Confessions: Part III

Confessions: Part III

By Triplover

Disclaimer: It belongs to Paramount, lucky bastards….
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Continues the story started in Confessions, and Confessions: Part II. We’ve heard Trip and T’Pol’s confessions, now it’s time one of them do something about that before they lose each other forever….
Spoilers: Spoilers for Season 3 and 4.
A/N: As much as I loved Confessions Part I and Confessions Part II, the truth is I hate ending stories without a happy ending. T/T have been through too much for things to end with longing and suffering. This story is after the last episode “Divergence.” Thanks to DAK for the awesome corrects!

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==T’Pol’s POV==

Trip is back. It is all I can think about. Trip is back. I’ve tried to focus on my work. I’ve tried to sleep. I’ve even tried working out to clear my head, but nothing helps. I can’t even meditate. Trip is always in my thoughts, in my mind. Strange. Part of me would think I’d be worried about his invading thoughts in my mind when I meditate, and yet instead all I feel is pleasure. We are bonded, but I do not know how I will find the way to tell him.

I watch him closely as he helps engineering fix up the damage. I have offered my assistance, but now I feel it was most likely a bad idea. I know he too is distracted. My presence is doing that to him. Still, I need to speak with him. I walk over slowly and as I draw closer I notice him tense. “Commander,” I call.

He ignores me.

“Mr. Tucker, I need to speak with you.”

He ignores me still.

“TRIP!” Finally I see him turn to look at me, his eyes no longer focused on the conduit he is fixing. Why is it that only when using his nickname do I get any response? He is such a difficult, stubborn man.

“Ya need somethin’, T’Pol?”

I can’t help but notice the coldness in his voice. It sends a shiver down my spine. “We need to speak in private.”

Trip rolls his eyes and turns back to his work. “I’m busy.”

“It is important.”

He won’t even look at me. “Frankly T’Pol, I really don’t care! If it’s somethin’ personal, then it can wait, and if it has to do with the ship send it to me in a report.”

I glare at him, but he doesn’t even glance at me to see my hard stare. How can a man who fought so hard just to get me to open up grow so cold in such a short period of time? I realize he is upset about my behavior, but does this mean he has to act this way? Can he not at least try to be kind? His sharp words sting me so deeply that my heart stalls. Can he not see how deeply he cuts me with these words? But perhaps I deserve it. I have, after all, done far worse to him. Perhaps this is what I deserve? Still, I did not mean for my words to seem so cold at the time. I am Vulcan. Sometimes it is hard to find the balance between unfeeling and warmth. Finally I speak, trying to even out my voice. “We are in a white room. You think it is a daydream, but it is not. I tell you to go away, but you do not know how to leave.”

Trip’s eyes widen as he looks up at me in surprise.

“We’re on the beach. You’re basking in the sun when I arrive and immediately you tell me to leave. I tell you I am meditating, but you assure me that you know for a fact this is not a place I would go. I tell you I did not take us here to this place. You do not believe me. Instead you walk away from me and go for a swim.”

I pause for only a second before continuing.

“We’re in my quarters. I open my eyes to find myself in your arms with only candles to lighten the room. You kiss me tenderly and tell me to go to sleep. For the entire night I lay there in your arms with you telling me how much you wish it all was real, how much you wish that I loved you back.”

Trip shakes his head in wonder. “H- h-how could you know all that?” he whispers to me.

“Because I was there. That T’Pol you saw so many times since you left for the Columbia was me.”

Trip again shakes his head, turning away from me. His right hand runs though his beautiful blond hair as he tries to figure out how this could be possible. I know the feeling. “That was you? That was really you? You were in my mind?”

“Yes.” I know I must let him sink this information in before I can explain more.

Trip looks me in the eyes, but this time anger replaces his wonder. “How dare you!”

“It is not what you thi-“

“You have no right to go into my mind! Those were my personal dreams and you had no damn right! Who the hell do you think you are to do that?! How could you?! How could you do that to me?! Was it you that’s distracted me everyday since I stepped foot on that damn ship? Are you the reason why I can’t focus for a damn minute without thinkin’ of you?!”

“It’s not what you thi-“

“I can’t believe this!” And with that he leaves. I can see the other engineers looking my way in surprise as Trip exits Engineering. This did not go as I had planned. I silently realize at that moment that with Trip… they never do.

==

It is late, but it is not as if I will be sleeping anytime soon. I have never seen Trip so angry. He didn’t even let me have time to explain! He is such a hot-headed human. It is then that I hear the doors swish open and turn to see Hoshi Sato walk in tiredly. She looks exhausted. She asks the computer for tea and grabs the cup before noticing that I am in the room. The ensign smiles over at me and I nod back. “Ensign Sato,” I call. It would be easier to figure Commander Tucker out if there is a human to explain things.

