe.’*

Eventually, and inevitably, his attempt to do the right thing was interrupted by another chime at the door. Expecting T’Pol’s parents or the Captain, he was somewhat surprised when the visitor instead turned out to be Travis Mayweather. Handing a PADD to Trip, Travis offered, “I’ve been helping Lieutenant Hess with some of the repairs in engineering. I thought you’d probably want to see a copy of my report before I gave it to her.”

Trip scanned the information in front of him, forcing himself to care about something other than the woman sitting in sickbay. “It all looks pretty standard, Travis. Go ahead and report to engineering. Actually – hell, maybe I should go with you.”

It took Trip longer to notice than it typically would have, but by the time they reached the turbo lift, he managed to notice Travis’ unusual behavior. “Look, Travis, I know you’re probably worried about T’Pol, b-but I’m sure she’ll be fine.” It wasn’t something Trip particularly believed, but Travis was his friend, and there was no need for the pilot to be as worried as he was. *After all, T’Pol’s fate doesn’t rest with him, does it?*

Travis looked startled for a moment, before muttering, “Um. . . I’m sure she will be, Commander.”

Trip was distraught, but he wasn’t stupid. “So, that’s not what’s bothering you.” Even to his own ears, that was a bit harsh, so he lowered his voice a bit when he asked, “What is bothering you?”

“Nothing, Commander.”

“Consider it an order, Ensign.”

Travis sighed. Reluctantly, the younger man informed Trip that as they spoke, Hoshi and Malcolm were having dinner. Though it pained him to think of any happy couples at the moment, Trip asked, “But I thought Malcolm and Mackenzie were a couple.”

“Ah, they were. That was before Mackenzie had the revelation that Lieutenant Reed and Hoshi were in love with one another.”

“Oh. And how did she come upon that revelation?”

“Me.”

“But I thought you and Hoshi –"

“We were. But, eh. . . you know the saying. About loving someone enough to let them go?”

Trip leaned against the wall of the turbo lift for support, and again the conversation he’d had with his brother so many years ago returned.

+++++

"Billy, Cody's in an awful lot of pain. I know you love him, but-"

"Billy, Cody's very sick. He's going to die either way. You can let him be put to sleep, and spare him a lot of pain, or you can let him go later, and make him suffer. It's up to you.”

+++++
“Commander?”

Trip shook his head, and focused on the concerned look on the other man’s face. “Yeah, Travis, I think I’ve heard that line before.”

The doors opened to reveal engineering deck. Travis stepped out of the lift and then turned to look at Trip expectantly. “Uh, Commander? Are you coming?”

Trip fumbled with the PADD in his hand. “No. There’s somewhere else I have to go first. Oh, and Travis, thanks.”

The door closed on Travis’ confused face.

+++++

T’Lal, T’Prena, and Soval did not waste time in leaving the ship, with T’Pol in tow. By Trip’s calculations, it was exactly twenty-four minutes later. The Captain expressed a desire to talk, but Trip opined that he’d been ignoring his engines lately, which wasn’t a lie. It took three days to get to Earth, and Trip spent every one of those days with his beloved engines.

The next several days were spent on the lesson that it doesn’t always pay to be an high ranking officer, as the non-essentials were given vacation leave first. Trip spent most of the ensuing two weeks trying to forget that he was doing T’Pol’s job as well as his.

The down time eventually came, however, along with the inevitable return to Florida. Trip had looked forward to this day since they had entered the Expanse. He’d planned on doing so much in celebration of Enterprise’s victory. All of those dreams seemed strangely hollow. Because all he wanted to do for his vacation was sit on the Summer-Harris dock overlooking the same body of water that he had snorkeled in many times before and finish reading The Teachings of Surak.

++++

Chapter 22 CONCLUSION

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

Nicely done. Poor Trip. I hope T'pol will come back to him.

Sniff...somebody pass me the kleenex please...

AH! Angst! AH!

*hides in her corner and rocks back and forth*

Come back T'Pol! Personally, I think he should have just sat there talking to her 'til she snapped out of it.

Please give them some happiness!

Poor poor Trip and T'Pol. Funnily enough, I have the oddest feeling that Trip will find the answer they both need in the Teachings of Surak, you see I have a sneaky feeling Surak would have had a soft spot for both of them. Ali D :~)

If those evil colonists made T'Pol sick, perhaps they might have a cure. Time to release Rambo Trip on their sorry butts !!!!

What is it with you and angst?! I mean good grief! Stop! I can't take it! Angst overload is underway here man! I can't take much more!

Argh!!! #*$%@ colonists-- if I had flamethrower! I'm not sure I like where this is heading. I want to see snorkling, a bookclub, ARGH!!! #%$@!, $^&$#* and &^#$@* so sue me... ah, so when's your next posting?

You see, I'm confused, because I was sure you said you were all angsted out after "Fulfilled", and here you are, writing more soul-destroying fic. You are so cruel!

This is a beautiful chapter, Sammantha, I'm definitely feeling Trip's pain here, but would you please cheer us up SOON!

^and once again I accidentally put a double "m" in your name! I need to grow brain!

Aw. I will simply point out that anyone who has been paying attention to the chapter titles will know what is coming up next. Because there is a very important part of the "Oz" references that well, hasn't been referenced yet.

Sam, your scarying me. Why do I have the feeling that this is NOT going to end well?

oh wow... oh my... oh no........

this is bad so very very very bad.... nooooooo!!!!

Just stumbled upon this story, so I was fortunate to read all 21 chaps back to back.

YUM!!!

Great story! Great characterization!

I so hope T'Pol gets well and finally has the opportunity to read the Wizard of Oz with Trip! If not that, at least The Teachings of Surak...

Hope you do something about the evil colonists and Trips brother... grrrrrrrr...

Also hope you update soon...

this is probably really stupid but is this someones dream..
as for the oz we havent seen.. we had the melting but not there is no place like home..

::pouts::

Argh!! I hate cliffhangers. He's so miserable and I can only imagine he's going to be more miserable if T'Pol has forgotten about their relationship when she recovers. Poor Trip. Poor T'Pol. You are going to fix this, right? This is such a compelling story, and I hate to be one of those whiny readers who tell an author what to do with their story (cause I hate it when readers do that to me) but I'm DYING here! :) Hope you update soon!

*Drags herself out of the floor where she's been pitiously crying for the sake of Trip* *Sniffle* Ah!!!! What are you doing to me, Samantha?! PLEASE write more, and if you break Trip's heart anymore, I'll kill you! ...Okay, not really...but I will if you don't post soon!...I'm such a hypocrite. On those grounds, I'm probably on at least half the T/T'ers in the world's hit list! This is great!