The Ensign sits down, sipping her cup. “You all right, Commander? You look pretty worn out.”

“I tried to tell Commander Tucker about the bond,” I explain. Only she and the Doctor had first known about this bond. If not for Hoshi, I never would have even known myself.

“Yeah, I heard. I’d say he didn’t take it too well.”

“Indeed. He didn’t even allow me to explain.”

“They rarely do….”

I notice the look in her eyes and frown. “Explain.”

Hoshi smiles. “He’s a man, T’Pol. What do you expect? You witnessed him doing some pretty embarrassing things. Two of those were his dreams. He may have fallen into one of yours on occasion, but when he was actually asleep by the time you began to meditate you instead saw his dreams, his fantasies. What if he’d stumbled into one of your dreams on a day when you haven’t meditated? And what if that dream was about him? Don’t you think you would find it uncomfortable to face him the next day after knowing he saw your innermost thoughts and feelings?”

“Perhaps.”

“Just give him some time to cool off. Then after a day or so you can go to his quarters or talk to him in engineering, and try to work things out.”

“And this will work?”

Hoshi sighed, taking another sip. “Trip isn’t like other men. Sure he still has those same tendencies, but deep down he can get just as hurt as anyone of us. Sometimes I think it’s worse with him. He keeps things locked up. He doesn’t like to show his true feelings even if everyone thinks he’s an open book.”

“Yet you seem to understand him well,” T’Pol adds.

The Ensign simply shrugs. “I’m a linguist. We’re trained to see what no one else sees. There are thousands of different types of languages on Earth alone. I mean there’s Spanish, German, French… heck even Sign Language, but linguists are also trained to pick up body language. We notice subtle changes in the eyes, the eyebrows… the way a person stands. It’s how we’re taught. Who knows what kind of ways the next alien will communicate?! I have to admit, I’ve watched everyone pretty closely since coming on this ship. Some are harder to read than others… but once you get to know the person you notice things.”

“Such as?”

Hoshi settled her cup of tea onto the table and looked T’Pol in the eye. “Such as the way Trip looks at you when you’ve done something funny without realizing it. Then there’s the fact that he only teases the ones he likes most. Or how about the fact that when you two are on a mission sometimes he’ll walk in front of you just to make sure that if something happened he’d be able to protect you. It’s the little things that say so much, Commander. He loves you, and I suspect you feel the same way.”

I look at her, trying to keep my emotions from pouring out. I had no idea she saw so much. She truly is an amazing person. “How could you know that I return his feelings?”

The Ensign once again smiled. “Oh I can tell. You may be a Vulcan, T’Pol, but sometimes just a little change in you’re face screams out everything your thinking. I’ve seen the way you look at him, and I’ve seen you put your hand on his shoulder, or his back, or his arm. You’ve only done that with a few people on this ship, and that’s Phlox, the Captain, and Trip. I could also see the annoyance in your eyes after Trip left. You didn’t want him to go.”

There was no use in denying it. “What should I do? These feelings, they are so confusing….”

“I can’t tell you that, Commander,” Hoshi admitted, standing up from her seat. “All I can tell you is to follow your heart. Only you can tell you what to do,” she added before leaving me alone with my thoughts. I tried to contemplate this, yet still I was confused. What was my heart telling me? It is then that I realize that it has already told me what I must do. This bond wasn’t just some mistake, nor were my feelings. I was in love with Trip, and I knew then that I would have to tell him… before it would be too late. The war inside me was over; the conflict was slowly passing away into nothing. I knew what I had to do, and there was nothing stopping me from doing it.

==

I am in engineering once more, staring at him. It only takes a few minutes before he notices, but he does not act. Instead he ignores me. He is still angry. I really do not blame him, but still I know he does not realize how wrong he is about what is happening between us. I walk towards him. He is standing in the corner of engineering working on a console right next to his engines. Although the area is not as private as I would like, I know it is the best I will get at this time, until he understands. “Trip,” I start off. I know he will not pay attention to what I have to say otherwise.

“T’Pol, please… just leave me alone.” His eyes are closed and I can plainly see the pain in his face. He looks so upset. What have I done? What have I done to him?

“I cannot.”

“Why?!” he asks. His voice seems partly angry and partly saddened. There is also desperation there. It is as if he is begging me to let him be, but I cannot.

“Because I cannot let you leave this ship without knowing what a large mistake you are making.”

Finally he looks at me and I can see the confusion in his eyes. “Why do you care?”

Again his coldness cuts me, but I do not let it stop me from telling him what needs to be said. “I never entered your mind, Trip. I was not using my telepathy to see what I saw. I didn’t even know how to control it. It is not me, Trip, it is us. A bond has formed between us. It is a mating bond.”

“What the hell are ya talkin’ bout, T’Pol?” he asks.

I let out a small sigh before continuing on. “Think of what we have shared in the past year. Think of all the times we talked with one another. Think of all that I have told you, and all that you have told me. Think of the fact that we have done neuro-pressure every night, a very intimate practice to my people.”

“Then why did you do it?!”

“Because I care for you,” I tell him. “I knew it would be difficult, but I also knew neuro-pressure was the only way I could help until you let me in. You pushed everyone away, including your closest friends. I knew neuro-pressure would not cure you, but I also knew you were my friend and that this was the only way to get you to tell me how you felt.”

“And just look at what happened, T’Pol! All it did was make things worse! We made love, dammit! You didn’t even feel the same way about me, but that didn’t keep ya from usin’ me every chance you got! The only time you seemed to give a damn about me is when I’m in trouble, but as soon as I’m in good shape you’re right back to pretending I’m just another worthless human!”

“You don’t really believe that,” I assure him, because if he did he was blind.

“Why not, T’Pol?! Why not?! You said it yourself. I was an experiment to you. Just another Human you wanted to conduct your science experiments on. You didn’t give a damn about me!”

He is shouting and I know everyone in engineering can hear, but I do not care. “If I did not care I never would have been there for you that night. I never would have told Phlox to make you rest. I never would have done those neuro-pressure treatments. I never would have taken Trellium-D.” I know I have made a mistake. I didn’t mean to tell him about the Trellium-D. This argument was obviously affecting me more than it should.

Trip’s eyebrows shoot up as he looks at me in surprise. “What the hell are ya talkin’ bout, T’Pol?”

It is too late to turn back now. My heart is beating faster than ever before. I have not slept, I have not eaten, and I have not meditated. I am upset and I cannot control the feelings. “I am talking about Trellium-D, Commander.” Even in my state I make sure to whisper this so as to make sure no one else can hear me. “In the Expanse I would inject small amounts of Trellium-D into my system.”

He opens his mouth many times, but closes them just as fast. He doesn’t seem to know what to say. His face looks conflicted now. Part of him still burns with anger, but the other part is slowly moving from sadness to worry. “For how long? Why? What the hell were you doin’? Why would you do somethin’ so foolish, T’Pol? I- I- I don’t understand. That’s not somethin’ you’d be stupid enough to do!”

“I did it for only a few months. After the Xindi attacked our ship while at Azati Prime I came clean to the doctor about what I’d done.”

“But why?” he asks again. His eyes yearn for me to tell him.

“I…” I close my eyes tightly. “I wanted to feel. From the beginning I knew there were certain emotions I had around you that I could not understand. I’d never felt that way before. For the first time we were conversing, having real conversation. I had grown to care for you deeply, but the Trellium allowed me to actually feel it. My stomach would tighten every time my hands touched your skin. My face would grow hot every time you looked into my eyes. I could finally feel. I wish I could say I was doing it for Enterprise, so that they could line the hull with Trellium, but I wasn’t thinking about this ship. I was thinking about the way you made… the way you make me feel. That night when we were together, that was real. I only denied that it meant something the next morning because of the other emotions I released when I took the Trellium… worry, sadness… fear. I was losing control. When the Trellium lost its effect everything seemed so empty, so lonely. When I was with you I could feel. I was finally allowed to feel for you, without all my control stopping me. Little did I know how addictive it truly was. It no longer became about how I felt around you or didn’t feel. Soon all that mattered was having more. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”

Trip stared at me in shock. He didn’t move a muscle. He just stood there, staring at me. Finally he took a step back. “Why didn’t you tell me? Is this why you kept pushing me away?”

“I didn’t tell you because I was ashamed. If you knew what I had done I was sure you would have wanted nothing else to do with me.”

“So you keep this from me? Why? Why wouldn’t you let me help you? You KNOW you could have come to me! I’m not one to give up on a person just because it turns out their imperfect, T’Pol. I care about you. You could have told me this before. I would have understood. I would have helped you through it! I would have been there for you! Why couldn’t you just let me help you?”

“It was a confusing time for me, Trip. I was conflicted… unsure of what was logical, and what was just my emotions trying to take control.”

“And now?”

I pause only for a second, my eyes holding his. “I may never regain my control, but I have learned to deal with the emotions and control most of them. Still, there is one emotion, one of the first ones I began to feel, that I am unable to control.”

Trip looks down at the floor. “And what’s that?”

“My love for you.” By this point I know all are watching us closely to see what will happen. Many have gathered around, trying not to look so obvious, yet still watching us as closely as possible. It reminds me of a movie, one of the first I ever saw with Trip. After the male had cheated on his wife he soon found how wrong he had been, but not in time to find the entire neighborhood talking about what had happened. In the end, they’d decided to ignore those people and had danced right there in front of everyone, helping them to settle their feud with one another. Everyone had been watching them, all surprised at the new turn in events. T’Pol now knew how the woman in that story had felt. It was very unsettling to know so many were watching you, trying to see what you would do next.

Trip exhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “How can I trust you, T’Pol? How can I trust that I won’t hafta worry about your fear comin’ back to ruin everythin’ we have? How can I trust that you won’t pull away from me again? How can I even trust that you love me?”

I know Trip well, and I have come to understand that not even words could show him how much I truly care for him. It is then that I think of the movie once more. I knew everyone was watching, and that they would be talking about this for quite a while. It was time I give them something real to talk about. It is then that I roughly push Trip against the wall. He is about to protest when my lips slam against his. My hands hold his head still as his hands hesitantly rest on my hips. I let all my passion shine through our kiss, opening his mouth and pushing my tongue inside. His tongue reacts to mine as they duel fiercely with each other in a war I am content to be in. Finally I notice him relax, his arms wrapping around me to hold me close, and I finally end the kiss. “Does that answer your question?” I ask, breathless.

He smiles down at me, and I can just see the shocked faces on all those watching us now. “I’d say so,” he whispered to me before kissing me once more. This time it was slower, but not without passion. His hands rested just above my behind and I know he wishes to do more than hold me. With my well developed hearing I can hear the sobs behind us from almost every officer watching, including the males. Their reaction surprises me slightly, but I suppose all have been waiting for this since the day the rumors started. The crew seemed to know our feelings before even we did.

I break the kiss once more and look him in his eyes. They smile back at me in a way I have not seen in a long time. The warmth in my face returns and the tightening in my stomach makes me sigh. “We should continue this discussion later… my quarters?”

He simply nods his agreement. “I’ll be there.” It is then that I begin to pull away, only to find him he tightening his grip on me. “T’Pol?”

“Yes?”

“What about Columbia? They’re gonna need a good Chief Engineer.”

I frown for a moment before the answer comes to me. “Then they can take Kelby. He may not know all there is to know about being a Chief Engineer, but I am sure in time he will learn.”

Trip grins down at me, chuckling softly. “Would you really do that to poor Captain Hernandez?”

I simply raise one eyebrow at his question. “You belong here, Trip. Captain Hernandez, I think, knows this. This ship is where your heart is. Mr. Kelby, I’m sure, will learn in time as you did. The important thing now to think about is the present I will give you for your ‘Welcome Home’ party,” I tell him before moving from his grasp to get back to work.

“Oooohhhh I hope it’s somethin’ you can only give me in the privacy of your quarters,” he mutters in my ear. I close my eyes briefly to memorize the feeling before looking over my shoulder at him.

“Then I suppose it is best not to disappoint you,” I throw back. I have missed him deeply, of this I know. I have laid down my confession and he has understood. Now I have come to realize that my worries and fears were misplaced. I do not have to worry about this man. For the first time in a while I look forward to the future I will lead, because whether I am on Enterprise, or am anywhere else, there is one thing that I now know; I have followed my heart… and it has led me to Trip.

The End

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A whole mess of folks have made comments

AWSOME!! i loved having Hoshi being the voice of reason. It would be awsome to have something like this. You really captured the characters well

Wow, part 3 is even better then part 1 and 2!!!!!
You are a great writer, Triplover

I hope they resolve their relationship like this on the show! It makes sense, dare I say it's the logical way from what has come before? But it is so emotionally satisfying. And I like Hoshi's comments about communication and how she watched body language. Great job.

I hope they resolve their relationship like this on the show! It makes sense, dare I say it's the logical way from what has come before? But it is so emotionally satisfying. And I like Hoshi's comments about communication and how she watched body language. Great job.

Sorry about the double post. I don't know how that happened. Probably I hit the key twice because I thought it was not working. Could you delete one of the double posts and this message too so it won't mess up your responses? It IS a great story, though.

Way to go, T'Pol! At last, a little outright honesty goes a long long way. Be still my heart, this was wonderful. Ali D :~)

God how I wish they will come to an end (or better: start) like this in the show.

wow, just great, wonderful story, made my day !!!Thank you very much.

I liked it! (But, then again, I like pretty much all of these stories) Bravo, that was wonderful! :)

fantastic :) you made me day! thanks!

Beautiful!

Awww! This made me cry...I loved it.

Wow! Thanks so much for writing part 3, It completed part 1 and 2 soooooooo nicely! I love happy ending too and you have written this so well. Please write a part 4!!!

Wow! Thanks so much for writing part 3, It completed part 1 and 2 soooooooo nicely! I love happy ending too and you have written this so well. Please write a part 4!!!